The Only Commentary on the Democratic Debate Worth Reading

As I said during the debate, watching this garbage is a sucker’s game. Literally anything else you could be doing would be a better choice. Are there any gutters I can clean? If anything actually interesting happens, you can read about it. There is however an exception: have a press pass, get drunk, ask stupid questions of Lincoln Chafee, then file your report while still drunk and have 14,000 spelling errors in it.

I love this so much.

Hendrix at Woodstock, Reggie Jackson in the World Series, Jesus after he died and became the son of god because his supporters coudnt find his body where his murderers said he was, and Lincoln Chafee at the Democratic debate. The Dems finally have a transcendent candidate that is the spearhead of a movement that has been building in the country for decades.

Chafee stared right into that camera last night and connected with dozens of Americas when he admitted that he had no idea what was in a bill he voted for that basically gave the major banks prima nocta over your paycheck because it was his first day on the job. I stand with Governor Chafee on this point. When I started my second stint at Outback they didnt just let me handle the bloomin onion, they put me on salads or saucing up the roo balls or whatever. You cant just expect one of 100 people in the United States chosen to represnt you in the worlds most powerful law-making body to go on the job and be competent from Day 1. I blame Harry Reid for not giving him some easy no-brainer assignments like voting to give up his constitutional duty to declare war because the President said he had this one under control.

Chafees magnatism and charisma borders on almost animal-like. This man fights like a lion and makes love like adonis. Have you ever tried to run a Presidental campaign off of only $30,000? During commercal breaks he was extreme couponing for attack ads in Guam. The scrap and zeal that just oozes out of every orifice of this guy screams Oval Office.

True story- Wayne Newton strolled through the Spinroom last night and the way the women were reacting everyone thought it was Chafee strutting in. Panties flying every were.

I walked away from the debate last night honestley not knowing what any of Chafees actual positions on issues were besides the fact that he says hes never had a scandal, which is like me saying Ive never eaten a bad meal and then challenging a bunch of strangers to disprove it.

Im not a fan of political theater folks, Im a fan of political sports, and there would be no better Superbowl matchup then to see Chafee and Donald Trump square off head-to-head for three debates. Honestly I would be shocked if Trump just facetimed in for all three to avoid having to deal with Chafees masculine presents. Type of guy that would make whoever the President of China is quake in his boots.

Chafee has another star that separates him from the rest of the Democrats, not that Chafee is a Democrat and my internal Rhode Island political sources tell me that the only reason he became one is that his plutocrat wife said she was sick of funding his independent campaigns and he needed to get party support to run for governor again. He then had to drop out of the Democratic primary because he could get no traction at all with anyone in the state. But anyway, his real gold is that while governor he personally screwed over my union and took money out of my pocket because he had state negotiators bargain in bad faith with my union and agree to a contract settlement that he then rejected because he didn’t want to set a precedent he would have to follow with other state unions because he didn’t want to pay into their pensions, even though we have a 401(c)3 and are unaffected. So to me it’s personal. Or would be if he wasn’t Adonis returned to Earth.