Conservotarian reaction to the Rise of the Cotton Candy Topped Mogul is exactly like that of a practicing addict who wakes after a drug-fueled party and discovers that people took to heart his encouragement to get wasted and trash the place.

Never in a million years will the addict contemplate the possibility that there’s some connection between the act of inviting people over to snort some blow and go wild and the fact that someone took a chainsaw to his living room.

And now he’s very upset because a bunch of horrible people he’s never seen before in his life – Or at least he hardly knows them – Well OK he invited them, but only for like, one drink, clogged every toilet in his house and then started crapping in the sinks and tubs.

So naturally he’s looking for someone to blame for the fact that the words “Hey I’ve got a ton of coke and booze at my house, why don’t you all come over?” came out of his mouth. Thousands of times. Over a period of decades.

And that’s why conservotarian reaction to the Triumph of the Trump is so damned funny. Fingers crossed they choke on all that impotent rage!

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  • I love(d) the Tubes. Saw them once, they were great AND LOUD. Simultaneously mocked the punk movement and encompassed the aesthetic, while incorporating the best glam elements. Also, strippers….

    • trollhattan

      Yes, yes and yes. Front row.

      White dopes on punk!

      • Thom

        Not to mention a memorable Rod Stewart parody.

    • BigHank53

      My very first live rock show. Made quite an impression. Much of the audience wasn’t that familiar with the band and was not prepared for “Mondo Bondage”.

    • UncleEbeneezer

      I saw them a couple years ago playing a free show in Pershing Square in Downtown LA. They still rock pretty hard. I had only mostly known their hit “She’s a beauty” and was unaware of their prog/art-rock/satirical skills. Great and underrated band.

    • njorl

      The Completion Backwards Principle CD is one of the more cathartic things to listen to on a long commute home from a frustrating day at work.

  • Warren Terra

    And that’s why conservotarian reaction to the Triumph of the Trump is so damned funny.

    Well, it’s funny unless Trump gets elected. Anyone who gets a major-party nomination has to be considered a nonzero risk to get elected, especially if some assho|e commits a massacre before the election that has people fearing all Muslims.

    • Cheap Wino

      I’m not as bright as your average LGM commenter but I don’t understand the fear that Trump gets elected is somehow worse than Cruz or Rubio wins. Of course it would awful for the world but not sure how, on balance, it would be worse than any of the GOP alternatives assholes.

      • tsam

        1-yes you are, that’s ridiculous

        2-probably right, aside from the heightened embarrassment

        • Cheap Wino

          2 – After Obama won the Nobel Peace prize for simply succeeding Bush you’d think we’ve graduated to beyond embarrassment by now. I guess that like peak wingnut there’s always a +1 though.

          1 – Okay. How about debilitatingly lacking in knowledge?

          • efgoldman

            Okay. How about debilitatingly lacking in knowledge?

            As I have discovered, multiple degrees does not necessarily equal intellect or knowledge.

      • NonyNony

        A Trump victory encourages the white supremacists in a way that other candidates would not. A Trump victory would likely up the individual violence POC face from thugs on the street.

        From a policy perspective, Cruz is worse and I suspect Rubio would be at least equally as bad as Trump. From the message his victory would send to the worst elements of our country, though, Trump is the worst.

        • Warren Terra

          I worry that you have to distinguish between, on the one hand, Cruz and his backers’ deliberate embrace of terrible, destructive policy, of a sort we’re largely familiar with and know how to confront, and on the other hand the likelihood Trump would do totally crazy and unpredictable things enormously destructive to the very fabric of our society and our place in the world – unlike Cruz not because he’s trying to achieve a planned dystopia, but because Trump is an egomaniacal uneducable ignoramus who celebrates his dumbass impulse moves.

          • jim, some guy in iowa

            it’s putting the world’s largest and most capable four-year-old in charge of the nuclear arsenal

            • Cheap Wino

              I get this. Yes, undeniably Trump is a buffoon of the highest order — his indifference to actual politics and governing is ironically Palinesque. There’s a real danger there.

              But President is not king. Isn’t it possible that limitations of the office and the general difficulty and complexity of governance is an effective enough reign that his lack of ability and interest limits him to the point that he isn’t worse than a Rubio slavishly bowing to the R establishment would be?

              Cripes, where is Aimai (or anybody) to ask this question more concisely?!

              • so-in-so

                I often feel the same way. Then I image the guy with the briefcase containing the launch codes sitting right outside his office…

                That, and the possibility of armed followers deciding President for Life Trunp would be a good thing.

              • jim, some guy in iowa

                Trump as kind of a President as figurehead (or, to drag something I said elsewhere, court jester) for Mitch McConnell and the House Republicans deal? that isn’t something I am terribly comfortable with- but maybe that is how it will play out

                I think though it just makes the most sense to take him seriously and that he’ll try his damnedest to make the proverbial bull in a china shop look like Baryshnikov

                • rea

                  Zaphod Beeblebrox, only less benign.

          • DrDick

            I think you are grossly underestimating the Talibangelical Evil that Cruz represents. The man really means it when he says he wants to impose Xtian Shari’a.

            • NonyNony

              Yeah – I get the feeling that people think Cruz is like Nixon or McCarthy but he’s more Pat Robertson mixed with Pat Buchanan. Trump’s awfulness is masking just how bad Cruz is.

              I really do think Trump would be worse, but only because of his impact on the white supremacists and the dangers to POC in this country. But his unpredictability is not going to be more damaging than Cruz’s intent.

            • efgoldman

              The man really means it when he says he wants to impose Xtian Shari’a.

              Also, if by some catastrophe Tailgunner Teddy Cruz got elected (really can’t see it happening) he’d bring in an even worse house and senate with him. Trump and the opossum on his head, not so much.

        • I have to wonder how effective Trump would be as a president. He has no real policy objectives, and the pie-in-the-sky promises he makes are either illegal, unworkable, or both. Add to that the fact that he has no real experience in government, and the fact that he’s disliked by the Republican establishment, and it’s hard to imagine what he could actually get done. Of course, that opens us up to a W situation, where the president is a figurehead and the vice president is making a lot of the real calls, but I suspect Trump would be a lot less amenable to such an arrangement than Bush was.

          If I had the power to spin off a pocket universe that I could observe at my leisure but absolutely not live in, I would totally create one in which Trump won the election, because I’m genuinely curious how it would shake out: would institutional forces compel Trump to be no better or worse than any other GOP president, or would he start WWIII?

          • DrDick

            If his record in business is any indication, he would bankrupt the nation and leave a smoking ruin behind.

            • Ahuitzotl

              so, the same as any other GOP president, you’re saying?

          • Halloween Jack

            My theory is that Trump would simply ignore many of the things that he said during the campaign, and hire some fairly smart people to create policy, with the understanding that he wouldn’t be able to throw them under the bus fast enough if anything they suggested had negative blowback. (I mean, more so than other presidents, who are all willing to do it to some degree.) He wouldn’t concern himself with mending fences so much as pretending that they weren’t broken in the first place, and dropping big hints that he could get really nasty if anyone insisted on holding a grudge. And, it should go without saying, he’d make sure to keep things really comfy for the ultra-rich.

      • Well, the LGM-tariat also thought that Scott Walker was the biggest danger, so YMMV… But I agree. If Trump is elected, he will have EVEN LESS cooperation from Congress than Obama, although I admit it is hard to see how that is possible from this vantage….

        • jim, some guy in iowa

          I would imagine it’s going to be the other way round- will Congress have cooperation from Trump? ’cause if he were to win I think we get a Congress that makes the last six years look like a golden age of statesmanship, and they will be sending President Trump no end of weird retrograde bills to sign- will he defy them? I wouldn’t put much money on it

  • Hogan

    For the last eight months or so, a significant portion of the Republican party’s voters have been in thrall to a bizarre, Occupy-esque conspiracy theory, which holds as its central thesis that sabotage and pusillanimity are the root causes of the Right’s recent woes. In this mistaken view, the conservative movement’s failure to counter all of the Obama era’s excesses is not the product of the crucial democratic and structural factors that prevent any one faction from ushering in substantial change, but of a lack of will or desire…

    And I feel
    Like I’ve been here before
    Like I’ve been here before
    And you know it makes me wonder
    What’s going on under the ground, hmmm
    Do you know? Don’t you wonder?
    What’s going on down under you
    We have all been here before, we have all been here before

  • the Rise of the Cotton Candy Topped Mogul

    I object. The Project Mogul devices were empty and inflatable, but they could keep a steady altitude, and stay silent.

  • DrDick

    I have to say that I am rather enjoying the sudden panic among GOP elites as they realize that the monster they have been creating for the last 45 years is a alive and out of control. On the other hand, these people really are the stuff of nightmares and need to be locked back in their basement closets.

    • Agreed. I have a massive bucket of popcorn…

      • Remember your healthy diet. No bourbon for ZRM!

        • efgoldman

          No bourbon for ZRM!

          He’s a zombie. What difference does it make?
          It’s like when my mom hit 90, and told her doctors she didn’t give a damn how high her cholesterol was, or if her colon was cranky. What was going to happen to her, she said; get sick and die?
          (She lived long enough to get to her granddaughter’s wedding 400 miles away, at 92.)

  • altofront

    Of all the things I love about having Shakezula on the front page, the musical sensibility is probably my favorite. (And now I can’t shake a mental image of the GOP crooning to Trump, “At this moment of surrender, darling, if you really care…”)

    • tsam

      THIS. She and I obviously came up on the same stuff.

      • Barry Freed

        Same here. Love it.

  • Pingback: White Punks on Dope? – Trostlose Politik()

  • cpinva

    “Fingers crossed they choke on all that impotent rage!”

    as tiny as that “impotent rage” is, the odds of them actually choking on it are statistically irrelevant.

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      as tiny as that “impotent rage” is, the odds of them actually choking on it are statistically irrelevant.

      That’s why it has to be “rammed down their throat”.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Is this a good time to bake a schadenfreude pie? Would it be better to hope for a Wednesday in early November, or perhaps will there be many more opportunities?

    Decisions, decisions?

  • BlueLoom

    I think there’s going to be a run on dark corn syrup, molasses, and dark brown sugar on the day after Trump secures the nomination.

    Trump is everything the RWNJs have wished for lo, these many years, and surely, my schadenfreude cup will run over.

    • BlueLoom

      Ooops. This was meant to be a reply to D.C. Sessions’s post about the timing of baking our schadenfreude pies.

  • Halloween Jack
    • creature

      The ‘baby’s arm holding an apple’ is part of an old Lennie Bruce bit, discribing the commonly held notion of the appearance of a black man’s penis. That said, the Tubes were one of the best rock bands I saw, that took the entire world and made fun of it.

  • creature

    The choices presented by Trump, Cruz and Rubio are like, do I want to get burned to death, beaten to death or stabbed to death? The outcome is the same, and the methods are equally brutal. I challenge any of my Trumpeteer acquaintances about ‘what’s his plan to enact this stuff?’, all I get is ‘oh, he’s not like any of the other politicians!’- so, no answer or awareness. The few Cruz and/or Rubio guys are even more inane. Their stance is that ‘they’re good politicians, and we need that now!’- so, no awareness. Getting out the vote for whoever the Democrats hold up as their candidate, is the only hope we have as a nation.

    • D. C. Sessions

      I challenge any of my Trumpeteer acquaintances about ‘what’s his plan to enact this stuff?’, all I get is ‘oh, he’s not like any of the other politicians!’- so, no answer or awareness.

      Why does that make me think of Augusto Pinochet?

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