Home / General / Erik Visits an American Grave, Part 21

Erik Visits an American Grave, Part 21

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This is the grave of Richard Nixon.

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There is no real reason to talk about what a terrible person Richard Nixon was. You already know this. I will say the phrase of his grave may be true but has absolutely nothing to do with the life of Richard Nixon.

Richard Nixon is buried at the Richard Nixon Presidential Library, Yorba Linda, California. As I have stated before, the museum there is the greatest place on Earth if you are a cynical left-wing historian who likes to crack jokes at the expense of dead and living conservatives. What’s more, we had to leave early because a wedding was about to begin. The bride and groom were to be standing about 10 feet away from Nixon’s grave. I know we’ve all wanted to play a little Dick and Pat on our wedding night, but this was a bit much.

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  • jim, some guy in iowa

    please tell us the couple was going to be facing the ocean or something *other* than Nixon’s tombstone. that would be deranged

    • rea

      Here in Grand Rapids we have the Gerald Ford Museum/Library, with Ford and his wife buried on the grounds. The grounds, along the Grand River across from downtown, are very nice, and many events are held there that have nothing to do with Gerald Ford. I’ve gone to the Gay Pride Festival there, for example.

      I would not necessarily assume that anyone getting married at the Nixon Library is seeing the grounds as anything other than an attractive public park.

      • Linnaeus

        Here in Grand Rapids we have the Gerald Ford Museum/Library,

        Not to be confused with the Ford Presidential Library, which is in Ann Arbor.

      • jim, some guy in iowa

        well I hope so. I had the bad mental image of the happy couple turning to face the crowd after the vows are taken, and doing Nixon’s “V for Victory” wave

        … which would, I guess, be preferable to them re-enacting the photo Esquire used to use for their Dubious Achievement Award issue…

      • TribalistMeathead

        Here in Grand Rapids we have the Gerald Ford Museum

        Which you can reach by flying to Gerald Ford Airport and taking the Gerald Ford Freeway to the site.

        • witlesschum

          You’ll have to pardon them for being proud of him.

          • Ahuitzotl

            idk, theres some reason to be proud .. 2nd best Republican President since 1933 ?

  • Linnaeus

    I know we’ve all wanted to play a little Dick and Pat on our wedding night

    “Thank you, everyone, I’ll be here all week.”

    • Ahuitzotl

      handy for targetting the drone

  • Sly

    What’s more, we had to leave early because a wedding was about to begin. The bride and groom were to be standing about 10 feet away from Nixon’s grave. I know we’ve all wanted to play a little Dick and Pat on our wedding night, but this was a bit much.

    “I really hope that was one of those ‘ironic’ hipster weddings.” He thought for the first time ever.

  • The Temporary Name

    You might wanna ensmallen that pic Erik.

    I can’t think you’d wanna get married near that grave though. The smell of fresh piss must be overpowering.

    • FMguru

      Obligatory picture.

      The same guy then headed up to Simi Valley and took care of business there.

    • keta

      That couple will be divorced and remarried to other people by the time that picture loads.

    • David Hunt

      The smell of fresh piss must be overpowering.

      My first thought on why Nixon put his grave on the grounds there was that he wanted to control access to prevent it from being violated.

      • Snarki, child of Loki

        Do we know with certainty that Nixon is buried there?

        I fully expect Cheney to be buried in ‘an undisclosed location’, and just hope that it happens promptly and unceremoniously.

        • Brad Nailer

          Buried at sea in a man-sized safe.

        • No Longer Middle Aged Man

          Hopefully a crossroads with a stake through his heart.

    • Karen24

      I really wanted to ask Professor Looms if there was an acrylic screen between the sidewalk and the actual grave to preven people from peeing on the tombstone. This is one of a small number of public places where the caretakers have to seriously consider such things.

  • djanyreason

    From Loomis’ November 2014 post on the Nixon museum (linked to above in this post):

    After seeing this, as well as the bed where Nixon was birthed (look at this cute little baby!) we were on the way out when we realized that a wedding was about to begin. Yes, someone had rented out the Nixon Library for their wedding. Where the couple was going to take their vows was about 20 feet from Nixon’s grave. Now, I think we’ve all wanted to play a little Dick and Pat on our wedding night, but this was a bit ridiculous. This was the least romantic spot for a wedding ever. Although I hope I am invited to an irony-themed wedding there in the future.

    (emphasis added)

    Get some new material, man!

    • jim, some guy in iowa

      ah, you can’t expect a good standup to not use the same material. what I find interesting is the nuptials are now taking place ten feet closer to Nixon’s grave. Next time the story’s told they’ll be standing on the marker

      • Warren Terra

        Time after that: in the grave!

    • All comedians repeat themselves!

      • Hogan

        Bart: You’re right, Mom. I shouldn’t let this bother me. I’m in television now. It’s my job to be repetitive. My job. My job. Repetitiveness is my job. I am going to go out there tonight and give the _best_ performance of my life.

        Marge: The _best_ performance of your life?

        Bart: The _best_ performance of my life!

  • joe from Lowell

    Perhaps it’s just an optical illusion, but the grave seems to feature steep angles in the stone and landscaping, as if to discourage dancing.

    • Lee Rudolph

      Steep,or non-Euclidean?

      • Hogan

        Lovecraftian, I suspect.

      • joe from Lowell

        In his stone bed in Yorba Linda
        Dead Nix-hthu lays dreaming.

        • Snarki, child of Loki

          Now you’ve gone and done it.

          Expect a visit from The Black Chamber soon.

          • joe from Lowell

            Yikes! Those guys scare the bejeezus out of me.

      • AttorneyAtPaw

        Non-Euclidean. So that the inevitable parallels to other historical monsters won’t meet.

  • random

    I know we’ve all wanted to play a little Dick and Pat on our wedding night, but this was a bit much.

    I actually got divorced and re-married specifically so I could do this part again.

  • Murc

    Admit it, Erik. If you’d thought of it, you would have gotten married at Nixon’s grave. But for entirely different reasons.

    • dr. hilarius

      Because Nixon was our last liberal president?

      *ducks*

  • CJColucci

    Did you leave a wreath of wolfsbane? It would probably be too difficult to drive a wooden stake into whatever is left of his heart.

    • Philip

      And sprinkle some silver flakes and garlic, dump a flask of holy water, leave some crosses lying around… With something like Nixon, you can’t be too careful.

      • Half a dump truck load of salt too.

      • njorl

        Walk thrice around the grave widdershins whilst smoking a pipe.

      • Aubergine

        Napalm would be appropriate, methinks.

    • Warren Terra

      We should arrange to have two roads meet at the site. And maybe surround it with running water.

      ETA RE

      It would probably be too difficult to drive a wooden stake into whatever is left of his heart.

      This presumably is why Cheney got the heart transplant. Who knows in what secret vault he’s hidden away his heart?

      • David Hunt

        Yeah, but eventually the valiant transplanted heart will reject the diseased tissue that it has been transplanted into

  • Incontinentia Buttocks

    A nice respectable Republican grave, but I always tell him he’d look good in anything.

    • Warren Terra

      + 1952

  • gregmiller

    Can you get close enough to piss on Nixon’s grave? I don’t want to waste a trip, otherwise.

  • Brett

    Hey, that’s no way to talk about the Last Liberal President!

    • joe from Lowell

      Not a single drone strike, Brett. Not one.

      • Davis X. Machina

        Chomsky said it. I believe it. That settles it.

        • dr. hilarius

          Chomsky is interesting in that he started to become a crank about a decade and a half ago (perhaps even slightly earlier than that) but appears to have, unlike the vast majority of public intellectuals, come back from crank-land. I believe he did endorse voting for Obama both times as the lesser evil. There are far better examples of purity troll leftists than Chomsky.

          • joe from Lowell

            Chomsky is interesting in that he started to become a crank about a decade and a half ago (perhaps even slightly earlier than that) but appears to have, unlike the vast majority of public intellectuals, come back from crank-land.

            And who else can you say that about? Henry Wallace maybe?

  • CrunchyFrog

    I know conservatives who planned vacations to southern California for the sole reason of visiting the Reagan and Nixon presidential libraries. They went to other places as long as they were there, but that was their pilgrimage. People is weird.

    • TribalistMeathead

      One reason I finally agreed to tag along with my wife on one of her trips to rural AR to visit her best friend from college and her family was so that I could visit the Clinton Library while we were in Little Rock.

      I lasted until the section touting welfare reform and then left, btw.

      • Ahuitzotl

        Hey, we made a trip to Little Rock specifically to see the Clinton Library. Of course, we were existing* in West Little Rock at the time, so it wasnt too arduous.
        .
        .
        *living would be too strong a word, given that it’s Arkansas.

  • N__B

    Yorba Linda gets less than 14″ of rain per year. One might say that Nixon made a place in the desert and called it peacemaker.

    • cthulhu

      It wouldn’t have been in Yorba Linda had Nixon’s Library-related cover-up worked out. He wanted ocean view property in San Clemente which was, unfortunately, for him and his minions, military land. They set up a sham organization to get the land transferred to the locals for a “park.” But the scheme fell apart and the Library people eventually had to settle on far less impressive YL.

  • gusmpls

    Nixon was a horrible human being, but what a fascinating study! Worthy of a Shakespeare villain. I read Nixon Agonistes a few years back and found it riveting. Can anyone recommend a good biography?

    • Murc

      As far as I’m concerned, the definitive biography of Nixon is Crooked.

    • Davis X. Machina

      A cute NYT Book Review piece from 1992: Good Books about Bad Presidents.

      Could stand an update, but I like the idea.

      Conrad Black’s Nixon bio achieved the ultimate — a biography as bad as the man whose life it covers. “Emetic” begins, but only begins, to cover it.

      • The Temporary Name

        I like to imagine him playing the glutton in Seven, forced to eat that book page by page.

    • Keaaukane

      Fawn Brody is a favorite of mine, and she did a Nixon biography. I would expect it to be well done, but I haven’t read it.

      • Her Nixon biography was her last book, and she eventually got too ill to finish it, so it ends before his presidency. Also, as was typical of her later career, it’s stuffed with fairly questionable psychoanalysis.

        To me, Brodie’s books were released in almost exact descending order of quality. No Man Knows My History is incredible, one of my favorite books. Her Thaddeus Stevens and Richard Burton bios are great reads as well. Jefferson is interesting but dated (although it did popularize the Hemings theory) and tendentious. And Nixon is half-complete.

        • BiloSagdiyev

          +1 for No Man Knows My History. A detailed dig into the whole story of Joseph Smith, megalomaniac and grifter. No man should ever have so much power in this… oh, hello, Mr. Trump!

          And she grew up Mormon, so grappling with all of that reality wasn’t easy for her, IIRC.

        • BiloSagdiyev

          ” Her Nixon biography was her last book, and she eventually got too ill to finish it, so it ends before his presidency. Also, as was typical of her later career, it’s stuffed with fairly questionable psychoanalysis.”

          Also, I feel compelled to point out that when it comes to RMN, the pysch issue is mandatory. The man had more issues than Foreign Policy. As to how well it gets done,well, I guess there are other authors who have done it better than her? I’ve never sat down and read a bio of him, and I don’t know if I could take it.

  • libarbarian

    NIXON IN 2016!

    He’s Tall, Tan Pale, and (very) Rested!!!!!!

  • I will say the phrase of his grave may be true but has absolutely nothing to do with the life of Richard Nixon.

    Trump will have “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” written on his grave.

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      Trump will have “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” written on his grave.

      In YOOOGE gold letters, it’ll be classy

    • Hogan

      Oh, it’s the meek! Blessed are the meek! Oh, that’s nice, isn’t it? I’m glad they’re getting something, ’cause they have a hell of a time.

  • Joe Bob the III

    The greatest honor history can bestow is the title of peacemaker.

    But Nixon had a plan for ending the war in Vietnam! As long as you don’t count the five or so years he prolonged the war, Nixon ended the war in Vietnam.

    • Davis X. Machina

      To be fair, he was developing the capability to carry out a program of peace-related activities, is all.

      That takes time …

      • BiloSagdiyev

        An even bigger secret than his secret plan (to end the war after being re-elected in ’72, but hopefully by just winning somehow) was his concludinng in 1967 or so that it was a big waste of time and that we needed to get out, and not telling anybody that, and oh yeah, using back channels to scuttle peace talks lest peace break out before he could use it to run for president successfully on. What a charmer.

  • bad Jim

    Nixon looks out upon the snow covering the White House lawn and sees “Nixon is a fink” written there. He has the FBI investigate; the agent doesn’t know quite how to report the results. “The urine is Kissinger’s, but the handwriting is Pat’s.”

  • BiloSagdiyev

    AROOOOOOO!!!!

  • BiloSagdiyev

    If the right people had been in charge of Nixon’s funeral, his casket would have been launched into one of those open-sewage canals that empty into the ocean just south of Los Angeles. He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a president. Nixon was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his pants on every morning. Even his funeral was illegal. He was queer in the deepest way. His body should have been burned in a trash bin.

    – Hunter S. Thompson

  • BiloSagdiyev

    Richard Nixon has never been one of my favorite people anyway. For years I’ve regarded his existence as a monument to all the rancid genes and broken chromosomes that corrupt the possibilities of the American Dream; he was a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner convictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad. The Nixon I remembered was absolutely humorless; I couldn’t imagine him laughing at anything except maybe a paraplegic who wanted to vote Democratic but couldn’t quite reach the lever on the voting machine.

    – Hunter S. Thompson

    (And there are more, but I’ll stop now.)

  • creature

    My mother would yell at me for saying terrible (terrible!) things about Tricky Dick. I kept telling her ‘he’s a crooked goddam California Republican, mom!’. By the time Ronnie Raygunz got tapped for the role of President of the Unites States, she had seen the light. ‘Goddam Reagan!’ She would mutter, trying to not hear what she was actually saying. I must’ve had an influence.

    A good friend of mine’s father had been an ambassador to several countries, he was a pretty progressive guy, a real asset to the Foreign Service. I gave him a copy of HST’s ‘Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’72’, for a retirement present. Some time later I asked him if he had read the book. ‘Oh, yes! Such language- it was shocking!’ ‘But was it accurate, Bob, about the electoral process and the circus that it is depicted as?’ ‘Well, yes, it was spot-on! But the language, just shocking!’

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