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This Week in Gun Fetish Paranoia

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Obama “VIPER” Death Squads v The Second Amendment.

From the original MJ story:

Various tea party activists, libertarian websites and other conspiracy-minded Obama haters are claiming that Russian security forces have discovered that Obama is about to unleash “death squads” across America to assassinate defenders of the Second Amendment.

I knew that trusting shady Russian intelligence operatives with this information was a tenuous proposition, but nobody would listen to me.

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  • firehat

    It’s fairly common in these circles to hear of some nefarious plot against the American people uncovered by Russian intelligence. Odd how people who are the direct descendants of Birchers think the modern KGB has their interests at heart.

    • Russian intelligence is merely confirming what the voices in their heads already told them.

      • c u n d gulag

        They don’t need to have their guns confiscated.

        They need the fillings in their teeth, yanked, and replaced by ones that play Eezee-listenin’ Country.

        Nah – make it Rap or Hip-Hop, just to annoy them.
        A good dose of classic Public Enemy will do the job.

        • proverbialleadballoon

          Wasn’t ‘Fear of a Black Planet’ Romney’s campaign theme song? It was the theme of the campaign, at least.

          • rbcoover

            It did take a nation of millions to hold them back.

      • DocAmazing

        Russian intelligence fills the vaccuum where average intelligence might have resided.

  • bradP

    With their perverse hero worship of Chris Kyle, one would think that the TSA would only need to become efficient assassins to become respected – and dare I say, loved – by these circles.

    • Timb

      Good point. I’m glad I wasn’t the only troubled by the hero worship of a sniper. Seems a little morally gray for my tastes

  • c u n d gulag

    Death squads for defenders of the 2nd Amendment!
    Really?

    Just when you think the right’s ‘stupid amp’ is as loud as it can possibly get, at 11, they bring out a new amp that goes up to 12.

    I think that in some parts of the country, they need to replace the Flouride in the water, with Thorazine.
    These people are feckin’ nuts.

    • STH

      There is no such thing as peak stupid.

  • Brutusettu

    I’m thinking that these same Russian security forces probably uncovered Bush and Cheney’s secret, the spontaneously generated, perfectly placed, and invisibly detonating controlled demolitions in the Twin Towers and Building 7.

    Those demolitions are as real as the confidence fairy or the invisible dragon in my garage I tell ya.

    • Invisible Dragon in Brutusettu’s Garage

      I post at LGM, therefore I am

  • owlbear1

    This is just like that time Jesus didn’t show up to whisk them all off to heaven isn’t it?

    • Hogan

      My hope is that once all the patriots have been wiped out, it’ll be safe to release the Whitey tape.

  • rea

    Don’t thesse people understand that Obama is simply exercising his Second Amendment remedy against them? After all, an armed society is a polite society, and the way the’ve treated Obama is pretty damn rude.

    • proverbialleadballoon

      The Tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the tears of wingnuts.

  • Barry Freed

    VIPER Death Squads? Not quite. I have it on good authority that Obama has actually tasked C.O.B.R.A Command for this operation.

    • NonyNony

      Then why is anyone worried? It’ll take years before Cobra Commander secures the leases on all of those Red Rocket franchises for the scheme to work.

    • Ryan F

      Wait, I remember this episode…it’s all just a wacky misunderstanding!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyXrwbg1G7c

  • Lacking Moral Fiber aka Useless Muthfucka frmly Nemesis

    Does Bamz drive his own version of the Pussywagon?

  • Comrades! They’re on to us! Quick, back to Moscow!

  • Data Tutashkhia

    The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
    But I have promises to keep,
    And miles to go before I sleep,
    And miles to go before I sleep…

  • Used to read a wingnut blog that alternated between “ARGH, Socialism! Worser’n the Soviets!” and “Hey, here’s the new Secret Intelligence being reported in Pravda!”

  • cpinva

    i’m guessing there’s a “donation” button, somewhere on those websites. if there isn’t there should be, be a shame to waste the opportunity to take the rube’s cash.

    • Dick Morris

      I WAS THERE FIRST! I’LL SUE YOU! I AM NOT A CRANK!

  • Sly

    Just out of pure curiosity, is there just a sign-up sheet for these VIPER teams? Or is the process more formal, like filling out the Selective Service card?

    • ajay

      First you must train with Master Pai Mei.

    • Halloween Jack

      You play a shitload of FPSs on XBox Live, and when “BarryBamz” sends a friend request, you fucking friend that dude. I can’t tell you what happens after that, my implants won’t let me.

      • Bill Murray

        so they went with the updated Last Starfighter Innuendo, nice

  • Aaron B.

    Dammit, Brockington! You’re a good agent, but a loose cannon!

  • xxy

    Slightly offtopic, but right this moment the LAPD is searching for a former officer who is currently going on a shooting rampage against other officers, killing one and wounding two others. If only they had a gun on them.

    The only death squads roaming around America consist of private citizens shooting innocent people.

  • wjts

    I seem to remember that they’re called Vulture Squadrons, not VIPER Squads. Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy!

    • Bill Murray

      Paranoia will destroy ya

  • wengler

    It appears that Russian intelligence has gun manufacturers laughing all the way to the bank. It’s the uncanny axis between churches and gun manufacturers in their centuries-long fleecing of the rubes.

  • Thlayli

    The latest breathless expose on Facebook today:

    Micro Chip Implant Coming March 23, 2013
    The New Health Care (Obama care) law H.R. 3590 Also HR 4872 requires all US citizens to have the RIFD implanted

    This evil plan is being launched by America. its a micro chip injected in your hand. it will contain all your personal data heath and bank accounts etc. its also a GPS device being monitored. they can deactivate it at any time if they find you suspicious or not loyal to their government or go against them or their system and you will lose everything you ever had. soon this device will be made common just like they did credit cards, turning paper money into digital money. means nothing is physically in your hand. it will be made a must for every citizen with time according to their plan and then they will spread it outside America so they can monitor and control as many people as they can and turn them into slaves with their digital technologies.

    this device is the future or slavery

    BEWARE of this EVIL DEVICE. if you don’t believe me do your own research before you come to argue or debate.

    warn more people create this awareness do more research on your own and save yourself from this NEW DEVILRY.

    From someone who IS NOT A CRANK.

    • Uncle Kvetch

      Wow. My right-wing cousin’s latest post was positively mild in comparison: Obama and Pelosi are going to try to do away with term limits so he can be president forever. UNLESS WE STOP THEM.

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  • Alan in SF

    Ain’t that just like Obama? Evil mastermind Obama creates a final solution to conservative opposition, and lazy cock-up Obama blows it by bragging about it to his buds in the KGB.

    • ajay

      Ain’t that just like Obama? Evil mastermind Obama creates a final solution to conservative opposition, and lazy cock-up Obama blows it by bragging about it to his buds in the KGB.

      “You know, that’s the worst thing about them? How they can be so incapable of rational thought and so bloody shrewd at the same time.” — Samuel Vimes

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