You Can’t Make Quin Hillyer Go to His Room–You’re Not Even His Real Father!

Quin Hillyer is throwing a fit, or as Roy puts it, “acting out.” And how!

There comes a point where the Left’s calumnizingof conservatives, its endless quest to delegitimize ordinary words, and its determination to criminalize religious expression all combine to make me want to offend as many leftists as I can, in response, just for fun. But not only for fun: Deliberately choosing to offend them, and thus trying to shred their ideological straitjackets, is occasionally a necessary endeavor. We on the right must show that we need not cower; we can and must fight back.

Wow. Conservatives have been cowering all this time? Because I thought they were being deliberately provocative assholes all this time. Conservapedia, you so crazy!
On the one hand, columns like this make me sad. Because the perpetually-depressed liberal in me cannot believe that people are actually capable of being this petty and reactionary. On the other hand, columns like this are fucking hilarious. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love it when conservatives let their freak flag fly. 

If girls act like Lena Dunham’s character on Girls, they are sluts. Anybody with such a fetish for vile exhibitionism, and for public sex, is a slut. The boys whom the show’s main characters consort with, meanwhile — equally exhibitionist, equally casual about sex, and equally without scruples or decency — are scum. Or whatever other word you want to use to negatively characterize them. Even on a show on pay TV, their voyeuristic, shamelessly copulative behavior is intrusively vile.

To be fair, Lena Dunham does frequently sneak into Quin Hillyer’s house, prop open his eyes Clockwork Orange-style, and make him watch binge-watch “Girls.”

Several years ago, somebody tried to take away the perfectly wonderful “niggardly.” Well, I’m sorry, but they can’t have “alien,” too. And if Barack Obama happens to be miserly, then, well, he is niggardly, too.

Who?! Who tried to take it away? Was it George Will? I bet it was. He likes that word a lot.

Here’s better advice to anyone, male or female, who isn’t physically threatened or emotionally abused by somebody with what once was known simply as a “crush”: Just say no, with as much clarity and kindness as you can muster, and move along.

I want to snark here, but I literally have no idea what he’s saying. Quin Hillyer is dumb.

Thank you for being dumb, Quin Hillyer. I can say this because I’m not politically correct, just like Quin Hillyer.