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A Conservative Halloween

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Conservatives are such fun people. They can’t let a holiday go without turning it into part of the culture war. The American Spectator clearly planned this one for awhile:

Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, and Michael Myers kill kids rushing to become adults. Is it too much to ask of the ghoulish trio to apply their talents toward adults rushing to become kids?

The grownups who have decimated the ranks of trick-or-treaters by aborting 10 million of them in the last decade offer penance for their sins against Halloween by dressing up in place of the missing children. The National Retail Federation estimates that adults will spend $1.4 billion on their own Halloween costumes this year. That’s $1.4 billion that they could have spent on man-cave clubhouses, a huge birthday party, a collection of Care Bears, or some other pastime recently favored by adults.

Whining about adults spending money on costumes instead of doing what Real Americans are supposed to do–breed and raise new conservatives–is the height of how to connect with the broader public.

Meanwhile, this does not make sense:

Society appears beset by myriad identity disorders and too eager to label the clear-headed confused. A recent story highlighted the alleged racial confusion of well-mannered, well-spoken, well-educated Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson. Men now dress up earnestly as Milton Berle once did for laughs. But age, not race or sex, plays as the role that confuses the culture most.

But the real problem is, of course, abortion. Because we kill all our fetuses, we have to compensate by staying children ourselves. Or something:

The decimation of the ranks of children leaves us with fewer kids and more adult imitators. The lucky ones protected in the womb grow up overprotected outside of it. An adult-surveilled childhood responsible for structured playdates, chauffeured trips to school, and digital babysitters shielding youngsters from the fresh air may also be responsible for the delayed childhoods of adults earlier denied them. It’s also hard to not conclude that a society mired in gadgets and amusements quite naturally favors frivolity. And marriage, an institution known to quickly mature its partners, elicits more “I don’ts” than ever.

Surely the National Parent sets a bad example here. Pajama Boy, that cradle-to-grave sponge “Julia,” and the health-care act regarding 26-year-olds as dependents entitled to coverage from their parents’ insurance plans all recast adolescence long beyond its biological boundaries—25 is the new 12.

Yes, nothing shows the depravity of our abortion culture like allowing 25 year olds to have health insurance!

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  • mpowell

    This is quite an impressive piece of performance art, don’t you agree?

    • J. Otto Pohl

      If you take out the part about abortion it actually is a fairly interesting piece about the extension of adolescence later and later into life. This has been written about before. But, it certainly seems that in the last several decades that full adulthood in terms of responsibilites have been pushed into the 20s and 30s. I am of course part of this generalized phenomenon. My father was in his twenties when I was born. My daughter was born when I was nearly 40.

      • Aimai

        You weren’t an adolescent that entire time. People who couldnt afford children always delayed reproduction where they could, as long as they could, and worked hard with adult responsibilities until then.

        • J. Otto Pohl

          Everything in my life actually came pretty late. Looking back it seems like I spent a big chunk of my 20s being irresponsible. Whereas my parents did not.

          • NonyNony

            Not saying this is true of your parents, but many of my friends parents (and possibly mine too – I’ve never gotten the details and my parents aren’t really open about asking) had a small bit of irresponsibility in their late teens / early 20s and then had to eschew other irresponsible behavior because of it.

            • J. Otto Pohl

              My parents were married two years before I was born. My daughter was born four years before I finally managed to legalize my marriage with the ZAGs office on Sovetskaya.

              • Aimai

                I didn’t get married until 35, had my first child at 36, but I certainly wasn’t “irresponsible” during the earlier years. I worked, studied, and lived by myself. I fail to see what is irresponsible or juvenile about any of that. Adult life doesn’t begin with a mortgage and a fertilized egg.

                • J. Otto Pohl

                  No, but I am not referring to you, but rather myself. A mortgage is one thing that I will never be able to have due to my youthful irresponsiblity. I declared bankruptcy 14 years ago. I am sure there are lots of people responsible in their 20s. But, there are also I think a larger number of people like myself among my generation (X) then there were among my parents’ generation (silent).

                • DrDick

                  My mother was 29 when she married and I was born when she was 31. She was a teetotaler and fairly conventional.

                • Aimai

                  Yeah–no. Class issues, race issues. Every Generation included plenty of irresponsible men who abandoned the families they did have and took off. It also included women who had children before they wanted to because of the lack of availability of birth control. The ability to save up and gain access to assets and a comfortable, secure, living from which to support a family was an artifact of the post war years in the US and as that has declined thanks to the slow strangulation of the middle class people are no longer able to support families at a young age. This just has nothing to do with who is “irresponsible” and who is “responsible” it is largely structural.

                • DrDick

                  Aimai –

                  My grandmother (born 1904), who grew up poor and was from a poor family, had an aunt who had an illegitimate son and an older brother by an unspecified “previous marriage” (a common usage among women of the period who subsequently married and made themselves respectable).

              • PSP

                J Otto

                FYI. A bankruptcy 14 years ago won’t even appear on your credit report anymore. If you come back and can’t get a mortgage, that isn’t the reason.

                • J. Otto Pohl

                  Nothing else will show up on my credit report either since I have taken out zero debt since then. I have not even had a credit card.

          • efgoldman

            Looking back it seems like I spent a big chunk of my 20s being irresponsible. Whereas my parents did not.

            Jotto, I’m pretty sure you’re considerably younger than I. I’m a barely pre-boomer (1945). For my cohort and the boomers, the formative years of our parents’ lives were the Great Depression and WW2. Of course they were forced to assume adult responsibilities earlier in life. Hardly a mystery.

            • Vance Maverick

              Thus, by the principles of Donner Party conservatism, doth misery inculcate virtue. Kids these days have it too easy, etc.

              I wouldn’t harp on this except that there’s a grain of truth to it. But the misery, of course, also and more seriously brings misery.

        • DrDick

          Average age at marriage in early Puritan New England was 30 for men and 25 for women.

          • Aimai

            Right–I was thinking about that. I believe that in the 17th century delayed marriage for people without property was the norm.

            • DrDick

              Exactly. The men had to wait until their fathers retired and they could inherit the farm to support a wife.

            • Warren Terra

              Until recent times it was common in many places for the wedding only to take place once the husband could afford to support a wife – and the wife in question was often a decade or two younger than the husband. All very transactional.

          • Ann Outhouse

            I believe similar figures were true for Good Catholic Ireland well into the 20th century. Unable to find link to data, however.

            • DrDick

              IIRC, you are right.

            • Ronan

              Timothy Guinnane wrote a book ‘the vanishing irish’ which, IIRC (and it’s been a while so I probably havent), argued that the Irish high rates of celibacy and non marriage from the end of the famine until 1914 could best be explained by the relative prosperity of the time (the famine killed off the itinerant labourer class leaving more political power among tenant farmers and the land acts made tenacies more secure and valuable. Added to this greater economic development in Ireland and a more responsive westminster , and ramped up emigration and changes in the structure of land ownership – as opportunities developed internationally for the sons who didnt inherit the farm (and daughters, though they were never going to) – meant that greater economic security weakened the need to marry)
              It’s an argument very microeconomically made, though interesting (admittedly I doubt Ive done it justice as I read the book years ago, when I was young and callow and irresponsible)

      • KmCO

        From a developmental standpoint, full adulthood doesn’t begin until approximately age 25. The days of considering 18-20-year-olds as adults are rightfully over.

        • AlanInSF

          As parent of 25-year-olds, couldn’t agree more. And yet, having not too long ago read War & Peace (Yay me!) — Twenty-year-olds were officers in the Russian Army. Weird. Back in my high school days in the South, wasn’t uncommon for kids to drop out of high school at 16 and get married.

          • Weren’t midshipmen in the Napoleonic-era British Navy often in their teens?

            • DrDick

              Early teens (14ish IIRC).

        • JL

          Bleh. I’m waiting for some jackass Republican to use this line of reasoning to argue that mostly-liberal 18-24 year olds should be denied the vote. I’ve already seen way too many obnoxious parents of college students use it to justify horrible invasive behavior toward their kids (like using financial blackmail to force them to major in “marketable” fields, live in the parents’ preferred dorms, call the parents to check in every day, etc).

          • Hogan

            “You owe me your life!”

            “So it was just a loan?”

          • KmCO

            Ah yes, the “parents as bosses” phenomenon, with kids being treated as their employees: “You have to earn your worth in my eyes.”

          • KmCO

            Legal adulthood and developmental adulthood are entirely different things. Secondary schooling ends roughly at 18, the age at which kids often leave their home of origin for the first time, so it follows that they begin experiencing civic rights and responsibilities at this age. But it’s also a fact that their brains are not fully mature until around 25, so to expect them to begin settling down, getting married, and having kids at this age is absurd and frankly a bit dangerous.

            • weirdnoise

              I’m hoping that my brain doesn’t fully mature until 75. Sure hasn’t happened so far (I’m 60).

      • Otto has a point that America glorifies youth. As does Europe, if Houllebecq is to be taken seriously.

        But damn, what a crazy article. Anyone noticed a child shortage? I haven’t.

        • AlanInSF

          And please to note that “entitled to coverage from their parents’ insurance plans” means “can buy it, with money.” Because they still live at home with their parents, thanks to conservative opposition to labor unions and minimum wage increases.

        • There is a coming shortage of children of the right hue.

          • weirdnoise

            Do you mean “right” or “Right?”

      • Emily68

        The extension of adolescence has something to do with the boomers. I remember in ~1965, when I was 15, thinking that in just a few years I’d have to stop listening to rock and roll and listen to boring music instead, like my parents. But it turns out I was wrong. And we didn’t have to stop wearing costumes on Halloween, either. But instead of trick-or-treating, we just wore them to work.

        • Aimai

          I don’t understand the freak out over Halloween Costumes and parties for adults. Has no one read any cultural histories of the US after WWII–or, fuck, before that? Luau Parties, Moon Shot parties–there were all kinds of parties given to express novel ideas and to permit adults to dance and drink in their homes with “exotic” themes, locales, and foods. Post war homes built with “rec rooms” and bars were built around the idea that married couples celebrated and drank together–that hospitality included neighbors and not just family members.

          • lizzie

            Yeah, good point. I was thinking about this too. I mean, hell, what about masquerade balls? Dressing up in costume to party has been an adult thing for a long time.

          • Ann Outhouse

            I think the freakout was really about white women having abortions. The rest is salad dressing.

            • BruceJ

              word-salad dressing

            • That’s not mayonnaise.

              • efgoldman

                That’s not mayonnaise.

                Nor ketchup neither.

          • Bitter Scribe

            I remember writing a “Halloween is now for adults” article for the newspaper I was then working for. “Then” was about 1987.

            • Vance Maverick

              I was surprised on entering college in 1982 to find my classmates celebrated Halloween. Either it was an early ripple effect of gay culture, or I was simply out of touch. (Or both!)

          • KarenJo12

            For that matter, have they ever read anything about aristocrats in the 18th, 19th, and early 20th centuries? I just finished a book about the Congress of Vienna, which mentioned that the Congress was known much more for its parties and illicit love affairs than for actually accomplishing anything.

            • Aimai

              The very idea that having children affects the behavior of adults is a very late American bourgeouis notion. English Aristocrats and french and Russian–such as the ones dancing the night away at teh Congress of Vienna–didn’t have the slightest concern for their behavior or how it affected “the children” since children were being taken care of by nannies far, far, away from the action. The idea that marriage is about settling down and living by and through your children is an anachronism of the highest order.

              • weirdnoise

                I think it has a lot to do with social class.

        • guthrie

          That’s what I’ve noticed though, is that as an adult you can carry on doing things you did as a teenager. In fact lots of adults I know who are in their 50’s or 60’s will make dirty jokes or comments or do various adolescent things, albeit with the syntax and grammar of an adult.
          But that has nothing to do with still being or thinking like a teenager, and a lot to do with lower social pressure to conform and be polite etc.

      • SatanicPanic

        This is one of the most who cares? subjects I can imagine. Is this a bad thing? Why? If anything young adults are better today than they have been at any point in history.

        • DrDick

          It is about adults having fun. Conservatives hate having fun and define adulthood as the time when you can no longer have fun. Fuck ’em is what I say.

      • Origami Isopod

        I would like to forever stop seeing marriage, parenthood, and acquisition of property listed as must-haves for “full adulthood in terms of responsibilities.” I neither have nor want kids. I am not married, nor do I aim to ever be. I am an adult. Society can fucking well deal with it.

        • KmCO

          I think I love you.

        • Vance Maverick

          I’ve got those three things, but not full adulthood. Who can I sue?

          • Me too, which is why I agree with OI.

          • tsam

            I don’t see any patches on the elbows of your tweed jacket. Your adulthood application is regrettably declined.

            • efgoldman

              Your adulthood application is regrettably declined.

              Can I give back this goddamned onion I’ve been carrying on my belt for years?

  • I didn’t realize we were running out of people.

    • MAJeff

      I didn’t realize we were running out of people.

      Well, for those on the right, it’s not that we’re running out of people, but that we’re running out of white people.

      • DrDick

        More importantly, we are running out of conservative white people.

        • Randy

          That is the “logic” of the quiverfull people. Keep poppin’ babies, and eventually, we will take our country back!

          • MAJeff

            Keep poppin’ babies, and eventually, we will take our country back!

            Until then…Reality Show!

          • Ann Outhouse

            The phrase “quantity vs quality” keeps popping into my head.

            • Origami Isopod

              Feature, not bug, for that set.

    • KmCO

      Two years ago the cultural right was having a collective panic attack over the stats that birth rates were at a record low in the United States. I personally think that anyone who does not interpret lower birth rates as an unqualified good thing can be at least partly characterized as one or more of the following : 1) someone who genuinely does not realize that increasing numbers of people on the planet will be deadly for the planet and all its life forms, 2) someone who genuinely does not care that increasing numbers of people on the planet will be deadly for the planet and all its life forms, 3) someone who is wedded to an authoritarian “duties and roles” framework and believes that it’s the obligation of all to procreate regardless of whether that is feasible or desirable for every individual, 4) someone who can’t stand the idea of women having lives apart from their reproductive potential.

      • Aimai

        These are the same people who look a the empty red counties throughout the country and think that those red empty spaces should/could filll up with gainfully employed people even though the local economy simply doesn’t support it.

        • DrDick

          Americans have been fleeing rural areas for the cities for over a century, because there were no jobs and farming sucks.

          • J. Otto Pohl

            Everybody in the world has been fleeing rural areas for cities for centuries now because farming sucks.

            • Origami Isopod

              Millennia, really.

              • rea

                Cato the Elder disapproved of it.

          • carolannie

            I would think it is more like: farming has been structured so that it is impossible to make a living at it, and there is a finite amount of farmable land that is not infinitely divisible amongst heirs,so people have been fleeing to cities, where jobs can be created and sustained by the creation and circulation of currency or money or whatever system you have. I know many people who would like to grow food but cannot due to the lack of farm land, the lack of support for small and truck farming, the lack of support for those who would grow food even if they didn’t run the farm. Farming doesn’t have to suck, but hey! Let’s make it suck! Right along with jobs in data entry and fast food joints.

            • DrDick

              Pretty much spot on. Mechanization and the advent of factory farming has made it largely unfeasible for small holders. This is particularly true in the developed world, but also increasingly so in the developing world.

              • Morat

                But even before mechanization, the land restrictions were killer. One heir got to be the farmer, one daughter got to marry another farmer, everyone else had to go do something else. Maybe one or two of them can become farmers from land either newly cleared or conquered from someone else (which also kills some potential heirs), but that’s it. Alternatively, you get a generation or two of division of the land among the heirs, and suddenly nobody can support a family. Or dear old Dad gets into debt and sells the farm, and then everyone has to find a new line of work.

                • DrDick

                  To a large extent in the US, that is what drove westward expansion.

                • Morat

                  Sure, along with expansions going back for millennia. But mechanization and the spread of markets only exacerbated the existing fact that most children of farmers have always had to do something else (and that something else has frequently been “die”). Occasionally there’s a brief respite as, e.g. the existing population of an area is displaced or wiped out, but of course that means that instead those people’s heirs don’t get to be farmers, and have to do something else.

                  I mean, heck, the feudal farming system in England started really falling apart in the 1500s, way before mechanization or modern agribusiness. Not coincidentally, that was pretty much when the population finally recovered to the level it was in 1300. Hundreds of farming villages were just abandoned as the landowners converted to raising sheep, leaving the farmers legally criminals (no job + no home = vagrant).

            • Origami Isopod

              Farming doesn’t have to suck

              If people wish to start and run small farms, by all means they should. That said, even with modern technology, it’s outdoor labor, and it’s subject to the strictures and whims of the environment. I don’t think farming’s suckitude is talked up as much as farming is romanticized.

      • CaptainBringdown

        I personally think that anyone who does not interpret lower birth rates as an unqualified good thing can be at least partly characterized as one or more of the following …

        When the working age population declines relative to the retirement age population, paying for Social Security, Medicare, etc. gets a lot more difficult.

        • Hogan

          Actually what makes it difficult to pay for those programs is most people’s wages staying essentially flat for thirty or so years, even while productivity is going up. The money is there; it’s just not going to people who pay FICA and Medicare taxes.

          • Malaclypse

            This. We have a distribution problem, not a size-of-workforce problem.

          • CaptainBringdown

            I don’t dispute that, but a declining working age population would further exacerbate the problem.

            I agree w/KmCO that there is upside to a declining population. I disagree that it’s an “unqualified good.”

            • Aimai

              But we don’t have a declining working age population–we have a declining number of jobs for a population that could expand, almost infinitely, given the number of people who want to move and live here. In fact some of those people would be an enormous net gain to us since we didn’t have to pay to educate them and they are just as educated, or more, than our own work force.

            • Hogan

              When we get down to Japan/Italy levels of fertility (or, God help us, Hungary) for a sustained period and don’t replace that with immigration, that will start to be a problem. We’re not there yet.

              • DrDick

                Not even close, really.

            • Origami Isopod

              More cannon fodder! More wage slaves!

              • More consumers to buy crap!

          • DrDick

            And more of the income is going to people whose income is already over the payroll tax cap and does not get taxed.

            • rea

              And you know, Dr. Dick, the population of the country is twice what it was when you and I were kids.

              • DrDick

                Probably,

        • Aimai

          Immigrants do those jobs and could pay into that tax base. You certainly don’t need home grown babies to pay for our senior citizens.

          • CaptainBringdown

            I agree with this too.

            But in order to allow more immigration or get the rich to pay their fair share of taxes, we’ll need our political system to make that happen. Which I hope it does! I’m not betting the farm on it, though.

            • Hogan

              Our chances are marginally better if we don’t allow “NEED MOAR BABEEZ” to become the official diagnosis for SS and Medicare’s possible future shortfalls.

        • This is only true because our whole economy is built on the premise that endless growth is desirable and endlessly sustainable. All we have to do is re-engineer the US and world economy and we’ll be just fine.

          Summary: We’re boned.

          • Origami Isopod

            I am not a fan of Edward Abbey, but I do like his aphorism that unlimited growth is the creed of the cancer cell.

    • AlanInSF

      I’m confused — wouldn’t those ten million children be healthcare-grubbing moochers? Or is it that Jesus wants us to birth them first, and then let them die?

    • Couldn’t we just import more people from Mexico? What … where are you going?

  • sleepyirv

    As a young person, why would I prefer being an asshole writing mean-spirited things about a generation I have little to no contact with?

    • carolannie

      A lot of young people are doing just that. Writing mean things about their grandparents taking all the goodies and leaving them bereft. Of course the young’uns are unaware that their grandparents have to work longer and harder to keep alive.

      • Origami Isopod

        Excuse me? The “young’uns” can’t get any fucking jobs, and a lot of their grandparents are teabagging assholes who think that because THEY had a job and a mortgage at age 20, so should the millennials, otherwise they’re a bunch of whiny slackers.

        • #notallgrandparents

      • Aimai

        Aren’t these the grandparents who buy those bumper stickers for their cars saying “I’m spending my grandchildren’s inheritance?”

  • lizzie

    I’m done with listening to people whining about adults enjoying harmless and perfectly legal pastimes that are culturally coded as being for children or adolescents. Any culture that sees it as normal to watch adults wearing tight pants run around after a ball has no business hectoring me about liking Harry Potter or whatever.

    ETA: OMG the derp about abortion. Shut up already. Jesus.

    • KmCO

      You’ve really expressed all that needs to be said about this latest example of handwringing and imperious moralism.

    • Origami Isopod

      Any culture that sees it as normal to watch adults wearing tight pants run around after a ball

      Yep. Sports = just another fandom, or set of fandoms, no better or worse than LARPing or writing fanfic.

      Though at first I misread you and imagined adults at a costume ball, wearing tight clothing.

    • tsam

      Until we get to ketchup or vodka, then all bets are off, see?

      • JL

        I could see ketchup perhaps, but I missed vodka becoming “culturally coded as being for children or adolescents.”

        • JustRuss

          Well, in my experience, adolescents prefer their alcohol to be flavorless so it can be easily smothered by their mixer of choice so…..vodka it is!

          • JMP

            In my experience, young people also often don’t have much money and so prefer alcohol that is as cheap as possible, even if the taste is horrible, thus the popularity of vodka and Pabst Blue Ribbon among the college set.

  • Incontinentia Buttocks

    Is “Sexy Unborn Child” a popular costume in wingnut circles?

    • DrDick

      Somebody is trying to win the internets today.

      • Costume now available at your local Victoria’s Fetus outlet.

    • Origami Isopod

      It depends on how authentic you want to get. Some hosts don’t appreciate you dripping on their carpets, the killjoys.

  • joe from Lowell

    That piece is a cry for help. I’m worried about Daniel J. Flynn.

    Society appears beset by myriad identity disorders and too eager to label the clear-headed confused.

    This person is not well.

    • joe from Lowell

      I mean, the guy includes Necco Wafers on his list of bad candy. Something is clearly wrong with this person.

      • Lee Rudolph

        Necco Wafers, the piezoelectric candy!

      • Origami Isopod

        No, that’s an example of a stopped clock being right twice a day. Necco Wafers are what you hand out tonight to the teenagers who show up on your doorstep without costumes. Unless you have cans of herring in the basement you wanted to get rid of.

        • Tyto

          Does it matter whether it’s Bismarck or Matjes?

          • nixnutz

            I’ll totally trade you all my Hersheys miniatures for a rollmop. I might even throw in a Knusperflakes Ritter Sport.

        • Necco Wafers are zombie SweeTarts. Soulless monsters that vaguely resemble what they once were.

          • Aimai

            This explains a lot.

      • efgoldman

        I mean, the guy includes Necco Wafers on his list of bad candy.

        Well, the black ones are awful. The fact that my father in law liked them is more about him than the candy.
        OTOH, when I was a kid, you couldn’t by a package of all-chocolate, which shows you that our society is capable of advancement.

    • tsam

      Isn’t that your typical “everyone is crazy except me and whoever I say isn’t crazy” BS? I don’t think he’s any more sick than the rest of the right wingers.

      • joe from Lowell

        No, not really. I’ve read people arguing the same things about adult Halloween, abortion, and extended adolescence that didn’t make me want a team to do an evaluation.

        I mean, right wing positions seem sick to me in a certain way, but that’s not what I’m talking about. We see right-wingers linked to all the time.

  • elm

    I know you flagged it for not making any sense, but I actually got out of the boat hoping there was more explanation of the Russel Wilson thing, or at least a link to what they were referring. But, alas, no.

    So, what are they talking about wrt Wilson’s racial confusion?

    • tsam

      There are rumors that other members of the Seahawks don’t like Wilson because he’s “not black enough” and a “company man”. Never mind that he’s one of the best quarterbacks in the league and carrying Seattle’s pathetic offense alone…

    • sparks

      The “well mannered, well spoken” bit hit me as a particularly clumsy dogwhistle.

      • tsam

        More of a douchewhistle than a dogwhistle maybe?

  • tsam

    Is it too much to ask of the ghoulish trio to apply their talents toward adults rushing to become kids?

    If your admonishment includes logically impaired right wingers who use childish arguments to present their moral scolding, then I’m all for it, bro.

    The National Retail Federation estimates that adults will spend $1.4 billion on their own Halloween costumes this year. That’s $1.4 billion that they could have spent on man-cave clubhouses, a huge birthday party, a collection of Care Bears, or some other pastime recently favored by adults.

    Spending billions on dumb shit (like bombs and bullets and Halloween costumes) is the American Way. Why do you hate America, dude? WHY?

    Also Free MarketsTM. Get a brian, moran.

  • Manny Kant

    If there are 240 million adults in this country, $1.4 billion would come down to $6 per capita. Even if 3/4 of adults aren’t spending money on halloween costumes, that’s still only about $25 per person that is.

    • Aimai

      Why doesn’t he take his complaint up with the Tea Party for dressing up in 17th century drag? Those tricornered hats and tea bags didn’t come cheap.

      • carolannie

        Very bad, very very bad

  • DrDick

    John Stuart Mill now officially recants. They really are all profoundly stupid.

  • Hogan

    I’m old enough to remember when the conservative objection to Halloween was that it promoted devil worship, and that shit actually made more sense than this.

    • Aimai

      Modern Evangelical Haunted Houses always have a fetus room.

      • SatanicPanic

        I’ve always wanted to visit one of those since some hesher friends in high school got kicked out of our local one for mocking the guide and laughing. Pretty sure I’m too old now.

        • efgoldman

          Pretty sure I’m too old now.

          You’re never too old to mock and laugh. Hell, I’m almost 70 and I do it all day in the office.

        • Aimai

          With a name like satanic panic dont you think you would probably be welcome?

      • Is that where they grab you and shove you upside down into a big rubber sack full of salt water? People don’t seem to appreciate that one.

  • Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb

    My three kids and I did a group Avengers costume last year. I spent the most on mine (Hulk). It was adorable.

  • Nubby

    Daniel Flynn should dress up as a self-trepanation enthusiast for Halloween. All he’d need to do is put a band-aid on his forehead and hand out copies of his column.

  • KmCO

    I assume that, in the interests of consistency, Flynn has written screeds denouncing the GG arrested adolescents whose attachment to their games has led them to stalk and harass feminist critics of said games. Right? Right?

  • Rob in CT

    I don’t like Halloween, myself, but this is nutty. The wingularity: always juuuust over the event horizon.

  • The Bobs

    We must close the man-cave gap!

  • ChrisTS

    So, let’s see if I’ve got this right.

    1) We need more children/bigger population – despite a booming population and many people out of work or underemployed.
    2) We need to stop adults from doing anything connected with a holiday that some old folks remember as being all for kids. (NB: My parents had Halloween adult parties, and everyone dressed up.)
    3) Somehow these two things are connected by abortion.
    4) Some adults wear tasteless Halloween costumes. This isn’t connected to anything else.

    Oookkeee. Time to dress up our cats.

    • KmCO

      Someone upthread partially nailed it: the post was probably intended to be 50-trillionth screed against abortion*, but because it’s Halloween, the author felt the need to tie that in as well as the perennial favorite among conservative types: “Adults having any type of fun spells the death of civilization.”

      *When the “right” people do it, IYKWIMAITYD

    • What are you dressing the cats as?

      • DrS

        I hear Italian makes for a great marinade

      • Every year at Christmas I put a set of fake reindeer antlers on the cat and take a picture.

        Which is about as long as she’ll tolerate wearing them.

  • KarenJo12

    This idiot is the latest in a VERY long line of wing nuts complaining that Kids These Days aren’t doing things exactly the way he did. I have noticed, however, that there has been a resurgence of the idea that having fun is an awful, terrible, Very Bad Thing and we should all embrace as much suffering without any relief as possible Because Reasons. My late MIL was one of those people who seriously believed that if she wasn’t a little miserable she was doing something wrong. She inflicted this on her sons, which means my husband and BIL tend not to deny themselves much of anything, even when it’s a bad idea.

    • This idiot is the latest in a VERY long line of wing nuts complaining that Kids These Days aren’t doing things exactly the way he did.

      Or says he did. Wingers like to revise history, including their own.

      I have noticed, however, that there has been a resurgence of the idea that having fun is an awful, terrible, Very Bad Thing and we should all embrace as much suffering without any relief as possible Because Reasons the asshats saying everyone should be content to live on a crust of bread and a pannikin of water and do nothing but work and sleep don’t know how the economy works.

      Fxd.

      • Origami Isopod

        To your last blockquote: Yep. That’s the whole point of these “Stop having fun, guys!” screeds.

  • JR

    When we were early midddle-aged and working in the news bizness, the annual halloween parties were famed for over-the-top. One year the Mrs found a purple satin ball gown with a lace bodice, decided to go as Mae West!

    Did big makeup (never before or since, just doesn’t do makeup) dressy gown, Mae West accent. Sat and talked to perceptive co-worker for 21 hours without him figuring out who she was.

    People came as mass-murders, politicians caught in wet suits, I can’t even remember all the tasteless but amazing costumes. One slogan was “Not a good party until/unless the cops come twice to ask people to be more quiet!”

    Some years 2 or 3 groups would all do the same gig – Symbionese Liberation Party was one. Guns and headbands! Violent Hippies!

    All good! Now we still have no kids, married 43 years so far. Made a good living, have pensions (so far?!?) plan to enjoy and have fun till the bitter end. F U Republicans! Dems for fun!

    • JR

      for 2 hours! Dam it.

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