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#JesusChristJustKillMeNow

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I know that if there were some sort of wingnut apex of stupidity, it wouldn’t really take the form of a sharp point; it’d be more like a longest plateau in the known universe. But I feel like this would, for sure,  be up there on it.

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  • mark f

    Omg Sandra Fluke’s hashtags are stupid #tcot

    • JL

      It took me SO LONG to figure out what #tcot was before I finally realized I should just Google it.

      Once I found out, I wasn’t sure what the point was. If they are “top conservatives”, then won’t other conservatives already be following them? Why do they need a hashtag?

      • Kurzleg

        For their fragile, fragile psyches. They need the validation, even if it’s of their own making.

      • JoyfulA

        Plus a lot of liberals use #tcot on their tweets to, I don’t know, mess with their minds? Occasionally, I see a dense conservative replying: “Your not alowed to use #tcot!!!” etc.

        • herr doktor bimler

          That is a worship word. Yang worship.

      • stepped pyramids

        Seriously: It’s so other services can do stuff like “the top 10 #tcot retweets of the day”, “most starred #tcot tweets of all time”, and the like.

        The leftish equivalent is #p2, which you might notice in Sandra Fluke’s tweets. I don’t see it nearly as much as #tcot, though. The official/activist accounts on both sides tend to use hashtags a lot, but I don’t see rank-and-file lefties using them nearly as much as the wingnuts, where you get a lot of “THANKFUL THAT OBAMA CAN’T HAVE A THIRD TERM #tcot #benghazi #kenya #youlie” sort of material.

  • MAJeff

    Ah, one of the GOProud Homosexuals Against Gays.

    • Is he America’s Dumbest Homosexual or is that the other self-loathing gay guy?

      • MAJeff

        Are you thinking of Kevin DuJan? I think he’s also a HAG.

      • Malaclypse

        Yes.

  • Anonymous

    The story of that lebo waitress that was supposedly refused a tip for being a lesbo? It turns out it’s a complete and utter hoax:

    http://gawker.com/couple-denies-leaving-anti-gay-note-in-lieu-of-tip-say-1471776018

    Homosexuals are, at heart, narcissists, and this proves it yet again. And it also proves how gullible liberals are (along with Duke LaCrosse etc).

    The hilarious thing is that some “progressives” even sent the lying lesbo money, lol.

    • MAJeff

      Saturday brunch pancakes!

    • Ah yes, only libs are susceptible to exaggerations and hoaxes. #Benghazi #DeathPanels #EveryFuckingStoryOnFoxNews

      • MAJeff

        Don’t forget #IRSGate.

        • Yes!!

          • Don’t forget backwards “B” gate!

            • On the one hand I felt bad for laughing at a person who was out of her fucking mind in a DSM sort of way.

              On the other hand, the Right’s reaction from when the story broke until it became clear she was out of her fucking mind was a thing I will treasure forever.

        • #IraqWMDs

        • Philip

          #UmbrellaGate

      • Rob in Buffalo

        Liberal prof sez white men should go full-lemming ! sez Limbaugh.

        • njorl

          That was a joke? I already went and offed myself! Now I feel like an idiot.

      • tsam

        Also Reaganomics.

      • efgoldman

        And thus is another thread derailed by our favorite troll. Maybe this is where he ought to declare VICTORY!

    • I’m wounded, nay remorseful. If we can’t trust someone that trusts James O’Keefe, then what has the world come to? Jennie has rebuked us all.

      • I’m sure Jenny is preparing a full-throated defense of Alec Baldwin at this very moment. Sure we’ll get it any second now…

        • DrDick

          I think you meant “deep-throated”.

    • Homosexuals are, at heart, narcissists

      I mean, I guess it would take the dude who can’t restrain himself from showing up here again and again to tell us how bitter at the world he is to know one.

      • rea

        “All A are B” does not imply “All B are A” Thus the fact that all narcissists are gay (except in the rare instances in which the narcissist is not the same sex as him- or herself) therefore does not imply that all gays are narcissists. I can see, however, that a narcissist like Jen might get confused about whether her own psyche is a model of the universe. . .

        • Linnaeus

          Careful, now. That’s pretty advanced reasoning.

        • STH

          Whoa, whoa, whoa. All narcissists are gay? Citation fucking needed.

          • ajay

            On the basis, apparently, that you are the same gender as yourself.

            I know. Seems pretty odd reasoning but that’s rea for you.

    • DBurn

      #volokh

      a conspiracy for everyone!

    • cpinva

      “It turns out it’s a complete and utter hoax:”

      ok, let me explain this to you. slowly: just because the other person says “what? who me? I would never do such a thing!”, doesn’t, by itself, constitute actual evidence. since the merchant copy (you know, the copy the merchant keeps, and the copy shown in the pic, along with the customer copy.) is clearly different from the customer copy, with no evident erasures, I remain unconvinced. we didn’t see the alleged VISA statement, purporting to support the claim of the customer.

    • stepped pyramids

      How did that crazy lesbo get the idea that people might be homophobic?!?

  • Anonymous

    This is how stupid “progressives” are, they can even find raaaaciiisssmmmmm in Angry Birds Star Wars II, I shit you not

    http://www.psmag.com/culture/race-gender-angry-birds-70652/

    It reads like a parody of a leftist that I would write, yet it’s real.

    • I can understand why you’d find that funny. Hint: It’s because you’re stupid

      • Anonymous

        Next up: the lack of a transgendered, disabled board piece in Monopoly is yet another example of systemic oppression. Maybe you could write that one.

        • I may just do that.

          • The cannon on my childhood Monopoly set was bent so that the barrel drooped. I believe that may count as a disability.

            • Karate Bearfighter

              There’s a pill for that.

        • We were all born squawling and illiterate Jenny. It was your choice to stay that way. Please stop taking your anger out on us.

        • rea

          I thought that old battleship was the transgendered (what could be more manly than a battleship? Yet they are referred to with feminine pronouns) disabled (when was the last time anyone had functioning battleship?)one.

          • Warren Terra

            I assumed Battleship was biased against macho men, because smaller is better, you want to avoid displaying your assets, and you lose your viral ships. When they acquire erections.s

            • Lee Rudolph

              The “shoe”, an obvious visual and textual metonomy (via the “old woman who lived in [read: as] a shoe” and “had so many [read: few] children she didn’t know what to do [read: was the Ghastly Midwife imbued with esoteric knowledge of the mysteries of contraception, infanticide, and the Corporate Veil]”) for the pudendum muliebris in its aspect (implicit in the metallic medium) as post-operative neo-vulva, is equally allusive of prostheses and (consequently) all manner of “dis”abilities.

              • J R in WV

                Well!

                I hardly know how to disabuse you of the delusion you have expressed in this post.

                Are you a doctoral candidate in Literature specializing in French analysis?

                Total success in seeming to almost make sense without containing content! In a humorous way, to boot!

                Thanx…

                • Lee Rudolph

                  I hardly know how to disabuse you of the delusion you have expressed in this post.

                  No need, no need; I practice self-disabuse, daily.

                  Are you a doctoral candidate in Literature specializing in French analysis?

                  As a matter of (factual) fact, my elder granddaughter is in the second (and last) year of her master’s degree in Literature specializing in French analysis at the École normale supérieure in Paris (and we all assume, some of us with heavier hearts than others, that she’ll be off for a doctorate in the same afterwards). But we don’t talk shop.

        • MAJeff

          Here comes that obsession again!

      • It is representative of a problem of people thinking that representation is the most important problem in the world. It is a symptom not a cause of inequality.

        http://jpohl.blogspot.com/2013/07/critique-of-post-colonialism.html

        • “The flag is not the territory.” You based a post on an old 1950s meme?

          • I post on many things.

            • Malaclypse

              Who knew?

            • wjts

              Ghana, Accra, Lake Volta, Country, AND Western!

            • But do you walk by night? Do you know many strange tales, hidden in the hearts of men and women who have stepped into the shadows?

        • CD

          Your self-assessment that “I still don’t grasp exactly what it all means” is right: poco is patently not about the banality that “colonized societies continued to suffer the effects of colonialism.” I would read Young’s book again.

        • Ronan

          I actually enjoyed the post J Otto
          Unfortunate that (next to) no body had any thing sensible to say in response (if inly because there are some people around here who would know about this sort of stuff)

      • anthrofred

        I mean, it does read like a caricature of a cultural studies paper and has little reason for existing other than being clickbait; Salon had a piece on Zelda that was just as groan inducing a while back that made me despair similarly.

        It also isn’t about racism per se, or raaaaaaaaacism, or raaaciiiiism, or whatever vowel-heavy alternative spelling you choose, but let’s not expect Jenny to understand the nuances of privilege. The other day there were chocolate chips in a pancake and he nearly had an aneurysm.

        • I didn’t have a problem with it.

          • anthrofred

            I think I do because I really care about video games, and think critique can do so much more; see, for example, the often much more in-depth writing at Border House. Making note of color choices is a bit banal, especially as your main point, when games are a complicated narrative form (and so much more!).

            Of course, the game is also “Angry Birds: Star Wars II”, which isn’t exactly the deepest thing to begin with, so you can’t expect a full-length book to show up. And maybe that’s part of my frustration: it feels clickbaity to spin a piece out of something so thin. That doesn’t make the actual points about representation wrong, but it does contribute to a general eye-rolling about video game criticism that leads to its dismissal.

        • CaptBackslap

          I was just going to mention that Salon piece, because that was fucking terrible. The nadir was when he whined about the game selling out to BIG PREMODERN AGRICULTURE.

          Salon is generally pretty terrible now.

          • sparks

            When was it good?

            • anthrofred

              If all you ever read was Pareene and sometimes Walsh, you might be confused.

              • elm

                And King Kaufman! He was the best and I stopped reading Salon shortly after he stopped writing his daily sports column.

                • weirdnoise

                  I actually subscribed to Salon long ago, but quit after one too many Camille Paglia articles. It’s one thing to put up vacuous pap as click bait, and another to put someone on the masthead who consistently writes pretentious, narcissistic vacuous pap.

                • Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.

                  Paglia is thankfully long gone.

            • Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.

              I like Beutler and Pareene. Anna North is good when she writes. Also Carmon was very good before she left.

              • CaptBackslap

                Carmon was good, and she obviously has a lot of opportunities ahead of her. Beutler is all right, but Pareene kind of annoys me (although he’s improved a lot as the Gawker Voice has worn off).

                There used to be quite a few good regular features there–Kaufman, Daily Download, Broadsheet, etc.–but they’re all gone now.

            • Warren Terra

              I remember they were quite good on the Florida recount in 2000.

              • Manny Kant

                I remember thinking that at the time too. To give us a sense of how bad the media was at the time, the main Salon reporter on the Florida recount was Jake Tapper.

                • Jon H

                  That may also say something about how the level of Tapper’s work has declined since he went to “big time” TV news.

          • anthrofred

            There was some crap about “classism” in the game, because “guilds”, which just shows that they had zero understanding of “class” or “Marx” or “how to write”, etc. Most depressing: Salon greenlit and published it.

            Seriously, there’s god-knows-how-many FPSes out there problematically celebrating the US military, Far Cry 3 shooting up a stone-cold white slavery and tribalism fantasy, and the actual social problems faced by queer and women gamers in MMOs, and they gave us that.

            I don’t know why I’m going on about it now. I’m just glad someone other than me read it and also had an allergic reaction, so thanks.

            • CaptBackslap

              I completely understand why you’re still annoyed by it. It was the sort of bad that lingers, like awful medicine or Jagermeister.

    • I’d like you to come up with a plausible reason those coloring choices were made that doesn’t involve subconscious racism, except I know you can’t because you’re super dumb and get angry about video game journalism.

      • Anonymous

        Why do I get the feeling that if the color choices were some other color than brown we’d get an article screaming about how the fact there are no brown or black birds is raaaciiiiissssst.

        The Leftist Progressive does not want to argue. He only wants to accuse, accuse, accuse, its the only weapon in their toolbox.

        • Why do I get the feeling that if the color choices were some other color than brown we’d get an article screaming about how the fact there are no brown or black birds is raaaciiiiissssst.

          Probably because you spend all day looking for ways to pretend to be a victim of a society that doesn’t understand your incoherent rage?

          The Leftist Progressive does not want to argue. He only wants to accuse, accuse, accuse, its the only weapon in their toolbox.

          You would have to do something other than whine before I could argue with you.

          • Anonymous

            Accusation and insults. The only TWO weapons in the liberal paintbox are accusation, insults and threats…

            • anthrofred

              Way to read the OP. We also have hashtags.

              • flarghlet

                Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as accusations, insults, threats, hashtags, and nice red uniforms!

            • This is how stupid “progressives” are,

              You really just have zero self-awareness, huh?

              • I would quote your other foray into shit fit throwing but I guess ‘lebo’ is technically not an insult.

                • anthrofred

                  It’s what the French call Obama’s dog.

            • catclub

              No one expects the liberal inquisition.

              • Anna in PDX

                Oh dammit.

            • elm

              You keep weapons in your paintbox? I bet you also keep silverware in your pancake drawer.

            • Anna in PDX

              Nobody expects the spanish inquisition!

            • ChrisTS

              That’s three, actually.

        • anthrofred

          Never stop writing things like “the Leftist Progressive” (“the Homosexual”, “the Communist”, etc). The hilariously unnecessary old-time article warms my heart.

          • Linnaeus

            Along with the Capitalization.

            • anthrofred

              I sometimes wonder if the only books Jenny owns are Skousen’s The Naked Communist and LaHaye’s The Unhappy Gays.

              • sparks

                Do both those titles suggest Jennie is fapping to them furiously? It’s irresponsible not to speculate.

                • anthrofred

                  Somewhere out there, there’s a Time-Life pictorial biography of Ronald Reagan with all the pages stuck together.

                • That’s silly. Peggy Noonan can’t produce semen.

                • Products of the digestive tract usually look like diced carrots.

                • anthrofred says:
                  November 27, 2013 at 2:04 pm
                  Somewhere out there, there’s a Time-Life pictorial biography of Ronald Reagan with all the pages stuck together.

                  bspencer says:
                  November 27, 2013 at 2:26 pm
                  That’s silly. Peggy Noonan can’t produce semen.

                  We have a Thanksgiving winner!

          • weirdnoise

            There’s an old-timey feel all around, one that would warm Richard Nixon’s zombie heart.

            The Cold War is over.

          • Uncle Ebeneezer

            I blame The Satan

        • Tehanu

          He only wants to accuse, accuse, accuse, its the only weapon in their toolbox.

          Rage (or is it arrogance?) blocking your grammar function? There are three, count ’em, three errors in this “sentence” consisting of 14 words. Pretty funny from a guy accusing everybody else of being unable to think.

      • Fosco

        I want to try this one, because I actually don’t think racism is really the main factor in this:

        The characters from the original Star Wars movies are iconic, full-realized individuals with identifiable traits and attributes. Therefore, if you see a bird of any color in the proper wardrobe and wearing an appropriate expression (as much as a poorly drawn, limbless bird can be expressive) you can easily make the connection with the character. Conversely, the characters in the new Star Wars movies are flat, one-note garbage and are largely forgettable. For most people, if asked “describe Mace Windhu” they would answer “Sam Jackson” (or, “was that the guy played by Sam Jackson?”). Therefore, in order to connect the poorly drawn bird to the character, the representation has to look more like the actor — in this case, brown. If that Mace Windhu bird was any other color, no-one would know who he was, because the character has nothing to distinguish him other than being Sam Jackson. Same with the guard bird in the silly hat – he has to look more like his movie counterpart, because he’s portraying a forgettable character in a bad movie. The pattern holds with the Liam Neeson bird – he’s “tan”, which looks caucasian to me, because he’s representing “Liam Neeson”, who people like, not “Qui-Gon Jinn”, who nobody cares about.

        That doesn’t explain why the female characters are pink, though. That’s just sexist.

        • Anonymous

          That doesn’t explain why the female characters are pink, though. That’s just sexist.

          Fucking seriously? Is this parody?

          • No, idiot. It just means you don’t understand why that’s problematic. Please fuck off and die.

            • Kingfish

              If I had a nickel for every time that thought ran through my head…

            • J R in WV

              I’m so glad we have a communications medium that we can use to tell a-holes to fuck off and die!

              Finally!

              bspencer, thanks for sharing that with me! What fun!

        • I think you need to expand this and submit it one of the many academic journals now dealing with video games. It will undoubtedly get more readers than what I have been working on.

          http://jpohl.blogspot.com/2013/11/forced-labour-in-socialist-state-ethnic.html

          • Anonymous

            How much longer are parents going to waste paying tuition for their children to learn useless horseshit like “privilege” and critiquing video games (video games!) that will get them nowhere in the job market?

            Is anyone anywhere when interviewing a graduate for a job going to ask them about “privilege” in video games? No. It’s a one-way track to Starbucks and living in your mom’s basement.

            • Jennie’s Mom

              And you need to pick up down there! And do your own damn laundry – I’ve never touching one of your socks ever again.

            • the Ghost of Adam Lanza

              Personally, I always preferred my second floor bedroom.

            • There’s this thing called being a writer where people pay you to hear what you think. You might not be familiar with it since usually when you start to voice your opinion people try not to make eye contact.

              Video games are a muli-billion industry, and your tantrum isn’t going to change that.

              Sorry you hate capitalism.

              • InnerPartisan

                Video games are a muli-billion industry, and your tantrum isn’t going to change that.

                And – I’d like to argue – an emerging medium that has the potential to produce some genuinely interesting, moving works of art. Sure, the mainstream is mostly garbage (despite some honorable efforts like Bioshock and even the occasional honest-to-god masterpiece like Portal), but what’s going on in the Indie scene in the last few years is simply amazing.

                Just one very, very good (and free!) example:
                http://www.richardhofmeier.com/cartlife/

            • JL

              Video games are a major industry employing tens of thousands of people in the US (over 32,000 according to a 2010 article in Business Insider). Video game journalism employs thousands of people, with the largest trade publications having five-figure circulations. Apparently the free market has spoken. Why do you hate the free market?

            • njorl

              Right, it’s not like a major company like Bioware, which is pushing to increase racial diversity in its products, is going to hire people to make video games.

          • TribalistMeathead

            As a show of support of Otto’s incessant need to threadjack and make every topic discussed on LGM all about him, I, too, will close every post with random links to his blog.

            http://jpohl.blogspot.com/2013/11/no-water-again.html

            • That is good link too. Because we still have no water after two weeks now. This is the longest the running water has been out since I got here.

              • Anonymous

                God Africans are stupid. Sixty fucking years after the end of colonialism and they still can’t get reliably running water? Even the Mexicans figured that one out a long time ago.

                I suppose it’s all the Evil White Man’s fault, though.

                • TribalistMeathead

                  Just the liberal ones, who drove Otto to Ghana, because shut up, that’s why.

                  http://jpohl.blogspot.com/2013/11/marxism-lennonism.html

                • Anonymous

                  I thought it was Communists that drove him there.

                • Lee Rudolph

                  Well, Otto’s led you to water! That’s a start. (Always assuming you’re you, and not two other parts of a horse entirely.)

                • TribalistMeathead

                  Seeing two trolls cannibalize each other makes me so happy.

              • TribalistMeathead
        • Effin’ excellent.

          Also, this can not be said enough:

          Conversely, the characters in the new Star Wars movies are flat, one-note garbage and are largely forgettable.

          • If only they were all forgettable.

            • Jar-Jar Binks

              Why can’t I quit you?

              • Because you’re a CGI character represented to be a complete moron?

            • njorl

              If you put a knitting needle up your nose at just the right angle, you can forget … um …

    • Malaclypse

      It reads like a parody of a leftist that I would write, yet it’s real.

      Don’t flatter yourself, sweetcheeks. You are not a very good writer, and you have never once succeeded at parody. This is because you are not very smart.

      • Anonymous

        Actually, I pretended to be a leftist on a thread the other week where I said that the Pacific Theater of World War II was racist ware where the Japanese were the real victims because RACISM WHITE PRIVILEGE MANSPLAINING. And people thought I was being serious.

        This is how fucking warped your sick ideology is. It can be made to portray fucking IMPERIAL JAPAN as a victim of “racism”.

        • Anonymous

          If the Nazis had been some other color than white no doubt we would have Leftists defending them, too, even if they were exactly the same in every other respect.

          • Anonymous

            Same thing for the KKK and the Elders of Zion.

            • Okay, now this is just obviously fake.

              • Anonymous

                PRogressives live to invalidate people who don’t drink the Koolaid.

                • Orpho

                  I think, because you’re clearly a rational Homo Economicus, you’re either getting paid by the hour (or the word?) to do this, or you get off on it and are thus compensated for (no really) it in other ways. Or it helps you in the job market – because we wouldn’t want to spend time doing things that don’t help us in the job market, would we?

                  Unless all my premises in here are false. But I’m a progressive, so my premises must be false.

                  Perhaps you only get paid in pancakes for all this. Maybe you could prove your superiority to me by getting paid more? To do something else, in all likelihood?

                • No, Jenny just has no self-control.

        • I’m glad that arguing with yourself makes you feel better about your life. I would suggest a less humiliating hobby, but I dunno, maybe you get off on it?

          I know it enrages you (but then again, dollar wing night enrages you…) but I actually do believe in different strokes for different folks. For all values of stroke.

          • anthrofred

            N.B. Jenny, if you start to smell toast, it’s time to stop reading Twitchy. As a Leftist Progressive, I am programmed to care about your well-being.

        • Lee Rudolph

          racist ware

          Confederate Army Surplus?

          • anthrofred

            The software company working on Angry Birds Star Wars III? (zing!)

            • LittlePig

              Hey-o!

        • TribalistMeathead

          And people thought I was being serious pointed at me and laughed.

          FTFY.

        • Malaclypse

          Of course we were confused, sweetie. You probably used a different nym, and lord knows that always goes right over everybody’s head.

          • anthrofred

            IIRC, we figured it out pretty quickly, few regular posters took the bait at all, and the folks who did respond disagreed, but you know, the world looks different through batter-stained glasses.

        • Anthony

          What are you talking about? I remember that thread and everyone knew it was you.

    • DrDick

      Gosh! I am sure that raging over the fact that somebody that nobody else has ever heard of said something possibly problematic about racism and a video game is the height of reasonable discourse and proportionate response.

    • cpinva

      “It reads like a parody of a leftist that I would write, yet it’s real.”

      um, no. see, one must understand the whole concept of parody (along with possessing some writing talent and imagination), in order to attempt to write it. this is an understanding you’ve never once displayed here.

    • stepped pyramids

      [clicks the link]

      [reads the article]

      [ctrl-g, types “racism”, 0 instances found]

      Hmm…

      [ctrl-g, types “raaaaaaaaaaaacism”, 0 instances found]

      Hmm.

  • Barry Freed

    I don’t get it.

    • Some bonehead named Amy Lutz thinks it’s hilarious that Sandra Fluke uses lots of hashtags in her tweets. Either a.) she’s making the lamest, dumbest joke in all of existence that really doesn’t make any sense or b.) she doesn’t understand how twitter works.

      I posted this because the pettiness and stupidity at play here just takes my breath away.

      • Barry Freed

        oops, didn’t reply in thread.

        I think if I started huffing spraypaint I’d have a better chance of understanding wingnut humor.

        • If you really want to be safe you should start by spraying it directly in your eyes.

      • anthrofred

        The pettiness is just incredible. It really took me a while to figure out just what the fuss was / why it was Twitchy-worthy; I had to actually give Malkin’s site traffic. There’s so much pure, concentrated hate. It’s cyberbullying for adults, basically.

        • Kurzleg

          Me? I’m happy to remain ignorant if the price of knowledge is giving Malkin traffic.

        • “It’s cyberbullying for adults, basically.”

          I can say this is true, from experience.

      • cpinva

        “Either a.) she’s making the lamest, dumbest joke in all of existence that really doesn’t make any sense or b.) she doesn’t understand how twitter works.”

        I pick c.) dumber than bean dip.

  • Barry Freed

    Ok. Sandra Fluke uses hashtags. And so do 14 year old fan girls of Justin Bieber. So the are the same. Ok. I get it. I guess.

    I’m sure they both floss too. Can we get some tweets from the wingnuts about that?

    • Sandra Fluke and 14 year old girls both have vaginas and tweet sometimes. #LOL!!!!

      • DrS

        Why won’t she just grow up and submit to a man already, damnit

        • anthrofred

          She did get married, which of course inspired charming “to a man?!” jokes for some totally inexplicable reason. And I do mean totally inexplicable, because the leap from “she wants us to pay for her slut pills” to “she’s a lezzy-lezzy-lesbo!” is pretty crazy, unless it’s all about slinging middle-school insults around.

          • Brandon

            I had missed that until just now. That’s just…uh….god damn is that dumb.

          • Anna in PDX

            the phrase “how old are you, 12?” is what leaps to mind whenever I read this rightwing bullshit. Seriously they really never left the schoolyard.

          • DrS

            Pfft…sure, but a librul marriage doesn’t count.

            I bet she didn’t even take a vow to obey.

          • DrDick

            I fear that “middle-school insults” is a bit advanced for many of these folks.

    • LittlePig

      Ah, the Goldberg Variation, as portrayed (never with such care and detail) in that magnum dopus, Libertarian Fashionism.

  • As a liberal I am really alarmed by the Right’s incisive understanding of various social media platforms.

  • anthrofred

    So Lutz is upset now over Nobama pardoning a turkey, something presidents have been doing forever? Is this the next feet-on-desk-gate or Obamaphone-gate or bowing-in-submission-gate?

    It’s almost like he’s guilty of Presidenting While Black.

    • Malaclypse

      Do you know who else didn’t have turkey on Thanksgiving?

      • anthrofred

        (insert Wonkette-inspired list of famous vegetarians here)

      • Winston Churchill, circa 1916?

    • They didn’t start saving them until President Bush the Elder. And we know he’s a commie, so Obama doing it just proves he is also a commie!

      • weirdnoise

        Actually, the first Presidential “pardon” of a turkey was by St. Ronald Reagan, as a sick joke to deflect criticism of his impending pardon of the Iran-Contra criminals. GHWB institutionalized it, probably to thank his predecessor for covering up the obvious acts of treason in which he participated.

        • njorl

          As I recall, the tradition is to pardon a turkey, then eat a different turkey.

          If there’s one thing worse than breeding these grotesque mockeries of the species for our food, it’s breeding them for morality pageants.

    • You know he could pardon a real human being who was wrongly imprisoned instead. Somebody like say Leonard Peltier. But, I won’t hold my breath that it will happen.

      • Anna in PDX

        How about both the human and the turkey! That would also be cool!

      • Hogan

        Give us Barabbas!

        • herr doktor bimler

          Ummm, don’t be hasty. Let’s check out his drumsticks first.

      • Malaclypse

        You should write a post about that.

  • Anonymous

    If Fluke can’t stand the heat of being a public figure, which includes taking abuse on twitter, she needs to get the fuck out of the kitchen!

    • Lee Rudolph

      After all, she’ll still have Kirche and Kinder. Oh, wait…

      • Warren Terra

        Never any love for Kammer, Keller, or Kleider.

        • Another Holocene Human

          I’ll settle for Kopfkissen, myself.

    • Who said she couldn’t take the heat?

      BTW, does “heat” include rape and death threats?

      • Orpho

        That’s right. I mean, right wing folks are _totally cool_ and down with death threats. They keep a level head, and they recognize the contextual nature of language and the use of complicated figures and colorful or historical metaphors as part and parcel of political speech in this country.

        They totally don’t freak out about it. We should take a page from their head on a stick, with votes.

        • Kurzleg

          And they never complain that they’re being “silenced”.

    • No Jenny, you just think abusing people on Twitter counts as discourse. Because you have no control over your rage.

    • Also, too, how does this fit with your snit above about how leftists have nothing to offer but insults. Do you forget what your were trying to say from one outburst to the next.

    • Anonymous

      Her spot in the kitchen can be taken by someone who will make me pancakes!

      • Mr. Madame Psychosis

        ha,ha,ha i loved that.

    • On the other hand, shitting in Sarah Palin’s mouth is WORSE THAN THE HOLOCAUST.

      • anthrofred

        Hey, Palin has a constitutional right to free speech right to speak without being criticised!

    • cpinva

      “If Fluke can’t stand the heat of being a public figure, which includes taking abuse on twitter, she needs to get the fuck out of the kitchen!”

      boy, that’s telling her! I hope I get abused on twitter. since I don’t bother with it, i’ll never know or care, and then won’t I be sorry!

    • George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina, is that you? Well, as I live and breathe…

    • Nigel

      This is also true for people who try to set fire to kitchen and run screaming out into the garden trying to put their hair out.

    • herr doktor bimler

      As my mother was wont to tell me, “If you can’t take the heat then it was probably a mistake to set fire to the kitchen in the first place.”

  • DanMulligan

    I refuse to tweet. I refuse to text. I refuse to read WSJ op-eds.

    Follow me. Save your brain.

    • Brandon

      Ok what is wrong with a text message?

      • Personally, I don’t enjoy texting, and most people know they’re more likely to get a response if they call me, but looking down your nose at is just kind of dumb.

        • Lee Rudolph

          Actually, a lot of traffic accidents are caused precisely by people looking down their noses while texting.

          • Kurzleg

            Happened to me. Rear-ended by a driver texting at a stop light.

            • Warren Terra

              If only you hadn’t been texting!

          • tsam

            A whole bunch are caused by people talking on them as well. There is nothing wrong with texting or tweeting or any of that other shit. And no, I will not pull up my pants or get a haircut or turn down that noise or get off your lawn.

          • A lot of pedestrian accidents are caused by smartphone use.

            Basically our brains can’t handle the work required to read and walk or drive.

            • Anna in PDX

              Yes! I will make an appearance on a dead thread to proclaim that the problem is multitasking. The medium is not the issue.

        • TribalistMeathead

          I hate talking on the phone. Hate, hate, hate. Won’t even order delivery from restaurants where I can’t order it online.

          True story: I didn’t talk to The Future Mrs. Meathead on the phone very much during the first few months (mainly because I worked 9-5 and she worked 3pm-1am, but whatever), and she later told me she thought I wasn’t talking to her on the phone because I was married to someone else.

          • efgoldman

            Were you?

    • AcademicLurker

      I don’t even own an internet.

      • anthrofred

        Did you drag it to the recycle bin?

        • Lee Rudolph

          He prefers renting to owning.

          • J R in WV

            I borrow mine.

            • cpinva

              I borrow someone else’s.

    • The prophet Nostradumbass

      You forgot to tell us that you don’t even own a TV.

      • njorl

        He’s not sick, but he’s not well.

        • The prophet Nostradumbass

          I’ve had that song running through my head all day.

    • I have a VCR and it’s still blinking 12:00

      • VCR? Looxyuree. We have the box for a Betamax and naught else!

      • Lee Rudolph

        You’re lucky. Ours only went up to 11.

        • drkrick

          I’d say +1, but it would spoil the joke.

      • ajay

        I have a VCR and it’s still blinking 12:00

        That’d be less terrifying coming from someone who didn’t use to be trusted with thermonuclear weapons.

    • herr doktor bimler

      I refuse to tweet. I refuse to text
      I refuse to read blogposts, or add to comment threads.

      • Lee Rudolph

        I only add to comment threads against my will. And no one can make me read the articles to which they are attached!

  • Mr. Madame Psychosis

    Today’s Closing-The-Barn-Door AccuTroll Forecast –

    Early upthread, partly stupid; turning mostly mean and misanthropic as the post scrolls down. Possible new record low of absolute zeroes. 90% chance of pancakes.

    Tomorrow’s high: I will need to be too. Also. And.

    • Mr. Madame Psychosis

      ACCUTROLL WEATHER ALERT! ACCUTROLL WEATHER ALERT!

      UPDATE: Localized heavy downpours of misogyny. Watch for flash derping in low-lying comment boxes. Do not try to reason your way across swiftly moving effluence.

      • Captain Haddock

        +1

        Also, too, “flash derping.”

  • Mr. Madame Psychosis

    The arc of the wingnut universe is long but it bends toward moral and intellectual bankruptcy.

    So there’s that.

    • Kurzleg

      And toward pancakes. Obviously.

      • Mr. Madame Psychosis

        You are most certainly correct.

        In fact hasn’t it been documented somewhere that there’s an IHOP at the end of the universe?

        • Good god, what happened to Milliway’s?!?

          • Mr. Madame Psychosis

            They closed it down. The dining business dropped rapidly after the outbreak of Mad Ameglian Major Cow disease. It seems the owners found out life refuses to be sustained by green salad alone.

            I think there’s a Wal-Mart there now.

          • Davis X. Machina

            In the slightly real-er world Frank Guiffrida’s Hilltop Steak House on Rt 1 in Saugus, MA — once the largest restaurant in the US — has in fact closed.

            I don’t know what the fate of the plastic cows is to be. I hope they wind up at MIT. They’ve been commuting so long, they deserve housing on campus.

    • anthrofred

      It doesn’t really seem to arc much these days. It sort of begins and ends there.

  • tsam

    Troll <—– LOL #suckit #bikeseatsniffer #eatsboogers #hashtag

  • tsam

    Troll, do you even lift?

    • Only pancakes.

      • tsam

        If they got peanut butter, I’ll hoist a couple too.

  • Anonymous
    • Literally nobody is shocked to find out you’re scared of girls. It would have been surprising if you weren’t.

      • Malaclypse

        Let’s be fair. Jennie is scared of everyone and everything.

    • anthrofred

      too troll; didn’t read

    • Why would this make heads explode?

      • cpinva

        “Why would this make heads explode?”

        because jenBob assumes everyone else is operating at the same low frequency as he/she is.

      • Random

        Simple. Because the White House Travel Office Whitewater Vince Foster IRS Benghazi!!!1! Black Panthers helped Clinton dodge the draft and get dead soldiers dragged around in Somalia by skewing the polls as cover to steal the election via in-person voter fraud. This allowed them to trash the White House and order DHS to stockpile bullets and FEMA coffins as a diversion to cover-up the fact that the cocaine-addicted homosexual Muslim-Marxist was fathered by Frank Marshall Davis with a bondage-prostitute and secretly born in Kenya.

        If all of this undisputed truth were to come out, heads would explode, yes.

        • Random

          Some people think, incorrectly, that the unemployment numbers were doctored by the ACORN prostitutes so that the unconstitutional census could be used to locate all of the Christians when Obama decides to outlaw Bibles and institute sharia as part of his goal to destroy the US economy, but most likely the Weather Underground (who met Obama during a particularly heavy session of the knockout game), had him do it in order to appoint their czars in exchange for helping him get into Harvard despite having a 2.5 GPA.

          • MikeJ

            You didn’t mention wag the dog. What are you trying to hide?

      • weirdnoise

        ‘Cause the troll thinks we’ve never realized that “culture” is entirely defined by its fantasy of life in white middle class American households of the 1950s. Or that the internets are full of people defending that fantasy.

      • Lancelot Link

        Why would this make heads explode?
        Excessive facepalming.

    • Malaclypse

      So JenBob is a Vox Day fan. My cognitive universe, it is shocked to the very core. Here I thought Jennie voted for Steve Gould.

    • wjts

      Hence, a strong masculine character in a story is one who can pilot a jetplane in a thunderstorm while wrestling a Soviet-trained python in the cockpit…. Of the classical virtues, fortitude and justice are essential to masculinity, as is magnanimity: a real man neither complains nor says ‘I told you so.’

      The sole exception to the “no complaining” rule of real masculinity as articulated Noted jetplane-pilot-cum-python-wrestler John C. Wright is apparently when vaginas get their disgusting girl-cooties all over his precious space-man books.

      • Malaclypse

        Of the classical virtues, fortitude and justice are essential to masculinity, as is magnanimity: a real man neither complains nor says ‘I told you so.’

        Wait, is Jennie finally admitting he’s not a real man?

        • anthrofred

          Please, for Jennie to say “I told you so”, it’d have to make a prediction that was actually right.

      • stepped pyramids

        This guy is paid to write? His prose has all the inflated volume of a wet fart, and twice the odor.

    • stepped pyramids

      [skims]

      [skims]

      [skims]

      “dear reader”

      [closes tab]

  • Lurking Canadian

    STH, I didn’t post the original but “all narcissists are gay” goes like this:
    1) Narcissists love only themselves
    2) They are probably the same gender as themselves
    3) QED

    • Lee Rudolph

      At best, that would prove that “no narcissist is pure ‘Kinsey-scale 0’ heterosexual”.

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