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As long as the “conversation” about guns concerns hypotheticals about fictions …

[ 38 ] December 31, 2012 |

… I don’t see the harm in adding more fictions to the hypotheticals. Given that the opposition’s evidence is the “millions” of home-invasions that’ve been thwarted yearly, or most probably even hourly, by gun-savvy Common People Who Love The Constitution More Than Dirty Liberals Do, I don’t see why Dirty Liberals oughta restrict themselves to reality. And so:

Q.E.D.

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  • SEK

    Yes, I’ll be about three to four weeks behind the news for the next month, and yes, you’re welcome.

  • arguingwithsignposts

    Maybe one with the new superman?

    • SEK

      Superman lacks moral authority, what with invincibility undermining conviction and all.

      • Hogan

        No skin in the game, as the kids say.

      • arguingwithsignposts

        He doesn’t have a gun, though. What about Captain America? He doesn’t carry a gun. And what could be more American than Captain America?

        • SEK

          Um … Captain America carries automatic weapons and shoots indiscriminately in the direction of anyone he believes to be a Nazi, alien, or both.

          • arguingwithsignposts

            Hmmm. OK, I’ll turn in my comic geek card. I didn’t remember that from my childhood. And I haven’t seen the Captain America movie. I’m about Super Hero’d out on movies.

          • Halloween Jack

            “Indiscriminately”? Dude, please. By definition, he’s a better shot than any unmodified human on the planet, except maybe for Hawkeye.

  • Lee

    SEK, while I recognize that Batman is the most well-known Superhero with a strong dislike of guns in cannon, I’d argue that Spider-Man is better liberal superhero that doesn’t use guns. Batman is a very dark, superhero with a pessimistic and ultimately nihilistic outlook on life. The exception being the Adam West interpretation.

    Spider-Man is ususally more upbeat and positive and optimism has long been a feature of most prominent liberals in the United States. FDR, LBJ, Humphrey, Martin Luther King and others were not known for their dark pessimism. Spider-Man also has a stronger sense of community in both his civillian and super-hero life. Peter Parker works for living rather being a play boy and takes interest in the body politic. While both Peter Parker and Bruce Wayne both started on their super-hero career because of a desire for vengence, Peter Parker has developed more in his motivation and is currently a hero for the well-being of others. Batman is still primarily motivated by vengence. The evidence is pretty conclusive that Spider-Man is a much more appropriate superhero for liberals.

    • SEK

      This would be concern-trolling if I didn’t actually agree with you. Unfortunately, Spiderman can’t scowl the way Batman can, so I went with the most disapproving look. But you’re right, damn it.

      • Lee

        Well, sunny optimism does bring along some disadvantages. Not being able to scowl well at villains is one of them.

        • GFW

          It’s also hard to visibly scowl through a mask that completely covers the face.

      • ddt

        Though… I mean, I recognize that gun violence shattered both Bruce Wayne’s and Peter Parker’s lives, leading to consuming obsessions on both parts, but I don’t think anywhere in the Spider-Man mythos is the gun as fetishized as it has been since at least Miller in the Batman literature. Parker centers on his guilt at not stopping the bad guy (stopping without a gun, by the way); Wayne can never not see the gun that killed his parents and broke his mother’s string of pearls.

        Um, so my comic friends tell me.

    • Dave

      That is, surely, the most appropriate typo EVAR….

      [“Canon”, dude, really…]

      • Lee

        Spelling was never one of my stronger skills.

        • JoyfulA

          I was wondering whether “in” should be “and.” Thanks for clarifying your intentions.

    • Malaclypse

      Someone seems unfamiliar with Newspaper Spider-Man, the whiningest superhero ever.

      • Lee

        The only good thing about Newspaper Spider-Man is that he still married to Mary Jane.

        • Bytowner

          At least there’s one spot in pop culture where that still holds!

      • Bill Cross

        harrumphhh.

        The Comics Curmudgeon covers this beat quite well. and Spidey chasing Kraken’s apes has been pretty funny

        • SEK

          You’ll have to excuse me, I so very rarely get to say this to people not in my mirror, but … NERDS! HA HA! YOU’RE NERDS!

          I feel “better” now.

          • Lee

            It would suprise me if anybody on this blog didn’t qualify as a nerd in some way. Maybe Erik, at least in terms of his cultural tastes, is the least nerdy person on this blog.

            I kind of thing of myself as an ex-nerd more than anything else. I used to really like science fiction, fantasy, comics, and video games but not so much anymore. My tastes have grown more towards literary fiction and away from genre. Currently, I’m trying to read the Yiddish canon, at least whats available in English translation. I still have fondness for some of my former tastes though.

            • SEK

              I’m not sure if makes me more or less nerdy to say that I’ve read much of the Yiddish canon in Yiddish. (But only because I was bored, and that’s all my grandmother had in her house. I’d have been reading comics if they’d been there.)

              So yes, I think it’s safe to say we’re all nerds here. I’m just delighted that, on occasion, I can pretend I’m not the biggest one. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to re-watch the Doctor Who Christmas special …

              • Hogan

                Man, did I like that special. And it was especially sweet just after I surprised the mrs. with an Eleventh Doctor Sonic Screwdriver for Christmas.

                • SEK

                  As a belated Christmas present to you, then, I’ll tell you that I’m re-watching it to work up a post.

                • Hogan

                  My birthday is in a couple of weeks, so no worries.

            • Bill Murray

              Is the Yiddish canon a new nickname for Ryan Braun?

  • I hate to nitpick, but Batman had that weird light-gun (that the cop shot at, so some strange symbolism there) and he’s happy with machine guns/rockets on his vehicles. Batman’s hardly consistent on the no-guns policy. Especially since this is what Batman used to look like.

    Although…one could argue that Batman taking down Azazael after Jean-Paul had added what were effectively belt-fed machine guns to the Batman costume could be seen as an anti-gun message.

    • SEK

      Not to out-nerd you, but that Batman image is from Planetary, and it’s a version of Batman from before he had dead parents. (Which he only acquired after five or six years.) Moreover, I think that image is stolen from my site, since I clipped that panel specifically for that post. But whatever, you’re right about the early material, and about the big guns on his vehicles, but he only uses them to blow shit up, not kill people. That’s actually a not-very-fine line, when you think about it: sometimes you need to bust through a wall, but that doesn’t mean you want to kill the people behind it.

      • Yeah, I figured as much. “1st draft Batman” is something of a different beast.

        But if I recall correctly, doesn’t Batman really inaccurately shoot at the Joker with the guns mounted on the Bat-plane in the Burton film?

        • Oh, please don’t bring up Tim Burton’s Batman. It’s too painful.

          • Pestilence

            or anything else Burton fouled with his touch, really

      • Halloween Jack

        Uh… according to Wikipedia, it was more like five or six months.

      • Halloween Jack

        Also, too, the thing about Batman is that he’s got a large, very expensive, and in some specific cases exclusive armory and arsenal at his disposal.

  • DrDick

    Creative fiction is the heart and soul of conservatism.

    • LeeEsq

      Cognitive dissonance is not a valid form of literature.

  • steverino

    Not that it has anything to do with guns, but HERE’s a Batman:

    David Willis’s Tumbler which then leads to this.

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