Because nobody has any other reason to read.
LITTLE KID comes to SEK’s door to retrieve the basketball he launched onto SEK’s porch.
LITTLE KID: Hi. My basketball landed on your—WOW. You have so many books!
SEK: I know, I’m a tea—
LITTLE KID: ARE YOU A WIZARD?
SEK: Why else would I have so many books?
LITTLE KID: (turning around) MOM HE’S A WIZARD! I MET A WIZARD!
SEK: Let me get you your—
LITTLE KID: WIIIIIIZZZZZZAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDD!
Murc:
January 13th, 2013 at 11:38 pm
So if we throw you in water, that means you’ll float, right?
thebewilderness:
January 13th, 2013 at 11:39 pm
Kinda makes the whole thing worthwhile, dunnit?
Mister Harvest:
January 13th, 2013 at 11:39 pm
Awesome.
SEK:
January 13th, 2013 at 11:43 pm
Not really. Though maybe now they’ll stop launching things onto my porch.
SP:
January 13th, 2013 at 11:44 pm
Is this the same kid who yelled I’m Lebron or whatever it is that kids tell these days?
Jim Lynch:
January 13th, 2013 at 11:58 pm
“There” [points to SEK].
“You sure”?
“Yeah, man, I’m sure. That’s him”.
“That’s the fucker who stole your ball and claimed to be a wizard”?
“Yeah, man, I’m telling you, that’s him”.
“OK, then. Let’s fuck him up. We ain’t no little kids no more”.
SEK:
January 14th, 2013 at 12:21 am
No, this wasn’t “RAY ALLEN!”
SEK:
January 14th, 2013 at 12:22 am
Hey, no spoilers!
Peter Hovde:
January 14th, 2013 at 12:36 am
Little did he know you’re just a squib.
Jewish Steel:
January 14th, 2013 at 1:21 am
Are you pitching an update on The Once And Future King?
Because I’m listening.
ironic irony:
January 14th, 2013 at 1:34 am
I took this as kind of adorable.
But maybe I shouldn’t have…..
GeoX:
January 14th, 2013 at 1:54 am
YOU’RE A TEA PARTIER?!?
IM:
January 14th, 2013 at 4:29 am
Only reasonable. Wizarding schools and universities are the only places depicting as having lot of books in todays media. And if you would have said you worked at a university, he would just have assumed Hogwarts or UU or the school of Roke.
Probably he has just seen the Hobbit – although I don’t remember any books there.
herr doktor bimler:
January 14th, 2013 at 4:47 am
It was probably the owl perched on his shoulder that gave the whole show away. That, or the corkadill suspended from the rafters.
Or the cloak embroidered all over with cabalistic symbols.
Uncle Kvetch:
January 14th, 2013 at 6:48 am
There has to be a twist.
rea:
January 14th, 2013 at 7:15 am
Although Gandalf does some heavy reading in the big library at Gondor in LOTR
Ken:
January 14th, 2013 at 7:16 am
An angry mob with pitchforks and torches.
Or the modern equivalent, a visit by the police after “concerned” parents call them about the guy who’s telling the kids he’s a wizard. Goes without saying, but never let any of them further into your home than the porch.
LeeEsq:
January 14th, 2013 at 9:39 am
Nah, this would have happend during the D&D scare in the early and mid-1980s but not now.
Crackity Jones:
January 14th, 2013 at 9:40 am
Wow another substantive SEK post.
Njorl:
January 14th, 2013 at 9:45 am
What they don’t tell you, though, is that less than half of graduating wizards get jobs doing actual magic.
Njorl:
January 14th, 2013 at 9:47 am
Nerds today have it easy.
Halloween Jack:
January 14th, 2013 at 11:02 am
I think I know that “kid.”
… and yet in another sense are we not all radagast the brown? | hashtag tashlan:
January 14th, 2013 at 11:29 am
[...] Are you a WIZARD? [...]
Uncle Ebeneezer:
January 14th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
Have you considered building a fence?
This story made me think of this.
Jewish Steel:
January 14th, 2013 at 12:33 pm
Is SEK a mod or a rocker?
Nick:
January 14th, 2013 at 12:38 pm
It would explain a lot, you must admit.
rea:
January 14th, 2013 at 12:41 pm
They actually do, though–we know canonically that there are 5 wizards, we see three in the books (Saruman, Gandalf and Radaghast) and Radaghast doesn’t actually do any magic . . . so, less than 50%.
Roadtoad:
January 14th, 2013 at 12:47 pm
Well, that might be problematic. If he’s lighter than a duck, he’s hosed. (It’s a fair court.)
(He turned me into a newt. Of course, I got better…)
xaaronx:
January 14th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
And that’s counting hedge wizards setting up in private practice themselves.
Barry Freed:
January 14th, 2013 at 1:49 pm
SEK: “I know, I’m a tea—…pot, short and stout.”
Jon H:
January 14th, 2013 at 3:49 pm
Gandalf double-dips though, coming back after the Balrog and all, when his job could have gone to a young underemployed wizard.
osceola:
January 14th, 2013 at 3:51 pm
Reminds me of a joke by the last great Bill Hicks:
Waitress: “What are you readin’ for?”
Hicks: “What am I reading FOR? I’m reading so I don’t end up working in a diner at 3 a.m.”
SEK:
January 14th, 2013 at 5:49 pm
Sadly, the more reading you do now, the more likely you are to end up working in a diner at 3 a.m.
SEK:
January 14th, 2013 at 5:52 pm
Hey! I’m tall and lanky. Wait, is that any better? Crap…
SEK:
January 14th, 2013 at 5:53 pm
I bet people enjoyed the five seconds it took to read my post more than they did the two seconds it took to read your comment, though. In short, VICTORY FOR SEK.
SEK:
January 14th, 2013 at 5:54 pm
He votes “neither.”
Bill Murray:
January 14th, 2013 at 5:59 pm
being a wizzard means you can make those things disappear
Bill Murray:
January 14th, 2013 at 6:01 pm
ho about a combination — mocker!
Warren Terra:
January 14th, 2013 at 6:22 pm
Not a joke to make before you get your food.
Barry Freed:
January 14th, 2013 at 7:21 pm
You can get a lot of reading done working at a diner at 3 a.m.
Brian O'C:
January 15th, 2013 at 12:21 am
My grad students in Translation are doing a project translating an anthology of Chinese children’s poems into English:
Teacher, you are a wizard
Were I a falling cloud
You are the goose that lifts me up
Were I a fish out of school
You are the wave that pushes back
Were I a delicate bud
You are the leaf that holds me up
Were I the grass in winter
You are the gorgeous spring awakening me
A little blackboard
Depicts colorful scenes
A tiny chalk
Shows ten thousand things
Eraser move round and round
Disperse the mist that covers our dream
Makes them bright and clear
Teacher
Truly an amazing magician-oh
Cast your spell on our wonderful childhood
Teaching at a Chinese University I have high wages*, paid insurance, subsidized housing, paid vacation and support and recognition from the government, the university administration, and the parents. And I really feel the love from my students.
*With the exchange rate – maybe not so great, but high for China.
Jewish Steel:
January 15th, 2013 at 2:39 am
You’re in good company.
SEK:
January 15th, 2013 at 6:35 pm
You are making me feel very sad.