Copyright (c) 1980, 1982, 1983, 2006 Sekocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
CHRISTMAS! is a registered trademark of Sekocom, Inc.
Revision 23 / Serial number 8940726
You are standing in an open field west of a white apartment complex, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.
> go home
You turn to your left and find yourself at an airport. The line of weary parents and unsupervised children snakes around the airport twice.
> stand line
You find the first available line and deposit yourself and your luggage at the end of it. In front of you is a college student of indeterminate age with suspect hygiene. To your right is an incontinent child.
You are unable to ignore the stale sweat with its hints of Adderall and vodka. The child to your right is making a face.
> stop face
You grab the child by the face. Its father lunges at you. He is carrying the child, a camera case, a man-purse, a laptop bag, a carry-on, three large suitcases, his wife’s hat and two pairs of sunglasses.
> fuck him
Are you sure you want to do that here?
> fine punch dad
You strike the father in the face and make contact with one pair of sunglasses, a camera case, a carry-on, one large suitcase and his wife’s hat. The child resumes making a face.
> stop face
You grab the child by the face. Its mother lunges at you. She is carrying a copy of 50 Shades of Grey, a lady-purse, a child’s car-seat and a pet-carrier containing a small yapping animal.
> kick mom
You kick the mother in her lady-purse. She throws 50 Shades of Grey at your head but it strikes the unkempt college student in his. As he turns around she drops the pet-carrier and looses the small yapping animal. The family chases after it as screams of “Rat! Rat!” echo through the terminal.
> cut in line
You occupy the place vacated by the family. A few of your fellows-in-line shoot you disapproving looks but they are too demoralized to care. Five hours later you reach the ticket counter and receive your boarding pass.
> bout fucking time
There is no one here for you to fuck. You walk to your gate and await the initiation of boarding procedures. Hours pass. Centuries. Kingdoms rise and fall. Great men are born and die alone on sodden streets. Women are elected to offices higher and highest. Hot coffee spills from your tilted cup onto your most sensitive parts.
> GET IT OFF
The coffee has soaked through your boxers and threatens to weld them to your skin. Your favorite bits will never work again.
> JUST A DREAM
This is no dream.
> JUST A DREAM
You are wide awake and in unimaginable pain. You begin to imagine life a life without–
> AM DREAMING AND CAN NARRATE OWN LIFE. PRECIOUS BITS ARE FINE. COMPUTER LIES.
You begin to imagine life with–
> GRUE! AM LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY GRUE!
> YES PLEASE GRUE PLEASE NOW!
Because its jaws are fearsome and it loves coffee …