GOP minority outreach often looks like some sort of sick joke to people who aren’t members of the GOP. Is that talk about welfare addiction and shared values while simultaneously blaming people for ruining America supposed to work? After some thought I’ve concluded that the answer is yes. And it does.
To understand how, imagine that instead of a political party, the GOP is a man named Ron Magnus. Ron may not be a card-carrying MRA/PUA, but he’d be right at home with them. Ron’s ego is such that he’d rather perform a sex act with a running meat grinder than admit failure, and he knows a few things about women:
- He’s entitled to sex with women because he’s a real man and women exist to have sex with men;
- Women are so stupid they don’t know that they’re created to have sex with men;
- Women have to be tricked into giving men sex, but they’re stupid, so it’s easy; but/and
- Women are evil and delight in denying men the sex to which men are entitled.
- (Also something about the perfidy of wearing makeup, based on some of the stuff that filters into my section of the Twitterverse.)
- (Possible exception for Mom?)
Ron’s methods for convincing a woman to undertake the tedious, unpleasant and brief task of giving him sex can best be described as severely limited and counterproductive. And that’s before one takes into account his habit of talking loudly and at length about the evilness and stupidity of women, his history of making them miserable and how he plans to make even more women miserable if he’s given a chance. In fact, a rant about how much he hates most women – but you’re not like that, are you sweetheart? may be his favorite pickup monologue.
However, Ron knows his methods must be effective because he learned them from Dad and 32-Chan, it is not possible for him to fail, and how hard can it be to get a dumb slut to take off her panties anyway?
So Ron sets out to find women to give him his sex that is his. Sometimes a woman does what she’s supposed to do. When this happens it’s proof that he’s so super and they’re so stupid.
But despite the sure-fire technique for picking up girls, Ron does not succeed in tricking women into handing over his sex nearly as often as he would like. Does this mean that when Ron spends a romantic evening with a bottle of lotion and a sock it is because he failed?
No. Remember: In the Gospel According to Ron, Ron is infallible. What really happened is he received confirmation that women are evil. Victory is his once again!
And that’s why GOP outreach to minorities can never fail.