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There is not a single one of you who couldn’t benefit from seeing this collection of advertisements for cocaine and cocaine accessories from the 1970s.

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  • wjts

    The straws and spoons made from “imported African ivory” (“…you deserve it!”) were particularly impressive.

    • The 70s were really a time of caring about others.

      • wjts

        I care about others so much I drink my beer from the hollowed-out humerus of a California condor.

      • Honoré De Ballsack

        The 70s were really a time of caring about others.

        Yeah. The whole “War On Drugs” thing seems (slightly) less ridiculous and overblown when you actually look back at the culture it was reacting to.

        • Mike Lommler

          Naturally we cracked down mostly on people who were not the target demographic of these ads.

          • weirdnoise

            Cracked is the word…

  • keta

    I can’t remember* what I hated more about coke-infested parties in the 70s – the fact that half the revelers spent the entire night together in a bedroom somewhere or the incessant crappy fucking disco shit blaring out of the speakers all evening.

    *it was drink what got me through it and drink what made me forget

    • Brautigan

      or the incessant crappy fucking disco shit blaring out of the speakers all evening

      You were going to the wrong parties.

  • Non-ironic use of “douche(r)”.

  • Reminds me of the days when Tower Records had a head shop.

    • efgoldman

      Reminds me of the days when Tower Records had a head shop.

      Reminds me of the days when Tower records existed.

      • Yeah. Tower played a pretty big role in my teens and 20’s. I actually worked at the Tower Books location in Mountain View for a while in the early 90’s. It was a low-paying (I started at $4.75/hr, though I got free health insurance), but mostly fun job, if you could avoid the manager, who was a lunatic.

      • Matt McIrvin

        The thing I remember about it was the big rack of the sort of publications that today would be crackpot websites and snarky blogs.

  • Anyone else remember the ’70s Metrecal (a hideous diet milkshake substance), I think, advert where a waiter asks two lunching ladies what they’ll have & the first answers: “I’ll have a straw” & the second says, “I’ll have a spoon”, & then they whip out their cans of the slop?

    • Don’t remember that one, but as long as we’re mentioning 70’s TV commercials, there’s

      “My broker is EF Hutton, and EF Hutton says…”

      • DW

        “When EF Hutton snorts, people listen.”

    • Redwood Rhiadra

      That seems to be coming back (as Soylent…)

  • DW

    Say what you will about the ’70’s, but that “Heroin Reconsidered” article was probably more intellectually honest than any of today’s “John Bolton Reconsidered” articles are.

  • efgoldman

    I started fifteen years of overnight radio in ’77. The assistant engineer would come in to “check on things” between 1:00 and 2:00am, often with a friend. Then he (or they) would go into the engineering office and do lines of coke. They never bothered me, and I didn’t participate, but if anyone else had come in, I’d probably have been fired, too; my name was on the logs.
    The owner’s son, who had some kind of ceremonial title, kept trying to catch the guy, too, but never did.

    • Sometime in the early ’80s the program director at KGFJ in Los Angeles told me he didn’t care if the overnight guys smoked reefer in the studio or offices but the insurance company got pissy about it.

  • Dr. Ronnie James, DO

    In the ’90s, I remember visiting a friend’s furnished rental in one of the tackier corners of LA County and marveling at the old mirror-topped coffee table that featured three diagonal 6″ grooves carved up the center…yes: coke *furniture*!

    Also, did the use of the phrase “cocaine and cocaine accessories” mean to evoke Hank Hill? Because that’s funny.

  • Murc

    King of the Hill would have been a very different show if Hank Hill had been selling cocaine and cocaine accessories, I’ll tell you what.


  • Ktotwf

    Oh, the foolish days of yore when being rich enough to do mountains of cocaine and get away with it was considered ”cool.”

  • Malaclypse

    Kids today don’t know you have it. Back in my day, we had to wait 4-6 weeks for delivery, and that was when we were not allowing 6-8 weeks.

  • Wet fingers?

    …the horror…,the horror…

  • prufrock

    I must miss Mad Men, because I keep picturing Don Draper coming up with the tag lines for some of these ads.

    • Crusty

      I’m picturing Don doing lines off his desk had Mad Men gone on for a few more seasons. Maybe Peggy telling him he’s got white powder all over his nose before he goes into a pitch.

  • Is that Charlene from Designing Women?

  • heckblazer

    On a related note, here’s some propmasters discussing how to realistically simulate cocaine (occasionally, it isn’t a simulation…).

    Passing off fake cocaine as real cocaine—or, in the case of “going hot,” passing off real cocaine as fake cocaine as real cocaine—can be nearly as elaborate and convoluted an exercise as trafficking in the real thing the old-fashioned way.

  • DrDick

    More reasons I have no desire to return to the 70s.

  • Crusty

    Can someone explain the wet fingers problem to me- I was a baby in the 70’s.

    I mean, I can imagine that wet fingers and powder don’t mix, but why would your fingers be wet? And why do you have to douche your nose?

    • Malaclypse

      The powder sticks in your nostrils. That hurts, plus wastes a large amount of the drug. So after doing a line, you would dip your fingers in water, tilt your head backwards, place your dripping fingers near your nostrils, and sniff. That would pull the powder down, along with the nastiest taste you can imagine.

      Fucking glamorous, I tell you what.

  • osceola

    Remember when McDonalds stopped providing those little coffee spoons?

    In my college town, a pizzeria used to sell an alligator clip attached to a retractable antenna that they explained was a tool to help you light your pilot light. So you could order a pizza AND get a roach clip! This was the early ’80s.

    • William Berry

      Ah, yes, the old “extendo clip”. Great for a large van with lots of “passengers”.

    • creature

      The McDonalds’ spoon was a recognised standard measurement for small quantities of heroin. A ‘Mac’ was a $10 bag, 3 ‘Macs’ were a quarter-bag ($25), this was northeast Ohio, ’70’s. It threw the whole dope industry into a panic when they stopped dispensing those ‘coffee spoons’. Ah, the ‘good ole daze!’

  • creature

    I got clean in early ’79, but I hated the taste of any powder-type drugs. The only way I found to not have the hassle of cocaine, heroin or methamphetamine assaulting your throat, was intravenous application. I did, however, find that not all encapsulated drugs were soluble, or compatible with human circulatory systems. On another note, I was told by my doctor, last week, that my Hepatitis C treatment was effective- this time. The first treatment nearly killed me, ten years ago. I barely remember the ’70’s- and what I do recall is either very humorous, or very tragic. These ads are like some sort of bizarre acid flashback (and those are bizarre, anyway).

    • Schadenboner

      I don’t know you, so you know, well-wishes from a stranger. But I’m glad you were able to get clean and that your hep-c is under control.

  • Dennis Orphen

    If you can’t get the real thing….

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