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The Greatest Thing Anyone’s Ever Written About Me

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A wannabe David Horowitz has written this about me calling the NRA a terrorist organization on Twitter. It is entitled, “Professor calls for assassination of NRA CEO.”

The only downside is crazy people flooding my e-mail in box during finals week. But so be it.

…..You will all be happy to know that one of these lunatics called the Rhode Island state police accusing me of calling for the assassination of Wayne LaPierre. 2 officers came to the house. I was in a meeting on campus. I now have to meet these police officers at a gas station in the middle. Yes, this sounds a bit suspicious to me too. If this is a trap and I get shot tonight, let it be known that someone had to say these things.

…..Not dead yet. Do have a meeting with the dean tomorrow though. Yay!

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  • Uncle Kvetch

    Just don’t let the lure of celebrity go to your head.

    (OTOH, it would be kind of cool to be able to say “Hey, I was reading Loomis years before you hipsters got into him.”)

    • If given the opportunity, I will take it as a point of pride to say, “I was writing alongside Loomis years before you kids had heard of him. [Now get off my lawn.]”

      • “I’ve known Loomis for so long, I remember when he was advocating for the assassination of Jesse Helms.”

        • arguingwithsignposts

          “I’ve known Loomis for so long, I remember when he was advocating for the assassination of Jesse Helms Jefferson Davis.”

          • rea

            “I’ve known Loomis for so long, I remember when he was advocating for the assassination of Jesse Helms Jefferson Davis Lucius Cornelius Sulla.”

            • Krugar of Swamp Clan

              Krugar am know Loomis so long Krugar remember when Loomis want someone club Glork of Valley Clan in head with bear femur.

              • Pool of amino acids formed in primordial slime

                gurgle

                • Hydrogen synthesized in the fires of the Big Bang

                  (hums to itself at 1420.40575177 MHz)

              • ajay

                A good choice of weapon. The femur of the species is more deadly than the male.

            • Timb

              Loomis’s would SO bea Marian. Although, how his loud mouth would have escaped proscription is beyond me. No way Loomis is as careful as Caesar

    • jon

      Why, we knew him when he was only calling for the beheading of one person, long before he moved on to the genocide that always throbbed in his dark heart. And look at him now, so pleased with himself, sitting on top of his pyramid of skulls.

    • herr doktor bimler

      Hey, man, you don’t talk to Erik Loomis. You listen to him. The man’s enlarged my mind. He’s a poet warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he’ll… uh… well, you’ll say “hello” to him, right? And he’ll just walk right by you. He won’t even notice you. And suddenly he’ll grab you, and he’ll throw you in a corner, and he’ll say, “Do you know that ‘if’ is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you”… I mean I’m… no, I can’t… I’m a little man, I’m a little man, he’s… he’s a great man! I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas…

      • GFW

        +1

  • brad

    “The professor could not be reached for comment at the time of publication and URI was did not provide a spokesperson for comment to Campus Reform in time for publication.” [very sic]

    I want to tease about EL hiding from the truth, but stupidity like this can make it difficult to distinguish sarcasm when in close proximity.

    • Timb

      By not available for comment, we mean, we didn’t try to contact him, but we did tell on I’m to his boss. Na na na na

      • jon

        No, it means, “I left a vague voicemail five minutes before I hit ‘Send’.”

  • You know what would go well with a head on a stick? A vodka martini.

    • Gin sir! Gin!

      • rea
        • rosewater49

          My God are you witty! and think yourself now famous. What a sheltered little life you must lead.

      • Manju

        I swear to freakin’ god, last Wednesday afternoon:

        Manju: I’ll have a gin martini.

        Bartender: Do you want a regular martini, or a gin one?

        And I wasn’t even raised to posses the skill of knowing wine.

        • Uncle Kvetch

          I’ll have a gin martini.

          See, there’s your trouble right there. You gotta call your brand.

          I order a “Beefeater martini, up with a twist” (or if I’m feeling like a change of pace, a “Bombay Sapphire etc.”). That way I don’t even have to acknowledge the ridiculous notion that there’s something called a “martini” that’s made with vodka.

          (Mind you, vodka does have its place: a friend had a party over the weekend where the drink of choice was Absolut Ruby Red mixed with additional ruby red grapefruit juice and a shot of lime. I’ve always poo-pooed the whole flavored vodka thing but this was deee-lishus.)

          • Murc

            That way I don’t even have to acknowledge the ridiculous notion that there’s something called a “martini” that’s made with vodka.

            Why the scare quotes?

            For that matter, what have you got against a vodka martini? Vodka goes great with vermouth and an olive, and it’s no less a legitimate martini than one with gin.

            Now, drinks that are just vodka with a sweetener, those aren’t martinis. Neither is ordering an ‘extra dry’ vodka martini, because the bartender can and will simply pour you a big glass of vodka.

            But the traditional vodka martini is a perfectly cromulent martini.

            • Richard

              And there are some flavored vodkas that make very fine mixed drinks.

            • jmack

              Neither is ordering an ‘extra dry’ vodka martini, because the bartender can and will simply pour you a big glass of vodka.

              And he/she might wave the vermouth bottle over the drink (without adding any) for effect.

          • Manju

            You gotta call your brand. I order a “Beefeater martini, up with a twist”

            I order Omakase.

          • Scott Lemieux

            Beefeater is really underrated. It ranks with Rittenhouse Rye as one of the great values in booze.

            • Don’t knock Old Overholt rye, either.

    • Sherm

      With a side dish of dried ears, of course.

      • Pestilence

        best bar snacks

        • sparks

          Meh, leathery. Better for a dog treat than a human snack. Ears need deep frying.

          • DrDick

            My thought exactly!

          • herr doktor bimler

            Or a freshly-applied iron.

  • Malaclypse

    I’m almost tempted to point this guy in the direction of Alterdestiny, with the masthead of dairy products, the white race, and the survival thereof, just to watch his wingnutty head explode.

  • Murc

    I can’t help but wonder, does this guy think terms like “head on a stick” are usually meant to be taken literally?

    Because he must think our political and social discourse is just… awfully violent in general.

    The kindest scenario I can think of is that this is snark. Someone thinking “Wait, they’re blaming Wayne LaPierre for this shit because of what he says? That’s bullshit. I mean, this guy called for LaPierre’s head on a stick; by that standard if someone actually did that, we should blame him. I will make an article highly the ridiculous standard.”

    But I don’t think he’s that smart.

    Also, LaPierre isn’t CEO of the NRA, which I believe isn’t incorporated.

    • I mean really, if I was going to call for the assassination of LaPierre, wouldn’t I have said to use the same gun the asshole in Connecticut used? Killing and the NRA does not exactly need to be obscured through language.

    • John

      Don’t you remember when Obama literally threw Reverend Wright under a passing CTA bus, resulting not only in serious injuries to the reverend, but significant damage to the bus?

      • Stan Gable

        He’s thrown millions of liberals under the same bus already – I’m shocked that a) the maintenance work alone hasn’t lifted us out of recession and b) that his back and knees are still holding up under the strain!

        • arguingwithsignposts

          He hires New Black Panthers to do the heavy lifting.

          • Anonymous

            Those doors won’t open themselves.

          • Woodrowfan

            both of them?

    • DrDick

      He really does seem unaware of the concept of metaphor, and this is a very common one. You would think that a “writer” might be familiar with things like this.

      • Matt

        He thinks Liberty University is a great place, so his command of metaphor may be slightly impaired – a pretty common affliction among people who’ve convinced themselves that a book of fairy tales by Iron Age shepherds is literal truth.

        • Malaclypse

          Pedant: the fables are mainly Bronze Age, not Iron Age.

          • scepticus

            My understanding, or misunderstanding, as the case may be, is that the writers were of the Iron Age, which is too bad, because Bronze Age comes across as bigger, and funnier, insult. I also prefer to refer to them as goatherders, rather than shepherds, for the same reason. [Way off the main point of the Loomis post]

            • DrDick

              Many of the fables were around long before they were written down. The Pentateuch is most certainly Bronze Age.

            • Andrae

              Whatever you think of its reliability, the books themselves claim their authorship was late-bronze through to early-iron age; depending on the specific tales to which you refer.

              (There are references within the histories to the philistines of Gaza having a technological advantage over the hebrews due to their having access to iron weapons).

          • Timb

            You don’t have to write “Pedant.” I mean, you already signed it with “malaclypse”

      • Rarely Posts

        The only rational solution to this is: “a war on metaphor!”

        Unfortunately, I’m only able to wage it from my home computer because a detachment of heroin syringes has got me pinned down in my apartment – my location fell behind enemy lines in the War on Drugs back in the 1950s.

        I’m also not sure how I’m supposed to violently defeat symbolic language, but maybe an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) is the place to start?

    • Here’s the thing, Murc. There are many on the right…and some on the left…who go out of their way to exaggerate and sensationalize comments and statements, sucking the underlying truth out of them (that LaPierre ought to be publicly made ot account for his sins in this) and turning them into some attack, so they can beat back the straw man.

      I, along with SEK, have been on the receiving end of this treatment on at least one occasion. It’s not pretty, but there are ways to fight it.

    • herr doktor bimler

      Next you will tell me that the angry mob from which Obama defended those bankers was not in fact wielding pitchforks.

  • Speak Truth

    …me calling the NRA a terrorist organization…

    Yeah, well, when you make crazy statements, you get crazy critics. Go figure. That was out there.

    • Do you facilitate the murder of 20 young children before or after you eat your morning waffles?

    • Vance Maverick

      How does that cross the line from legitimate hyperbole to “out there”? Terrorists use violence to advance political ends — the NRA uses politics to advance violence.

    • Aaron Morrow

      Terrorists can’t be white! They must be Freedom Fighters TM.

      • John Brown

        Quite right!

        • Linnaeus

          You’re bloody well right.

          • rea

            His body lies amolderin’ in his grave, but his truth goes marching on . . .

          • herr doktor bimler

            Quite right
            You’re bloody well right.

            You got the bloody right to say…

      • Uncle Ebeneezer

        Offered not as a pedant, but as someone who just recently discovered it.

    • DrDick

      Obviously a pancake apostate. Time to burn him a steak.

  • Congrats.

  • Manta

    Since the US policy is to imprison without trial or murder (people the government decides are) terrorists, by saying that the head of NRA is a terrorist you were calling for his assassination (or imprisonment without trial).

    • See, I would respect that guy more if he had made those connections himself. On the other hand, of course it was far beyond him.

    • Vance Maverick

      And if he had called LaPierre a fraud, that would have amounted to calling for his imprisonment? I eagerly await the application of this hyperliteral standard of acceptable speech to the provocations of Ann Coulter.

    • wengler

      A Glock won’t help you against a drone attack.

    • Since the US policy is to imprison without trial or murder (people the government decides are) terrorists

      Um…

      Seriously, trolly, I don’t think there’s anyone here who doesn’t want to see LaPierre tried and held in federal prison.

      • Murc

        Er… I actually don’t.

        LaPierre is a sack of shit, but I don’t see how he’s done anything that he could actually be held criminally liable for, at least not without setting precedents I’d find dangerous.

        • I’m just arguing for due process. Of course there’s a chance he’d be acquitted.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah,….YEAH…

        Oh, fuck…I thought you were talking about Eric Holder.

        Sorry…

    • I’d settle for him to be tarred, feathered and run out of the country on a rail.

      I guess I’m one of those bleeding-heart liberals.

      • sparks

        A B+ rail, hopefully.

    • arguingwithsignposts

      well-placed commas are your friend.

  • I liked this comment:

    “Erik Loomis is why more and more parents home school and then send their kids to Liberty or some other Christian college.”

    Secular humanists like yerself just completely suppress the Christian message of plentiful assault rifles. Typical.

    • My wife also found that comment especially entertaining.

    • Malaclypse

      Look, I’m just gonna point out that if Jesus had an assault rifle in Gethsemane, that centurion wouldn’t have even had an ear for Jesus to reattach. Let’s see the liberals argue that away.

      • rea

        Although based on Horowitz’s history, it would be more to the point if you said that if Trotskey had only had an assault rifle, no icepick-wielding Stalinist could have taken him out.

        • rea

          Oh, but now I see it’s not Horowitz himself; just a Horowitz wannabe, which is about as low on the food chain as one can get.

          • Reasonable 4ce

            A David Horowitz wannabe? I had almost forgotten about that douche nozzle. Is that worse than a Breitbart wannabe?

            • Timb

              Believe it or not, yes. At least Breitbart believed part of the grift. Horowitz doesn’t believe any of it

      • arguingwithsignposts

        Look, I’m just gonna point out that if Jesus Peter had an assault rifle in Gethsemane

        Fixed for gospel accuracy.

        • Bill Murray

          or the two sons of Zebedee, James and John

          • ajay

            James on the M-60, John as loader.

    • Manta

      All by himself? Eric must be proud to be able to fill all Christian colleges.

      • Pestilence

        … with horror?

        • DrDick

          All of them are filled with little horrors.

    • somethingblue

      Make sure you forward that one to your publisher.

      • Malaclypse

        And list it as “community service” in your tenure package.

        • swearyanthony

          Hell that’s a quote for the cover of your next book.

        • Bill Murray

          also count this as free publicity for URI

  • Joseph Slater

    Guns don’t kill people. Blogs kill people.

    • Really, if I’m going to go old school and put LaPierre’s head on a stick, I am going to contact my medievalist historian friends and get some advice on how to do it right.

      • Fake Irishman

        I’m sure SEK could put up another Game of Thrones post to show you how to display your heads on sticks in the most visually meaningful way.

      • rea

        When was the last time anyone ever used an assault rifle to put someone’s head on a stick, anyway?

        • DrDick

          Vietnam, 1965-1975.

          • rea

            Surely they used knives?

          • Pestilence

            Congo, 2012 (well, for generous definitions of stick)

            • DrDick

              True. I realized that there have been many instances since. I just knew guys who had been party or witness to the incidents in Vietnam.

      • Well, first, you have to call it a “pike,” not a stick.

      • PSP

        Doesn’t he have to drawn and quartered first?

        • Leeds man

          What, no hanging first? Barbarian!

          • Pestilence

            well that gives low-hanging fruit a new definition

            • rea

              Strange low hanging fruit.

              • RhZ

                Wow. Thread over.

      • jon

        The separate subject of first removing head from body will be covered in an upcoming post-graduate colloquium. In the meantime, feel free to improvise with a rusty catfood can lid.

      • Speak Truth

        Really, if I’m going to go old school and put LaPierre’s head on a stick, I am going to contact my medievalist historian friends and get some advice on how to do it right.

        Ya’ know, I’m not too worried about guns. Obama railed against it a couple of years ago when Gabby Gifford was shot and, as he always does, takes whatever position is to his political advantage. And gun control has never been a winning issue.

        And in a couple of months after his supporters have calmed down and go back to work, school, etc., Obama won’t give a rat’s ass about guns. It’s a losing position. For most people it would be like getting rid of prescription medicines because 20,000 people die a year from misuse.

        Rail as much as you wish. Doubtful anything will happen.

        • John Protevi

          CALL NOW AND YOU WILL RECEIVE AS A BONUS MY POLITICAL PROGNOSTICATION PUBLICATION IN THE FORM OF A HANDY NEWSLETTER. MY FORECASTING RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

          • spencer

            + heh indeed.

        • SEK

          You’ve got a lot of nerve predicting things here. I mean, after this, it takes a lot of nerve to show your face after that performance.

      • If you want to do it Japanese-style, you pickle the head first: pack it in salt, or salted rice. That’s what “sushi” was, originally: pickled fish that was fermented in salted rice. Eventually they figured out that fresher fish and vinegar’d rice worked better for most people. But the “su” in sushi is the root for pickled/preserved (ignore anyone who says that the character doesn’t say that; it’s a modern homophone to hide the origin) and it was done for enemy heads taken in combat, so they could be shipped back to the capitol for accounting purposes and display.

  • Anonymous

    Just think: we all knew Erik way back when he was a nobody…

  • Anonymous

    “[I] want Wayne LaPierre’s head on a stick,” Erik Loomis, a professor at the University of Rhode Island (URI), tweeted.

    Worst. Carvel. Ever.

    • Hogan

      I think it’s more like chicken satay.

      • Bill Murray

        I had friends who, when in the Philippines, had weasel on a stick. That probably looked like their Wayne. Also CMOT Dibbler sold rat on a stick

    • jon

      What did you expect? As all true conservatives know, it’s been all downhill since CookiePuss.

  • Grrrr, those last two Anons were mine. Sorry.

  • xxy

    I’d like to see a screening of Les Miserables at the Leadership Institute. I hear their projection is top-notch!

  • I just don’t know where else to share this, so I’ll add it here.

    Jonah Goldberg, John Podhoretz and somebody named Rob Long have solved the problem of mass shootings.

    1. Gun control is stupid and useless.
    2. People with mental illness should be institutionalized by force.
    3. Barack Obama should lecture black fathers more.
    4. Repeal the New Deal.
    5. Charles Murray is great.

    I am not kidding.

    • spencer

      I don’t care how many mangoes there are out there, I’m not getting out of the boat.

      • Bill Murray

        but you need to get your mango card reissued

      • It is still papaya season. Mangoes will be in season in February.

    • Rod was one of my profs in grad school. As an Ancients scholar (esp. Aristotle) he was quite good. He’s a nice person as well.

  • Davis

    Putting his head on a pike would imply that he be charged, convicted, and executed, rather than assassinated.

    • Njorl

      Or, that Erik wants to see one of the guys on “Pardon the Interruption” do a rant from La Pierre’s point of view.

  • SEK

    You will all be happy to know that one of these lunatics called the Rhode Island state police accusing me of calling for the assassination of Wayne LaPierre. 2 officers came to the house. I was in a meeting on campus. I now have to meet these police officers at a gas station in the middle. Yes, this sounds a bit suspicious to me too. If this is a trap and I get shot tonight, let it be known that someone had to say these things.

    You’ve been hanging around me too long. Clearly, I’m a terrible influence.

    • SEK

      (Or a curse.)

    • Cody

      Don’t you pay the police?

      Can’t they be bothered to meet you someplace!? The state police post can’t be that far. I’m certainly not okay meeting someone in someplace unfamiliar after only talking to them on the phone.

  • Randy

    Favorite comment:

    “how bout we get rid of all inteligentsia that would solve the problem what a dumbass!”

    Here’s a man who’s willing to walk the walk. No one is ever going to accuse HIM of being part of the “inteligentsia.”

    • DAMMIT Randy!

    • Murc

      how bout we get rid of all inteligentsia that would solve the problem

      Wow, Khmer Rouge policymaking is alive and well.

      • DrDick

        Their own little Cultural Revolution I think.

  • This guy is doing his part:

    Rick Ellington · James F. Byrnes High School
    how bout we get rid of all inteligentsia that would solve the problem what a dumbass!
    Reply · Like · Follow Post · 51 minutes ago

    • Woodrowfan

      James F. Byrnes high School? Let me guess, South Carolina??

  • Try not to make of the Rhode Island State Police’s silly-assed uniforms.

    • commie atheist

      Very butch. They remind me of those guys who always escort coaches off the field at the end of college football games.

      • The look like the Imperial Prussian Cavalry, Maintenance Division.

    • spencer

      You got any suits at home, or do you like coming to work dressed like you’re gonna invade Poland?

  • WOOF

    Don’t go.
    It’s so much more efficient if
    you come to them.
    I suspect you will be arrested.

    • GFW

      Yeah, since when can the police tell you to meet them at a gas station?

      There are serious differences in law between your property and elsewhere. Basically they can arrest you for darn near anything (claim you were disturbing the peace or whatever they want) at the gas station, while they’d be much more constrained if you’re on your own property (preferably inside your house).

      So, make them come to you, and stand on your stoop while you talk to them through the doorway. Or get someone around here with real expertise (not me – this is based on watching L&O a few times) to explain in more details.

      • arguingwithsignposts

        Or take his lawyer with him to the gas station.

        • GFW

          That’ll work too, but costs the hourly rate of the lawyer including travel time. Seriously, if you have a lawyer and plenty of money, the best place to discuss anything with the police, is at the offices of said lawyer. If you don’t have a lawyer and just plan to point out that “head on a stick” is an expression used figuratively in the modern world like “thrown to the lions”, “crucified”, “pilloried”, etc. then I’d say the doorway of your home is a good bet. Don’t come out, don’t invite them in. (This could seem like I’m anti-cop. I’m not, except when there’s reason to suspect motive. If I was reporting a crime, I’d invite them in and offer an appropriate beverage.)

      • rea

        stand on your stoop while you talk to them through the doorway.

        Oh, don’t do that, unless you want to give them a pretext to search your house.

        • GFW

          From that link “A consent to search must be unequivocal and specific. It must be given voluntarily, intelligently, and knowingly”

          • Bill Murray

            so that leaves out Rick Ellington from ever giving consent to a search

          • Craigo

            In practice, those conditions are easily met. The point is that you don’t ever want to be in the position where you’re arguing after the fact that the search wasn’t consensual.

            It’s hard to understand the amount of pressure being put on you by two serious men in uniforms carrying guns and handcuffs and telling you that they need to see inside your house.

          • rea

            “A consent to search must be unequivocal and specific. It must be given voluntarily, intelligently, and knowingly”

            Or more accurately, the police must say that consent to search was unequivocal and specific, given voluntarily, intelligently, and knowingly, etc.

            • rea

              Or fuck consent–all the police have to say is that they smelled something suspicious when you opened the door.

    • Murc

      I honestly don’t know if Erik wouldn’t welcome that.

      On the one hand, nobody likes being arrested. On the other hand, Erik is an honest to god labor radical, where being arrested is a mark of honor, and if he had the time he could make life all sorts of difficult for both the cops arresting him and the idiot who filed a false report.

      • Richard

        The guy who called the cops is not guilty of filing a false report if all he did was bring to the attention what Erik wrote. And filing a charge against the cops for wanting to talk to him wont get him anywhere. He is not going to be able to make things difficult for anyone unless he wants to spend thousands of dollars in legal fees with no expectation of getting anything back. The best thing to do is talk with the cops, preferably at the police station and preferably with a lawyer, and explain that no threat of violence was made.

        • Craigo

          That’s not quite right. We don’t know exactly what the report said, but if it actually repeated Erik’s exact words, then no cop in his right mind would want to waste time speaking with him. If it said that Erik threatened or incited the assassination of LaPierre, then that is obviously not true.

          There will be absolutely no legal fees from pursuing the false report, because that’s a criminal matter and victims aren’t made to bear those costs. And lawyers suing a police department for false arrest and wrongful imprisonment will be happy to work on contingency, trust me.

          • Richard

            You’re assuming he gets arrested and charged. Thats not what is happening now. They only want to talk with him as far as we know. The cops cant be successfully sued for wanting to talk to someone.

            I agree that if the report to the police said that Erik threatened to kill LaPierre, its a false report but I highly suspect that these clowns gave Erik’s on line statements to the police (or the police asked for them) before they made a decision to talk to him. If Erik files an action against these guys or the cops, it will cost Erik thousands in legal fees and, unless the cops actually have pursued an action against him for making threats and Erik prevailed, he wont be able to recover monies he spent on counsel (unless there is something special in the laws of Rhode Island I am not aware of)

        • Murc

          And filing a charge against the cops for wanting to talk to him wont get him anywhere.

          Which is why my comment specifically pertains to Erik being arrested.

          • Richard

            You are right if he is arrested. But its not at that stage now. And Erik should not put himself in a position to increase the chance of being arrested, even if the arrest is unwarranted.

      • jhe

        Anyone know where I can get a “Free Loomis” t-shirt? Or am I being premature?

  • Steve

    Shorter Erik: Send lawyers, guns, and money.

    • elm

      There is a good chance that the shit will hit the fan at the gas station tonight.

      • Cody

        Quick! Flash mob at a random Rhode Island gas station where State Police are!

        If I leave now I might make it there… by tomorrow.

  • Murc

    Oh, and chalk me up as another in the ‘don’t meet the cops at a gas station.’

    I mean, really, Erik. You should know better than to trust the cops. You want to meet them on your own property, outside your home, preferably with your attorney present and as large an audience as possible.

    Barring that, make them come to you on-campus and make sure colleagues are present.

  • Richard

    Erik

    A little bit of legal advice. When and where you do meet the police, be civil and don’t be a jerk. Explain that what you said was not a threat, that putting one’s head on a pike doesn’t mean you are literally going to behead him – dont go on and on about LaPierre being a terrorist. You really don’t want even frivolous charges being brought.

    • Murc

      Explain that what you said was not a threat, that putting one’s head on a pike doesn’t mean you are literally going to behead him

      I would actually say even that’s saying too much.

      Never, ever, ever volunteer information in a police investigation that involves you as a suspect. Answer their questions factually, only answer what was asked, and stick to facts, not inference.

      If the cops ask Erik to confirm if certain words are his or not, his answer should be “yes” or “no” followed by closing his mouth and waiting politely for the next question.

      • Richard

        We disagree a little on this. My best guess is that the cops want to ask him if he wrote it and then ask him what he meant. At that point, he has a chance to explain that it was not a threat. I highly doubt they are going to ask him if he wrote it and not say anything else.

        My other best guess is that they will lecture him, tell him we are living in tense times after what happened in Newtown and warn him to not inflame passions and not say anything which could be interpreted to suggest a violent response. Its up to Erik how to respond. My advise is to keep it low key, whatever he says, and dont champion himself as a firebrand. If I were him, I would downplay the First Amendment defense and attacks on the NRA.

        • RhZ

          They may be obligated to look into this complaint, by law or by department practice.

          I agree that friendly or at least amiable is the best way to go.

          You could try W’s dismissive, ‘you’ve covered you ass, now’ tactic…umm on second thought, probably not the best idea.

      • Sherm

        No reason to talk to them at all.

  • duck-billed placelot

    Yeah, this gas station nonsense is…nonsense. In the BEST light, it’s two cops who are bored with this whole affair already wanting to get things over with. But since when do we assume the best motivations for cops? At the very least, bring a witness with you; more reasonably, I’d suggest you call and ‘reschedule’ through the main precinct, because there is also the possibility that these cops are not actually cops but instead lunatics hoping to punish EL for his intemperate (and wholly correct) speech. A little confirmation wouldn’t go amiss.

    When I was in high school, there was a rash of killings; someone bought a flashing light and affixed it to his murder-car then proceeded to pull women over on deserted country highways. Always confirm with the precinct, people.

    • Richard

      Of course, confirm that these guys are cops. But I assume they left their cards when they stopped by the campus. And I assume Erik already called the cop station where he was put in touch with one of them and told of the meeting at the gas station.

  • somethingblue

    You know, this is Rhode Island. They may just want to ask Erik what it’s worth to him.

  • laura

    Be careful Erik.

  • Yosemite Semite

    Assassination is a bit extreme. Let’s just send Wayne LaPierre to Guantánamo with the rest of the terrorists.

  • Anonymous

    My office is pretty close to the NRA building in Fairfax, Virginia, and there were multiple occupied police cruisers parked directly across the road when I drove by at midday.

    I think you touched a nerve there.

    • Woodrowfan

      the big bad “real men are armed to the teeth” NRA called on the cops for protection? What happened to self-defense and real manhood???? Wussies

    • Cody

      Yes, this seems highly ironic. I assume everyone at the NRA HQ has a gun, and they preach having a gun would stop any kind of violence.

      Thus, it would be rather clear they need no protection from law enforcement or other civil services.

  • Uncle Ebeneezer

    If this is a trap and I get shot tonight, let it be known that someone had to say these things.

    I wanted to make a joke but I’m having trouble figuring out what they would have to pry from Erik’s cold, dead hand? Any ideas?

    • In an ideal world, a Deschutes Black Butte Porter. Unfortunately I can’t get that in Rhode Island so I’m not sure.

    • Bill Murray

      the pike for LaPierre’s head?

  • Richard

    Erik

    Did you meet with them or refuse or did they call it off? Inquiring minds want to know

    • I met with them. They thought the whole thing was ridiculous. They asked if I owned any guns, which was quite ironic. Then they asked if I was planning to assassinate Wayne LaPierre. Then it was over.

      • wengler

        Congratulations. You are the scariest leftist on the internet this day.

        These people need hobbies other than soiling their pants.

        • arguingwithsignposts

          You are the scariest leftist on the internet this day.

          I LOL’d

          • I feel like it’s safe to say that this is the best thing ever (both Erik and this assessment).

        • Well, he certainly made SOMEONE pee their pants.

      • Richard

        Congrats. I thought this would amount to the cops just finishing up paperwork. Hope the meeting with the dean goes as well

      • jon

        Some radical. You owed it to the Intertubes to go out in a blaze of glory, like Dillinger in a Peckinpah movie. For saying stuff that wouldn’t get you invited back if you were on the 700 Club, or to any self respecting grade school lunchroom. You make my sister’s book club yawn. Personally, I’m reveling in the fact that saying that maybe folks with guns shouldn’t kill so many children, is an actual, existential threat to people who specialize in collecting and using high powered weaponry.

      • So you just told them that you wanted to send LaPierre on a Holiday in Cambodia?

      • Woodrowfan

        well that’s just swell. What the hell are we going to do with 20 gross of “Free Loomis!” T-shirts now? Oh well, into the charity bag for Central America along with all those “World Champion Detroit Tigers” and “Romney Inauguration” t-shirts….

        • arguingwithsignposts

          well that’s just swell. What the hell are we going to do with 20 gross of “Free Loomis!” T-shirts now?

          LGM store!

          • swearyanthony

            A “Free Loomis” T-shirt would make an excellent Christmas present for someone you are ambivalent about.

      • somethingblue

        They asked if I owned any guns, which was quite ironic.

        But not if you owned any sticks?

        Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.

  • Best of luck with the Dean, tomorrow.
    Hope he ain’t like Wormer.
    Double secret probation and all.

    • Murc

      Nah, Erik’s Dean is pretty cool. He used to play bass in the Pretenders.

      • rea

        I thought that guy ODed on heroin? He became dean at URI instead?

  • mch

    Haven’t read all the comments here, by a long shot.

    My advice. Unless your dean has called you in only pro forma and to commiserate. This is the moment to concede. Not your principles, your soul. Save those. Concede, “Yes, I might have phrased things better.”

    With power (ain’t it fun to have a rightly noticed blog?) comes responsibility, as they say. Responsibility to do right in the future, too.

  • Cody

    I googled “Head on a stick” and “Republican”. Loomis can up first.

    WINNING!

    • Cody

      Also,
      Don’t Google this. Holy Hell are there some stupid websites that come up. I was looking for examples of prominent Republicans calling for someone’s head on a stick, but instead I found a bunch of posts about Loomis and Game of Thrones.

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