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OLDYEATS CAT

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OLDMAN CAT: WHEN I AM OLD AND GREY AND FULL OF SLEEP

SEK: You have got to be kidding me.

OLDMAN CAT: AND NODDING BY THE FIRE TAKE DOWN THIS BOOK

SEK: You are not reciting —

OLDMAN CAT: AND SLOWLY READ AND DREAM OF THE SOFT LOOK

SEK: Seriously knock it —

OLDMAN CAT: I WILL ARISE AND GO NOW AND TO INNISFREE

SEK: How do you even —

OLDMAN CAT: AND A SMALL CABIN BUILD THERE WITH CLAY WATTLES MADE

SEK: You should at least —

OLDMAN CAT: NINE BEANS WILL I HAVE THERE AND MANY BEES

SEK: That’s not even —

OLDMAN CAT: AND LIVE ALONE IN BEELAND GLAD

SEK: Now you’re just —

OLDMAN CAT: THAT I HAVE SOME PIECES THERE

SEK: What?

OLDMAN CAT: FOR I HAVE A PURPLE WINGED HUNGER

SEK: That’s not a thing.

OLDMAN CAT: AND AM LAPPING THIS CRICKET BOWL THE SHORE IS DIRTY

SEK: At least you stopped trying to —

OLDMAN CAT: SURELY I AM SOME ROUGH BEAST COME SLOUCHING

SEK: For fuck’s sake…

 

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  • fledermaus

    You’re in real trouble once he learns about T.S. Eliot and/or Andrew Loydd Weber

    • Gwen

      I would love to see OLDMAN CAT recite Burns’ ode to the wee doormousey.

    • Ken

      While skimming, for “INNISFREE” I read “INNSMOUTH” and for a moment thought he was going to start on Lovecraft – some of which would be appropriate.

  • Matt_L

    I love OLDMAN CAT. We have one at home too. Ours is a corpulent orange tabby who torments the dog in his copious free time.

  • rea

    “If the others heard me talking out loud they would think that I am crazy. But since I am not, I do not care.”
    ― Ernest Hemingway, The OLDMAN CAT and the Sea

  • Ronan

    When he is old with wandering
    Through hollow minds and silly threads,
    We will find out where he has gone,
    And rub his chin and scratch his head;
    And walk among long dappled grass,
    And purr till time and times are done,
    The slowly greying of his coat,
    The gentle sniffing of my bum.

    • Lee Rudolph

      Oh, well done, sir.

  • Vance Maverick

    Oldy Eats Cat would handle Crazy Jane nicely, I think.

    A feline can be proud and stiff
    When on love intent;
    But Love has pitched his mansion in
    The place of excrement;
    For nothing can be sole or whole
    That has not been rent.

  • Hogan

    ‘Because I am mad about sleeping
    I am mad about the laps,’
    Said that wild old wicked cat
    Who chooses where he naps.
    ‘Not to snooze on the kitchen floor,
    No hands to stroke my hair,
    That is all I cry out for
    From the hat guy in the chair.
    Catnip and a kibble-end.

  • Jake the antisoshul soshulist

    Hey, OLDMANCAT, take a look at my life
    I’m a lot like you.
    I need someone to love me the whole day though.
    Ah, take a look in my eyes and you know that’s true.

    But what do I know. Though, I do have an OldWomanCat. She has not turned into a feline dowager countess yet.
    Though that could come any day.

  • Barry Freed

    Has anyone said it? But Oldman Cat needs his own book.

    • Captain_Subtext

      I said it yesterday. I still agree :)

  • Lee Rudolph

    Oldman Cat needs his own bookYoutube channel.

  • Lee Rudolph

    A cat who had nine mortal wounds, a cat
    Violent and famous, strode among the dead.
    Eyes shone out of the shadows and were gone.

    • Captain_Subtext

      An Oldman Cat haiku! +10!

      • Vance Maverick

        +10 for the decasyllabic meter?

        • Lee Rudolph

          W.B.Y. thanks the two of you, and commends the antepenultimate poem in his Last Poems to your attention.

          • rea

            The next-to-last poem?

            • rm

              next-to-next-to-last

    • altofront

      Once, when midnight smote the air,
      Mousies ran through Hell and met
      From thoroughfare to thoroughfare,
      While that great Cat ambled by;
      And like these to rail and sweat
      Staring upon his furry thigh.

  • BigHank53

    Is there any prolonged feline encounter that doesn’t end with, “For fuck’s sake…”?

  • cpinva

    thankfully, my oldman cat sticks to politics, when he isn’t kvetching about the food dish being empty, shaking his paw at those kids on his lawn, or sleeping.

    • Lee Rudolph

      kvetching about the food dish being empty, shaking his paw at those kids on his lawn, or sleeping.

      Politics, one and all.

  • Charlie

    OLDMAN CAT JUMPS ON OPEN LAPTOP, WALKS IN CIRCLE

    OLDMAN CAT: Because I do not hope to turn again

    OLDMAN CAT WALKS IN CIRCLE

    OLDMAN CAT: Because I do not hope

    OLDMAN CAT LICKS SCREEN, WALKS IN CIRCLE

    OLDMAN CAT: Because I do not hope to turn

  • Joseph Slater

    This series is progressing from one of the best things on an excellent blogs to one of the best things on the internet, period.

  • Peterr

    I’m waiting for him to find Bobby Burns and A CAT’S a CAT For A’ That . . .

    What though on hamely fare we dine
    Wear hoddin grey, an’ a’ that
    Gie fools their silks, and knaves their wine
    A CATS’s a CAT, for a’ that
    For a’ that, an’ a’ that
    Their tinsel show an’ a’ that
    The honest CAT, though e’er sae poor
    Is king o’ men for a’ that . . .

    And then he’ll expect his whisky. Neat.

  • Lee Rudolph

    And then he’ll expect his whisky. Neat.

    Wi’ a wee sleekit bit o’ mouse-haggis beside.

  • “You are old, Father Tomcat,” the young man said,
    “And your fur has become very white;
    And yet you incessantly stand on your head—
    Do you think, at your age, it is right?”

    “In my youth,” Father Tomcat replied to his man,
    “I feared it might injure the brain;
    But now that I’m perfectly sure I have none,
    Why, I do it again and again.”

  • rm

    It’s like Garfield and Jon for literate people.

  • SEK

    Aw, you guys, you’re gonna make me blush.

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