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In case you wonder what I write about on Facebook

[ 41 ] December 5, 2012 |

CAT limps meekly up to SEK, who is sitting at his desk grading.

CAT: Hi.

SEK: Hello.

CAT: Legs no work.

SEK: You don’t say.

CAT: Wrestled packing tape.

SEK: I can see that.

CAT: Won.

SEK: Not sure about that.

CAT: Help.

SEK: Fine, let me just pull that off–

CAT produces a noise unheard on Earth outside of H.P. Lovecraft’s nightmares. POLICE are likely to arrive soon. CAT also now sports hilarious bald spots.

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  • SEK

    (I’m ribbing a few regulars who Facebook mailed me wondering why I don’t post here everything I write there. Take that!)

  • rea

    Well, don’t look to CAT for help or sympathy the next time you find yourself inexplicably entangled in packing tape.

    And if you claim that isn’t likely to happen, well, none of your regular readers will believe you.

    • SEK

      And if you claim that isn’t likely to happen, well, none of your regular readers will believe you.

      Crap, I didn’t think of this. The best reason not to publish this here is that, in a karmic sense, I’m now asking for it. Motherfuck.

  • Quicksand

    What, no pics?

    I was hoping this was going to be one of THOSE posts.

    • SEK

      I only thought of taking pictures after untangling my obviously-in-pain cat from the packing tape. (For reference, though, this is the cat in question. You can imagine what he looks like ensnarled in tape, or now, covered in bald spots.)

      • arguingwithsignposts

        Yes, we need photos with sight lines and configurations to get the full effect of the visual rhetoric involved here.

        • SEK

          I considered including some of my patented yellow lines, but demurred because it felt oddly violent.

          • expatchad

            Cat looks like a feline Rorschach test, now we can maybe diagnose your condition(s). Bald spots a bonus.

    • blowback

      Well at least he wasn’t “wrestling” with Big Bird!

      • blowback

        Sorry, I should have mentioned that the above link is probably NSFW.

  • Tim

    Is this all you post?

    • SEK

      No. Please refer further questions to the recently updated “Who Are We?” page.

    • RedSquareBear

      ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE?

      • RedSquareBear

        (In related news: the Internet is for cats. Pette alle cattes.)

    • Bart

      Are you suggesting intervention?

  • CAT

    Scalzi’s cat gets BACON.

    • Barry Freed

      Packing tape too, to be fair.

  • poco

    I want a talking cat like yours. Especially one who says:

    CAT: Won.

    • Hogan

      I have a cat who says that every time she finishes gnawing on my hand.

    • rea

      It’s not so much that CAT talks–it’s that he’s a lecturer in visual rhetoric.

  • Daverz

    First stealing basketballs from children, and now abusing helpless animals….

    • SEK

      Yeah, I’m really not putting up a good showing lately, am I?

      • It’s ok – you can do these kinds of things when you’re Batman.

  • Pseudonym

    Speaking of hilarious bald spots, have you checked out my facebook photos?

    • SEK

      I don’t think that qualifies as a “spot.”

  • herr doktor bimler

    Bald spots are NEVER HILARIOUS.

    • Malaclypse

      23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. 25 And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria. – 2 Kings Chapter 2.

      • Ian Osmond

        That’s one of my favorite hilarious Bible Stories.

  • Captain Splendid
    • Hogan

      Also this.

      • SEK

        Definitely that.

      • cpinva

        perfect!

  • Manju

    I’m Catwoman.

    • Malaclypse

      That would explain the fascination with Byrds.

      • The Dark Avenger

        And the inability to maintain a logical train of thought.

    • Halloween Jack

      Halle Berry, not Michelle Pfeiffer.

      • Hogan

        Nah. Manju’s a total Eartha Kitt.

        • njorl

          Julie Newmar was my favorite, not to be confused with Lee Meriweather.

    • Manju

      Malaclypse wins the subthread.

      • The Dark Avenger

        And, as usual, you’re the idiot of the thread.

  • SV

    As a foreigner (not living in the US) I pass over a lot of the IR/military posts here, vaguely read a lot of others (e.g. the recent labour stuff), and pay more attention to progressive/social justice/law change posts – but I have been enjoying your recent posts along the lines of this one immensely.

    (I’m thinking of RAY ALLEN, I’M BATMAN, etc. But extra love on this one because CATS.) Thank you!
    (Must start looking at your FB page if this is what I am missing.)