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Here is the SEK you know and love and is still alive (barely)

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[I found this in my Gmail “Drafts” folder after my appendectomy. Yes, right, by the by — I had an appendectomy. Anyway, I have no memory of writing it, but it damn sure sounds like me. In my defense, you wake up in pain, afraid, and alone, and you’d likely be a bit ornery too.]

DOCTOR: How would you rate your pain on a scale of —

SEK: ELEVEN BILLION

DOCTOR: On a scale of one to —

SEK: CHESTBURSTER

DOCTOR: One to ten.

SEK: ELEVEN BILLION AND CHESTBURSTER

DOCTOR: That’s not a number.

SEK: YOU’RE NOT A NUMBER

DOCTOR: So it hurts?

SEK: IT JOHN HURTS MOTHERFUCKER

DOCTOR: We’re going to take care of you.

SEK: NOT IF I TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST

DOCTOR: You came through with flying —

SEK: YOU CAME THROUGH WITH FLYING —

DOCTOR: Are you just going to repeat what I say now?

SEK: AM I JUST GOING TO —

DOCTOR: [STARES]

SEK: [sheepishly] I HURT ELEVEN BILLION AND CHESTBURSTER

DOCTOR: I’ll forgive you — this time.

SEK: I’LL FORGIVE YOU —

DOCTOR: [GLOWERS]

SEK: THANK YOU KIND WOMAN [hesitates] HERE IS MY “MUST ALWAYS RESUSCITATE” ORDER

DOCTOR: This is a napkin.

SEK: TURN IT OVER

DOCTOR: “We’ll do whatever it takes, God damn it, I won’t let him die on my table.” Cute.

SEK: NOT CUTE TRUTH

DOCTOR: You do realize we already did the surgery, right? You’re post-op.

SEK: OF COURSE

DOCTOR: We’re just monitoring you now.

SEK: I KNOW THAT

DOCTOR: Of course you do.

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