The Dark UN Conspiracy Takes Another Hero

Thank God (thank HIM!!!!!!!) for Georgia Senate Majority Leader Chip Rogers, who is willing to stand up against Satan’s grand strategy to use his minions (the United Nations) to destroy this great nation through such horrors as urban planning. In October, Rogers led his peers to hear a speaker at the state capitol building railing against the dark conspiracy known as Agenda 21, a nonbinding, voluntary UN action plan in favor of sustainable development. I’ve never heard of such a threat to the United States and God’s plan for us to develop the nation’s resources to generate profits for wealthy white people who can then store their riches offshore in the Cayman Islands.

Satan takes his pound of flesh though (though given Satan’s nefarious agenda, he probably prefers organic, locally-produced flesh. Not to mention a kilogram of flesh instead of a pound) and Rogers is now “resigning” from the Georgia Senate to “spend more time with his family.” Can we Christians take a few minutes away from building more suburban developments in wetlands to rescue our hero? Don’t you know that “spending more time with his family” is a euphemism for “sustainable, walking cities?” My god, there might be black people in those places! And not every store would have a parking lot the size of Rhode Island! Can you imagine the horror? If we don’t save him now, will Satan take him to the never before known 20th Circle of Hell–making him an employee of an NGO working with indigenous people to save their lands from oil development?

98 comments on this post.
  1. Lev @ LibraryGrape.com:

    Isn’t Sen.-elect Ted Cruz an Agenda 21-er too?

    Also, read something today about how Herman Cain could win in a primary challenge in Georgia. How amazing would that be!

  2. c u n d gulag:

    And here I thought “Hiking the Appalachian trail,” was the new euphamism for having an affair, and had taken the place of ‘wanting to spend more time with his family?”

    So, is it because of an affair?
    Bribery or corruption charges?
    A dead male hooker with this guy’s DNA on body parts where they shouldn’t have his DNA?

    I’ll check in later after I go to the store – I’m all out of popcorn.

  3. Erik Loomis:

    Ted Cruz is going to be a joy in the Senate.

  4. thusbloggedanderson:

    “Spend more time with his mistress’s family.”

  5. joe from Lowell:

    This post is all kinds of awesome.

    “Spend more time with his family lawyer.”

  6. Malaclypse:

    If Cthulhu loves me, he’s schtupping Jan Brewer.

  7. Todd:

    And while we’re at it, what about this other voluntary U.N. resolution regarding Palestine?

    I saw a lot more black delegates voting that day on the floor of the U.N. than I had ever seen there before. I’m not saying “fraud”, I’m just saying I’d never seen some of these people before. Where did they come from, the woods?

    I’d call for a delegate investigation, but who would lead it for us, Susan Rice?

    Never mind.

  8. Dr.KennethNoisewater:

    I do not like your slashfic. Will not be subscribing to your newsletter.

  9. Erik Loomis:

    Dozens and dozens of black people.

  10. J.W. Hamner:

    So I can see how Agenda 21 could be used for the construction of the NAFTA super highway, but I’m a little confused as to where the Amero will come into play.

  11. Erik Loomis:

    Do you think the people raging against Agenda 21 actually knows what it does?

  12. thusbloggedanderson:

    In related news, the UN plot to protect the disabled has been rejected by the vigilance of Senate Republicans, defending liberty against its disabled enemies!

    As the parent of a disabled child myself, I confess to some curiosity what Sarah Palin said about this treaty, but I might lose my lunch if I googled that up.

  13. thusbloggedanderson:

    A particularly unspeakable subgenre of tentacle porn?

  14. Lev @ LibraryGrape.com:

    Believe it or not, Mark Sanford didn’t resign after he got caught “hiking the trail.” In fact, he was highly popular when he left office (though his wife, understandably, divorced his ass). Some of the most popular Southern politicians are also the most ostentatious cheaters, like Vitter and Bill Clinton. The compartmentalization that goes on down there…

    I’m actually sort of hoping that Sanford takes on Lindsey Graham in a primary challenge. He’d undoubtedly be an improvement.

  15. zombie rotten mcdonald:

    “Walking Cities”?

  16. OzarkHillbilly:

    If he is, I don’t want to see the pictures.

  17. DrDick:

    My Little Pony tentacle porn to be exact.

  18. JKTHs:

    The Amero will be the currency the US government uses to finance it all, and all the country’s elite will quietly switch to it while Bernanke continues to hyperinflate the dollar’s value into the ground.

  19. William Cooper:

    Although I thought Chtulhu had better taste.

  20. OzarkHillbilly:

    Black helicopters, Eric. They’re everywhere.

  21. DrDick (form Ozark Hillbilly and current resident of Montucky):

    Sweet Cthulhu! What a horrendous idea.

  22. J. Otto Pohl:

    I just finished copy editing a report for a UN agency. Initially I volunteered to do it for $1000, but they told me they could not pay me that little and had to pay me $1500. The report was on local governance (municipalities) so it was sort of distantly related to urban planning. I am sure you will now all become radically anti-UN now that you know I do contract work for them.

  23. Bill Murray:

    Isn’t the Amero Obama’s Chevy replacement for the Camaro? Thus, the mero will be the official vehicle for driving the NAFTA superhighway.

  24. Warren Terra:

    Don’t count on it. I mean, I hope you’re right, but from what I’ve read of him he’s smart, educated, and very, very ambitious – quite possibly enough so to tone down the crazy that’s gotten him this far, in service of his larger goals.

    See also Rand Paul, who has excellent Loonie credentials but seems to be aiming for a long and possibly nondescript career.

  25. J. Otto Pohl:

    Well Ghana voted to recognize Palestine as a nonmember state. No African countries voted against it. But, Rwanda did abstain which means that the current efforts in the Senate to cut foreign aid to countries voting for Palestine will not effect them.

  26. Davis X. Machina:

    Don’t forget the manatees. Everyone’s got their eye on the laser-equipped dolphins, while the manatees are the real threat.

  27. Warren Terra:

    Poe’s law in action.

  28. Warren Terra:

    I assumed it made the playing of Blackjack mandatory.

  29. Lev @ LibraryGrape.com:

    After the Senate GOP voted down the Disability Treaty today, I’ve become convinced that Republicans aren’t opposed to the President’s foreign policy, or anyone’s foreign policy. I think they’re just opposed to foreign policy. At least any that doesn’t involve freedom bombs.

  30. MPAVictoria:

    Seriously man it is time to buck up. No one hear hates you or looks down on you because you teach and live in Ghana.

  31. MPAVictoria:

    sigh.. no one HERE….

  32. Warren Terra:

    The sneakiest thing about the current spate of hyperinflation is surely how it doesn’t affect any actual prices.

  33. Erik Loomis:

    As always, every comment thread is about you.

  34. Warren Terra:

    If we don’t stop them now, they’ll force us to install ramps for their black helicopters.

  35. Warren Terra:

    To be fair, many are more about Ghana.

  36. Lev @ LibraryGrape.com:

    I don’t like Rand Paul personally, and his philosophy is ugly and downright troubling, like his dad’s. But damn if he’s good for a few things (like his dad) that an ordinary Kentucky Republican certainly wouldn’t be. Jim Bunning wouldn’t have tried to filibuster the PATRIOT Act or opposed the use of force in Libya. Honestly, if Ted Cruz were half as good on civil liberties and foreign policy as Paul fils, he’d exceed my expectations. But in reality, this guy is a careerist Republican pretending to be a Tea Party guy, Marco Rubio redux.

  37. JKTHs:

    Yes it does. The government lies about inflation plus I think maybe some of the things I buy have gotten more expensive lately.

  38. Lev @ LibraryGrape.com:

    I love how only nine countries actually voted against it, but over forty abstained (including the UK). What message does that send, other than, hey, we wish we could vote for Palestine, but we can’t piss off the Americans? It looks like bullying, but even worse, it was toothless bullying. Couldn’t even get them to oppose.

  39. Malaclypse:

    It does help if you read all of J Otto’s comments in the voice of Otto from The Simpsons.

  40. Warren Terra:

    This is a joke, right?

  41. JKTHs:

    Well yeah, but that’s often what you hear from Paultards/goldbugs/random crotchety conservatives when you hit them with the, ya know, reality aspect of inflation.

  42. Dave S.:

    Wait, this isn’t “Lawyers, Ghana and Money”? Gotta get a new monitor.

  43. joe from Lowell:

    The current efforts in the Senate aren’t going to effect anyone.

    It’s going to be a big “Why isn’t this working?!?” moment, like the immigrant bashing in 2006, or the Terry Shiavo shirt-waving. It’s a strategic blunder that will only confirm the decline of the Israel lobby, much like the UN vote itself.

  44. joe from Lowell:

    You hear it from a surprising number of crotchety lefties, too.

  45. BigHank53:

    After eating a few hundred million sentient beings, I imagine they all start to taste the same.

  46. NonyNony:

    Otto is less aggrieved and more full of wonder about the world (admittedly because he’s a stoner, but still).

    I always read J. Otto’s posts in the voice of Moe Syzslack. It just feels … right.

  47. Patrick:

    World Cup 2010. Never forget!

  48. STH:

    He doesn’t seem super-popular with the libertarian crowd–he seems a bit more moderate than this dad. Not that his dad is all that committed of a libertarian. It always amazes me, these “principled” libertarians who want to make abortion illegal. The contradiction never seems to hit them.

  49. rea:

    Cthulhu, properly prepared, tastes like calamari.

  50. rea:

    Apparently it might have allowed disabled people to get abortions . . .

  51. Cody:

    It’s disturbing that for an instant, I also thought he was serious.

    But I recognize him from other threads, and I don’t think he’s a complete loon.

  52. Linnaeus:

    And they did while walking right by Bob Dole (in a wheelchair) who came to the Senate to support the treaty.

  53. Malaclypse:

    There was a while back that Brad Potts was going on about hidden inflation, and Krugman looking at core CPI because he was evil, and hated poor people.

  54. Malaclypse:

    You go through life, you try to resist the urge to punch people in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt! Well, I’m better than dirt! Well… most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff’s loaded with nutrients. I… I can’t compete with that stuff.

    I see what you mean, and stand corrected.

  55. Hogan:

    Did they have their right thumbs and forefingers extended in front of their foreheads in the universal symbol for “loser”? Wouldn’t surprise me.

  56. Major Kong:

    So how come when houses go up in value it’s “a great real estate market” and not “inflation”?

  57. Woodrowfan:

    I hope the back seat of the Amero is more comfortable than the back seat of my Camaro was. My back still hurts..

  58. Hogan:

    Moe! Moe! Moe!
    How do you like me? How do you like me?
    Moe! Moe! Moe!
    Why don’t you like me? Nobody likes me.

  59. JKTHs:

    But I recognize him from other threads, and I don’t think he’s a complete loon.

    Don’t be so sure

  60. mark f:

    I read his comments in the voice I imagine Stalin must’ve had. It helps explain why Otto works his way into every thread. He’s just waiting for his moment to take the whole blog over.

  61. Joe:

    Meanwhile, in evil UN action and true patriots preventing it …

    http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/12/republicans-un-treaty-disabled.php

    Damn disabled!

  62. Roger Ailes:

    All real estate agents must wear brown and mustard colored blazers, aka The Mark of the Beast.

  63. spencer:

    I am sure you will now all become radically anti-UN now that you know I do contract work for them.

    Where to even begin …

  64. JKTHs:

    The original and much more long lasting BLS “truthers” are the ones who think the BLS technical changes to the CPI during the 1990s were specifically done to hide the dramatic inflation the government is inflicting upon us.

  65. S_noe:

    Otto, here is a sincere HUG. Hang in there, man. And the commies here are not going to turn against the UN no matter what you do.

    Keep on keepin’ on.

  66. BigHank53:

    Somebody gets to charge you 6% interest on all the money you have to borrow to buy that more expensive house. Guess who that is…

  67. Keaaukane:

    Lawyers, Ganja and Money.

  68. gocart mozart:

    I don’t know what it does but it must be 2.3333333 times as evil as Plan 9 From Outer Space

  69. Stiv:

    Hard to fathom, but he’s resigned his seat to go work for georgia public broadcasting. I can’t believe these guys, now hes also disavowing the agenda 21 seminar, says “don’t shoot me , I’m, only the messenger”.

    Takes his policy positions advice from Mitt.

  70. gocart mozart:

    Otto is in charge of copy editing Agenda 21?

  71. Halloween Jack:

    Unpleasant mental images aside, there’s always been something more than a bit off about Brewer, above (or below) and beyond her shameless pandering to the lowest common denominator to get elected. She’s seemed to flake out on more than one public occasion.

  72. Halloween Jack:

    As long as we can still see paradise by the dashboard light…

  73. Halloween Jack:

    Oilers, Grunge and Honey.

  74. Halloween Jack:

    I volunteered to do it for $1000

    That word…

  75. Halloween Jack:

    Really? If he thinks that Agenda 21 is some scary liberal shit, wait until he arrives at Comrade Keillor’s re-education camp at Lake Wobegon for “management orientation”.

  76. The Dark Avenger:

    If you’re telling us you were wildly overpaid, I’d believe it.

  77. HP:

    Loris, Galagos, and Monkey?

  78. M. Bouffant:

    A gallon of milk in Calif. has just gone from $2.99 to $3.39. Coffee & peanut butter are up too.

  79. M. Bouffant:

    Don’t Google Rick Santorum’s take on it then, either.

  80. zombie rotten mcdonald:

    Plans One Through Nine

  81. Joe:

    Wasn’t this covered by a Dave Barry book?

  82. BigHank53:

    I’d say they’re just opposed to foreigners.

  83. BigHank53:

    Lapdance, Puns, and Funny.

  84. herr doktor bimler:

    Like this?

  85. N__B:

    Your handicapped commie, Mandrake, has no regard for human life.

  86. CD:

    It’s J. Otto’s world. We just get to comment in it.

  87. joe from Lowell:

    Food, like gasoline, is not counted in measures of core inflation because those two commodities are particularly subject to price swings for reasons having nothing to do with the underlying money supply.

    When you’re trying to measure inflation, you have to ask what information you’re looking for. If the question is the bite that prices are taking out of consumers, you look at consumer inflation, which includes food and gas. But if you want to look at the money supply and help guide monetary and fiscal policy, you look at core inflation.

  88. joe from Lowell:

    Housing costs are included in inflation measures.

    I would guess that we don’t use the term “housing inflation” in common parlance because “inflation” means “bad,” and when it comes to housing (but not lumber, peanut butter, or cars) many ordinary people own homes and can make money from a rising housing market.

  89. Pepperfez:

    Never Google Rick Santorum’s anything.

  90. DrDick:

    I should know better than to try to make up something like that. Rule 34 strikes again.

  91. Emma in Sydney:

    I was surprised and pleased that the government of my country, long the US’s most supine, craven and cur-like ally, actually abstained against US wishes. A revolt by the caucus of the Australian Labor Party forced the PM to accept an abstention, lest she lose a vote in caucus and end up with a vote against.
    Baby steps…

  92. Warren Terra:

    I don’t buy enough milk to really notice, and I’m not very price-sensitive on milk. I shop around with great care for most of my groceries, though, and so I can say with great certainty that over the last fifteen years list prices on many items have gone up (especially on soda, recently), but sale prices have only gone up – at most – perhaps twenty to thirty percent over that whole time, less on most items, and really not at all noticeably in the last few years.

  93. bob_is_boring:

    Oh, Rule 34–don’t ever change.

    in re: that:

    “Squirty Pie” is my new…well, I don’t know what. But next time I need a handle, that’s it.

  94. bob_is_boring:

    Spoilers, Expunge, and Runny

  95. ironic irony:

    Don’t forget Sanford used public funds for his trips to Argentina, while Eliot Spitzer paid a prostitute with his own money and had to resign a few months before the Sanford scandal broke.

    Republicans. The personification of hypocrites.

  96. Matt:

    He’s been recruited by Mittens for a top-sekrit suicide mission against Big Bird.

  97. Brandon:

    No, they cowardly waited until he was wheeled out of the chambers.

  98. jackd:

    There was an interview with Rogers on the Atlanta public radio station this week. The way he described his new position is so vague – no definite duties or functions, pay not settled – that I really had to wonder what’s going on. My guess is that he got offered a choice between this yet-to-be-defined job and something worse, i.e. getting kicked out of the state senate leadership altogether. Or maybe he called in some favors after seeing the handwriting on the wall.

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