B. Spencer: Tacky American
By When you’re online– posting, talking to people, sharing your opinion–it’s natural to want to put your best face forward. We want people to think we like good food, cool music, and have tastefully-decorated homes. (Not mine, of course–my house is floor to ceiling early 80’s unicorn art.) In short, we want folks to think we’re neat, which is completely understandable. Not I. I thought I would switch things up and tell you exactly how gross and tacky I am. Enjoy!
Hi, my name is B. Spencer, and I’m a tacky American.
- I drink artificially-flavored coffee from a pod.
- I like Snow Babies (no, really) unironically.
- I only use Aunt Jemima syrup on my pancakes. (No, I am not a troll.) Yes, I do like real maple syrup, but only in savory applications.
- I’ve watched daytime soaps my entire adult life.
- I like Christmas sweaters (again, unironically.)
- I have a Britney Spears song in my music library. I have two Avril Lavigne songs.
- I like to drink Lime-a-Ritas. (Doctored with real lime and margarita salt, but still…)
@ColinMSnider @scottekaufman So I guess we can say definitively that my son is not a troll. #UnimpressedwithPancakes pic.twitter.com/olF7t3Y4Hx
— bspencer (@vacuumslayer) December 2, 2013
Now, you know. I invite you to share your own brushes with tackiness, not because it will generate interesting conversation but because I’m plagued with insecurities I desperately want to feel better about myself.