Home / "family values" / More readings from the book of JËB!

More readings from the book of JËB!

Comments
/
/
/
395 Views

Perpetual irrelevance engine Gov. Jul Bush has found another way to attack the politician he’s not running against and complain about poor women at the same time.

“This is a place where I think President Obama missed a real golden opportunity, because he has a stable family, loving children – great, balanced children from what I can tell – a strong relationship with his wife, and he could have shown that as a model for others to emulate. And I don’t think he’s done it as much.”

On first read I found this as comprehensible as his Look America I’m Armed! tweet. I mean, I don’t expect Gov. Jib to look at the froth-spouting howlers he’s trying to court and think maybe there’s a reason the Obamas don’t haul Sasha and Malia in front of the cameras as much as Jab would like. Neither do I expect it to cross his wobbly little particleboard desk that perhaps Sasha and Malia have expressed a desire to stay out of the limelight and their parents are honoring that wish. That would require introspection and empathy.

(Personally, I have never once thought “Gee, I’d like to see more of the First Daughters,” either for my own personal edification or as part of some sort of grand example setting effort on the First Family’s part. I attribute this to the fact that I’m not a creep, a clown or a conservative. Create the Venn diagram at your own leisure.)

But I read on and realized that putting on the po-face about Obama’s American Dad routine was Jam’s way of releasing the safety prior to firing a few rounds of “It’s Obama’s fault [certain] poor women continue to be single poor welfaristas when they could stop being poor if they got married.” Per CNN Transcription Services, Inc.:

Bush, as he often does, said that marriage is one of the keys to keeping people out of poverty, pointing to federal welfare programs that he argues create incentives for single moms to stay single, because otherwise they may lose some benefits.

Still gibberish, but I’ve heard it enough to translate it to English: In the dusty bowl of mouse turds Jug uses for a mind, if the Obamas had done enough of the strong black family thing in public, poor black women on welfare would rush into the streets and beg the one man who had avoided being the victim of a form of institutionalized racism that put him behind bars or underground to cure them of their wicked welfare-dependent ways with the power of holy matrimony. Thanks a lot Obama!

And yes, the poverty-banishment marriage ritual can only be completed with a man. As Jot non-judgmentally observed, some family arrangements are less equal than others.

Bush said that a family with a husband and wife provides the best environment to allow children to succeed.

Supporting statistics are available upon receipt of requests postmarked on or before June 6, 1968.

“There may be other forms that are equally as important and good. I’m not passing judgment,” he said. “To not try to strengthen family life, we do it at our peril.”

Plans for strengthening family life are available upon receipt of requests post marked on or before April 15, 1921. And anyway the plan relied on President Obama and his family being good role models to their kind, so there’s no point asking Jaw to do anything about it. Back off. He’s got a gun and he’s not afraid to tweet it.

As an aside, and perhaps my sensibilities have been blunted by close to 30 years of GOP nastiness, but Jog’s wee, sleekit, cow’rin, tim’rous beastie shtick skeeves me out as much as the Trumpenfuhrer, and almost as much as Ted “Oleomargarine” Cruz.

FacebookTwitterGoogle+Share
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google+
  • Linkedin
  • Pinterest
  • Malaclypse

    Bush said that a family with a husband and wife provides the best environment to allow children to succeed.

    There may be other forms that are equally as important and good.

    He literally doesn’t understand what the word “best” means. And even if he did, he’d be wrong about everything else he said.

    Ah, meritocracy.

    • Grep Agni

      You may want to adjust your understanding of “best” in the context of politics and advertising. He is making a parity claim, or a close variation.

  • DrS

    The royalty loves to bash the poors for their immorality, knowing that they can safely sleep around while maintaining a publicly monogamous and chaste public face.

    • Nobody who is the brother of Neil (I heart Thai Prostitutes) Bush should be bloviating about the sanctity of monogamous co-parenting. When Neil divorced his wife the elder Bush’s proposed to throw her out of her house.

      • Halloween Jack

        Neil (I heart Thai Prostitutes) Bush

        [takei]Oh, my:[\takei]

        The women, he said, simply knocked on the door of his hotel room, entered and had sex with him. He said he did not know if they were prostitutes because they never asked for money and he did not pay them.

        “Mr. Bush, you have to admit it’s a pretty remarkable thing for a man just to go to a hotel room door and open it and have a woman standing there and have sex with her,” Brown said.

        “It was very unusual,” Bush said.

        You’d think that the Fredo Corleone of the Bush family couldn’t fuck up worse than the S&L debacle, but you forget that it’s a full-time job for him.

  • D.N. Nation

    Obama: (shows strong, loving, mutually beneficial relationship with his wife and his love for his daughters)
    Wingnutz: Look at that uppity jerk.

    Michelle Obama: It might be a good idea to eat vegetables.
    Wingnutz: YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ALSO YOU’RE UGLY (chugs clarified butter)

    Obama daughters: (nothing)
    Mike Huckleberry: Look at these hood rats, listening to Beyonce and such.

    • FMguru

      The Bush family sure has room to talk when it comes to the behavior of Presidential daughters. Why can’t Malia and Sasha be as classy and well-mannered as Jenna and Not-Jenna?

      • skate

        Remind me, was it Jenna or Not-Jenna who was busted for using a fake ID to buy alcohol when she was still at UT?

        (Which I understand was pretty much a right of passage on 6th St in Austin, but nevertheless, not something I ever expect to one of the Obama daughters do.)

      • ironic irony

        Three words: Noelle Fucking Bush.

    • Derelict

      At least ol’ Jeb didn’t get around to pointing that Obama having a strong family “is a credit to his race.” Which, really, is the undertone of his whole “Obama should have been more of a role model” bullshit.

      • johnnypez

        Jeb Bush is a debit to his race.

  • Shalimar

    Because the Republican nominee is going to be a big marriage supporter.

    Headline after day 1 of the Trump administration: “Jeb Bush’s wife deported to Cuba”

    • dmsilev

      Of course Trump is a huge marriage supporter. Look at how many weddings he’s had.

      • BigHank53

        And all to foreign nationals. Guess there wasn’t an American willing to do the job at the salary Trump was offering.

        • efgoldman

          Guess there wasn’t an American willing to do the job at the salary Trump was offering.

          Not original but always funny, like “Who’s on First” and “Niagara Falls.”

        • skate

          Trump’s second wife was from Georgia, the one in the US.

          • BigHank53

            Goddamn outsourcing strikes again!

            (I do actually thank you for the correction, and will endeavor to make more accurate wisecracks in the future.)

            • skate

              One of the reasons I have no respect for Trump is that I full-well remember all the headlines back in the ’80s when he was going through the divorce w/ Ivana, and Marla from Georgia was the third party involved.

    • Shalimar

      No one remembers Johnny Dangerously.

      The punchline/sub-headline is “Says she’s not from there.”

      • postmodulator

        I was going to post that image in response but I thought it came off as a dig on you.

        • Shalimar

          I said Cuba instead of Mexico because I figured Trump is the type of person to put her on a plane with Rubio and Cruz and let them figure out where they are from.

          But I framed it as a newspaper headline because I still remember that joke after 30 years.

  • Hogan

    I would have thought keeping your young children out of the public eye is precisely “a model for others to emulate.” Apparently Rubio and Cruz disagree.

    Oh, and:

    Bush, as he often does, said that marriage is one of the keys to keeping people out of poverty, pointing to federal welfare programs that he argues create incentives for single moms to stay single, because otherwise they may lose some benefits.

    Yes indeedy, the worst part of AFDC/TANF is the part the Dixiecrats insisted on so that federal benefits wouldn’t shrink their local pool of low-wage labor. That is what he meant, right?

    • Yes, beccause everyone knows that women will turn down marriage to a millionaire to get 34 dollars in food stamps a week.

  • Brownian

    There may be other forms that are equally as important and good.

    I’m sure Warren Jeffs appreciates the shout out to his favoured form of marriage, but as a convicted felon currently serving a life sentence I don’t see him making it to the voting booth anytime soon.

    • so-in-so

      But the base probably takes this as SSM; so has JEB? decided it’s time to tack toward the center to get ready for the general or is trying to get to the low single digits in GOP polling do he can quit and go home?

  • efgoldman

    I suspect it’s Malia and Sasha’s parents who decided (correctly) not to parade them in public at every opportunity. It’s tough enough to grow up at all, tougher to grow up in a fishbowl, another level to grow up with a bunch of tough guys in suits, with earphones and guns, going everywhere with you. And eight years is half a lifetime for a kid.
    We raised a daughter, and the adolescent year are tough enough. especially on girls. We must have done something right, because she’s turned out to be a terrific adult, married a wonderful guy, and is a wonderful mom, in turn.
    Every time we’ve seen the Obama girls, our first thought is “such beautiful kids.” Our second thought is “From what we’ve seen of them as parents, I bet they’re doing a terrific job” No way to know, of course.

    • efgoldman

      Oh, and ?Jeb? is an asshole first class, with oakleaf clusters. And the Village Idiot sibling campaigning for him in SC makes two.

    • BlueLoom

      My granddaughter attends high school w/ the Obama kids, and they definitely are really great kids. As to the “tough guys in suits, with earphones and guns,” well, the kids (all of them in the school) get used to having those guys lurking.

  • JEB half looks like he’s been photoshopped in. Imagine being the black sheep in that family.

    • BigHank53

      JEB will have to exert himself to catch up with Neil “I thought prostitutes came with the hotel” Bush.

      • DrS

        Neil is the Sterling Archer of that family? Huh.

        • Murc

          Neil wishes. Archer is handsome and charismatic. Neil is… neither.

    • advocatethis

      He does look photoshopped in…he’s a third larger, at least, than everybody else.

      • JR in WV

        Regarding that nice family picture, does anyone know who the handsome man in the upper right corner of the picture is? Name and relationship to the Bush family?

        He has such a nice complexion, quite different from most of the other people in the photo.

        Just asking for a friend !!

        • Bill Murray

          I’m guessing a waiter who was able to photobomb the proceedings

        • No Longer Middle Aged Man

          I guess he’s Jeb!’s sons, one of the ones Poppy referred to as “the little brown ones.”

          • erick

            Yeah he is being groomed as the next generation political star, currently has a stepping stone political office in Texas

    • efgoldman

      JEB half looks like he’s been photoshopped in.

      He’s been photo shopped in to life.

    • AMK

      Marvin Bush is looking better every day.

  • Alex.S

    I guess the best policy proposal is to take single parents and match them up? I think that gay marriage will make this a lot easier to accomplish.

    • efc

      Gay marriage is an important step. But I’m suprised the GOP hasn’t proposed single parent kibbutzes(kibbutzim?) where single parents can go co-habitate with other single parents. It brings all of the benefits of marriage (multiple incomes, multiple individuals available for supervision, discipline, taking to events, etc.) and doesn’t require any of that love or affection or that kind of bs. And it’s from Israel so it must be good.

      In all seriousness, my cousin in Israel has a boyfriend who was one of the last generations to live in a communal “childrens’ house” at his kibbutz. His Kibbutz was one of the last to have a childrens’ house (he’s probably about 25 or so). My cousin thinks it kind of messed him up psychologically.

  • rea

    pointing to federal welfare programs that he argues create incentives for single moms to stay single, because otherwise they may lose some benefits.

    Maybe we ought to change the programs so that people don’t lose benefits by getting married?

    • DrS

      What, and enable that able-bodied lazy husband to sit around all day?

    • tsam

      Maybe we ought to change the programs so that people don’t lose benefits by getting married?

      Nah. Why fix something if it ain’t working?

  • John F

    On first read I found this as comprehensible as his Look America I’m Armed! tweet.

    Still gibberish,

    I know you are preaching to your choir, but don’t you care just the teensy tiniest bit about reaching folks outside that choir?

    A great many people believe that “strong nuclear families are essential to the health and well being of children” and some of those people are not unreachable wingnuts, but they are not gonna listen to your arguments beyond “gibberish” and so they are never gonna engage your actual arguments/discussions such as:

    if the Obamas had done enough of the strong black family thing in public, poor black women on welfare would rush into the streets and beg the one man who had avoided being the victim of a form of institutionalized racism that put him behind bars or underground to cure them of their wicked welfare-dependent ways with the power of holy matrimony.

    • I’m in a god damned strong happy heterosexual marriage with 2.5 children (no pets) and I don’t think that this is the cause of my middle class status. I think its the *result* of it.

      • Hogan

        2.5 children

        Now that’s what I call rounding up.

        • efgoldman

          Now that’s what I call rounding up.

          Actually they’re very hard to round up. That extra half kid keeps sliding under the divan.

          • I admit i should round down since I only have two children. And no pets either. And no garage. Damn it, Im practically a communist.

      • MAJeff

        I’m in a god damned strong happy heterosexual marriage with 2.5 children (no pets) and I don’t think that this is the cause of my middle class status. I think its the *result* of it

        .

        There’s a lot to that.

        And a lot of the factors involved in that relationship are why a policy focus on family stability instead of family structure would likely be far more productive.

      • Rob in CT

        I don’t think that this is the cause of my middle class status. I think its the *result* of it.

        Agreed. I really think the Right has causation backwards on a bunch of stuff.

        [Most of the time, of course, not 100% of the time. There are middle-class (and above, even) people who manage to self-destruct despite their advantages, and people who succeed in spite of disadvantages. These individuals are exceptions, however.]

    • Gareth

      A great many people believe that “strong nuclear families are essential to the health and well being of children”

      There’s no evidence for that. For one thing, there’s usually no allowance for children inheriting personality traits from their biological parents. I know we’re supposed to blame the father in “Cat’s in the Cradle”, but I think the son would turn out that way however he was raised.

      • jim, some guy in iowa

        another one of those things for which there might not be so much evidence but that a lot of people actually do tend to believe

        • Gareth

          Try this. And just as an aside, do you think people are born gay?

          • jim, some guy in iowa

            you misunderstand me. not that I agree with them, just that it is a belief people have

            • Gareth

              Sorry for the misunderstanding. I think one thing we can agree on is that encouraging people to get married isn’t going to do much good.

      • geniecoefficient

        http://futureofchildren.org/publications/journals/article/index.xml?journalid=37&articleid=107&sectionid=689&submit

        Probably because “that” a straw man. No one holds up a two-parent home as an sine qua non of child health. But if you are referring to conventional wisdom about 2-parent homes being “better”, or often preferable, and I suspect you are, then I wish you luck disposing of the decades of research that show exactly that.

        A review from an academic journal (good for getting started, lol): http://futureofchildren.org/publications/journals/article/index.xml?journalid=37&articleid=107&sectionid=689&submit

        A few popular pieces citing and summarizing academic research:
        http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/07/single_motherhood_worse_for_children_.html
        http://www.cbsnews.com/news/single-parent-kids-more-at-risk/
        http://prospect.org/article/consequences-single-motherhood

        But the question isn’t whether the risks of negative child outcomes are worse in 1-parent homes. They are. That idea isn’t some unsupported popular delusion. It’s popular knowledge grounded in decades of research. The question is this. Shit wages are putting marriage out of reach for an increasingly huge swath of the population. Marriage rates are tanking. In Krugman’s words, “middle class values require middle class wages.” The question, then, is whether Jebbbbbzzz should be scolding people who can’t afford to get married, to get married. In conclusion, STFU Jeb Bush.

        It’s kind of weird to come here and see an established fact – worse outcomes for 1-parent kids – treated like a canard of conservatives or the loony imaginings of anti-vaxxers.

        • Robert M.

          It’s kind of weird to come here and see an established fact – worse outcomes for 1-parent kids – treated like a canard of conservatives or the loony imaginings of anti-vaxxers.

          I know I’m uselessly late to this particular party, but you seem to be ignoring the context.

          Jeb! is calling back to two wingnut canards. Primarily he’s talking about the idea that since stable, two-parent homes are statistically associated with the middle class, poor single parents can fix all their problems by getting married. But “a family with a husband and wife” is also blowing the dogwhistle the implicates marriage equality in (what wingnuts see as) the downfall of American society.

          Since both of those things are risible on their faces, they don’t require serious, detailed rebuttal. Of course outcomes are typically worse for kids who grow up in single-parent households, but most of that is economic: if you control for total household income, a lot of the negatives associated with single parenthood vanish. And there’s no evidence at all that a kids are more successful if they’re in a stable, multiple-income household with their biological parents, which is a non-negligible part of Bush’s claim.

    • El. Oh. El.

    • tsam

      A great many people think ghosts live among us.

      • Where is my upvote button?

    • ironic irony

      Call me crazy, but the whole “nuclear” family is a recent creation. For a long time, most people had three generations living under one roof. Gasp! Plenty of people still do that today!! But I stand ready to be corrected by the actual historians here…

    • witlesschum

      I know you are preaching to your choir, but don’t you care just the teensy tiniest bit about reaching folks outside that choir?

      A great many people believe that “strong nuclear families are essential to the health and well being of children” and some of those people are not unreachable wingnuts, but they are not gonna listen to your arguments beyond “gibberish” and so they are never gonna engage your actual arguments/discussions such as:

      If they read LGM, they should fucking well know better by now.

  • erick

    Bush said that a family with a husband and wife provides the best environment to allow children to succeed.

    Normally I wouldn’t stoop to bringing up the problems of a politicians kids, but since Bush is a colossal a-hole I can’t help myself. Remind me how many parents Jeb’s daughter grew up with before she went to jail for drug offenses?

    • DrS

      Well, obviously she’s still better off than if she’d been raised by two lesbians. Why she clearly would have been in jail at least 6 months earlier, cause of the reasons.

    • Nobdy

      Come now. Everyone [rich and/or connected] deserves a second chance.

    • ironic irony

      Ding ding ding! Winner, right here!

  • delazeur

    Can we talk about the fact that Dubya appears to own a pair of formal cowboy boots with the Presidential seal on them?

    • PJ

      Jesus Christ that’s tackier than the rug.

    • jim, some guy in iowa

      I was scrolling down looking for this comment. The least the lying weasel could have done is go whole-hog Nudie’s for a nice spangly rhinestone drugstore cowboy suit

    • tsam

      No thank you.

      • N__B

        Yeah. Why talk about the boots when we all know he’s wearing a thong with the presidential seal on it.

    • witlesschum

      That’s actually one of the nicer things I’ve heard about him.

  • tsam

    There may be other forms that are equally as important and good. I’m not passing judgment

    K

    • DrS

      You forgot to put in some meth addled ramblings before your signature.

      • Philip

        Hah.

      • tsam

        Too much meth. Forgot how to type. I was going for “yeah, k bro” on his claim to not be passing judgement.

  • Nobdy

    What is he talking about? The Obamas have modeled loving marriage throughout his presidency. They have also been clearly loving parents and shown the Republican IDEAL of the strong, intact, nuclear family.

    What was Obama supposed to do exactly? Stop doing his important work as president to stroll around in public with his family like a figurehead with no actual responsibilities?

    Every time Michelle did anything in public she was called ugly, a monkey, fat, pelted with transphobic slurs (presumably because that’s the meanest thing Republicans could think of) and generally treated like a piece of garbage, even though every one of her initiatives was bland and laudable.

    Also George W. Bush didn’t spend his ‘off time’ modeling the nuclear family. He went to a ranch and cleared brush, often apparently alone. And George H.W. Bush couldn’t model a strong nuclear family because Barbara Bush is terrifying and no man would want to get married if he thought his wife would be a transparently cruel bully like she is.

    • efgoldman

      They have also been clearly loving parents and shown the Republican IDEAL of the strong, intact, nuclear family.

      Well, except for the ni[clang!] part, anyway.

    • witlesschum

      What was Obama supposed to do exactly? Stop doing his important work as president to stroll around in public with his family like a figurehead with no actual responsibilities?

      Sneer at poor people for being poor, so Republican politicians aren’t the only ones doing that. Also, privatize Social Security.

  • Crusty

    I look forward to tomorrow’s town hall meeting where Jeb will be addressing the pressing issue of when is Stedman gonna get Oprah a ring.

  • DrDick

    He is a Bush, so gibberish is his native tongue.

  • CP

    “This is a place where I think President Obama missed a real golden opportunity, because he has a stable family, loving children – great, balanced children from what I can tell – a strong relationship with his wife, and he could have shown that as a model for others to emulate. And I don’t think he’s done it as much.”

    The most out-of-touch part of that whole statement is that Jeb honestly thinks nobody in America looks at the Obamas as role models.

    • Hogan

      What he’s really saying is that black people don’t look at the Obamas as role models. Otherwise they wouldn’t all be on welfare.

      • Malaclypse

        No, no – I think he’s saying no Real Americans would ever see the Obamas as role models, because what self-respecting Real American would ever look up to a ni[clang].

    • “I don’t think he’s done it as much” is pure, authentic, Bush-style-hoof-in mouth. Done it as much as what for fuck’s sake?? How much more “showing” than living in the fish bowl of the white house for seven years without making a single error, displaying a single moment of bad temper, turning himself and his family out in perfect style every second, can the first family accomplish?

      But more to the point: Just how much showing a “stable family, loving children” can affect anything, really? How does this work,for Republicans anyway? One of the problems for this entire construction President Role Model =>>produces society modeled on President is that this isn’t how role models work for authoritarians. And especially not for white racists. Obama can’t “model” how families are supposed to work for white people because Jeb et al don’t admit that white people have fucked up families or single parent families or divorced families–at least not when there are minorities to point the finger at. So Jeb actually thinks that the only people who can be influenced by Obama are other black people. That’s one thing. But second of all the whole notion of an exemplar doesn’t work terribly well for authoritarians–or it doesn’t work that way. People who are wealthy show people who aren’t wealthy that they are losers. People with happy families show people without families that they are sad little orphans and single parents, doomed to suffer. Because the authoritarian/right wing perspective on the world is that its a just world in which people fucking get what they deserve. Role models just model how to rub your face in the fact that you are not them and you don’t deserve what they get.

      • BigHank53

        Well, that’s the outrage, isn’t it? Obama isn’t condescending to his lessers! It’s probably the one unforgivable sin to an aristocrat.

    • Matt McIrvin

      I have seen people on Facebook describe Obama as a weak father with an out-of-control family who he is unable to govern. It’s a bizarre claim in so many ways. I guess if you are committed to a notion of the father as authoritarian tyrant over a family of subordinates, you probably would not regard the Obamas as an exemplar.

      • tsam

        Especially the part where he’s supposed to govern his family. That’s not how it works in healthy non-abusive families.

        • CP

          “Wives, submit to your husbands.” “The husband is the head of the family.” Oh, right wingers take that shit very seriously. For their ideal family unit, they’re still running on monarchism.

          • tsam

            Yeah and that’s just gross, man. I don’t like it. Not even a little bit.

            • CP

              Yeah, and seeing people argue for that has made me lose serious respect for some friends and family members.

          • CrunchyFrog

            SOME right wingers do. The ones with a strong religious bent. But I’m sure that Barbara Bush, Sr, thinks that those quotes are as full of crap as I do.

  • JËB
    Jul
    Jib
    Jab
    Jam
    Jug
    Jot
    Jaw
    Jog

    HAHA, Very Good!

    • ironic irony

      Loving it….the Man of A Thousand Useless Nicknames.

      • Keaaukane

        He was named before the Romney/Palin practice of naming kids using a random pull of scrabble tiles became popular.

        • I don’t think its a random pull of scrabble tiles. It always looked more like what you’d do if you spent too much time on the sawdust soaked floor of the local bait and tackle store,staring up at a fishing map.

  • Halloween Jack

    Looking at the gathering of Jebberish’s family, all I can think of is the beginning of King Ralph.

It is main inner container footer text