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Beats telling people that you’re Jewish

[ 75 ] December 3, 2012 |

SEK spies an OLD LADY being crushed by the Christmas tree she’s trying to remove from the roof of her car.

SEK: Do you need some help with that?

OLD LADY: Yes, some would be nice.

SEK: Let me take that.

SEK accepts far more weight than this tiny muscles can bear but whatever.

OLD LADY: Thank you. It’s good to know someone has the Christmas spirit.

SEK: I’m not a—

OLD LADY: You have the spirit, whatever you are.

SEK: (well-nigh collapsing) I’m not anything.

OLD LADY: Everyone is something.

SEK: Nope.

OLD LADY: Everyone.

SEK: So I get to choose?

OLD LADY: Everyone gets to choose.

SEK: Then I’m Batman.

OLD LADY: Excuse me?

SEK: If I get to choose, I’m Batman.

Comments (75)

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  1. Jameson Quinn says:

    Just like Miguelito.

  2. Linnaeus says:

    I kinda like the “you have the spirit, whatever you are” sentiment.

  3. Lee Rudolph says:

    And a very merry Batmas to you, sir!

  4. pathman says:

    Holy shit you are funny!

  5. cpinva says:

    so, um, who posted your bail?

  6. AcademicLurker says:

    “You have the spirit, whatever you are” definitely wins points for sheer vagueness.

  7. The Dark Avenger says:

    “Pinche Batman, pendejo!”

  8. Murc says:

    Welcome to SEK’s Christmas Attack Zone.

  9. Heron says:

    Totally off topic, but have you ever taken a look at visual rhetoric in anime? I was re-watching this series called Puella Magi Madoka Magica recently and it occurred to me that there’s a lot to work with in it from a formalist perspective. Now that I think about it, pretty much everything SHAFT produces is pretty heavy with the symbolism and visual rhetoric. You’d probably think Zetsubo Sensei is funny.

  10. Bitter Scribe says:

    At least the lyrics for the Batman hymn are easy to memorize.

    • Njorl says:

      That’s only because the pagan bits were censored from the last line and replaced with “Fa la la la la la la la la la la – BATMAN!”

  11. Manju says:

    I’m Ray Allen.

  12. Manju says:

    Why no mention of Robin? He’s always getting the short end of the stick.

  13. Jim Lynch says:

    If she had a sense of humor, she would have maced you and told the cops, “better safe than sorry”. They would have agreed with her, too.

  14. thusbloggedanderson says:

    When I find out that the guy helping with my tree is Batman, sorry, but I want my tree back. No, thanks, I’m good.

    … SEK probably already knows the great lines from Wise Blood, where Hazel is trying to rent a room from an old lady who first wants to know what church he belongs to. He tells her, the Church Without Christ (his own invention).

    She’s suspicious. “Is that Catholic?” “No, ma’am.” Then okay, he can rent a room.

    • The Dark Avenger says:

      My mother’s Catholicism bothered some of my fathers’ Texan family more than the fact that she was part-Chinese. This was in 1956.

  15. Barry Freed says:

    “You’re Batman!”

    SEK spies an OLD LADY…

    I just love stuff from you that starts like that.

  16. rm says:

    So here I stand in my Superman suit
    And everybody says I’m cute
    I try to tell ‘em but they just don’t see
    And they hang their hats and coats on me.
    Well, a job’s a job.
    Still, if I had my preference, I’d rather be Batman.

  17. Dave says:

    You would be my hero if my hero wasn’t Batman.

  18. ajay says:

    Surely Batman is Jewish, though. Look at his name. Kaufman, Goldman, Dorfman, Edelman… Batman.

  19. Aaron Morrow says:

    Can I ask you something I always wanted to ask the real Batman?

  20. Halloween Jack says:

    Anything, you say?
    (I am so, so sorry)

  21. mch says:

    Called on in a Methodist church service some ten years ago (or so) to cite someone who I thought had given witness to Christ, I named, in all sincerity, a Muslim friend, a woman who is always there when someone needs help. Really there with muscle, and with heart.

    That whole service really annoyed me, I should add — I mean, I am in sympathy with fatigue over Christian schlock. Still, I think that old lady was trying to say something wise. Why not enjoy and share?

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