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Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Wingnuttiest of Them All?

[ 71 ] February 23, 2013 |

Quite a contest for today’s craziest person. Here’s three nominees:

1. Gun Owners of America president Larry Pratt:

Pratt predicted that President Obama may begin confiscating guns in order to provoke a violent response to justify further oppression, which host Stan Solomon feared would lead to the imprisonment of hundreds of thousands of people. Pratt once again insisted that Obama is acting like King George III, a sentiment with which Solomon concurred, saying, “That will happen quickly and they will wipe those people out to set an example.” But Solomon wasn’t finished: “I believe they will put together a racial force to go against an opposite race resistance, basically a black force to go against a white resistance, and then they will claim anyone resisting the black force they are doing it because they are racist.” Howard agreed: “You may be right because he has been sowing the seeds of racial hatred; we were healing quite well as a nation on racial issues until Obama came along and now we have a lot of racial discord.”

2. Indiana Right to Life director Sue Swayze, speaking on the Indiana transvaginal probe bill:

“I got pregnant vaginally. Something else could come in my vagina for a medical test that wouldn’t be that intrusive to me. So I find that argument a little ridiculous.”

Despite what Swayze says, it is in fact a transvaginal probe bill.

3. Montana legislator Steve Lavin, for introducing a bill in the Montana House that would actually grant the suffrage to corporations.

Echoing former Massachusetts governor and Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s 2011 assertion that “corporations are people, too, my friend,” the law, if enacted, would empower a representative of each company in the district to cast a vote in the company’s interest. The representative would be required to present proof of the company’s registration with the secretary of state and that they are that organization’s designee.

This legislation would go beyond even the allowances made for corporations and companies to funnel unlimited dark money into elections as per the “Citizens United” decision. Think Progress reported that the bill was tabled by the state legislature almost immediately, so it is unlikely to be voted into law.

That’s a tough call. I have to go with Swayze though. Comparing a transvaginal probe to a penis says way too much about Republican conceptions of sexuality.

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  1. Todd says:

    Sue Swayze should clearly be in the running for the next Mark Twain Prize, but I think the other two choices are a little wingnuttier.

    Sue knows what she wants in vaginal probing, and she’s willing to petition her government to get it.

    She shares much with this country’s sex worker labor advocates.

    They should totally meet up.

    • Erik Loomis says:

      Are you actually comparing people supporting transvaginal probes to sex worker labor advocates? I hope not.

      • Todd says:

        In a syntactical sense, sure. Isn’t that the joke? She wants the government to sanction vaginal probing…..Is irony so dead?

        • efgoldman says:

          Is irony so dead?

          First the GOBP killed irony.
          And I said nothing, because I wasn’t ironic.
          Then the GOBP killed parody.
          And I said nothing because I wasn’t a parodist.
          Then the GOBP came for snarkasm.
          I’m dead.

        • CD says:

          if irony is killed, it will be by people who think the word sanctions stupidity

          • calling all toasters says:

            If irony is killed only the dead will be ironic.

            • Alan in SF says:

              I think Sue is saying if someone did her with anything less than the circumference of a penis, she’d be okay with that. Crazy, yet with a rational basis. Solomon, on the other hand, is wingnuttery squared — insane even if you grant his insane premise. Obama will create a massive strike force of black warriors capable of imprisoning hundreds of thousands — and will neutralize the opposition by calling them racist. What a brilliant evil genius, our Obama!

              • LosGatosCA says:

                I think Sue may be very comfortable with electric powered devices penetrating her vajayjay. She may be more liberated than she meant to sound.

                • Rhino says:

                  I’m really uncomfortable, however, with the word vajayjay. It’s a horrible word.

                  How about quim, trim, twat or pot?
                  Pussy, kitty, cunt or mound,
                  all have a far more pleasant sound
                  Than vajayjay.

                  (With apologies to every poet anywhere ever)

                • cpinva says:

                  you think these sound “more pleasant”?:

                  How about quim, trim, twat or pot?
                  Pussy, kitty, cunt or mound,
                  all have a far more pleasant sound

                  vajayjay is at least a term created by (young) women, to self-describe, those you cite were, are, for the most part, terms that men have created, most with a negative connotation. i’m going to hazard a guess, that most women dont really give two nanny-goat shits if men are “comfortable” with how vajayjay sounds, since it wasn’t created with men’s aural comfort in mind.

                • Rhino says:

                  Well cpinva, the word vajayjay was created by the writers of the television show Greys Anatomy as a deliberately ridiculous and silly slang word that would also avoid harassment by the censors for daring to describe female genitalia on air. At least the others have etymologies behind them. And none of the ones in my poem are offensive to any of the women I know.

                  And since language is shared by men and women, male feelings on the matter are in fact important… Not so important that men should be allowed to use offensive terms, but certainly enough that we can object to terms created by cynical Hollywood writers to demean female genitalia whilst selling consumer goods.

              • Pedantic point: Those transvaginal probes are a lot bigger than penises. Sorry, guys. ;)

                Not that it matters, because it nanners to say that once a vagina has been penetrated once, a woman is required to put any object that Republicans want in it on demand as punishment for her slutty ways.

    • sharculese says:

      She shares much with this country’s sex worker labor advocates.

      What is this idiotic dogshit?

    • RepubAnon says:

      I’d say that she has more in common with the “legitimate rape” and “you can’t get pregnant from rape” crowd.

      Sue Swaze is saying, in essence, that because she once consented to engaging in acts leading to pregnancy, that she has lost the right to object if anyone else wants to probe her vagina.

      Further, Sue’s argument ignores the possibility that the pregnancy was the result of non-consensual sexual intercourse. Sue Swaze’s argument only makes sense if pregnancy can only result from consensual sex. Otherwise, what happens when the woman did NOT consent to the initial penetration of her vagina, and is now forced to allow yet another penetration against her will?

      • Anonymous says:

        All of this.

      • Shalimar says:

        She’s a republican. When have you ever seen a republican who shows even an awareness of the concept of consent, let alone understanding?

      • cpinva says:

        well, by not kicking, screaming and throwing herself out a window or off a cliff, the woman clearly abdicated her right to decide who/what penetrates her vagina from that point on.

        Otherwise, what happens when the woman did NOT consent to the initial penetration of her vagina, and is now forced to allow yet another penetration against her will?

        the other (more realistic) option is that ms. swayze is barking mad.

        man, that is a tough call erik. clearly, all three deserve recognition, in the “batshit crazy” arena. however, i’d have to cast my vote for montana state rep. steve lavin. he’s managed to take the “personhood at conception” theory, and stand it right on its head. there’s something to be said for that kind of creativity. i’m not sure quite what, but something. would the corporation not be allowed to vote until it’s 18? or, because one can’t, under SEC rules, directly purchase stock until you’re 21, would the implicit assumption be that the corporation, for voting purposes, is at least 21, upon the issuance of its first shares of stock?

      • Anonymous says:

        You are assuming she consented. Her statement is silent on that part.

  2. Tybalt says:

    I love the comparison of Obama to King George III, as if that’s the best comparison they can reach for. It’s like they learned all their history from the back of cereal boxes.

  3. Kordo says:

    Pratt makes a brave effort, but I have to go with Swayze, as well. The Corporate Voting thing is nutty but, honestly, these days you can’t win with the garden-variety economic silly, you have to go Full Metal Nugent on the pussy to be considered in the Top Tier of Crazee.

  4. Barry Freed says:

    Somewhere in these great United States of ours at this very moment is there must surely be a Dr. Rep. Frankenstein working on turning a Smith & Wesson Model 29 .44 Magnum revolver into a transvaginal probe which he will then incorporate and register to vote.

  5. Uncle Kvetch says:

    Being a liberal, I think they should all get a prize.

  6. Matt says:

    +1 for Pratt – he and his are clearly trying to see just how close they can dance to *actually* inciting attacks against the government, and it’s despicable.

    Bonus points to him for the entire anti-logic bit that somehow makes the lunatics stockpiling guns and fantasizing about their own personal Algiers Point / “Red Dawn” scenario totally not responsible for their own actions.

  7. Malaclypse says:

    I have to go with

    “I got pregnant vaginally. Something else could come in my vagina for a medical test that wouldn’t be that intrusive to me. So I find that argument a little ridiculous.”

    for the complete and utter disregard for even thinking that consent might be relevant in the context of what should and should not go in the vagina.

  8. Sly says:

    Pratt is the clear winner for going full Turner Diaries.

    • DivGuy says:

      Seriously. Y’all is overthinking this.

      (2) and (3) are striking articulations of the nasty implications or presumptions of actual right-wing positions.

      (1) is a projection of and incitation to racial holy war. It’s just on a whole nother level.

      • Sly says:

        In fairness, the passage itself doesn’t elaborate on whether or not Pratt himself thinks that a purifying race war is in the works; it’s the radio host, Solomon, and another guest, Howard, who make that case. You have to follow the links to a more complete transcript to find the answer:

        Unsurprisingly, Pratt agreed with their insane ramblings: “I do agree that the Obama administration would definitely be capable of something as evil as you were suggesting.”

        However, Pratt warned that “a lot of people resolved, ‘no more free Wacos,’” and that if Obama “starts playing the massacre game the way you did at Waco, well, you’re going to get surrounded, you won’t be able to go home safely, your family won’t be safe.”

        Waco (and Ruby Ridge) are, of course, popular rallying cries for the white nationalist movement.

  9. mds says:

    “… we were healing quite well as a nation on racial issues until Obama came along and now we have a lot of racial discord.”

    Yeah, we were healing quite well as a nation on racial issues until the uppity Muslim Negro got elected by promising free stuff to the darkies and the wetbacks. Now there’s clearly no alternative but to start shooting the dusky America-destroying parasites before they shoot us.

    For these guys’ sakes, I really rue the day that Merriam-Webster removed the definition for “sedition” from all those dictionaries. Also “racist,” “fascist,” and “dumbfuck.”

  10. Stag Party Palin says:

    I wonder if I should ever come face to face with one of the 27% whether I will have the courage to say, “(State his/her name), you ignorant slut!”

    Millions for offense, not a penny for silence.

  11. Shakezula says:

    Swayze is clearly intoxicated and I don’t pick on drunks. I suspect the MT bill is one of those bills “to make a point” that the GOP favors instead of doing actual work. However, this made me laugh out loud:

    “I believe they will put together a racial force to go against an opposite race resistance, basically a black force to go against a white resistance, and then they will claim anyone resisting the black force they are doing it because they are racist.”

    Right. Obama is so much of a despot that he won’t use the might of the U.S. military (i.e. some well placed drones) to take out the brave resistance forces.

    He’s going to assemble a mighty private army of Strapping Young Bucks who will brutally slaughter the brave resistance forces. (I assume woman and car stealing will also occur.)

    And then the SYBs will gather up the BRFs guns and make of them a mighty throne or something. (Seriously, how scrambled must one’s neurons be to think “The President wants to kill me, just so he can get my gun“? Dude, the PotUS doesn’t need your damn gun.)

    BUT

    While the tree of liberty is getting root rot from all the patriot blood, Evil Despot Obama will feel need to provide cover for his actions by claiming the resistance fighters were racists. This will indeed be a novel approach because one hallmark of the evil despot is that he has imprisoned/tortured/killed anyone who objects to his actions.

    Gosh. It is almost like they wish they could open fire on a bunch of darkies, especially those uppity ones, and claim it was self-defense.

    • cpinva says:

      if they moved to FL, they could.

      “Gosh. It is almost like they wish they could open fire on a bunch of darkies, especially those uppity ones, and claim it was self-defense.”

  12. Yosemite Semite says:

    So a corporation is a person. Does that mean owning shares of a corporation is chattel slavery? Didn’t we have an amendment or something about that? Just askin’. Or maybe it’s only fractional chattel slavery, like the three-fifths thing in the Constitution, and it’s OK. I’m sure the Supremes will be able to figure out the justification.

    • RepubAnon says:

      I’m wondering whether the “let corporations vote” idea is designed to mock the idea of corporations as persons. I suppose they’d need to be at least 18 years old to vote -right?

      Really, imagine the Koch Brothers setting up a few thousand corporations as a form of gerrymandering. They’re quite inexpensive to set up in most states.

  13. socraticsilence says:

    Pratt wins, the corporation thing is dumb and supposedly not to make a point but despite it being insane and Swayze’s statement essentially okaying the rape of all non-virgins (after all somethings already been in there) only Pratt’s reads like a less well written version of the Turner Diaries (which is itself horrendously written, like someone read The Klansman and tried to update with more racism).

  14. LosGatosCA says:

    Pratt puts peak wingnut in sight. It may not be attainable, but you definitely see what it looks like.

  15. Warren Terra says:

    I’m fascinated by the insult to Swayze’s husband: she’s saying mandated transvaginal probing is OK, because it is to visualize or to protect Life, in just the same way that her husband’s transvaginal insemination of her was acceptable because it engendered Life. Visions of Margaret Atwood’s description of the procreative act in The Handmaid’s Tale, and with a similar amount of joy and human warmth and connection, are inevitable.

    • NBarnes says:

      Visions of Margaret Atwood’s description of the procreative act in The Handmaid’s Tale, and with a similar amount of joy and human warmth and connection, are inevitable.

      +1

  16. c u n d gulag says:

    If I was a woman, here’s what I’d say – “Trans-vaginal probes could be acceptable – after we initiate the policy of checking for fatherhood via tran-penis probes.”

  17. Dirk Gently says:

    Pratt sure puts a new twist on “black helicopter” conspiracies.

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