Because nobody has any other reason to read.

LITTLE KID comes to SEK’s door to retrieve the basketball he launched onto SEK’s porch.

LITTLE KID: Hi. My basketball landed on your—WOW. You have so many books!

SEK: I know, I’m a tea—

LITTLE KID: ARE YOU A WIZARD?

SEK: Why else would I have so many books?

LITTLE KID: (turning around) MOM HE’S A WIZARD! I MET A WIZARD!

SEK: Let me get you your—

LITTLE KID: WIIIIIIZZZZZZAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDD!

43 comments on this post.
  1. Murc:

    So if we throw you in water, that means you’ll float, right?

  2. thebewilderness:

    Kinda makes the whole thing worthwhile, dunnit?

  3. Mister Harvest:

    Awesome.

  4. SEK:

    Not really. Though maybe now they’ll stop launching things onto my porch.

  5. SP:

    Is this the same kid who yelled I’m Lebron or whatever it is that kids tell these days?

  6. Jim Lynch:

    “There” [points to SEK].

    “You sure”?

    “Yeah, man, I’m sure. That’s him”.

    “That’s the fucker who stole your ball and claimed to be a wizard”?

    “Yeah, man, I’m telling you, that’s him”.

    “OK, then. Let’s fuck him up. We ain’t no little kids no more”.

  7. SEK:

    No, this wasn’t “RAY ALLEN!”

  8. SEK:

    Hey, no spoilers!

  9. Peter Hovde:

    Little did he know you’re just a squib.

  10. Jewish Steel:

    Are you pitching an update on The Once And Future King?

    Because I’m listening.

  11. ironic irony:

    I took this as kind of adorable.

    But maybe I shouldn’t have…..

  12. GeoX:

    YOU’RE A TEA PARTIER?!?

  13. IM:

    Only reasonable. Wizarding schools and universities are the only places depicting as having lot of books in todays media. And if you would have said you worked at a university, he would just have assumed Hogwarts or UU or the school of Roke.

    Probably he has just seen the Hobbit – although I don’t remember any books there.

  14. herr doktor bimler:

    It was probably the owl perched on his shoulder that gave the whole show away. That, or the corkadill suspended from the rafters.
    Or the cloak embroidered all over with cabalistic symbols.

  15. Uncle Kvetch:

    There has to be a twist.

  16. rea:

    Although Gandalf does some heavy reading in the big library at Gondor in LOTR

  17. Ken:

    An angry mob with pitchforks and torches.

    Or the modern equivalent, a visit by the police after “concerned” parents call them about the guy who’s telling the kids he’s a wizard. Goes without saying, but never let any of them further into your home than the porch.

  18. LeeEsq:

    Nah, this would have happend during the D&D scare in the early and mid-1980s but not now.

  19. Crackity Jones:

    Wow another substantive SEK post.

  20. Njorl:

    What they don’t tell you, though, is that less than half of graduating wizards get jobs doing actual magic.

  21. Njorl:

    Nerds today have it easy.

  22. Halloween Jack:

    I think I know that “kid.”

  23. … and yet in another sense are we not all radagast the brown? | hashtag tashlan:

    [...] Are you a WIZARD? [...]

  24. Uncle Ebeneezer:

    Have you considered building a fence?

    This story made me think of this.

  25. Jewish Steel:

    Is SEK a mod or a rocker?

  26. Nick:

    It would explain a lot, you must admit.

  27. rea:

    They actually do, though–we know canonically that there are 5 wizards, we see three in the books (Saruman, Gandalf and Radaghast) and Radaghast doesn’t actually do any magic . . . so, less than 50%.

  28. Roadtoad:

    Well, that might be problematic. If he’s lighter than a duck, he’s hosed. (It’s a fair court.)

    (He turned me into a newt. Of course, I got better…)

  29. xaaronx:

    And that’s counting hedge wizards setting up in private practice themselves.

  30. Barry Freed:

    SEK: “I know, I’m a tea—…pot, short and stout.”

  31. Jon H:

    Gandalf double-dips though, coming back after the Balrog and all, when his job could have gone to a young underemployed wizard.

  32. osceola:

    Reminds me of a joke by the last great Bill Hicks:

    Waitress: “What are you readin’ for?”
    Hicks: “What am I reading FOR? I’m reading so I don’t end up working in a diner at 3 a.m.”

  33. SEK:

    Sadly, the more reading you do now, the more likely you are to end up working in a diner at 3 a.m.

  34. SEK:

    Hey! I’m tall and lanky. Wait, is that any better? Crap…

  35. SEK:

    I bet people enjoyed the five seconds it took to read my post more than they did the two seconds it took to read your comment, though. In short, VICTORY FOR SEK.

  36. SEK:

    He votes “neither.”

  37. Bill Murray:

    being a wizzard means you can make those things disappear

  38. Bill Murray:

    ho about a combination — mocker!

  39. Warren Terra:

    Not a joke to make before you get your food.

  40. Barry Freed:

    You can get a lot of reading done working at a diner at 3 a.m.

  41. Brian O'C:

    My grad students in Translation are doing a project translating an anthology of Chinese children’s poems into English:

    Teacher, you are a wizard

    Were I a falling cloud
    You are the goose that lifts me up
    Were I a fish out of school
    You are the wave that pushes back
    Were I a delicate bud
    You are the leaf that holds me up
    Were I the grass in winter
    You are the gorgeous spring awakening me

    A little blackboard
    Depicts colorful scenes
    A tiny chalk
    Shows ten thousand things
    Eraser move round and round
    Disperse the mist that covers our dream
    Makes them bright and clear

    Teacher
    Truly an amazing magician-oh
    Cast your spell on our wonderful childhood

    Teaching at a Chinese University I have high wages*, paid insurance, subsidized housing, paid vacation and support and recognition from the government, the university administration, and the parents. And I really feel the love from my students.

    *With the exchange rate – maybe not so great, but high for China.

  42. Jewish Steel:

    You’re in good company.

  43. SEK:

    You are making me feel very sad.

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