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Grown Ups 2 (2013)

TOMATOMETER

While it’s certainly the movie event of the year for filmgoers passionate about deer piss humor, Grown Ups 2 will bore, annoy, and disgust audiences of nearly every other persuasion.

But then again…

AUDIENCE

90% liked it
Average Rating: 4.3/5

Honestly, I have no recollection of the existence of the first installment, which apparently scored an All Critics of 10% and a Top Critics of 8%.

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  • Lancelot Link

    Just the ads are sexist & homophobic enough to offend me, and I’m a Russ Meyer fan.

    • MAJeff

      I gotta say, if Andy Samberg decided to sidle up to me in one of those outfits, I’d not object.

  • If it hasn’t been covered here yet I HIGHLY recommend Joss Whedon’s “Much Ado About Nothing.” I have seen plenty of productions of this particular play and know it well and yet he brought something fresh to it: it was one of the most enjoyable films as well as specifically production of Shakespeare I’ve ever seen.

    • Jordan

      Agreed. I don’t generally go out to movies like that (or movies at all, really). But I really, really enjoyed it.

  • Another Anonymous

    Victims of false consciousness …

  • Uncle Kvetch

    The only thing that’s more puzzling to me than Adam Sandler’s megastar career is the fact that David Spade has a career at all.

    • Little Big Brother

      +1

  • UserGoogol

    I just saw Pacific Rim and it was a thoroughly enjoyable movie.

    • Joseph Nobles

      I really enjoyed Pacific Rim as well. Sadly, it is losing the weekend to Grown Ups 2 and may come in behind Despicable Me as well. At least it’s stomping Lone Ranger into the ground.

  • efgoldman

    MENCKEN LIVES!

  • Decrease Mather

    There’s a selection bias for audience voting. You don’t go see Grown Ups 2 unless you liked Grown Ups 1. Alas, critics don’t have that option.

    • UserGoogol

      Yeah, people who go see Grown Ups 2 know what they’re going to get. The more annoying statistic is that Grown Ups 2 is looking like it’s doing well at the box offices.

      • sparks

        Prepare then for Grown Ups 3, and a David Spade sinecure.

  • I’m a dork, not an idiot.

    • Andrew

      Is this a truism or is there context?

      • bspencer

        Well, I mean I like dorky shit, silly shit, not terrible shit. Is all I’m saying.

        • Bill Murray

          how do you feel about a terrible shit sword like from the Battle Hymn of the Republic?

    • zombie rotten mcdonald

      Doesn’t have to be either/or.

      • bspencer

        SHUT. UP.

      • Malaclypse

        I’d imagine a zombie can’t even find a snack at a Sandler movie.

      • firefall

        oh, a FAST Zombie!

  • zombie rotten mcdonald

    And yet we can’t get a sequel to Serenity? The wingnuts are right, Hollyweird is all fucked up.

    • Warren Terra

      The thing bout making a sequel to Serenity is that it not only has to be expected to turn a profit, it has to be predicted to make so much freaking money as to justify taking away Whedon’s time when he could be making the next global box-office event Avengers movie or whatever. When your ambitions are only to make Grown Ups II, at least you know it won’t be all that hard to schedule David Spade; who else is going to hire him?

      • Manny Kant

        It might work if he could shoot it over a week at his house.

        • Manny Kant

          Also – he doesn’t have to direct it. He could write and produce and bring in someone else to actually direct.

        • Warren Terra

          See, now I’m imagining Whedon living in a giant Firefly set.

      • Barry Freed

        The thing bout making a sequel to Serenity is that

        Wash is dead.

        • Retcon: all Whedon has to do is declare Serenity to be non-canon.

          • Barry Freed

            I am a leaf on the wind.

            • What are we going to do? Who’s flying this thing?!

        • Patrick

          That didn’t stop several more seasons of Buffy.

      • Andrew

        On the other hand, we do have Adam Sandler to thank for keeping Rob Schneider employed as a character actor.

    • calling all toasters

      could they please call it Serenity Now!

  • Warren Terra

    It occurs to me that the list of people dumb enough to watch this movie is commercially valuable … And there are people who’ve got that list.

    • Andrew

      A lot of people have that list. It’s a coveted demographic that has surplus income from which they are easily separated.

  • Hogan

    My weekend plan is to get to the nearest screening of Grown Ups 2 and sell “I Regret My Abortion” signs to overfed white men.

    • Bill Murray

      you should also take some I’m Hummus t-shirts

  • NBarnes

    Better or worse than Sharknado?

    • Bill Murray

      yes

  • Scott Lemieux

    I’d still rather sit through it than The Lone Ranger, I think.

    • A aiming very low and hitting the target is preferable to B aiming middle and hitting A’s target? Maybe…where’s ChrisTS? This is a philosophy question.

      • ChrisTS

        Speak my name, and I appear!

        *Clears throat* Well, students, it is clearly better to aim high and fall short than to aim low and … stay there.

        • Jordan

          Well, both actions end up with the same product/result. So the consequences are equal there. However, aiming high and failing surely comes with a feeling of failure and disappointment. On the other hand, aiming low and hitting the mark has no such associated disappointment and may even be accompanied with a feeling of success (no matter how small that success may be). Given all this, the balance is clearly in favor of aiming low and succeeding rather than aiming high and failing.

          /filling the logical space.

          • ChrisTS

            Jeez, I hate pure welfare consequentialists.

            • Jordan

              Oh sure. That was supposed to be more of a joke than anything.

  • the mere presence of adam sandler in a movie is enough to keep me out of the theater

    he’s more annoying than hugh grant

    • Warren Terra

      The mere presence of Adam Sandler in a film’s cast is enough to keep me out of the multiplex.

  • Karen

    HS anyone else noted that this dreck got a better score among “top” critics that all critics?

    • Warren Terra

      It’s 2/23 “top critics” versus 5/73 “all critics” (for the sequel; 3/37 versus 16/162 for the first movie). The difference is practically the definition of not significant.

      • Karen

        I didn’t check out the sources. Thanks, some of my faith in humanity is restored.

        • ChrisTS

          Now, this is clearly setting the bar too low.

  • Izzy

    One could not, I think, sufficiently compensate me to see Grown Ups 2. However I can say that, if you’re going to see a popcorn movie this summer, it should be Pacific Rim. All of del Toro’s excellent visual sensibility, fun (though broadly drawn) characters, and doesn’t suffer from the bloat most summer blockbusters do.

    Really worth the time of anyone who thinks that if Hollywood is going to make big loud movies, they can at least be entertaining good, loud movies.

    • Del Toro’s oeuvre alternates between good-to-great (e.g., Pan’s Labyrinth) and good-popcorn (e.g., Hellboy). I assume he uses the second group to subsidize the first. In any case, I tend to watch anything he cares to make.

      • heckblazer

        Actually, that’s not a safe assumption. Del Toro is a massive fan of the Hellboy comic (as am I). The movie was a personal project for him and he spent years trying to convince the studios to back the project.

        • Okay. Not that it matters, since I’m going to watch what he makes regardless of his reasons.

          • heckblazer

            I think the reason why you want to watch anything he makes is that he only takes projects that he’s passionate about. Some just happen to be more commercial than others. At least that’s my explanation for why he’s awesome :).

  • efgoldman

    Totally OT, but John Cole, the grand panjandrum of Balloon Juice (a lot of regulars here are regulars there, as well) has lost his beloved big floofy cat, Tunch.
    I am not a pet person, and I’m allergic to most cats, but damn!
    http://www.balloon-juice.com/2013/07/13/rip-tunch/#comment-4532886

    • Uncle Kvetch

      Oh, that sucks. Tunch sounded like a big fluffy ball of awesome.

    • Malaclypse

      Fuck, what a horrid way to lose a cat. Fuck.

    • MAJeff

      Saw that and gave my cat some treats and a hug.

    • Barry Freed

      Damn, I haven’t commented over there for a very long time but I read him regularly and I’m very fond of John Cole who has always struck me as one of the most humane bloggers around. Damn.

      • MPAVictoria

        You ain’t kidding. John is a real stand up guy.

    • ChrisTS

      Oh, that’s awful. Such a beauty.

  • Yeah, I didn’t have anything meaningful to say over there but John’s far flung readership is clocking in. I haven’t had a cat, or a pet really, since I was a teenager. I remember being devastated when my beloved Herpes–yes, that was his name–died. I know John must be just overhwelmed with this. I hope the sincere outpouring of love he is getting, and the donations to the local pet shelter, ameliorate the pain for him.

    • Woodrowfan

      yes, he’s asking for donations to a favorite animal shelter.

  • Mike Schilling

    I don’t recall the first one either, so when I saw the trailer for this one, I thought “Hey, making a sequel to a non-existent film is a pretty funny idea.” Then I realized that proved there was a first one,

    • Three words: Leonard, Part Six.

  • Western Dave

    For those of us with kids. It’s been a winner of a summer so far, with Monsters U (I saw it and it was good), Despicable Me 2 (haven’t seen it yet, but others say it is good) and the upcoming Turbo. But the lineup after Turbo looks terrible: Smurfs 2, Planes (first time I ever saw a Pixar preview and thought, oooh, we are out of ideas aren’t we), The Lego Movie (is there such a thing as straight to Youtube?) and some other crap that I don’t even remember. Only Frozen looked halfway decent.

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