Just Sayin’

Mr. Beck — I can perfectly understand your goal to be perceived as pissing off liberals — it’s a good living in your position.  However, your latest submission must be rejected, because the only people who are, er, pissed off about “Piss Christ” at this late date are conservative pundits who have reached a Grade A, or “Roger Kimball,” level of laziness.   Liberals have never cared about this long-dead fake controversy, so the tit for tat doesn’t really work.  (I’ll grant, though, that if the beer that was meant to stand in for your urine is Coors Light, that will probably be as close to wit as you’ll ever get, and it would actually be a greater indignity to the Obama figure than actual piss.) Better luck next time!

129 comments on this post.
  1. bradP:

    Really, the only demographic he appeals to projects their insecurities on to everyone else.

    So when he tries to insult liberals, it doesn’t really matter whether he actually insults them or not. And since his viewers are generally hyperparanoid and humorless, there are innumerable things he could do that his viewers would see as being insulting to liberals but actually are not.

  2. Mudge:

    Glenn Beck’s piss-Coors Light…that’s a tough call.

  3. John:

    Don’t you see? He’s hoisting liberals by their own petard? They all love Piss Christ and blasphemy in general, but we’ll see how happy they are when Beck piss-Christs their God, Barry Hussein Soetoro!

  4. muddy:

    I like the fact that Beck apparently finds Jesus and Obama to be equivalent.

  5. Jonah Goldberg:

    conservative pundits who have reached a Grade A, or “Roger Kimball,” level of laziness

    I’d be insulted by this, but I’m on a deadline. Perhaps a reader can think of a witty retort and leave it here for me?

  6. Incontinentia Buttocks:

    ftw

  7. mark f:

    “Piss Christ” happened in 1987.

    Next, Glenn will release a film in which the adorable “Obamwai” turns into a rapacious havoc-wreaking “gremlib” if he’s fed after midnight (read: gets elected).

    After that an item about how Barack Ofraudo-Ruiz cheated to win a race.

    Take that, Jane Fonda!!!

  8. Sly:

    This is the same guy who decided to celebrate Earth Day by leaving an SUV running outside his studio one year, cut down some trees the next year, and burn Styrofoam the year after that. I think he bought a stuffed polar bear this year.

    Because that’ll show those liberals how truly conservative we are! Yeah! By… mocking… conservation….

  9. Dr.KennethNoisewater:

    Ha!

  10. Malaclypse:

    and burn Styrofoam the year after that

    I would be even angrier if Beck made sure burn the Styrofoam in his studio, as he and his audience made sure to inhale the fumes. That would have really showed me a thing or two!

  11. witless chum:

    Beck’s genuine weirdness if the only sorta-endearing thing about him. It’s like Judge Thomas, there’s that extra screwiness about Beck. Sean Hannity isn’t going to think of pretending to dunk an Obama bobblehead in piss. The Scalitos of the world don’t have an angry, personalized grudge against the New Deal.

  12. DrDick:

    And conservatives once again sodomized the rotting and mutilated corpse of irony.

  13. catbutler:

    Not surprising, really. I imagine ole’ Glenn would certainly fit the profile of someone who might store hundreds of jars of his own urine around the house anyway.
    I guess the only reaction I would actually have to this is .
    Just sad.

  14. Chilly:

    I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11 I’m outraged by Andres Serrano.

    Somebody should tell Beck about Karen Finley. I’d love to see what he’d do with that Obama doll.

  15. catbutler:

    to this is “yawn.”

    Apparently my comment was like writing a really long name in the snow, if you get my drift….

  16. c u n d gulag:

    Glenn Beck has started a new style as part of his maturation as a Performance Artist:

    It’s the beginning of his Expression-pissed Period.

  17. Anonymous:

    Wait until you see the slap-down he has ready for The Last Temptation of Christ.

  18. Steve:

    If the “urine” is Coors Lite, that make is a commentary on how our corporate political culture (exemplified by Pete Coors and the rest of the Coors family) is our culture’s biological waste. I think this artwork should get an exclusive showing.

  19. Timb:

    +1

    I love that comment so much, it makes my heart hurt

  20. Craigo:

    I’m sort of disappointed he used beer, because the phrase “Glenn Beck tried to auction a jar of his own urine” looks so damned right. Those words were made to be with each other.

  21. Hogan:

    I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me?

  22. KeithOK:

    If we don’t watch out, next thing he’ll do is wish us a “Merry Christmas.” Now that would really sting.

  23. Uncle Kvetch:

    Not to mention that coffee-table book about S.E.X. that Madonna just put out!

  24. Davis:

    Wonkette says it was Dos Equis.

  25. sharculese:

    Pee pee? Has Beck moved on from catering to emotional toddlers to catering to literal toddlers?

  26. sharculese:

    I googled “Barack Obama piss christ” and apparently they had a 2-day mini-skree in late September because Obama was ignoring their demands to denounce it, so, maybe it has something to do with that?

  27. Scott Lemieux:

    He hasn’t deported 2 Live Crew either. WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

  28. mark f:

    Oh, that must be because of the “Innocence of Muslims” thingy.

    Hey, “Mister” “President,” I know you’re all apology tourish about this video motivating protests across an entire region right now, but why aren’t you mad about some thing that hung in a North Carolina art gallery 25 years ago? Huh?!? HUH?!?! Impeach!

  29. Dr.KennethNoisewater:

    I love your name.

    Does it mean you butler for a cat or are you a cat who has a job as a butler? Either way, I’m down with it.

  30. Sherm:

    I assumed that he ran over a cat and didn’t have insurance, so the judge ordered him to be the cat’s butler.

  31. Russell Arben Fox:

    Muddy wins the thread.

  32. MikeJake:

    $25,000, eh? What’s that in Ameros?

  33. Charlie Sweatpants:

    You know what they say, dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

  34. Dr.KennethNoisewater:

    We are all cat butlers.

  35. Sherm:

    The exact opposite at my house. An outdoor cat is much lower maintenance than an indoor dog. All I have to do is leave food and water out and the garage door open until bedtime.

  36. witless chum:

    It’s been a long time since I read something so exactly true in every particular as this comment.

  37. witless chum:

    I mean, it’d really show Michael Dukakis if Beck rode under the tank instead of in it, wouldn’t it?

  38. Otto von Bisquick:

    I don’t always dip a bobble-head Obama in faux-piss but when I do, I prefer to use Dos Equis.

  39. CJColucci:

    Interesting. Most interesting, in fact.

  40. mark f:

    I, for one, think police officers are heroes. Barack Obama thinks they “act stupidly,” which practically makes him Ice-T.

  41. Hogan:

    Stay crazy, my friends.

  42. N__B:

    Both were abandoned by their biological fathers.

    Both were/are skinny.

    Both have names likely to be misspelled at the DMV.

    Both have publicly forgiven some of the assholes around them.

  43. Dr.KennethNoisewater:

    Come to think of it, have they ever been seen in the same place together?

  44. paleotectonics:

    Starring Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy, summer of 2013.

  45. Snarki, child of Loki:

    The lab report came in:
    “We’re sorry Mr. Beck, but your horse has diabetes”

  46. paleotectonics:

    “I, for one, think the police officers who did not run my white ass through the system for the pillowcase-sized pile of blow I did before the chimp commercial, are real Americans, not like Susan Rice, who tried to bring the full wrath of the UN, Agenda 21 division, onto Chuck Norris, who merely pooped them! Norris/Nugent 2014! Thus is it written in the First 7 Year Itch by the Mormon dude! WHY DO YOU HURT ME!”

  47. paleotectonics:

    I don’t care your gender – marry me. I’ll ‘splain to my wife later.

  48. Bitter Scribe:

    Of all the put-downs of Coors Light and similar “beers” I’ve seen, this is the best.

  49. Bill Murray:

    has to be the cat that buttles. Cat’s great all human news with a yawn

  50. Bill Murray:

    or I suppose cats greet all human news. Stupid fingers

  51. BigHank53:

    Both have a skin color that makes some white people uncomfortable.

  52. rea:

    Both were born in a foriegn country:

    And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from John F. Kennedy, that all the world should be taxed. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Barack, Sr. also went up from Hawaii, out of the city of Honolulu, into Kenya, unto the city of cold water, which is called Nairobi; (because he was of the house and lineage of Kenya) to be taxed with Ann his espoused wife, being great with child . . .

  53. bcw:

    foreign immigrant beer?

  54. S_noe:

    My cat : me :: Jeeves : Wooster

    That’s what he thinks, anyway.

  55. Kansachusetts:

    Yes, so true. We liberals love us some blasphemy. Here in Massachusetts we have groups that meet weekly to say blasphemous things while fingering their rosary beads. Not to mention our many chapters of Nuns with Vibrators.

  56. Substance McGravitas:

    Liberals have never cared about this long-dead fake controversy, so the tit for tat doesn’t really work.

    Let’s pretend there’s tit for tat going on and burn a flag to see who’s got more troll power.

  57. joe from Lowell:

    Hell, let’s casually drop the phrase “Washington National Airport” into a conversation within earshot of a Republican.

  58. spencer:

    Ohhhhhhh the awesome of this comment.

  59. Sherm:

    It was a Seinfeld reference, but apparently not a very good one.

  60. Warren Terra:

    Both have the middle initial “H”.

  61. Hogan:

    I got it, for what that’s worth.

  62. Warren Terra:

    Both have been accused of disparaging rich people, of feeding the hungry, and of healing the sick.

  63. NonyNony:

    Hell just point out that the original “Red Dawn” wasn’t a very good movie.

    “Troll power” is a useless power in most cases, but it’s even more useless when the target of the trolling gets psychotic pleasure out of being an angry and aggrieved party.

  64. Njorl:

    We had a cat like that. We always suspected that several other people might have the same cat.

  65. N__B:

    Just like the crazy green chick in the original Star Trek. Maybe we could add her to the list.

  66. Cody:

    He does always seem rather pissed off on his show.

  67. Njorl:

    But they might respond with BWI, sending us all into paroxysms of rage at their slight to Thurgood Marshall.

  68. Dr.KennethNoisewater:

    A gooder, too.

    I got it.

  69. Western Dave:

    Could they burn some poison ivy in studio too? That would really bother me.

  70. joe from Lowell:

    He draws things on a white board that even David Horowitz thinks are nuts.

    He openly weeps on air about feminists destroying traditional manhood.

    The producers at Fox News decided to stop airing his program.

    He’s the Craziest Man in the World.

    “I don’t always dip a bobble-head Obama in faux-piss but when I do, I prefer to use Dos Equis.”

  71. John:

    Although the piece was created in 1987, the scandal was actually in 1989, according to wikipedia.

  72. timb:

    Warren! Awesome

  73. Uncle Kvetch:

    Seconded!

  74. Sev:

    Really? I thought JC’s middle initial was an F. Must be the ignoramuses I hung with growing up.

  75. DrDick:

    Growing up in Oklahoma, we always said Coors was what you got when you filtered Bud through a horse’s kidneys.

  76. rea:

    Beck’s Beer, surely.

  77. r€nato:

    like

  78. timb:

    The Sein never gets old

  79. GeoX:

    Does he get you out of unwanted romantic engagements?

  80. secondH:

    It would more outrage us if he used “Beck’s” beer.

    Tho’ not by much, since that’s certifiable crap for German beer, and indistinguishable from St Pauli Girl, surely you’ve noticed they’re both from Bremen?

  81. Hogan:

    And make a special concoction that cures hangovers?

  82. secondH:

    I’ve heard the new one is not all that much better.

  83. calling all toasters:

    For his next performance, Beck will:

    1) re-enact the “Nobody move or the n—-r gets it!” scene from “Blazing Saddles,” with the N-bomb changed to “white man.”

    2) give the “I have a Dream” speech in pig latin.

    3) have a seance where he contacts Mary Jo Kopechne (voiced by Victoria Jackson).

    4) go to Spain and fight for Franco.

    THIS IS A REAL INTERNETS POLL.

  84. JazzBumpa:

    Cats are known to be promiscuous.

  85. RedSquareBear:

    So-called “ssphyxia” is a well-known libtard conspiracy!

  86. RedSquareBear:

    Stupid. Fucking. Softkeyboard. Damnit.

  87. Ian:

    This piece by Andrew Hudgins led me to see Piss Christ as one of the most powerful Christian icons I know. I say that unironically as a Christian.

    If we did not know it was cow’s blood and urine,
    if we did not know that Serrano had for weeks
    hoarded his urine in a plastic vat,
    if we did not know the cross was gimcrack plastic,
    we would assume it was too beautiful.
    We would assume it was the resurrection,
    glory, Christ transformed to light by light
    because the blood and urine burn like a halo,
    and light, as always, light makes it beautiful.

    We are born between the urine and the feces,
    Augustine says, and so was Christ, if there was a Christ,
    skidding into this world as we do
    on a tide of blood and urine. Blood, feces, urine—
    what the fallen world is made of, and what we make.
    He peed, ejaculated, shat, wept, bled—
    bled under Pontius Pilate, and I assume
    the mutilated god, the criminal,
    humiliated god, voided himself
    on the cross and the blood and urine smeared his legs
    and he ascended bodily unto heaven,
    and on the third day he rose into glory, which
    is what we see here, the Piss Christ in glowing blood:
    the whole irreducible point of the faith,
    God thrown in human waste, submerged and shining.

    We have grown used to beauty without horror.
    We have grown used to useless beauty.

  88. JazzBumpa:

    2) give the “I have a Dream” speech in pig latin.

    only if he does it in Al Jolson black face.

  89. calling all toasters:

    What, no fright wig?

  90. Both Sides Do It:

    I believe that was the intent of the artist, too. But conservatives, blinded by their slavish devotion to post-modernism and drowning in their bastardized version of French theory, of course think that the intent of the artist is an invalid concept.

  91. RedSquareBear:

    Not that!

    My one weakness!

  92. RedSquareBear:

    Oh mammy! I’ve got a dream mammy!

  93. herr doktor bimler:

    Also necessary: Aunt-appeasement skills.
    Does your cat meet up with other cats and exchange anecdotes about your stupidity?

  94. Keaaukane:

    Have you never heard of “cheesing”? South Park did a documentary on it.

  95. NonyNony:

    Dunno how it could be – the premise is laughable to begin with and it hasn’t aged well.

    It could almost work if they made it a sci-fi film where a band of scruffy high school students need to defend the USA from invasion from an alternate universe USA that fell to the Red Menace back in the 50s, but even that would be stretching it (and it would play better with Nazis instead of Commies anyway – if there’s one thing that the Indiana Jones movies have taught us it’s that Nazis are always better enemies than Commies).

  96. Malaclypse:

    if there’s one thing that the Indiana Jones movies have Phillip Dick has taught us it’s that Nazis are always better enemies than Commies

    FTFY.

  97. DocAmazing:

    I yam what I yam.

  98. herr doktor bimler:

    It seems a shame to break up a complete collection like that.

  99. catclub:

    I think assphyxia would be a suitable typo.

  100. joe from Lowell:

    So-called “ssphyxia” is a well-known libtard conspiracy!

    Apparently, liberals are pareseltongues.

  101. joe from Lowell:

    Amen.

  102. The Lorax:

    I can’t stop laughing at this. Well done indeed.

  103. sparks:

    …and sings “Goin’ To Heaven On A Mule” while he does a shuffle, interspersing a few “Yowsah Yowsah”s into the song.

  104. JoshA:

    Wouldn’t “Piss Rice” make more sense? More topical, sort of rhymes.

    I suppose not a lot of Susan Rice figuerines out there.

  105. Stag Party Palin:

    OMG ROTFLMAO (I just like caps)

    Just when Muddy had “won”, Warren strips the ball away from him.

  106. gocart mozart:

    Both refused to release their school records.

  107. gocart mozart:

    Both think Glenn Beck is a dick.

  108. gocart mozart:

    I read that as The Last Temptation of Christie and suddenly I thought of donuts.

  109. Bart:

    Best of the post-election posts!

  110. joe from Lowell:

    It’s Glenn Beck; he’d use an Aunt Jemima bottle and never notice the difference.

  111. gocart mozart:

    He will nail himself to a cross of goldline stock.

  112. Mike Dixon:

    It’s most likely beer, or some say apple juice, in the original as well. Urine simply does not look like that.
    By the way, every six months or so, when Piss Christ pops up as a fresh outrage*, I wonder how many people who refer to the piece as “Putting a statue of Jesus in a jar of urine and calling it art” are aware that it is a photograph, and is framed in a way that it is not in any container.

    *Not that Serrano minds one bit. He’s been coasting on this one bit of Bad Boy of the Art World infamy for two decades now.
    http://www.bravotv.com/work-of-art/season-1/a-shock-to-the-system

  113. Major Kong:

    Say wait, ain’t that Beck feller one o’ them there Mormons?

    Mah preacher tells me them folks is all part of one big blasphemous cult.

  114. Major Kong:

    Nothing would piss me off worse than Beck drinking a gallon of bleach.

    I would be really, really upset.

  115. newyorker:

    You’re doing it wrong in MASS. Here in NY we have vibrators SHAPED like nuns. They make lovely stocking stuffers.

  116. cpinva:

    i am humbled by this comment thread.

    glenn beck, a man that stupid men see as witty. successful in his grift, scamming the rubes of their cash. took it a bit too far, now desperate to be even erick (son of erick) erickson relevant. cast out by even FOX, which tells you just how far off the deep end he went. he’ll be calling for jfk’s impeachment, because of the failed bay of pig’s invasion. recovering alcoholic? too many dead brain cells already. he wept, for no apparent reason. too many dead brain cells.

  117. Jon H:

    And disrupting religious practice.

  118. Jon H:

    Both had foreign, Middle Eastern names.

  119. Jon H:

    If it was titled “Christ in Amber”, nobody would have protested.

  120. Jon H:

    My money’s on it being some kind of special AM radio wingnut pruno fortified with oxycodone.

  121. Jon H:

    It’s only a matter of time until Beck escalates this new tendency and tapes himself squirting paint out of his ass onto books by Alinsky.

  122. Jon H:

    If he does anything with an Aunt Jemima bottle, there will probably be two wetsuits involved.

  123. expatchad:

    Oy!

  124. expatchad:

    You want to make him whiter???

  125. expatchad:

    I had to embalm a cat once too.

    Wrong theadlet??

    O.

  126. catbutler:

    Actually I currently butler for three cats full time and about 30 more on weekends when I volunteer at the shelter.
    Our cats routinely set me straight on my place in the hierarchy around here.
    Not to say anything against actual cats employed as butlers, they certainly have the appropriate level of disdain for that sort of work.
    Oh, and thanks.

  127. skippy:

    i am privileged to actually know the guy who played seinfeld’s butler. he is the marvelous brian bradley, with whom i did countless improv and stand up shows in the 80′s. he’s currently working and teaching in florida, and he’s hilarious.

    brian bradley

  128. m.goose:

    In auto-labor-communist Michigan, we have nuns shaped like vibrators.

  129. 黒田 奈津:

    I really disagree together with Hotdogs thoughts this “I feel all of religionists are extremists. Anyone who without consideration belives on great misguided beliefs is known as a capability danger to help society”. People today have religion towards significantly occasionally authentic on the other hand please don’t understand how these are a hazard to modern culture.

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