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My name is William Blake. Do you know my poetry? III

[ 94 ] May 19, 2013 |

Because it’s Sunday night and there are (and soon will be) so many new faces around here, I feel the need to remind y’all of who I am and why I “matter.” I welcome other authors to do the same. Point being, I’m an urban legend whose improbable tales just happen to be true. It all began one day back in March 2007, when I received email from a student I’d just failed, slightly redacted it, and posted it on the Internet:

My Teacher,

I appreciate you taking your inconvenience to instruct us but I really had some problems in your class and I would like to explain them to you now.  Every day I wanted to discuss with you about the way you grade my papers and the way you teach the class, but I could not because the things you say in class and your words disturb me so much I can not.  You make me completely uncomfortable with the little things you say in the class like how you talk about television or how you talk about when you are grading our papers and trying to be fair.  You do not seem to care about our grades only that they are up to your too high standards and I can not talk to you because you make me completely uncomfortable.  For example, you say you will talk to us about our grades but you really will not because of how uncomfortable you make me feel with your words and what you say.

I will plan to contest the grade you have given me in this class when I get it because I know it will be much higher with any other teacher.  I am a very religious man and you are not a bad person but you do not choose your words with enough care like a teacher should.  You try to be objective and the very attempt becomes your flaw because you try so hard to grade fairly and comment wisely that you become biased to your own ideas.  You criticize our writings because we are college students and young but do not realize that you offend most of us when you do this.  I am always offended when I go to your class and have been on many occasions but I never tell you of my offense because you make me completely uncomfortable so I never say a word.

You like to lead discussions and that is bad because it is the entire means by which we learn but we do not know what you want from us on our papers.   I have honestly no idea what I learned from you in this class because so much time was spent discussing the tiny details in the passages in the book and so if I learned anything it is how to read things in too much detail.  I could have read books in too much detail on my own but that is not what I came to college to do because I already know how to read and I would have told you this but you make me completely uncomfortable with your words so I never said a word.

By doing this you give us no guidance on our papers.  I thought it was lame that you decided to show a movie and a cop out because you chose not to give us any instruction.  I know that it was a movie based on the story in the play we read but it was not teaching to show it to us when you could have been teaching us to write what you wanted us to write on our papers instead.  The movie was completely racist and very offensive because it contained cultural stereotypes that are often used in disrespectful jokes about people who have their feelings hurt all the time.  I was offended by this racism and in the movie and had my feelings hurt by it.  If that was supposed to teach me something about the class I completely do not understand.

After this quarter I am hurt and tired and feel like talking to you now will do me no good.  I wanted to go to your office hours but I could not find the time or make myself because of your words.  I feel like my paper was written to the best of my ability in reference to your teaching skills in the discussions.  You grade my papers poorly but do not realize that you do so because they reflect your teaching skills.  Other people may have done well with your skills but I did not and would have talked to you but what you said about grading fairly made me uncomfortable.  I take my responsibilities as a man and I have never complained about my grades but this one I will because I did not need you to teach me how to read or to write.  I have made very high grades in all my other writing classes and even though I had many disputes with those instructors we always settled them to my happiness.  Now for the first time I can not talk to you to settle my grades because I am uncomfortable to talk or even write to you.  I should have stayed strong and like a man no matter how much your words and what you said offended me.  I do not blame you because when there is error there are two to blame, the perceiver and the target.  I do not know what this email does but I have to get my feelings off of my chest.  Thank you for reading this and I am sorry if what I feel has shown you disrespect but these are my feelings and I feel by your words you did not respect them.  I love everyone and believe you to possibly be a great person but with your words you have treated me completely unfairly.

I am a very religious man and I love every one but I will forward this letter to the head of your department so he can see that I am a serious student who does not deserve the grade you will give him because I write so very well.

First: I forgot to note that this turned into some lovely poetry.

Second: Other teacher/student interactions you might enjoy:

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Comments (94)

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  1. Eric says:

    English. Was it this student’s native language because he is writing with such a striking and notable style?

  2. MAJeff says:

    I think we all have a letter similar to that, one to which we occasionally return over a glass of wine and say, “the fuck?”

  3. kgus says:

    So, what movie did you show?

    • SEK says:

      It wasn’t even a movie. It was “Mr. F,” an episode of Arrested Development. Here’s the offensive part — I apologize for the quality.

      • SEK says:

        I’ll admit, now, that I no longer remember how I got from Huck Finn to “Mr. F,” though since the class was on race and community, I think I see the dots I probably connected way back then.

      • Anonymous says:

        So, I’m going to be a big spoilsport and say that while AD was (probably is–haven’t seen the new, streaming episode thingies) a good, an entertaining, a very funny show, the transphobic punchlines got tiresome.

        • Bruce Leroy says:

          What punchlines so you feel are trans phobic? I’m afraid I have never noticed them in my many repeat viewings, but that if course doesn’t mean they weren’t there.

          • Anonymous says:

            One interpretation of the Mr. F bracelet (that Rita is a man), the Shémale t-shirt Maeby gives to Lindsay in an attempt to make Lindsay appear trans, the “Granny Tranny” ad in April (that they quickly pulled because people objected to the ‘tranny’ slur). Not gobs and gobs of it, but it was there and I noticed it.

  4. Manju says:

    I am a very religious man

    You should’ve given him 2.

  5. N__B says:

    you make me completely uncomfortable with your words

    Imagine how uncomfortable he’d have been if you’d taught without pants.

  6. Pinko Punko says:

    I love this one. I have never gotten anything close to this.

    • SEK says:

      Sadly, I’ve gotten a few since with similar aspirations. None have quite hit all the right notes, though.

      • Bijan Parsia says:

        It’s because you’ve failed to make them sufficiently uncomfortable with your words. They try to be uncomfortable enough so that they may succeed in their complaining but they cannot because you don’t offend them with your words and make them feel comfortable in class. With any other teacher they would be made uncomfortable and do much better in their complaining but with you they cannot because of all the little things you say in class that seem to have no other purpose but to help them understand and put them at their ease.

  7. Pigmund says:

    I had to fail one of my students at law school a couple of years ago. I didn’t even really have a choice because I only provide my raw grades and the program which I submit with those grades normalizes those grades with the schools set mean and standard deviation. As a result of this F, this student did not graduate that semester and would not be seated for the bar examination. After her grades were posted ensued an endless string of emails in which she indicates that her failure to graduate would cost her the job she had lined up, as well as a whole convoluted back story. That was my most miserable semester of teaching. I have never received an email quite as similar as yours SEK, but failing a student (who did deserve to fail) and possibly costing that student a job with the debt load law students exit with was a soul crushing experience.

    • SEK says:

      I can sympathize, as that’s my every most miserable semester of teaching: because I teach composition, and because so many of their scholarships are contingent upon their performance freshmen year, I’m a gatekeeper and never allowed to forget it. If you read my ratemyprofessor page, you’ll see how I try to assuage this guilt: I hold marathon office hours for weeks on end in order to get every student with college potential to pass this first hurdle. It’s an exhausting job, and one that shouldn’t be on the backs of adjunct and marginal hires, but there you go.

      • Pigmund says:

        Yeah, I was raised with guilt being the primarily tool of my parents. So I may be prone to feel guilt when I shouldn’t. But that same semester was made all the worse because I had a student who was my best student I have ever had. My school has created something called the A+*. I was unaware of what this was at the time. Although to me it would indicate an A+ of lesser quality, apparently it is the highest grade you can obtain. Because of the normalization process when you have students who do not separate enough apart in the distributions of raw scores, sometimes there are no A+*’s. Since he did not receive this grade he did not graduate with honors. I simultaneously felt bad because if anyone had earned this unicorn of a grade it was him, but also frustrated because of how ridiculous this new system seemed.
        I earned every dollar of my adjuncts pay that semester.

      • fka AWS says:

        my worst semester was flunking a student from an ethics class for plagiarism (very obvious, they even admitted it), who was supposed to be graduating.

        That sucked big time.

        • DocAmazing says:

          flunking a student from an ethics class for plagiarism
          Painful as it may have been, the irony is impressive.

        • Warren Terra says:

          No offense to your teaching skills, and plagiarism is never acceptable, but some form of bullsh!tt!ng on a mandatory Ethics class seems to me to be a perfectly logical response. The NIH mandates ethics classes as part of its training grants, and even though everyone tries really, really hard every class I’ve ever heard of has been some combination of useless, patronizing, and inconclusive. It turns out that after you’ve said “don’t lie, cheat, or steal” you’re pretty much done, except for those grey areas that do deserve contemplation but that suck as a mandated lesson because they don’t actually have clear answers.

      • mxyzptlk says:

        If you can get/maintain departmental support, all the better. Not sure what you can do when you catch a student flagrantly, blatantly plagiarizing multiple times, including on the final paper, and show both the student and the department the exact page from the precise obscure music theory journal he plagiarized from, and then are frozen out of the ensuing proceedings wherein said serial plagiarizer is not only exonerated of any intellectual pilfering despite hard evidence, but the student’s grade for that plagiarized paper is raised and his course grade is raised as he’s passed on into the wild blue yonder. And the department says it can’t divulge anything about the proceedings.

        This despite the university’s prominently published “codes” about “honor,” the consequences of which went beyond just repeating the course and approached expulsion. Our meager grad student minds could only fathom it had something to do with his well-connected and well-funded parents whose deposits towards the university’s endowment were significant enough that they outmoded concepts like intellectual integrity. Silly grad students — they sure showed us.

    • (the other) Davis says:

      I had a student at risk of losing a ROTC scholarship (which apparently entails having to pay back prior scholarship money) and their planned officer career if their grade in my class was inadequate. Said student sat in my office as I graded the final exam; they received a C- for the class, which we both thought was insufficient, and I sat there feeling awful as the student walked away in tears. (This was a math class, so there were limits to how much I could fudge grades without being unfair to other students; that C- was as generous as I could possibly be.) I was absolutely soul-crushed, because the student was a wonderful person and a hard worker who was simply not prepared for the class.

      The next day I received an email from the student indicating that the C- actually was good enough to maintain the scholarship. Nevertheless, this event probably played a significant role in my decision to quit teaching.

      • Halloween Jack says:

        I was absolutely soul-crushed, because the student was a wonderful person and a hard worker who was simply not prepared for the class.

        Well, traditionally, part of the job of being a student is making sure that you’re prepared, either by getting the necessary prerequisites or getting tutoring or dropping the class ASAP once you realize that you’re in over your head. Faculty advisors can help with this process, as well.

        • STH says:

          Well, yeah. I don’t have a lot of sympathy for students who freak out at their grades at the end of the course, unless their whole grade rests on one exam or something. They have the responsibility to ask for extra help, study more, whatever if they’re having trouble in the class.

          As the instructor, you aren’t creating student grades out of thin air–you’re recording what the student has done. (I’m writing this as both a current student and a former adjunct instructor.)

    • efgoldman says:

      …the program which I submit with those grades normalizes those grades with the schools set mean and standard deviation.

      Is this a fancy, jargon-y way of saying everyone is automatically graded on a curve?

      • Pigmund says:

        Yes, it is. But there are two reasons I put it that way, one is to indicate that the curve was not in my hands but in the hands of the administration and two, when people use the term curve it doesn’t always mean a forced renormalization. A curve doesn’t have to involve a normal distribution. So it was jargon-y but for a purpose.

        • Anonymous37 says:

          Okay, but had it been in your ability to do so, would you have given that student an F? If not, I can kind of see her point.

          • Pigmund says:

            It had not been in my ability. Each assignment is graded anonymously and I only know the students grade after they are entered into spreadsheet. Independent of the student’s situation I think she deserved an F. Her work was abysmal.

            However, subsequent to the story of her failure to graduate I felt guilty as I sympathize with students who suffer from a debt load that is hard to bear even for those students who were academically successful. Given a choice I would probably always give a student the lowest grade that still amounts to passing, but a forced curve coupled with anonymous grading takes that out of my hands.

            • STH says:

              But some students really just don’t deserve to pass. That’s kind of the point of grades; if you can’t do well enough to get a C, you have to try again. I don’t see how that’s unfair unless the student is struggling with learning English as a second language or something. It’s unfortunate when a student can’t graduate, but why wasn’t the student doing extra work after the first exam or assignment? In my experience, you have to REALLY try to get an F in a class.

            • Anonymous37 says:

              Independent of the student’s situation I think she deserved an F. Her work was abysmal.

              In that case, fair enough.

  8. Manju says:

    SEK,

    I think you deleted my first comment. Either you are violating my first amendment rights or, more likely, you thought it was a duplicate of the second.

    Working on the assumption that you are not Hitler, here it is again:

    You should’ve given him 2.

  9. Todd says:

    I would have been tempted to generously grade the letter as an excellent example of a monologue-farce, and then treated it as extra credit that would have given him a (barely) passing grade. (Followed, of course by the internet posting and “what-the-fucking?”)

    But I am not a teacher, or at least I do not teach so very well.

  10. jim, some guy in iowa says:

    i think my favorite part is the line ‘i have made high grades in all my other writing classes and even though i had many disputes with those instructors we always settled them to my happiness’

    yeah, no doubt. i think a lot of people would say what it took to make this kind of thing go away

    • Pigmund says:

      I think the worst part of being a professor in this age is that all the students judge you on the basis of what they were able to get away with in other classes. Since I teach students who had it easy in high school and easy in undergrad, and sometimes easy in a graduate program, the combined weight of low expectations is hard to counteract.

    • Swordsmith says:

      I hear “i have made high grades in all my other writing classes” a lot, invariably from people who it never occurs to that professors actually talk to each other. Its relationship equivalent is “I’ve never done THAT before” and it should be met with the same “of course” said in soothing tones. But it has about the same level of truth value.

      When my students tell me they’ve done all the readings, I believe them. The same way I believe my toddler when she tells me she doesn’t need a nap… Someone can tell you something they very much want to believe is true, and mean no harm by it, without it being literally true. However, “i have made high grades in all my other writing classes” does not fall into that category.

  11. stickler says:

    I had a nasty case like this a few years back. Though the kid had been working on failing out for a while, mine was the last class an ROTC student took (over the summer, of course) to get enough credits to graduate. He did OK work for a while, but stopped showing up halfway through, failed the final, and ended up with something like a D. Whatever; not an F, he evidently didn’t care, tally the grades after the final exam, and get ready for fall semester.

    I entered the final course grades into the Registrar’s system at noon as required. At 12:30, lo and behold: there he was, at my office door, white as a sheet and shaking – asking if there was anything at all he could do to get some extra credit. “Um, no, not at this point,” I said.

    Turns out, he’d needed to essentially ace the class to keep his GPA up high enough to commission as an officer. And with that D, he had missed the GPA requirement. (Again: he’d been working on this disaster for a couple of years, but still, it was my grade that put the torpedo into his military aspirations. Sort of…)

    So as it happens, when Uncle Sam pays for four years of tuition, and a student misses the GPA requirement to commission as an officer, Uncle Sam expects to be paid back – in time, or in money. This guy didn’t have money. So he got to go into the military. As a private. First tour: Baghdad. Ugh. I heard he made it back after a year, but still. Horrible.

    I sometimes recount this episode to ROTC students who seem to have motivation/comprehension/senioritis problems.

    • Halloween Jack says:

      That sounds like the nightmare that I (and, evidently, lots of other people) have had, in which I am well into the semester and suddenly realize that I haven’t gone to a particular class in weeks, sometimes longer, because I completely forgot about it, and show up in a cold sweat… just in time for the final.

      • rea says:

        I still get that nightmare, and I graduated back in 1978 . . .

        • Dany Tardgaryen says:

          Yeah. I thought this was the result of my poor organizational habits. You know how after the first week or two of a semester you sort of switch to autopilot? You don’t consult your calendar or course list/schedule, you sort of robotically go where you need to be when you need to be there. I always had the niggling feeling that I was forgetting something. A recurring nightmare between the beginning of the reading period and midsummer was that I had forgotten to drop corporate tax and had missed all the classes and the final was looming. Years later I still get that. I’m not even in school. Family graduations must be returning me to that mindset. This time of year kills me.

          • Hogan says:

            I have that dream about jobs and apartments, suddenly realizing I haven’t been there in months and should really go back and find out if I still have the job or my stuff.

        • evodevo says:

          I graduated in ’68 and still have it …. I guess it’s common for conscientious students to have. I imagine the poor ones aren’t troubled at all !

  12. Brandon says:

    I’m pretty sure you could pass this off as a previously undiscovered Gertrude Stein short story.

    • SEK says:

      Not kidding: I taught a section of The Making of Americans in that class, but he refused to read it, claiming he couldn’t understand it. I wanted to point out the irony, but alas, I’m responsible. But damn damn damn did I ever want to.

      • The Dark Avenger says:

        I once asked my mother about Ms. Stein’s stylistic oddities, and she told me that it was based on an old-fashioned way of talking that was practically extinct by the 1940s or so. Kinda like the accent one hears Margret Dumont use in her roles with the Marx Brothers is now no more, except perhaps in the on-air accent Peggy Noonan uses on the Telly.

      • dp says:

        It was your words making him uncomfortable, obviously.

  13. Sev says:

    Pondering the Blake reference “in what furnace was thy brain?” My best guess.

  14. Erik Loomis says:

    Nothing like this ever happens to me. I only get crazy people trying to get me fired but nothing weird from students.

    I do however hate Dead Man so every time you post that picture, it reminds me what a terrible movie Robert Mitchum ended his career working on.

    Hopefully that starts some sort of flaming subthread.

    • jim, some guy in iowa says:

      i saw that movie but i can’t remember if i stayed with it to the end or not – dunno if it was a waste of mitchum’s time (probably not, he didn’t much care) but there were other things i could have been doing

    • SEK says:

      Really, Erik? I mean about the film, not the student. (We all know I’m the vortex for the latter.)

      Given that you’re the one bringing it up, I’d rather hear why you hated the film before I mount a defense of it, but only because I respect your taste and am genuinely surprised this offends it. We could do one of those dual-posts, or a podcast, if you’d like.

      • Erik Loomis says:

        To be fair, I saw it in the theater and haven’t seen it since. So it’s been a long, long time. I would watch it again for a podcast though, just because it would be interesting. But I don’t think it would change my mind.

        My general thoughts about it 15 years or whatever later, was that it was a genre mash-up of westerns that by claiming to not take itself seriously was in fact taking itself rather too seriously and that it’s claims at ironic humor was undercutting what could have been an interesting story. Moreover, it’s rather loose use of landscape annoyed me, as they went from desert to redwood and back like it was the next county over rather than hundreds of miles. Of course, the latter concern is something only I would care about, like my irritation at the size of the corn cobs eaten by the Indians in The New World. But still, even if Treasure of the Sierra Madre did the same throw every possible ecosystem into the film thing as well, at least I could theoretically map their progress in my head, whereas Dead Man made no sense geographically.

        Again, it’s been 15 years. But I disliked it at the time.

        • mxyzptlk says:

          Take it to a air, fellas.

          In this corner, weighing in at 2.3 pounds on behalf of cinematically stylized westerns everywhere, it’s SEK’s Beard of the Year —

          And in this corner, hailing from inconsistent geographical parts unknown, it’s Jarmusch-Jammer Loomis –

          PODCAST!

  15. jeer9 says:

    I always cherish students who put more effort into writing letters of complaint rather than the actual assignments.

    Much more often, I simply have lazy seniors who believe I will carry them across the finish line, onto the stage, and hand them their diploma because – well, they’re nice. Last year I had a young man who refused to do his research paper, turned in the final reflection essay a week late, had numerous chances to recite a Hamlet soliloquoy for extra credit but couldn’t get out of bed, did only half of the play’s journal topics, earned a B- on the exam and ended the year with 57%. He was absolutely shocked that I wouldn’t pass him. (“Don’t you know all my relatives are coming to town for this thing?”) He is waiting outside my classroom at 6:45 AM on graduation morning with the research paper, a long letter of apology, and a doleful expression.

    I throw them both in the circular file in front of him. “But T–, don’t you realize that if I accept these I’m essentially saying that you don’t have to follow the same rules as everyone else? That you can set your own dates?”

    “Please read the letter I wrote you.”

    “No.”

    “Please. It’s very important to me.” Takes the letter and research paper out of trash and puts them back on my desk.

    “No. Please leave or I’ll call security.” Puts papers back into the trash.

    Retrieves papers once more. “Please. I spent all night working on them.”

    “No.” I drop papers in the trash for the third time and move to the phone. His look is that of someone who has met the most unsympathetic teacher imaginable. He pulls the papers out again, (“I even got the MLA format right this time.”) and then departs, shaking his head in disbelief.

    He attends summer school and soon after joins the military (where the authorities will no doubt be more lenient toward his procrastinating slackerdom.)

    • MAJeff says:

      My favorite thing about such students is how much time they spend drafting those letters instead of working on a paper they might turn in for credit (albeit possibly reduced credit).

    • commie atheist says:

      “Please read the letter I wrote you.”

      This song makes a lot more sense to me now.

    • Halloween Jack says:

      You were supposed to read the letter, which detailed all the staggering hurdles he had to jump over in order to get to college, and included a long passage about his grandmother, who told him that there was nothing he couldn’t accomplish if he dared to dream big enough, before dying of cancer; after you burst into tears, you’d post it on your Facebook page, and get a zillion likes, and it would circulate via email forever (and be attributed to some famous person).

      Dude, you didn’t follow the script.

  16. Ann Outhouse says:

    reminds me of memo coworker sent boss. boss sent memo back. note attached said take writing class b4 sending next memo. coworker showed memo to me. asked what was wrong with it.

  17. wetcasements says:

    Shaming your former students. Classy.

    • Pigmund says:

      Does this really equate to shaming former students? The students name isn’t used. This incident occurred years ago. It is unlikely this student would run across this post. I don’t think this has anything to do with shaming former students.

    • Emma in Sydney says:

      Doesn’t sound to me like that would be even possible with this student. Zie is probably still wondering why this brilliant letter didn’t work.

    • Halloween Jack says:

      You can’t shame the shameless, Seamus.

  18. Kurt Bevacqua says:

    Oh, I had one of these about five years ago, only much more violent and aggressive. Student went to my chair and raised all sorts of hell about the D-, then came and threatened me, to which I reminded him that would likely be aggravated assault and that I also don’t react very well to threats. I referred to matter to university police, and never heard from that professional cocksucker again.

    • Anonymous says:

      Professional cocksuckers (and their amateur counterparts) are, on a whole, very nice people and the world should be thankful for them and their works. Your student, on the other foot, sounds like a shithead, and shitheads aren’t known for their oral skills. Let’s not confuse the two.

  19. xaaronx says:

    My favorite part of this one was always how he didn’t come to college to read things in detail. As a philosophy major that hurts me on the inside.

    • STH says:

      I had a student complain to me after an exam that, “I thought we were just supposed to KNOW it, not UNDERSTAND it!” Fortunately, she said this in front of the whole class and there was widespread snickering, which helped to restore my faith in studentkind.

  20. thelogos says:

    When I first taught, I was generous with the extra credit, but I still had people not doing the work or just doing it half-assed. After my first year of teaching in my first day spiel, I started limiting ec to a bare minimum, saying that if one were willing to do additional effort, then that effort should be applied to assignments. My class sizes started dropping by 25-35% after the first week.

  21. mxyzptlk says:

    “In this case both parties would stumbled over the same log and co-performed amusingly.”

    This was one of my favorite odd student sentence constructions, but alas, this student barely spoke English, so it’s not as weird. The student barely spoke English, but never stopped trying, ever… like many ESL speakers, she was told to practice with native speakers every chance she got, so many an office hour was spent trying to decipher her verbal transliterations that sounded more like nonsense poems based on class topics. Those office hours were never short of hilarious, and almost never made sense.

  22. Halloween Jack says:

    This dates from only about six years or so after No Child Left Behind was passed, but do you think that the bit about “teaching us to write what you wanted us to write on our papers” sounds more than a little like the idea of teaching to the test? Because, after cutting through all the pious babble, it really comes off as him complaining that you just didn’t tell him which blanks to fill in on some Mad Lib form to get the good grade.

  23. Calming Influence says:

    Uncomfortable
    Your too high standards and I
    I thought it was lame

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