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Stringer Bond

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If North Korea hacking Sony e-mails actually leads to Idris Elba playing James Bond, it will be that country’s greatest gift to humanity.

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  • Mayur

    No. Please no.

    I really don’t want to have to see Idris Elba as a thoroughly unsympathetic character.

    • I highly recommend you never watch The Wire then.

      • runsinbackground

        Stringer may be an asshole, but he’s an asshole with recognizable motivations; James Bond is a robot with a Walther PPK where his penis should be.

        • calling all toasters

          His penis should be shooting megalomaniacal would-be terrorists?

          • Unemployed_Northeastern

            In the inevitable porn parodies, I suppose. Ass-ino Royale, Quantum of S****a, Spermfall, etc.

            Hopefully the real porn parodies have better names than that.

        • Sprezzatura

          So when his penis is not in his hand it should be in a holster under his arm?

          • Barry Freed

            Nymfail fixed.

      • Mayur

        Yeah; I should have been clearer but I was +5 when I posted.

        I meant “unsympathetic without nuance.” Stringer Bell is a great character even though he’s a bastard. Bond is, as runsinbackground says, kinda robotic.

        • efgoldman

          I was +5 when I posted.

          Before noon? Hell of a weekend.

          • Mayur

            11:41 PM, old sport. PM.

            • Warren Terra

              It’s five o’clock before noon somewhere.

    • I don’t even know if he could play a character like that. Even when he’s playing villains or hardasses, there’s a warmth and humor that exudes from him and makes you want to see more of him. As opposed to Daniel Craig, who has been a great Bond precisely because he’s such a cold fish that all his attempts to be suave and charming come off as creepy.

      • Crusty

        I missed the warmth and humor of Stringer Bell. So did Omar, Brandon and D’Angelo.

        Where’s Wallace!

        • Pseudonym

          …is you taking notes on a criminal fucking conspiracy?

      • JL

        Bond’s personality has always varied a bit depending on who’s playing him, and I’d love to see what Elba would bring to the role that was different. He doesn’t need to be another Craig.

        • GoDeep

          First a blond Bond, now a black Bond, I think I like this 21st Century! I now I’ll be going to a lot more Bond flicks!

  • Warren Terra

    I love Idris Elba, and it’s great to see him getting attention and studios wanting to make big-budget films around him.

    But: Bond? Such a boring character. Even the most recent incarnation, which is far more bearable than the unruffled smoothies of the past, is basically a plastic mannequin ear which things explode and from which Q’s toys deploy. It may be accurate to Fleming’s writing for Bond to be a nearly emotionless, damaged killer, but that doesn’t make it fun to watch.

    Spend the money on Elba, yes please, but with him doing something worthy of his talents, not copping off with the latest “Bond Girl”.

    • Barry Freed

      I find it depends who’s playing him. I wouldn’t want to see him do it for 5 or 6 or more films, it would be a tremendous waste of his talents. But to see Elba as Bond for a 2 or 3 films would be incredible.

  • calling all toasters

    My dream of Bobcat Goldthwait as Bond grows more remote with each passing year.

  • Ruth Wilson as Bond. Idris Elba as a Bond boy.

    You heard it here first.

    • wjts

      Ruth Buzzi as Bond. Idris Elba as Moneypenny.

      • FridayNext

        Can Garfunkel and Oates do the sure-to-be-Oscar-nominated theme song for that one?

  • DocAmazing

    I’ve always wanted to see a working-class, up-through-the-ranks Bond–think Jason Statham. Of course, that would make Ian Fleming revolve in his tomb.

    • Isn’t that Daniel Craig’s Bond? Well, that house in Scotland wasn’t exactly working-class. But he was up through the ranks.

      • Murc

        I always got the impression that Craig’s Bond was “up through the ranks” in the same way that the Ivy League boys from well-heeled families who were recruited to form the CIA after WWII rose “up through the ranks.” Sure, it’s technically true, but it missed the point.

    • JL

      Since the Bond character is in part about masculinity (and sleeping with a lot of women), I would personally love to see Bond as a stone butch lesbian or a trans man – someone who wasn’t born under the assumption that they were entitled to masculinity, but has seized it anyway. Probably even less likely than your version.

      Or, a bisexual Bond. Think of the possibilities for on-screen pairings and eye-candy if we could have Bond Boys as well as Bond Girls.

    • Unemployed_Northeastern

      Statham has acting issues and is about 5’6″ in real life; doesn’t make for the most formidable Bond. If we are nominating English B-movie actors, I have to go with Scott Adkins, who can do the emotionless killer thing quite well and is one of the best martial arts actors working today; the equivalent of Tony Jaa, Iko Uwais, Michael Jai White, or Marko Zaror.

      Examples: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shAsNVbbFgI, and especially https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbI_04n3lLU

      Rumor has it he was the #2 choice to be Batman in the upcoming Batman v. Superman movie.

  • Ken

    If he does play Bond, I will consider it marking time until he becomes the Fifteenth Doctor.

    (Plus it should be fun watching the heads explode. “Bond is white, like Santa Claus and Jesus! And Rue and Thresh!”)

    • FridayNext

      You forgot Annie and Heimdall.

      But yes. Watching all the right heads explode is pretty much why I heartily endorse this casting.

      • efgoldman

        Watching all the right heads explode is pretty much why I heartily endorse this casting.

        I haven’t watched a Bond movie since the original Goldfinger was in theaters, but anything that makes heads explode is fine with me.

    • wjts

      If he does play Bond, I will consider it marking time until he becomes the Fifteenth Doctor.

      Idris Elba ranks immediately behind Ricky Gervais on my list of Vaguely Plausibly Hypothetical Doctors Who Would Be Awful.

      • Manny Kant

        Yeah. I like Idris Elba a lot, but I don’t think he’d work as the Doctor. Paterson Joseph is, I believe, your approved choice for Black Doctor.

        • Barry Freed

          Lennie James.

          • wjts

            Yes.

        • wjts

          I do think Paterson Joseph would make a good Doctor (and part of me hopes that if he’s ever cast in the role, his costume will be khakis and a t-shirt that says “I Am From Space“). I could also see Lenny Henry in the part. Honestly, though, I prefer to see actors I’m not familiar with as the Doctor so I can be surprised.

    • Dennis Orphen

      If Elba plays the Doctor, Pertwee might finally have some real competition for the best one.

      • wjts

        What color is the sky in your bizarro universe?

        • Dennis Orphen

          The same shade of blue as my favorite ruffled cuff shirt.

  • Murc

    Let’s not even ignore the most head-explodey part of it, which would be that his Bond girl would probably (and should) be super lily-white. You’d get the drawers of a lot of people who frightened in their souls about black masculinity in a hell of a knot.

  • Owlbear1

    They need to do a Star Trek/Bond crossover. Have a new Kirk, Spock and crew sling-shot around the Sun to help James Bond save Earth from Biological devastation.

    Should see if we can get Matt Winston as the bad guy who must be stopped from releasing bacteria that eat all forms of plastic.

  • bobbo1

    I love me some Daniel Craig:

    “I’ve been trying to get out of this from the very moment I got into it. But they won’t let me go, and I’ve agreed to do a couple more, but let’s see how this one does, because business is business and if the shit goes down, I’ve got a contract that somebody will happily wipe their ass with.”

    • efgoldman

      I’ve got a contract that somebody will happily wipe their ass with.

      Was it Craig who said that, or Alex Rodriguez?

  • Buckeye623

    I don’t think it was NK.

    I’m in the camp of a false flag operation designed to ram thru passage of something corporate-friendly. Or to promote a movie with less humor than Dumb And Dumberest.

    Nation-states that commit espionage don’t want to be flagrant. Also, the highest NK tech schools don’t know the internet exists… so it wouldn’t have been home-grown.

    Also, Sony is a Japanese company, not American… so how is it a US issue?

    • Dennis Orphen

      As I have suggested before, the real culprit is China.

  • thetimtimes

    I do not think it would be incorrect to note that we had more “proof” of WMD’s in Iraq than we have for the hacking of Sony by the North Koreans. How easily a trope can be manufactured. Enjoy.

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