I have to say that Wonkette really delivers the best piece on the recent insanity:

On the internet, this sort of comment is pretty much what you call “mild.” However, Erik Loomis is not merely an academic; he is also a blogger at Lawyers, Guns & Money, and so he is someone whose comments get noticed in the Angersphere.

Naturally, Wonkette is also hip enough to know that “typical liberal postmodern weasel-words” is a compliment to the modern academic. Also, the comment section made me laugh.

And since between Wonkette, Gawker, and becoming a cliche for lazy conservatives I now have become my own meme and have pop culture meaning, shouldn’t I find a way to capitalize on my fame? Since I am obviously a horrible capitalist, advice would be welcome.

Meanwhile, allow my cousin the good Dr. Samuel Loomis, accompanied by one John R. Cash, to express more or less how my week has gone. Particularly the part where he is limping down the road looking for a ride.

54 comments on this post.
  1. patrick II:

    T-shirts. It’s all I got.

  2. UberMitch:

    Market your own line of head-sticks.

  3. UberMitch:

    “The new 2013 Loomis “Kurtz Specials” are out!”

  4. John Voorheis:

    Bobbleheads on a stick?

  5. 2liberal:


  6. Curmudgeon:

    Wonkette’s comments section used to be much better before the site was taken over by new management.

    So was a lot of their content.

  7. Snarki, child of Loki:


  8. Jewish Steel:

    1 Getcherself an agent

    2 Aspen Ideas Festival

    3 Cha-ching!

  9. Thers:

    Phooey. I wrote the best piece on the recent insanity, and I deserve at least a biscuit.

  10. Thers:

    Metaphorically, I mean.

  11. Snarki, child of Loki:

    Well, next you need to get a Posse, and robo-vote for you in an internet popularity contest set up with insufficient security.

    TIME magazine aleady did theirs for this year’s Person of the Year, so you’ve got to pick another. And People got all cagey after the “Hank, the Angry Drunken Dwarf” incident, so look for something run by incompetant Noobs. Maybe Daily Caller. Or BreitbartMedia.

    After that, you’ll need to obsessively google to find blogs/tweets where your name is mentioned, then respond with some of your trademarked “Head-Sticky Goodness”.

    If all of the above goes well, in about six months you should get really REALLY pissed and disappointed, announce that you’re leaving the Internet FOREVERS, but be back within 48 hours.

    Rinse and repeat, with bouts of heavy drinking, as you slowly slide into irrelevance.

    Okay, okay..that’s the script that Palin is following. But it should work for Erik too, shouldn’t it?

  12. Snarki, child of Loki:

    Nobody goes there any more, it’s too crowded?

  13. James E Powell:

    You will never make it to big time status until you say things like “both sides do it” or argue that the most critical issue is entitlement reform.

  14. Zombie Robert Bork's Head on a Stick:

    Some of the worst rappers are white, like Johnny Cash.

  15. bob_is_boring:

    I stopped liking Wonkette before it went downhill?

  16. Curmudgeon:

    Let me put it this way: since the takeover, calling for anyone’s head on a stick would very likely be a banning offense.

    Hypocrisy much?

  17. Jamie:

    Just kick academic-style. Laid back. The girlies and the journals will come to you. True fact.

    Ok, maybe not so much. Maybe an iPad app? I’m thinking a solidarity health monitor, avoiding falling trees and power-ups for sneaking food to protestors.

  18. arguingwithsignposts:

    That’s actually not a bad idea, that or a TED Talk.

  19. arguingwithsignposts:

    Is it too late for you to do a Gangnam Style video? Is that over?

    Also, some Loomisms. Here’s a (lame) first attempt.

  20. Informant:

    Regrettably, this blog doesn’t allow embedding pictures, because if ever there was an occasion for a “Shut your whore mouth!” meme pic, this would be it.

  21. c u n d gulag:

    I’m shocked!

    You mean, Erik, you got no calls for endorsement deals from Popsicle or Tootsie Pop?

    Also too: What the feck is a ‘tootsie,’ anyway?

    Yeah, I know it’s a movie with Dustin Hoffman. It’s also slang for a toe, or a young woman.

    So, is that slang for ‘toe on a stick,’ or a sexist term for women on a stick?

    And let’s not even get into Tootsie Rolls!

  22. Malaclypse:

    It needed more Bourdieu.

  23. Malaclypse:

    shouldn’t I find a way to capitalize on my fame? Since I am obviously a horrible capitalist, advice would be welcome.

    Erik Loomis action figure. Now with detachable Executioner’s Axe and Chopping Block. LaPierre’s Head sold separately.

  24. c u n d gulag:

    LG&M could also be change to “Lawyers, Guillotines & Money!”

  25. Malaclypse:

    Yes, but that doesn’t bring a revenue stream. Action figures will, especially once Loomis works out a deal with McDonalds to get them into McRib Happy Meals.

  26. repsac3 ("Boogie...on a stick"):

    1) (You’ll have to steal the biz from this guy, but…) Face-ka-bobs. (Seems a perfect fit…)

    2) Have you considered songwriting? (I’m sure you could rework this one somehow, no?)

  27. c u n d gulag:

    Yeah, you’re ritgh!

    They could put Ronald McDonald’s head on the McRib rib’s (sticks) they extract from the meat – unless, of course, they’ve managed to develop boneless pigs.

    And if that’s the case, then we need to ask not only, ‘How did they walk?” – but also, “How could they get them to walk into the slaughterhouses to be turned into McRib sandwiches?”
    Bulldoze the boneless pigs in there?

  28. cpinva:

    you should really see a dr about that meme, i understand a round of anti-biotics is usually indicated. do it before you infect others, it is contagious you know.

  29. jon:

    Deep-fried-heads-on-a-stick are the hot tip for the Iowa State Fair this year. Every politician and celebrity is contractually obligated to be photographed chomping into one. Pickles, Ice cream, corn dogs and Mars Bars are so over.

    Once Head-On-A-Stick has a solid brand, then you can branch out, diversifying into Balls-On-A-Stick, Butt-On-A-Stick, Genitalia-On-A-Stick. The possibilities are endless. From fried food products, you move into novelties like Hand-Puppet-Head-On-A-Stick, Halloween costumes, severed heads in Easter Eggs. What will a 4th of July party be, without the heads of your political enemies on sticks, arrayed around the back yard? Bring the Head-On-A-Stick of the opposing coach to your favorite sporting event! This thing is totally money.

  30. Bijan Parsia:

    I think I’d prefer a Loomis bobblehead.

  31. Robert Farley:

    If anyone can produce a passable (and sufficiently high quality) image of Loomis’ head on a stick, it’ll go in the LGM Store.


  32. c u n d gulag:


  33. cpinva:

    actually, the more thought i’ve given to this, the more disappointed i am in you prof. loomis. for a history professor, “head on a stick” was pretty lame. i’d have expected something much more graphic, perhaps a “Longshanks” approach: drawing, half-hanging, castrated, gutting, body parts burnt on a brazier in front of the victim’s eyes, beheading and quartering. then put all parts on pikes, to be displayed around the capital building in DC. use the mall for it. this could also be a job creator, as the long dormant pike industry would be hit with a surge in demand, for lawn ornamental versions.

    this also has the advantage of a highly marketable children’s set, with lots of small parts, suitable for getting lodged in toddler’s throats at christmas. who wouldn’t want to get their child the “Wayne LaPierre Deluxe Drawing & Quartering” set for christmas/chanakah/ramadan/etc. a much larger, blow-up version, ideal for lawn display at halloween, would make it a two seasonal item.

    if you’re really, really lucky, bain buys you out, just before the fad crashes and burns, losing millions in investor dollars, while you laugh all the way to the bank, and romney cries.

    i think you guys may be on to something here, and i’d only need a modest royalty fee, per unit sold at wholesale.

  34. Davis:

    Go fore the easy money. Become a “former liberal”, write the same article over and over for Heritage, Hoover, etc., and they will shower you with dollars.

  35. Uncle Kvetch:

    “I used to be a liberal, but ever since I called for Wayne LaPierre’s head on a stick, I’m outraged by myself.”

    Take Davis’ advice, and David Gregory is absolutely guaranteed to give you a discreet handjob under the table when you make your MTP appearance. If you’re into that sort of thing.

  36. c u n d gulag:

    Or, go to FUX Noise, where not only will the sex not be discrete, it will be very, indiscrete, kinky, and plentiful.

    Put some tinsel on ‘em, and watch Bill-O go to town on your Christmas balls.
    And the real beauty is, with his mouth full, you won’t have to listen to him talk for awhile.

  37. Erik Loomis:

    Now I feel bad.

    I would offer you a full pancake breakfast instead of a biscuit, but that has a different meaning around here.

  38. Keaaukane:

    How about a pin the stick on Loomis party game for children? If right wingers have kids.

  39. Erik Loomis:

    Despite the fact that I could obviously charge the right-wingers with threatened murder or something (at least according to their logic applied to me), I’d be totally pumped about that idea if I could make some money off it.

  40. Dr.KennethNoisewater:

    Sorry if it’s been suggested above, but I think a picture of you with “

    History’s Greatest Monster

    ” under it would not go unappreciated.

  41. Jameson Quinn:

    Honestly, with no disrespect to Loomis, I think I’d be more likely to buy your pic with that cap.

  42. Dr.KennethNoisewater:

    Well, in the case of Louise Belcher it’s actually true.

  43. Reilly:

    Or maybe reworking Dick in a Box to Head on a Stick.

  44. Aaron:

    Personalized steak branding irons.

  45. Djur:

    Hmm… famous for songs about shooting people, using cocaine, and being in jail… struggles with drugs mixed with overt religiosity… iconic stage costume indicating a hard, dangerous man… lifelong affinity with the incarcerated… produced by Rick Rubin.

    Yep, I think the evidence indicates that Johnny Cash was a rapper.

  46. PopSickels:

    Marxist iced pop

    for grape cherry and orange
    you get the heads of LaPierre, Tebow and Boehner

  47. Visitor:

    Image search turned up evidence that he’s a total (iirc married) cutie, so do it! Be careful though, the photo from some talk he gave at Southwestern to some Tri-Delts has also apparently been grabbed by the Breitbart hordes.

  48. skippy:

    well, what gets me is that erik never specifically called for wayne’s head to be severed from his body, only that it be placed on a stick.

    actually, nothing was ever said about wayne’s murder, either.

    so i am disappointed in the wing nuts for their lack of imagination, where they couldn’t imagine a very, very long stick inserted into his anus, and shoved forcefully up thru his body until it pierces thru his neck and throat into the soft pallate at the roof of his mouth.

    at least, that’s how i read it

  49. IM:

    The vulgar pseudonym “Cash” alone should be proof enough.

  50. IM:

    As a pinata!

  51. IM:

    That fits into the merging democratic majority theme. also.

  52. IM:

    Is that the Shylock defense?

  53. Bill Murray:

    or head on a dick in a box

  54. Hogeye Grex:

    Well, it seems to have gotten less banhammery of late. I think some of the wordfilters have even gone away.

    The commentariat’s usual snarkiness fairly well put paid to any pressure to remain vanilla-civil by appending any seemingly offensive comment with the now ubiquitous “with votes.”

    Perhaps this whole sordid affair could have been avoided if the good Mr. Loomis had used similar phrasing. I can, however, imagine “Now I want Wayne LaPierre’s head on a stick (with votes).” to be seen by the various whingetards as merely suggesting a side dish, and would have them screeching about what an affront to democracy putting votes on a stick would be. There is simply no satisfying these people.

    While a large part of me still misses the earliest of Wonkettedom, where “Washingtonienne’s” rectal escapades were the primary concern, I rather like the current crop of editorfolk.

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