BREAKING: Richard III Found Dead
England’s long national nightmare may be over:
A skeleton found underneath a car park in Leicester is expected to be confirmed as that of Richard III.
The remarkable discovery of the remains, entailing a curved spine back and wounded skull, was made last September.
Since then scientists have been conducting a range of tests to establish whether the remains do indeed belong to the Plantagenet King.
Researchers from Leicester University will hold a press conference on Monday morning where they will present the findings of their investigation.
Let me be the first to set aside my family’s historical Plantagenet sympathies and call for an end to the destructive, six century civil war that has laid England waste. Yorkist dead-enders, lay down your arms!
Randy Paul:
February 3rd, 2013 at 12:44 pm
Beneath a car park?
His kingdom for a decent burial place.
LassMichInRuhe:
February 3rd, 2013 at 12:51 pm
As a Richard III Truther, I want to know why they are suppressing evidence of a second head-smasher and the discovery of a mallet beneath a fish and chips shop 20 meters away.
Scott P.:
February 3rd, 2013 at 12:58 pm
March on, join bravely, let us to’t pell-mell;
If not to heaven, then hand in hand to hell.
John Protevi:
February 3rd, 2013 at 12:58 pm
THIS SHOWS THEY ARE LOOKING IN THE WRONG PLACE FOR JIMMY HOFFA
NonyNony:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:00 pm
If Richard III was buried under a car park, does that mean that they need to be looking in Westminster Abbey for Hoffa?
Hogan:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:03 pm
I’ll be in the cold cold ground before I recognize those Welsh upstarts.
wjts:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:07 pm
I’m a Truther, too, but am more outraged that the British government continues to suppress evidence that Richard was brutally murdered by Edward V and Richard of Shrewsbury.
Linkmeister:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:17 pm
WHAT ABOUT THE PRINCES? WILL NO ONE REMEMBER THE PRINCES?
UberMitch:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Pitch doesn’t burn hot enough to melt a hauberk! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
Hogan:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:40 pm
Harrumph harrumph.
NonyNony:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:43 pm
And I want to know why the British government continues to suppress the evidence of the reign of King Richard the IV, and continues to present the whitewashed history cooked up by Henry Tudor as “fact” when it comes to the death of Richard III anyway.
wengler:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:48 pm
Henry VII is not my king!
wengler:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:50 pm
I secretly hope his skeleton was found clutching a note that said “Thanks a lot, Obama!”
KWillow:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:55 pm
After reading Tey’s “Daughter of Time” decades ago, I did a lot of reading up on Richard III. Tey left out some very very important “evidence” of Dicon’s guilt… still, he sounds like a pretty nice guy, for his times. Seems to me he really had No Choice but to dispose of his nephews, even if he didn’t want to be King: they and their Woodville relations HATED Richard: he wouldn’t have lasted long under their rule. So. Anyway.
Eric Scharf:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:56 pm
Next stop: Plantagenet Park
KWillow:
February 3rd, 2013 at 1:58 pm
Dickon I mean.
Fighting Words:
February 3rd, 2013 at 2:17 pm
I guess this really is the winter of our discontent.
oldster:
February 3rd, 2013 at 2:26 pm
somehow this feels like a missing verse from “A Day in the Life”
I read a blog today, oh boy…
they found the missing, twisted tricky Dick
in Leicestershire, beneath a lot
they’d seen his spine before
now they know how many cars it takes to cover up the plot!
The Dark Avenger:
February 3rd, 2013 at 2:51 pm
THERE WAS A SECOND ASSASSIN!
Richard Hershberger:
February 3rd, 2013 at 3:06 pm
“Tey left out some very very important “evidence”…”
Indeed she did. That book is something of a textbook example of the use of carefully selected evidence to arrive at the desired conclusion. The real stroke of genius was writing it ostensibly as a novel. This provided the built in defense of “It’s only a novel! Sheesh!” thereby rendering all critiques as humorless pedantry, while retaining all the power of persuasion to its cause.
It had a good run, but my sense is that Richard IIIism is out of fashion. The type that was attracted to it back in the day are now devoting the efforts at pitying condescension of anyone foolish enough to believe that Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare. This too will pass. I am curious to see what comes next.
efgoldman:
February 3rd, 2013 at 3:11 pm
And our winner of the intartoobz am….
efgoldman:
February 3rd, 2013 at 3:14 pm
Oh my. Silly me awarded the internets to wengler, above, without reading all the way down…
We shall have to find a consolation prize. Any suggestions?
cpinva:
February 3rd, 2013 at 4:07 pm
ON THE GRASSY KNOLL!
Jameson Quinn:
February 3rd, 2013 at 4:14 pm
The combined works of Shakespeare and the Beatles?
catclub:
February 3rd, 2013 at 4:42 pm
That is not a knoll, it is a bunchbacked bit of lawn.
Roger Ailes:
February 3rd, 2013 at 4:45 pm
Huzzah!
Breadbaker:
February 3rd, 2013 at 5:17 pm
The BBC is part of the British government, yes?
The Dark Avenger:
February 3rd, 2013 at 5:29 pm
“She doth love thou, yea, yea, yea……….”
Book:
February 3rd, 2013 at 6:16 pm
Can you imagine the curse that must have befallen that place?!
herr doktor bimler:
February 3rd, 2013 at 7:39 pm
In CONCEALMENT!
He was a knoll coward.
Randy Paul:
February 3rd, 2013 at 8:28 pm
Really!
Belle Waring:
February 3rd, 2013 at 9:17 pm
Ahem: “She loves thee, yea, yea yea.” Do a favor for thine own self and rely thee not upon the comic books featuring Thor for thy versions of English that retain a ‘you/thou’ distinction.
I do/thou dost/he,she,it does/we do/ you do/do.
He hit me/he hit thee/he hit him; her; it/
he hit us/he hit you/he hit them
mine/thine/his; hers; its/
ours/yours/theirs
et cetera, I leave the workings out to thee all, regarding thee as friends and equals, and remembering that thou’rt high in my affections. [OMG thee could be plural--but! Yes, to indicate loving informality to a group. cf. "Children come thee all inside, for it is thy suppertime."] Please don’t fuck this up, o thou my people. It irritates me unduly.
Belle Waring:
February 3rd, 2013 at 9:19 pm
Ne, should be a “they” before the last naked “do” in the nominative demonstration bit. I am not a crank.
The Dark Avenger:
February 3rd, 2013 at 9:46 pm
I was channeling Lennon remembering scraps of Shakespear from his school years, thank you very much.
The Dark Avenger:
February 3rd, 2013 at 9:53 pm
Love, love me dost
Thou knows that I love thee
I’ll always be true,
so please
Love me dost.
Belle Waring:
February 4th, 2013 at 12:26 am
OK the “love me dost” is LOLworthy.
Belle Waring:
February 4th, 2013 at 12:34 am
Nonetheless I’m afraid it’s still “do” in the imperative: “do, thou, come inside, because it is very cold, and thou dost wear only a thong.” “Nu, it is the Folsom Street Fair, thou wish’t me to hide my light under a bushel?”
Leeds man:
February 4th, 2013 at 1:08 am
Maybe I’m amazed that 16th-17th century English were that standardized, wack.
Ed:
February 4th, 2013 at 1:11 am
We really don’t know enough about Richard to determine what degree of niceness he possessed. Tey’s book was a very enjoyable argument for the defense. Richard may well have had no choice but it’s worth noting the killing of the princes was a shocker in an era one might otherwise think unshockable when it came to bloodshed.
dave brockington:
February 4th, 2013 at 1:19 am
Finally, we can put the centuries of turmoil and strife behind us, and take our rightful seat at the high table of the world’s great powers. The 21st Century will be the English century.
Leeds man:
February 4th, 2013 at 1:30 am
Don’t Let’s Be Beastly To The Lancastrians.
sibusisodan:
February 4th, 2013 at 3:17 am
This thread is full of win.
expatchad:
February 4th, 2013 at 4:50 am
+1
expatchad:
February 4th, 2013 at 5:02 am
+1 oy
chris y:
February 4th, 2013 at 6:04 am
he/she/it doth/(rarely)doeth
cf. “How doth the little crocodile/improve each shining scale…”
Body confirmed to be that of Richard The Third, The Last Plantagenet King of England « The Consulting Detective:
February 4th, 2013 at 6:45 am
[...] BREAKING: Richard III Found Dead (lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com) [...]
Barry Freed:
February 4th, 2013 at 6:58 am
Quick, has anyone checked to see if Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead?
rea:
February 4th, 2013 at 7:14 am
God and your arms be praised, victorious friends,
The day is ours, the bloody dog is dead.
Rob:
February 4th, 2013 at 8:21 am
I think we can all agree that as long as no stinking Germans sit on the British throne everything will work out.
oldster:
February 4th, 2013 at 8:24 am
yes…the lady doth complain *too* much, methinks.
(misquoted in order to convey the sense generally misattributed to it).
drkrick:
February 4th, 2013 at 10:25 am
Favorite twitter comment: A king buried under a multistory parking lot? Wrong on so many levels.
Halloween Jack:
February 4th, 2013 at 11:00 am
I always thought that those little bastards were up to no good.
Halloween Jack:
February 4th, 2013 at 11:02 am
They should start by looking in “William Shakespeare”‘s tomb. (Shakespeare, as we all know, was really a cyborg sent from the future to kill Sir Francis Bacon and steal his plays.)
Leeds man:
February 4th, 2013 at 11:13 am
+100, as the kids say.
Njorl:
February 4th, 2013 at 11:46 am
Let’s see … at 3 pounds, twenty per hour for 527 years … that’s nearly 15 million pounds the crown owes that car park.
Dick Gregory:
February 4th, 2013 at 12:02 pm
ATOS declare Richard III fit for work
IM:
February 4th, 2013 at 1:29 pm
Yorkist dead-enders, lay down your arms!
Never! The white rose will rise again!
(I am a Richard revisionist. And as far as I am concerned Song of Ice and Fire has rehabilated Richard twice: Stannis and Tyrion)
herr doktor bimler:
February 4th, 2013 at 3:26 pm
As any fule kno.
herr doktor bimler:
February 4th, 2013 at 3:27 pm
And cursed be Halloween Jack that moves these bones.
Rob:
February 4th, 2013 at 5:47 pm
Well if the stupid lot didn’t misplace his horse to begin with…