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Just Sayin’

[ 129 ] November 29, 2012 |

Mr. Beck — I can perfectly understand your goal to be perceived as pissing off liberals — it’s a good living in your position.  However, your latest submission must be rejected, because the only people who are, er, pissed off about “Piss Christ” at this late date are conservative pundits who have reached a Grade A, or “Roger Kimball,” level of laziness.   Liberals have never cared about this long-dead fake controversy, so the tit for tat doesn’t really work.  (I’ll grant, though, that if the beer that was meant to stand in for your urine is Coors Light, that will probably be as close to wit as you’ll ever get, and it would actually be a greater indignity to the Obama figure than actual piss.) Better luck next time!

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  1. bradP says:

    Really, the only demographic he appeals to projects their insecurities on to everyone else.

    So when he tries to insult liberals, it doesn’t really matter whether he actually insults them or not. And since his viewers are generally hyperparanoid and humorless, there are innumerable things he could do that his viewers would see as being insulting to liberals but actually are not.

  2. Mudge says:

    Glenn Beck’s piss-Coors Light…that’s a tough call.

  3. John says:

    Don’t you see? He’s hoisting liberals by their own petard? They all love Piss Christ and blasphemy in general, but we’ll see how happy they are when Beck piss-Christs their God, Barry Hussein Soetoro!

  4. muddy says:

    I like the fact that Beck apparently finds Jesus and Obama to be equivalent.

  5. Jonah Goldberg says:

    conservative pundits who have reached a Grade A, or “Roger Kimball,” level of laziness

    I’d be insulted by this, but I’m on a deadline. Perhaps a reader can think of a witty retort and leave it here for me?

  6. mark f says:

    “Piss Christ” happened in 1987.

    Next, Glenn will release a film in which the adorable “Obamwai” turns into a rapacious havoc-wreaking “gremlib” if he’s fed after midnight (read: gets elected).

    After that an item about how Barack Ofraudo-Ruiz cheated to win a race.

    Take that, Jane Fonda!!!

    • Chilly says:

      I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11 I’m outraged by Andres Serrano.

      Somebody should tell Beck about Karen Finley. I’d love to see what he’d do with that Obama doll.

    • sharculese says:

      I googled “Barack Obama piss christ” and apparently they had a 2-day mini-skree in late September because Obama was ignoring their demands to denounce it, so, maybe it has something to do with that?

      • mark f says:

        Oh, that must be because of the “Innocence of Muslims” thingy.

        Hey, “Mister” “President,” I know you’re all apology tourish about this video motivating protests across an entire region right now, but why aren’t you mad about some thing that hung in a North Carolina art gallery 25 years ago? Huh?!? HUH?!?! Impeach!

    • John says:

      Although the piece was created in 1987, the scandal was actually in 1989, according to wikipedia.

  7. Sly says:

    This is the same guy who decided to celebrate Earth Day by leaving an SUV running outside his studio one year, cut down some trees the next year, and burn Styrofoam the year after that. I think he bought a stuffed polar bear this year.

    Because that’ll show those liberals how truly conservative we are! Yeah! By… mocking… conservation….

  8. witless chum says:

    Beck’s genuine weirdness if the only sorta-endearing thing about him. It’s like Judge Thomas, there’s that extra screwiness about Beck. Sean Hannity isn’t going to think of pretending to dunk an Obama bobblehead in piss. The Scalitos of the world don’t have an angry, personalized grudge against the New Deal.

  9. DrDick says:

    And conservatives once again sodomized the rotting and mutilated corpse of irony.

  10. catbutler says:

    Not surprising, really. I imagine ole’ Glenn would certainly fit the profile of someone who might store hundreds of jars of his own urine around the house anyway.
    I guess the only reaction I would actually have to this is .
    Just sad.

  11. c u n d gulag says:

    Glenn Beck has started a new style as part of his maturation as a Performance Artist:

    It’s the beginning of his Expression-pissed Period.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Wait until you see the slap-down he has ready for The Last Temptation of Christ.

  13. Steve says:

    If the “urine” is Coors Lite, that make is a commentary on how our corporate political culture (exemplified by Pete Coors and the rest of the Coors family) is our culture’s biological waste. I think this artwork should get an exclusive showing.

  14. Craigo says:

    I’m sort of disappointed he used beer, because the phrase “Glenn Beck tried to auction a jar of his own urine” looks so damned right. Those words were made to be with each other.

  15. Hogan says:

    I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me?

  16. KeithOK says:

    If we don’t watch out, next thing he’ll do is wish us a “Merry Christmas.” Now that would really sting.

  17. sharculese says:

    Pee pee? Has Beck moved on from catering to emotional toddlers to catering to literal toddlers?

  18. MikeJake says:

    $25,000, eh? What’s that in Ameros?

  19. Bitter Scribe says:

    Of all the put-downs of Coors Light and similar “beers” I’ve seen, this is the best.

  20. Liberals have never cared about this long-dead fake controversy, so the tit for tat doesn’t really work.

    Let’s pretend there’s tit for tat going on and burn a flag to see who’s got more troll power.

    • Hell, let’s casually drop the phrase “Washington National Airport” into a conversation within earshot of a Republican.

      • NonyNony says:

        Hell just point out that the original “Red Dawn” wasn’t a very good movie.

        “Troll power” is a useless power in most cases, but it’s even more useless when the target of the trolling gets psychotic pleasure out of being an angry and aggrieved party.

        • secondH says:

          I’ve heard the new one is not all that much better.

          • NonyNony says:

            Dunno how it could be – the premise is laughable to begin with and it hasn’t aged well.

            It could almost work if they made it a sci-fi film where a band of scruffy high school students need to defend the USA from invasion from an alternate universe USA that fell to the Red Menace back in the 50s, but even that would be stretching it (and it would play better with Nazis instead of Commies anyway – if there’s one thing that the Indiana Jones movies have taught us it’s that Nazis are always better enemies than Commies).

      • Njorl says:

        But they might respond with BWI, sending us all into paroxysms of rage at their slight to Thurgood Marshall.

  21. secondH says:

    It would more outrage us if he used “Beck’s” beer.

    Tho’ not by much, since that’s certifiable crap for German beer, and indistinguishable from St Pauli Girl, surely you’ve noticed they’re both from Bremen?

  22. calling all toasters says:

    For his next performance, Beck will:

    1) re-enact the “Nobody move or the n—-r gets it!” scene from “Blazing Saddles,” with the N-bomb changed to “white man.”

    2) give the “I have a Dream” speech in pig latin.

    3) have a seance where he contacts Mary Jo Kopechne (voiced by Victoria Jackson).

    4) go to Spain and fight for Franco.

    THIS IS A REAL INTERNETS POLL.

  23. Ian says:

    This piece by Andrew Hudgins led me to see Piss Christ as one of the most powerful Christian icons I know. I say that unironically as a Christian.

    If we did not know it was cow’s blood and urine,
    if we did not know that Serrano had for weeks
    hoarded his urine in a plastic vat,
    if we did not know the cross was gimcrack plastic,
    we would assume it was too beautiful.
    We would assume it was the resurrection,
    glory, Christ transformed to light by light
    because the blood and urine burn like a halo,
    and light, as always, light makes it beautiful.

    We are born between the urine and the feces,
    Augustine says, and so was Christ, if there was a Christ,
    skidding into this world as we do
    on a tide of blood and urine. Blood, feces, urine—
    what the fallen world is made of, and what we make.
    He peed, ejaculated, shat, wept, bled—
    bled under Pontius Pilate, and I assume
    the mutilated god, the criminal,
    humiliated god, voided himself
    on the cross and the blood and urine smeared his legs
    and he ascended bodily unto heaven,
    and on the third day he rose into glory, which
    is what we see here, the Piss Christ in glowing blood:
    the whole irreducible point of the faith,
    God thrown in human waste, submerged and shining.

    We have grown used to beauty without horror.
    We have grown used to useless beauty.

  24. JazzBumpa says:

    2) give the “I have a Dream” speech in pig latin.

    only if he does it in Al Jolson black face.

  25. JoshA says:

    Wouldn’t “Piss Rice” make more sense? More topical, sort of rhymes.

    I suppose not a lot of Susan Rice figuerines out there.

  26. cpinva says:

    i am humbled by this comment thread.

    glenn beck, a man that stupid men see as witty. successful in his grift, scamming the rubes of their cash. took it a bit too far, now desperate to be even erick (son of erick) erickson relevant. cast out by even FOX, which tells you just how far off the deep end he went. he’ll be calling for jfk’s impeachment, because of the failed bay of pig’s invasion. recovering alcoholic? too many dead brain cells already. he wept, for no apparent reason. too many dead brain cells.

  27. Jon H says:

    It’s only a matter of time until Beck escalates this new tendency and tapes himself squirting paint out of his ass onto books by Alinsky.

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