Impressionist Review of “Interstellar”
- Shot of a cornfield
- Shot of dust storm
- Secret NASA hideout located near farm. Convenient!
- Look, it’s Michael Caine
- Oh, Matthew McConaughey’s character used to be an astronaut. Convenient!
- That robot is chunky and clunky
- Anne Hathaway’s hair is short
- Shot of Earth from space
- Matthew McConaughey is crying attractively
- Boring conversation
- Matthew McConaughey is crying attractively
- Relativity is an a-hole ‘cuz McConaughey’s daughter is now being played by Jessica Chastain
- Holy crap, it’s a Casey Affleck sighting
- OMG, is McConaughey crying again?
- Shot of Earth from space
- Oh, hey, here’s a cool fucking planet. Let’s spend 5 minutes there then get back to shots of Earth from space and corn fields
- I’ll be damned: It’s Matt Damon
- Corn fields, dust storms
- Close-up of Jessica Chastain looking concerned
- Topher Fucking Grace?
- Something about gravity, another dimension
- Dust
- Oh, hey, Matthew McConaughey is in some other dimension instead of exploring a cool new planet, moving dust around and being a time-traveling ghost
- Oh, hai, “Contact.” what are you doing here? Why do you seem so familiar? Are you my dust-Morse-Code ghost?
- Matthew McConaughey is crying again.
The End.