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Impressionist Review of “Interstellar”

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  • Shot of a cornfield
  • Shot of dust storm
  • Secret NASA hideout located near farm. Convenient!
  • Look, it’s Michael Caine
  • Oh, Matthew McConaughey’s character used to be an astronaut. Convenient!
  • That robot is chunky and clunky
  • Anne Hathaway’s hair is short
  • Shot of Earth from space
  • Matthew McConaughey is crying attractively
  • Boring conversation
  • Matthew McConaughey is crying attractively
  • Relativity is an a-hole ‘cuz McConaughey’s daughter is now being played by Jessica Chastain
  • Holy crap, it’s a Casey Affleck sighting
  • OMG, is McConaughey crying again?
  • Shot of Earth from space
  • Oh, hey, here’s a cool fucking planet. Let’s spend 5 minutes there then get back to shots of Earth from space and corn fields
  • I’ll be damned: It’s Matt Damon
  • Corn fields, dust storms
  • Close-up of Jessica Chastain looking concerned
  • Topher Fucking Grace?
  • Something about gravity, another dimension
  • Dust
  • Oh, hey, Matthew McConaughey is in some other dimension instead of exploring a cool new planet, moving dust around and being a time-traveling ghost
  • Oh, hai, “Contact.” what are you doing here?  Why do you seem so familiar? Are you my dust-Morse-Code ghost?
  • Matthew McConaughey is crying again.

The End.

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