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Great moments in anonymous punditry

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By request, a roughly chronological account of the last few months of our favorite troll’s life:

Romney already hitting it out of the park. Stick a fork in Obama, he’s done.

PPP Polling (an outfit funded by Soros and used by DailyKos) has Obama up only five in Ohio even right after his convention! Right after a convention, in a Democrat-run poll, and +5 is the best BHO can do.

Looks like we’ll be up very late on election night. The race is tight.

STILL panicked over Ryan? You guys are absolutely desperate. It doesn’t matter what Bitme and TOTUS does tonight–it is all overshadowed by tomorrow’s dismal jobs report. No bounce for you.

Romney up by FIVE in new national poll taken from Sept. 4 to Sept. 7th! The bounce is over!

Romney more than exceeded expectations. The whole meme of Romney being wooden or being robotic were smashed tonight. Next week Romney vaults into a lead outside the margin of error. Obama should be panicked, this was a wonderful convention for Republicans.

A NEVER BEFORE SEEN Obama RACE SPEECH video is going to come on tonight, at the Daily Caller and Fox News, 9 PM E.T., contains an accent he never adopts in public, shout-outs to Rev. Wright, anti-white sentiment, portrays America as a zero-sum racist society, insults the poor! This is THE October surprise!

Enjoy the tied race while it lasts because after the convention word is that Romney and the Super PACs are going to bring down the hammer on BHO–and bring it down HARD.Romney now up two in Ohio after the latest poll, right after another one showed him tied there. It’s all slipping away for him, isn’t it?

Romney and his Super PACs have been holding back, but the floodgates will open the fuck up in the fall.

Keep ignoring Citizens United and the coming Super PAC flood (they’ve been holding back for the Fall. The Dems have actually outspent us so far when looking at campaign+party+Super PAC spending, but have far more cash on hand now), the two jobs reports left, and of course the election integrity laws that will stop the kind of shenanigans that happened in 2008. Also ignore that Romney is surging in Wisconsin, in Michigan, and even beginning to put Connecticut in play.

Change is coming to Washington.

Come November you’ll be screaming WE WUZ ROBBED! just like you did in 2000 and 2004.

Watching Obama giving his concession speech will be funny. Good thing I don’t live near the city, because urban riots will inevitably follow, especially with Democrats pre-emptively inflaming the blacks with tales of “Voter supression.”

ObamaCare repealed, a strict constructionist SCOTUS majority for the next five decades at least, across the board tax cuts, a strong national defense and Iran challenged, the keystone pipeline built and offshore drilling driving to new heights, entitlement reforms through means testing and privatization, the global warming scam ended once and for all, and taking a chainsaw to economic regulations.

And that’s just the first term.

By 2021 we will have repealed everything that’s left of the Great Society and the New Deal.

I’d be surprised if it can even look itself in the mirror now, much less show its face around here.

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  • Logistics

    God that was good. Thank you.

    • SEK

      It took me longer than expected because I tried to turn it into a story. A pathetic, thoroughly gratifying story.

      • c u n d gulag

        Any narrative worth reading needs more than just an idiotic antagonist, it needs a protagonist.

        As a commenter who eventually learned to ignore this feckin’ idjit, instead of responding to him/her/it, I’m amused by the moronic insistance on opinions that were based on beliefs that were dripping with fecal matter.

        JenBob, you white people aren’t birthin’ enough angry white people fast enough.

        So, why don’t you get to it, AND GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!!

      • spencer

        Ah, that hit the spot. Thank you.

      • Uncle Ebeneezer

        Perhaps you should have tried writing in second person and making it a choose-your-own-adventure:

        The Rasmussen Poll gets you so excited you decide to celebrate.

        If you visit the new Walrus exhibit at the aquarium, turn to page 39.

        If you treat yourself to breakfast at IHOP turn to page 102.

        Anony Mad Libs would also be fun.

    • Seconded. And fret not about the story – that you even offered this is more than enough.

    • DrDick

      I know. I feel like I need a cigarette.

  • djw

    How many more days of pure, unadulterated schadenfreude am I allowed before it threatens to reflect poorly on my character?

    • SEK

      With people you know? A few more, at most. With JenBob? I see no reason to stop, ever.

    • Icarus Wright

      That is a matter of personal choice and should not be dictated by any external authority…

  • Much linked, now finally with actual excuses appended.

    • Logistics

      It’s almost as if conservatives take multi-colored or variously emphasized fonts as a sign of credibility in the same way I look for the opposite.

      • greylocks

        Also, too, ALL CAPS!

    • Excuses? Besides the apology for the personal comments, all I see is excuses for not having excuses – “depending on your point of view it was proven wrong,” “I appreciate the support and appreciate that many found it it worth it to take time to visit my web sites and read my articles.”

      • Rarely Posts

        His apology for the personal comments was absolutely called for, but I still think we should give him a touch of credit for it. Among other things, he’s just shown himself to be more mature than the vast majority of the haters on the right who are paid to attack people for their appearances (Limbaugh, Coulter, etc.). Every step in the right direction counts. Honestly, I feel a bit sorry for him because it’s clear that his constant exposure to the hate/dishonesty of the right-wing spin machine really damaged him.

        • Hogan

          His apology for the personal comments was absolutely called for, but I still think we should give him a touch of credit for it.

          Yes. “That other guy started it” is not an excuse, but it is a mitigating factor.

          • STH

            I give him credit for apologizing, but as far as I can tell his “the other guy started it” consists of ONE WORD: portly. Very, very weak.

  • Janastas359

    Mmmmm, tastes like pancakes.

    • Warren Terra

      No waffling, that’s for syrup.

  • UNLIMITED CORPORATE CASH!

    • Karate Bearfighter

      Those were my favorite! The ones where JenBob was openly proud that rightwing superPACs were going to try to buy the election by flooding all media with negative ads … I’m actually going to miss those. He/she wasn’t even paying lip-service to democratic ideals — the mask was off, and it was almost refreshing.

      • DrDick

        They targeted the governor’s and Senate races here in Montana and lost both. They spent almost as much as both candidates combined in the Senate race. They lost both (Dems won every statewide race except Attorney General).

      • joe from Lowell

        I like the gloating over “voter integrity” laws, which were going to deliver the inevitable Republican rout.

  • Jerry Vinokurov

    Surely this must have been simply an extended absurdist performance. You have to admire the poster’s dedication to their art.

  • “Change is coming to Washington.”

    Well, yes, Tammy Baldwin and Elizabeth Warren do seem to be a change indeed.

    • wjts

      And I was up late on election night! That’s UNCANNILY accurate!

    • Hogan

      I don’t think we’ve ever had as many Tammies in Congress as we will on Jan. 3.

      • I don’t even think Tammyny Hall could boast as many in its heyday

  • Speaking of hilarious wingnuttery, I emailed you a few days back about a particularly funny Wingnut blog I found while lurking at Crooked Timber.

    I checked my Sent folder to make sure that I did indeed send it. I did, but it has a weird title and three links. I wonder if it didn’t trigger your spam filter. Then again, it could just be you despise me, which is entirely understandable.

    • SEK

      The three links likely killed it. I have my filter set to kill because of all the pointless conservative listservs certain community college professors, among others, have signed me up for. Send it again with “**********” in the title and I’ll get it. (That’s my course code, it’s white-listed.)

      • OK, done and done. If nothing else, just lemme know I’d it made it past your filter.

    • Jerry Vinokurov

      Might as well share it here!

      • SEK

        To be deleted upon receipt of said email. Don’t worry, I know how these here Internets work.

        • Jerry Vinokurov

          Oh, sorry, that’s not what I meant. I was trying to encourage Dr.K upthread to post his links. My bad.

  • Uncle Ebeneezer

    Was this everything or just the highlights? Either way it is some sweet, sweet syrup!

    • SEK

      The highlights of the election stuff — I didn’t include any of its homophobic or anti-environmental rants. Like I said above, I tried to make it into a story, so I had to edit out a lot of the repetition.

    • Just Sayin’

      Slurp !!1!

  • greylocks

    Alas, no character arc.

  • burnspbesq

    That’s still some lame-ass trollery. Whoever it is, real or spoof (yes, DougJ, I’m looking at you), he/she has a lot of work to do if he/she wants to play in the Bart DePalma League.

    • Just Sayin’

      Yeah, weaksauce indeed.
      Pointing, relishing and assuming superiority are hardly better.
      Then again, trolls wouldn’t have a reason for being if not for the attention paid.

      • Pointing, relishing and assuming superiority are hardly better.

        Yeah, they are. They are DESERVED by the object of said pointing, relishing and assuming of superiority.

        Because we were RIGHT and, yeah, inferior, deliberately unpleasant, taunting, sneering-about-being-able-to-buy-the-election troll was WRONG.

        Makes me feel like dancin’.

    • Sharculese

      As someone who’s only experience with Bart DePalma is in the comments at balkinization, I’m curious, is he for real, or just a dude who sees everything as an opportunity to hawk his shitty e-book?

      • Hob

        Depends on what you mean by “real”, but he’s been around for way longer than he had a book to sell, and his comments were always basically the same shit.

  • Fighting Words

    You forgot this gem from Tuesday night:

    “Let this quote sink in as our nation descends into bankruptcy and darkness:

    A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship. The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations has been 200 years.

    Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage.”

    • HOT.

      • rea

        And, as a little googling showed me, stolen from a 1951 editorial in the Daily Oklahoman.

        • Timb

          One assumes the Oklahoman was defending segregation? If not, McCain certainly was with his pathetic whine

    • Hogan

      Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger… no, wait… Fear leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side… Hold on… no, um… first you get the women, then you get the money, then you- Okay, can we forget that?

      • No, it goes:

        I shall not fear. Fear in the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it is gone then you get the money, then you get the women.

        • Karate Bearfighter

          I feel a little cheated that we’re never going to get to find out what happened to the Saginaw Plaza Hotel.

      • Njorl

        Well the fear bone’s connected to the anger bone.
        The anger bone’s connected to the hate bone.
        The hate bone’s connected to the knee bone.
        Now hear the word of the lord!

      • Ian

        I still get a little thrill from a well-placed Buffy reference–thank you for that.

    • Malaclypse

      Via Roy:

      The American culture war has been markedly intensified, as those who booed God, celebrated an unfettered abortion license, canonized Sandra Fluke, and sacramentalized sodomy at the Democratic National Convention will have been emboldened to advance the cause of lifestyle libertinism through coercive state power, thus deepening the danger of what a noted Bavarian theologian calls the “dictatorship of relativism.

      I’m thinking that if we make sacramentalized sodomy an official part of the plank, we’re bound – so to speak – to get 60% in the midterms.

      • STH

        But what about the legal pot!?! You can’t have the sacrament without the incense!

        • You people. I swan.

          I wish there was a LIKE button here.

  • Reasonable 4ce

    73 days till President-elect Romney. Suck it, libtardz! Oh wait …

    • Warren Terra

      Once South Carolina leads the Real America off to find their Destiny, of course. Mitt Romney can be their President from his house in Belmont, or from his summer cottage in New Hampshire, or from his car elevator in San Diego.

      • Davis X. Machina

        Once South Carolina leads the Real America off to find their Destiny, of course.

        We already tried that. Do Not Want.

      • BertieW

        I have to say, Gwen Infill’s repeated references to Romney’s many many home states was the highlight of my election night. Well, aside for the victory anyway.

      • Hey, Romney underperformed all the other Republicans who were running for various offices down here in SC. Kind of a shocker.

        Would you believe it was only 55 Romney-45 Obama?

        Usually it’s 60-40 for the Republican (AT LEAST), which is how almost all the other R vs D contests came out on Tuesday. Actually more like 65-35 on average, with the occasional statehouse bone thrown to a Dem.

        My African American Tea Party Representative Tim Scott, for example, carried this Charleston-centered Congressional district with almost 65% of the vote. Nearly 10 points more than Romney’s statewide percentage. Tsk. You’d think SC Republicans weren’t all that enthusiastic….

  • wengler

    Rick Venema is crying in the world’s biggest Arby’s right now.

    • Cheap Wino

      I miss RICK VENEMA. Much more entertaining than Anon.

      • James E Powell

        That guy is my favorite troll evah!

        He was always explaining what was wrong with liberals, why we just didn’t get it. So helpful in that way.

  • efgoldman

    I’d be surprised if it can even look itself in the mirror now, much less show its face around here.

    You’re kidding, right? One of the strongest identifiers of Trollus wingnuttius is a complete lack of self-awareness. Its given to them right after they have their shame-ectomy.

    • NonyNony

      I’m fairly certain that at some point JenBob will return with all new zingers that he/she is absolutely certain will piss off the libs who read this site. BOOKMARK IT LIBS!

      The Troll cares not about being proven right or wrong – the Troll only cares about how many people it pisses off. This it the is the true Way of the Troll.

      • Manta

        Spoken like a true master.

    • Njorl

      I can see him looking in the mirror saying, “I was right, really, when you think about it. It was the election that was was wrong.”

  • Anonymous

    contains an accent he never adopts in public

    ….I’m guessing Norwegian?

    • imag

      er, that was me

  • chris

    Romney and his Super PACs have been holding back, but the floodgates will open the fuck up in the fall.

    To be fair, this part turned out to be true. It ended up not doing Romney enough good to cancel out all his other problems, but the floodgates did indeed open the fuck up.

    I guess that makes him 1 for … lots.

  • FlipYrWhig

    Is this the same guy who posts as “Political Observer,” “Cato,” and other vaguely patriotic nyms at Balloon Juice? The voice is damn familiar. Or are there a whole bunch of Wingnut Agent Smiths slithering around through the blogosphere?

    • Hob

      They’re slightly different. Observer/Veritas/etc. sounds like a campaign intern or someone who’d like to be one– very focused on winners vs. losers, not interested in policy– never really got into the culture war crap and racial/anti-gay slurs like JenBob, as far as I can remember.

  • Uncle Kvetch

    Personally I thought the high point came fairly early on, in the form of “Quake with fear, puny liberals, at the unstoppable juggernaut that is RICK PERRY!”

    • IM

      I actually think he was first a Pawlenty.

      • IM

        supporter.

      • clay

        *A* Pawlenty supporter… or *THE* Pawlenty supporter?

    • oh yeah…Mr Memory Man.

  • IM

    That struts and frets his hour upon the stage. And then is heard no more: it is a tale. Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.

  • John F

    ObamaCare repealed, a strict constructionist SCOTUS majority for the next five decades at least, across the board tax cuts, a strong national defense and Iran challenged, the keystone pipeline built and offshore drilling driving to new heights, entitlement reforms through means testing and privatization, the global warming scam ended once and for all, and taking a chainsaw to economic regulations.

    Some of these still have good chance of happening:
    strong national defense
    keystone pipeline
    global warming [denial] scam ended once and for all

  • KadeKo

    I’m late to the party, as always. But throw my gift of thanks on the table with the others; you’ll enjoy it no less.

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