Just Sayin’
Mr. Beck — I can perfectly understand your goal to be perceived as pissing off liberals — it’s a good living in your position. However, your latest submission must be rejected, because the only people who are, er, pissed off about “Piss Christ” at this late date are conservative pundits who have reached a Grade A, or “Roger Kimball,” level of laziness. Liberals have never cared about this long-dead fake controversy, so the tit for tat doesn’t really work. (I’ll grant, though, that if the beer that was meant to stand in for your urine is Coors Light, that will probably be as close to wit as you’ll ever get, and it would actually be a greater indignity to the Obama figure than actual piss.) Better luck next time!
bradP:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:24 am
Really, the only demographic he appeals to projects their insecurities on to everyone else.
So when he tries to insult liberals, it doesn’t really matter whether he actually insults them or not. And since his viewers are generally hyperparanoid and humorless, there are innumerable things he could do that his viewers would see as being insulting to liberals but actually are not.
Mudge:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:25 am
Glenn Beck’s piss-Coors Light…that’s a tough call.
John:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:25 am
Don’t you see? He’s hoisting liberals by their own petard? They all love Piss Christ and blasphemy in general, but we’ll see how happy they are when Beck piss-Christs their God, Barry Hussein Soetoro!
muddy:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:33 am
I like the fact that Beck apparently finds Jesus and Obama to be equivalent.
Jonah Goldberg:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:33 am
conservative pundits who have reached a Grade A, or “Roger Kimball,” level of laziness
I’d be insulted by this, but I’m on a deadline. Perhaps a reader can think of a witty retort and leave it here for me?
Incontinentia Buttocks:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:35 am
ftw
mark f:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:41 am
“Piss Christ” happened in 1987.
Next, Glenn will release a film in which the adorable “Obamwai” turns into a rapacious havoc-wreaking “gremlib” if he’s fed after midnight (read: gets elected).
After that an item about how Barack Ofraudo-Ruiz cheated to win a race.
Take that, Jane Fonda!!!
Sly:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:41 am
This is the same guy who decided to celebrate Earth Day by leaving an SUV running outside his studio one year, cut down some trees the next year, and burn Styrofoam the year after that. I think he bought a stuffed polar bear this year.
Because that’ll show those liberals how truly conservative we are! Yeah! By… mocking… conservation….
Dr.KennethNoisewater:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:46 am
Ha!
Malaclypse:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:48 am
and burn Styrofoam the year after that
I would be even angrier if Beck made sure burn the Styrofoam in his studio, as he and his audience made sure to inhale the fumes. That would have really showed me a thing or two!
witless chum:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:50 am
Beck’s genuine weirdness if the only sorta-endearing thing about him. It’s like Judge Thomas, there’s that extra screwiness about Beck. Sean Hannity isn’t going to think of pretending to dunk an Obama bobblehead in piss. The Scalitos of the world don’t have an angry, personalized grudge against the New Deal.
DrDick:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:51 am
And conservatives once again sodomized the rotting and mutilated corpse of irony.
catbutler:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:52 am
Not surprising, really. I imagine ole’ Glenn would certainly fit the profile of someone who might store hundreds of jars of his own urine around the house anyway.
I guess the only reaction I would actually have to this is .
Just sad.
Chilly:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:52 am
I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11 I’m outraged by Andres Serrano.
Somebody should tell Beck about Karen Finley. I’d love to see what he’d do with that Obama doll.
catbutler:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:54 am
to this is “yawn.”
Apparently my comment was like writing a really long name in the snow, if you get my drift….
c u n d gulag:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:58 am
Glenn Beck has started a new style as part of his maturation as a Performance Artist:
It’s the beginning of his Expression-pissed Period.
Anonymous:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:59 am
Wait until you see the slap-down he has ready for The Last Temptation of Christ.
Steve:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:01 am
If the “urine” is Coors Lite, that make is a commentary on how our corporate political culture (exemplified by Pete Coors and the rest of the Coors family) is our culture’s biological waste. I think this artwork should get an exclusive showing.
Timb:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:09 am
+1
I love that comment so much, it makes my heart hurt
Craigo:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:12 am
I’m sort of disappointed he used beer, because the phrase “Glenn Beck tried to auction a jar of his own urine” looks so damned right. Those words were made to be with each other.
Hogan:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:21 am
I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me?
KeithOK:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:24 am
If we don’t watch out, next thing he’ll do is wish us a “Merry Christmas.” Now that would really sting.
Uncle Kvetch:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:29 am
Not to mention that coffee-table book about S.E.X. that Madonna just put out!
Davis:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:32 am
Wonkette says it was Dos Equis.
sharculese:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:42 am
Pee pee? Has Beck moved on from catering to emotional toddlers to catering to literal toddlers?
sharculese:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:45 am
I googled “Barack Obama piss christ” and apparently they had a 2-day mini-skree in late September because Obama was ignoring their demands to denounce it, so, maybe it has something to do with that?
Scott Lemieux:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:55 am
He hasn’t deported 2 Live Crew either. WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
mark f:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:56 am
Oh, that must be because of the “Innocence of Muslims” thingy.
Hey, “Mister” “President,” I know you’re all apology tourish about this video motivating protests across an entire region right now, but why aren’t you mad about some thing that hung in a North Carolina art gallery 25 years ago? Huh?!? HUH?!?! Impeach!
Dr.KennethNoisewater:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:58 am
I love your name.
Does it mean you butler for a cat or are you a cat who has a job as a butler? Either way, I’m down with it.
Sherm:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:00 am
I assumed that he ran over a cat and didn’t have insurance, so the judge ordered him to be the cat’s butler.
Russell Arben Fox:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:01 am
Muddy wins the thread.
MikeJake:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:04 am
$25,000, eh? What’s that in Ameros?
Charlie Sweatpants:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:04 am
You know what they say, dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Dr.KennethNoisewater:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:06 am
We are all cat butlers.
Sherm:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:12 am
The exact opposite at my house. An outdoor cat is much lower maintenance than an indoor dog. All I have to do is leave food and water out and the garage door open until bedtime.
witless chum:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:12 am
It’s been a long time since I read something so exactly true in every particular as this comment.
witless chum:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:14 am
I mean, it’d really show Michael Dukakis if Beck rode under the tank instead of in it, wouldn’t it?
Otto von Bisquick:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:15 am
I don’t always dip a bobble-head Obama in faux-piss but when I do, I prefer to use Dos Equis.
CJColucci:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:17 am
Interesting. Most interesting, in fact.
mark f:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:19 am
I, for one, think police officers are heroes. Barack Obama thinks they “act stupidly,” which practically makes him Ice-T.
Hogan:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:21 am
Stay crazy, my friends.
N__B:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:30 am
Both were abandoned by their biological fathers.
Both were/are skinny.
Both have names likely to be misspelled at the DMV.
Both have publicly forgiven some of the assholes around them.
Dr.KennethNoisewater:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:35 am
Come to think of it, have they ever been seen in the same place together?
paleotectonics:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:38 am
Starring Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy, summer of 2013.
Snarki, child of Loki:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:42 am
The lab report came in:
“We’re sorry Mr. Beck, but your horse has diabetes”
paleotectonics:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:43 am
“I, for one, think the police officers who did not run my white ass through the system for the pillowcase-sized pile of blow I did before the chimp commercial, are real Americans, not like Susan Rice, who tried to bring the full wrath of the UN, Agenda 21 division, onto Chuck Norris, who merely pooped them! Norris/Nugent 2014! Thus is it written in the First 7 Year Itch by the Mormon dude! WHY DO YOU HURT ME!”
paleotectonics:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:45 am
I don’t care your gender – marry me. I’ll ‘splain to my wife later.
Bitter Scribe:
November 29th, 2012 at 11:47 am
Of all the put-downs of Coors Light and similar “beers” I’ve seen, this is the best.
Bill Murray:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
has to be the cat that buttles. Cat’s great all human news with a yawn
Bill Murray:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:04 pm
or I suppose cats greet all human news. Stupid fingers
BigHank53:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:10 pm
Both have a skin color that makes some white people uncomfortable.
rea:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:10 pm
Both were born in a foriegn country:
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from John F. Kennedy, that all the world should be taxed. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Barack, Sr. also went up from Hawaii, out of the city of Honolulu, into Kenya, unto the city of cold water, which is called Nairobi; (because he was of the house and lineage of Kenya) to be taxed with Ann his espoused wife, being great with child . . .
bcw:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:11 pm
foreign immigrant beer?
S_noe:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
My cat : me :: Jeeves : Wooster
That’s what he thinks, anyway.
Kansachusetts:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Yes, so true. We liberals love us some blasphemy. Here in Massachusetts we have groups that meet weekly to say blasphemous things while fingering their rosary beads. Not to mention our many chapters of Nuns with Vibrators.
Substance McGravitas:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Liberals have never cared about this long-dead fake controversy, so the tit for tat doesn’t really work.
Let’s pretend there’s tit for tat going on and burn a flag to see who’s got more troll power.
joe from Lowell:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Hell, let’s casually drop the phrase “Washington National Airport” into a conversation within earshot of a Republican.
spencer:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:51 pm
Ohhhhhhh the awesome of this comment.
Sherm:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:54 pm
It was a Seinfeld reference, but apparently not a very good one.
Warren Terra:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Both have the middle initial “H”.
Hogan:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:55 pm
I got it, for what that’s worth.
Warren Terra:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Both have been accused of disparaging rich people, of feeding the hungry, and of healing the sick.
NonyNony:
November 29th, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Hell just point out that the original “Red Dawn” wasn’t a very good movie.
“Troll power” is a useless power in most cases, but it’s even more useless when the target of the trolling gets psychotic pleasure out of being an angry and aggrieved party.
Njorl:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:01 pm
We had a cat like that. We always suspected that several other people might have the same cat.
N__B:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Just like the crazy green chick in the original Star Trek. Maybe we could add her to the list.
Cody:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:09 pm
He does always seem rather pissed off on his show.
Njorl:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:10 pm
But they might respond with BWI, sending us all into paroxysms of rage at their slight to Thurgood Marshall.
Dr.KennethNoisewater:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:12 pm
A gooder, too.
I got it.
Western Dave:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Could they burn some poison ivy in studio too? That would really bother me.
joe from Lowell:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:23 pm
He draws things on a white board that even David Horowitz thinks are nuts.
He openly weeps on air about feminists destroying traditional manhood.
The producers at Fox News decided to stop airing his program.
He’s the Craziest Man in the World.
“I don’t always dip a bobble-head Obama in faux-piss but when I do, I prefer to use Dos Equis.”
John:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Although the piece was created in 1987, the scandal was actually in 1989, according to wikipedia.
timb:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Warren! Awesome
Uncle Kvetch:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Seconded!
Sev:
November 29th, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Really? I thought JC’s middle initial was an F. Must be the ignoramuses I hung with growing up.
DrDick:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Growing up in Oklahoma, we always said Coors was what you got when you filtered Bud through a horse’s kidneys.
rea:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:05 pm
Beck’s Beer, surely.
r€nato:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:12 pm
like
timb:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:18 pm
The Sein never gets old
GeoX:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Does he get you out of unwanted romantic engagements?
secondH:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:22 pm
It would more outrage us if he used “Beck’s” beer.
Tho’ not by much, since that’s certifiable crap for German beer, and indistinguishable from St Pauli Girl, surely you’ve noticed they’re both from Bremen?
Hogan:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:22 pm
And make a special concoction that cures hangovers?
secondH:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:24 pm
I’ve heard the new one is not all that much better.
calling all toasters:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:29 pm
For his next performance, Beck will:
1) re-enact the “Nobody move or the n—-r gets it!” scene from “Blazing Saddles,” with the N-bomb changed to “white man.”
2) give the “I have a Dream” speech in pig latin.
3) have a seance where he contacts Mary Jo Kopechne (voiced by Victoria Jackson).
4) go to Spain and fight for Franco.
THIS IS A REAL INTERNETS POLL.
JazzBumpa:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Cats are known to be promiscuous.
RedSquareBear:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:42 pm
So-called “ssphyxia” is a well-known libtard conspiracy!
RedSquareBear:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Stupid. Fucking. Softkeyboard. Damnit.
Ian:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:45 pm
This piece by Andrew Hudgins led me to see Piss Christ as one of the most powerful Christian icons I know. I say that unironically as a Christian.
JazzBumpa:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:48 pm
2) give the “I have a Dream” speech in pig latin.
only if he does it in Al Jolson black face.
calling all toasters:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:52 pm
What, no fright wig?
Both Sides Do It:
November 29th, 2012 at 3:15 pm
I believe that was the intent of the artist, too. But conservatives, blinded by their slavish devotion to post-modernism and drowning in their bastardized version of French theory, of course think that the intent of the artist is an invalid concept.
RedSquareBear:
November 29th, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Not that!
My one weakness!
RedSquareBear:
November 29th, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Oh mammy! I’ve got a dream mammy!
herr doktor bimler:
November 29th, 2012 at 3:43 pm
Also necessary: Aunt-appeasement skills.
Does your cat meet up with other cats and exchange anecdotes about your stupidity?
Keaaukane:
November 29th, 2012 at 3:44 pm
Have you never heard of “cheesing”? South Park did a documentary on it.
NonyNony:
November 29th, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Dunno how it could be – the premise is laughable to begin with and it hasn’t aged well.
It could almost work if they made it a sci-fi film where a band of scruffy high school students need to defend the USA from invasion from an alternate universe USA that fell to the Red Menace back in the 50s, but even that would be stretching it (and it would play better with Nazis instead of Commies anyway – if there’s one thing that the Indiana Jones movies have taught us it’s that Nazis are always better enemies than Commies).
Malaclypse:
November 29th, 2012 at 3:55 pm
if there’s one thing that
the Indiana Jones movies havePhillip Dick has taught us it’s that Nazis are always better enemies than CommiesFTFY.
DocAmazing:
November 29th, 2012 at 3:59 pm
I yam what I yam.
herr doktor bimler:
November 29th, 2012 at 4:10 pm
It seems a shame to break up a complete collection like that.
catclub:
November 29th, 2012 at 4:17 pm
I think assphyxia would be a suitable typo.
joe from Lowell:
November 29th, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Apparently, liberals are pareseltongues.
joe from Lowell:
November 29th, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Amen.
The Lorax:
November 29th, 2012 at 4:50 pm
I can’t stop laughing at this. Well done indeed.
sparks:
November 29th, 2012 at 5:09 pm
…and sings “Goin’ To Heaven On A Mule” while he does a shuffle, interspersing a few “Yowsah Yowsah”s into the song.
JoshA:
November 29th, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Wouldn’t “Piss Rice” make more sense? More topical, sort of rhymes.
I suppose not a lot of Susan Rice figuerines out there.
Stag Party Palin:
November 29th, 2012 at 5:28 pm
OMG ROTFLMAO (I just like caps)
Just when Muddy had “won”, Warren strips the ball away from him.
gocart mozart:
November 29th, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Both refused to release their school records.
gocart mozart:
November 29th, 2012 at 5:37 pm
Both think Glenn Beck is a dick.
gocart mozart:
November 29th, 2012 at 5:41 pm
I read that as The Last Temptation of Christie and suddenly I thought of donuts.
Bart:
November 29th, 2012 at 5:42 pm
Best of the post-election posts!
joe from Lowell:
November 29th, 2012 at 5:47 pm
It’s Glenn Beck; he’d use an Aunt Jemima bottle and never notice the difference.
gocart mozart:
November 29th, 2012 at 5:49 pm
He will nail himself to a cross of goldline stock.
Mike Dixon:
November 29th, 2012 at 6:09 pm
It’s most likely beer, or some say apple juice, in the original as well. Urine simply does not look like that.
By the way, every six months or so, when Piss Christ pops up as a fresh outrage*, I wonder how many people who refer to the piece as “Putting a statue of Jesus in a jar of urine and calling it art” are aware that it is a photograph, and is framed in a way that it is not in any container.
*Not that Serrano minds one bit. He’s been coasting on this one bit of Bad Boy of the Art World infamy for two decades now.
http://www.bravotv.com/work-of-art/season-1/a-shock-to-the-system
Major Kong:
November 29th, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Say wait, ain’t that Beck feller one o’ them there Mormons?
Mah preacher tells me them folks is all part of one big blasphemous cult.
Major Kong:
November 29th, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Nothing would piss me off worse than Beck drinking a gallon of bleach.
I would be really, really upset.
newyorker:
November 29th, 2012 at 6:52 pm
You’re doing it wrong in MASS. Here in NY we have vibrators SHAPED like nuns. They make lovely stocking stuffers.
cpinva:
November 29th, 2012 at 8:16 pm
i am humbled by this comment thread.
glenn beck, a man that stupid men see as witty. successful in his grift, scamming the rubes of their cash. took it a bit too far, now desperate to be even erick (son of erick) erickson relevant. cast out by even FOX, which tells you just how far off the deep end he went. he’ll be calling for jfk’s impeachment, because of the failed bay of pig’s invasion. recovering alcoholic? too many dead brain cells already. he wept, for no apparent reason. too many dead brain cells.
Jon H:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:53 pm
And disrupting religious practice.
Jon H:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:55 pm
Both had foreign, Middle Eastern names.
Jon H:
November 29th, 2012 at 9:57 pm
If it was titled “Christ in Amber”, nobody would have protested.
Jon H:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:13 pm
My money’s on it being some kind of special AM radio wingnut pruno fortified with oxycodone.
Jon H:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:19 pm
It’s only a matter of time until Beck escalates this new tendency and tapes himself squirting paint out of his ass onto books by Alinsky.
Jon H:
November 29th, 2012 at 10:21 pm
If he does anything with an Aunt Jemima bottle, there will probably be two wetsuits involved.
expatchad:
November 30th, 2012 at 5:00 am
Oy!
expatchad:
November 30th, 2012 at 5:31 am
You want to make him whiter???
expatchad:
November 30th, 2012 at 5:42 am
I had to embalm a cat once too.
Wrong theadlet??
O.
catbutler:
November 30th, 2012 at 8:40 am
Actually I currently butler for three cats full time and about 30 more on weekends when I volunteer at the shelter.
Our cats routinely set me straight on my place in the hierarchy around here.
Not to say anything against actual cats employed as butlers, they certainly have the appropriate level of disdain for that sort of work.
Oh, and thanks.
skippy:
November 30th, 2012 at 1:44 pm
i am privileged to actually know the guy who played seinfeld’s butler. he is the marvelous brian bradley, with whom i did countless improv and stand up shows in the 80′s. he’s currently working and teaching in florida, and he’s hilarious.
brian bradley
m.goose:
December 1st, 2012 at 12:05 am
In auto-labor-communist Michigan, we have nuns shaped like vibrators.