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He don’t, he don’t, he don’t need no vibrator

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Few things amuse me like the reaction of a Very Serious Person who expects to be taken Very Seriously when people go out of their way to mock him a second time.

And that’s why I would like to shake the hand of every person who sent sex toys to the Very Serious Dickheads who are stinking up Malheur NWR.

“So we went and picked up some mail that came in from a lot of supporters,” Jon Ritzheimer says in a video posted on his Facebook page. “But along with that mail we got an abundance of hate mail.”

Not at all Mr. Ritzheimer! Those were gifts of love. I mean, how else are you going to unwind after a day of prowling the perimeter for Federal Freedoom Filchers? There’s only so many times a man can re-read the special Alex Jones version of the U.S. Constitution.

Maybe people forgot to send batteries. That would be rude.

“This one was really funny,” he grumbles. “It’s a bag of dicks.”

Oh for Pete’s sake. You all issued a desperate Send Only Snacks and now you’re going to complain about a nice bag of dicks?

“Rather than going out and doing good, they spend all their money on hate, hate, hate!” he says before pushing everything off the table.

Ingrate. He’ll feel stupid for damaging his nice new toys when this shows up.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

As an aside, I’ve given up trying to figure out the statergery regarding these cretins. They’re still doing mail runs? Maybe the sex toys are part of an elaborate plot to make them fight. Or leave them too exhausted to resist when the cops come round them up.

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