Being Raped by Your Father, A Loving Long-Term Relationship Outside of Marriage–Pretty Much the Same Thing

Robin Marty with a deeply disturbing piece about the war on birth control. Human Life International (an organization that in fact does not seem to care about actual human life, just fetishized ideals of fetuses) is fighting back against the United Nations declaration of access to contraception as a human right. Because really all those sluts having sex outside of marriage are submitting themselves to voluntary rape and they deserve whatever results from their whorish actions, the little jezebels:

For those having sexual relations within natural marriage and want to regulate births, there is natural family planning. Those having sex outside of marriage, be prepared for an unfulfilled life where sexual intimacy is surrounded by unnatural, unreliable, and deadly methods of birth control and is typically an expression of consensual, mutual objectification- which, for all intents and purposes is a form of rape.

“Natural family planning.” My favorite thing in the world. I had to go through Catholic wedding training before my marriage. It was very exciting. I learned all about how natural family planning was God’s form of birth control. Taught by a woman with 11 children. Yes, that’s right. 11 children.

In this worldview, any woman having sex while unmarried, and presumably every woman using birth control while inside of marriage, is obviously a whore.

On one hand, I like the idea of Republicans embracing insane people who want to declare war on birth control. From a short-term political perspective, it’s a win. On the other hand, it’s incredibly depressing to have these debates. In other words, a lot of Americans need to grow the fuck up.

65 comments on this post.
  1. Malaclypse:

    Fred Clark has been running a Chick-fil-A Biblical Family of the Day post since early October. Fun stuff. Good for pissing off any fundies in your life.

  2. Sly:

    Oh, Sky Cake….

  3. Erik Loomis:

    Fodder for Thanksgiving with the in-laws!

  4. Rick Massimo:

    “Those having sex outside of marriage, be prepared for an unfulfilled life where sexual intimacy is surrounded by unnatural, unreliable, and deadly methods of birth control …”

    “… not that it has to be that way, but we’re going to MAKE your life that way! Because Jebus! And FREEDOM!”

  5. commie atheist:

    …consensual, mutual objectification- which, for all intents and purposes is a form of rape.

    They really have no idea what the word “consent” means at all, do they? Amazing.

  6. MAJeff:

    those having sex outside of marriage, be prepared for an unfulfilled life where sexual intimacy is surrounded by unnatural, unreliable, and deadly methods of birth control

    I’ve found gay sex to be a highly effective method of birth control. Zero percent failure rate.

  7. Auguste:

    Right-wingers’ perpetual misreading of Dworkin is another form of projection? Color me surprised.

  8. Jeff R.:

    We did the Catholic pre-marital thing, too. The birth control part of the weekend was only about half an hour or so. One of the natural family planning methods they discussed is the “Billings Method.” Afterwards, my wife joked that the Billings method is where one partner moves to Billings, Montana. That would make it a type of geographical barrier method.

  9. Malaclypse:

    those having sex outside of marriage, be prepared for an unfulfilled life where sexual intimacy is surrounded by unnatural, unreliable, and deadly methods of birth control

    This is a winning platform. Republicans need to talk a lot more about how sex is unfulfilling and needs to be avoided. If Romney had been a real conservative, he would have ridden this message straight (so to speak) to victory!

  10. Kurzleg:

    I’ve never understood church teaching on the subject of sex. They don’t want their priests “doing it”, and that’s turned out really well for the church. I’m sure the same sort of carnal denial will work out well for the laity.

  11. Kurzleg:

    Yes. It’s kind of shocking that the masters of messaging missed something so obvious.

  12. DrDick:

    They are still pissed off that us secularists are having waaaaay more fun than they ever will.

  13. DrDick:

    If you are a female type person, you automatically give permission to every man to have sex with you just by being in their presence and not being thoroughly disgusting!

  14. DrDick:

    There is that. I also find hetero sex with all those “unnatural, unreliable, and deadly methods of birth control” pretty Cthulhu blessed satisfying compared to the constant fear of pregnancy.

  15. janastas359:

    My child development professor in undergrad had a joke about NFP:

    Q: What is the technical term for a woman who uses natural family planning?

    A: “Mommy”

  16. STH:

    As I understand it (and don’t ask me why, but just the other day I read a Catholic position paper on this), the whole act that you do with your spouse has to be one that “unifies” you and that has potential to be procreative. So, for example, touching the genitals of your spouse for the purposes of pleasure isn’t allowed, even if it’s part of an act that is unifying and potentially procreative. In other words, only PIV sex is allowed, orgasms for men are good, orgasms for women are optional and you can’t do anything “extra” to bring them about. Anything other than PIV is seen as exploitative, a sort of mutual masturbation.

    Yes, it is that fucked up. The good news is that hardly any Catholics are paying attention to this bullshit.

  17. William Burns:

    It does make every woman having sex outside of marriage a whore, but let’s not forget that it also makes every man having sex outside of marriage a rapist.

  18. NonyNony:

    Our Catholic pre-marital bit was very interesting. We had two couples to talk about the family planning. One was very gung ho anti-birth control who had been married for about 2 years. The other was a couple who had been married for 30 years.

    Let’s just say that the couple with three decades of experience in things marital were pretty clear that there were things that you needed to do to have a sane, healthy marriage that would have a shot at lasting for thirty years and that there were things that the Diocese required them to tell you about in order to certify that you’d done the pre-Cana marriage training session, and that there wasn’t a 100% overlap between these two things.

  19. STH:

    The reason Catholic attitudes toward sex seem so foreign to us is that they start with a completely different set of values. Most people see sex as a way to satisfy needs that feels good and cements the bond between you and your partner (assuming you’re in a relationship); in other words, sexual morality is part of a larger utilitarian viewpoint that values human pleasure and happiness. The Catholic church is supremely uninterested in human happiness, to be blunt about it. The miseries of this world are truly insignificant compared to the promise of heaven. So it doesn’t concern them that forbidding birth control perpetuates human poverty and suffering. What matters is saving souls, and the way you do that is by sticking to the rules. The suffering caused by priests molesting kids is really unimportant to them, as long as those kids are “saved.” So, no, they’re not going to make a big effort to kick out pedo priests, because it’s much more important to keep people’s faith in the church and keep that priest at work saving those souls. It really is a death cult and its hierarchy truly does not live in the same world we do.

  20. herr doktor bimler:

    natural marriage
    Anyone using this phrase, you know straightaway he’s a theocrat.

  21. Ruviana:

    Indeed. During the Conquest the deaths of indigenous people were beside the point if they were “saved.” Whole thing reminds me of ducking stools and the water test.

  22. Kurzleg:

    If only.

  23. BigHank53:

    If reality doesn’t match your holy book, it’s reality that’s wrong. Better fix that…

  24. Ashley Casas:

    My parents are Catholics, but they used contraception. My parents are awesome, I guess.

  25. NorthLeft12:

    Yeah, I heard that joke from another guy who was at my Catholic mandated “Engaged Encounter” group. My wife and I tried it and we celebrated the birth of our first daughter about nine months after we got married. And no, we were not trying to get pregnant.

    It worked out great though. Not the natural family planning, the having the daughter early thing. Ditto for daughter #2.

  26. daveNYC:

    So that was like a Catholic missionary position paper?

    Thanks folks, tip your waitress and ‘exploit’ the heck out of you better half!

  27. Ruviana:

    By the by, Reality Check looks bloggered, both via the link from here and just by googling it.

  28. Joe:

    The awesomeness of your parents is not denied but on this point, fairly average.

  29. Joe:

    We may have found a valid “fake rape.”

  30. Josh G.:

    Priestly celibacy doesn’t date back to the origins of the Church; it was introduced in the Middle Ages. Specifically, Hildebrand and his associate Peter Damian were foremost among its advocates. When Hildebrand was elected as Pope Gregory VII in 1073, this let him enforce celibacy on the entire Church hierarchy, often by force. (On occasion, Hildebrand and Damian had personally led armed mobs to attack the families of priests.)

    One of the original purposes of priestly celibacy was to prevent Church offices from becoming the hereditary possessions of particular families. This was the only valid justification the policy ever had, and it is now long obsolete. The other, theological, reasons are basically just elaborate rationalizations that boil down to hatred of sex and hatred of women.

  31. Josh G.:

    It is important to note that this pathological worldview is largely limited to the celibate male hierarchy. Lay Catholics generally don’t buy into any of this crap, and most of the nuns don’t have much time for it either.

  32. Holden Pattern:

    IIRC, it’s also that the Church didn’t want to have to support whole families whenever they sent a priest somewhere — much cheaper to just send one “celibate” guy.

  33. STH:

    Yes, absolutely true, and I should have made that clearer. I doubt that most Catholics even know the church thinks that way (I was raised Catholic and I didn’t know this until years after I became an atheist).

  34. Darkrose:

    I’ve often said that if I were tallywhacker-positive and a Catholic priest, I’d be livid about the anti-women-and-gheys-ordination refugees from the Anglican side of the fence. Pope Palpatine & Co. are happy to welcome the dissenters back to the bosom of Holy Mother Church as priests–with their wives and children. Meanwhile, I’ve been told that celibacy is a requirement, full stop. What gives, Nelson?

  35. Halloween Jack:

    Interesting. I went through Pre-Cana (named after the location of Jesus’ best miracle) many years ago, when I was married, and the little manual was pretty clear that the married couple could get their holy freak on in any way they wanted that was consensual and enjoyable to them both. Wonder if it’s changed? (The Church back then certainly wasn’t into fag-bashing the way they are now.)

  36. Halloween Jack:

    But they’d say that gay sex was deadly because of the possibility of coming into contact with poo-poo. (They don’t have much to say about lesbian sex, probably for the obvious reason.)

  37. Halloween Jack:

    I first heard about the rhythm method back in the seventies, from a couple of Catholic educators who were still flush with the spirit of Vatican II and could cheerfully describe the changes in the appearance and texture of cervical mucus to a mixed group of young people without hesitation or embarrassment. Many years later, I heard it described as “Vatican roulette”, which is probably about the same time that I saw a used condom in the bathroom trash of the most (seemingly-)devout Catholic couple that I knew. NFP isn’t very popular in the proverbial cafeteria.

  38. NonyNony:

    I’ve often said that if I were tallywhacker-positive and a Catholic priest, I’d be livid about the anti-women-and-gheys-ordination refugees from the Anglican side of the fence.

    No you wouldn’t. The selection process for priests pretty much selects against anyone who gets upset over things like that.

  39. NonyNony:

    The pre-Cana materials at least used to be written by people who know what it takes to be happily married.

    The Vatican publishes all kinds of documents on what it takes to make a good marriage. At least when I was still practicing, these were given exactly the credence by the pre-Cana folks that you would expect for documents written about sex and marriage written by old white men who have taken a vow of celibacy and have never actually been married.

  40. Anonymous:

    Not likely. Probably a victim, if anything.

  41. Anonymous:

    Those having sex outside of marriage, be prepared for an unfulfilled life where sexual intimacy is surrounded by unnatural, unreliable, and deadly methods of birth control and is typically an expression of consensual, mutual objectification- which, for all intents and purposes is a form of rape.

    Translation: you don’t want to be a whore, do you? Get hitched!

    I like how they try to pretend this is a gender-neutral view of the church’s take on sex, when, really, this is a message largely reserved for women, only. Manly Christian men never bother themselves about “family planning” or “birth control.” That’s the little woman’s job, as gatekeeper of her dude’s uncontrollable sexual appetites and twisted belief in the whore / virgin dichotomy.

  42. Johnny Sack:

    I realized the Catholic Church was bullshit when I quit confirmation class at 14. No catholic wedding for me. My mother (who’s Protestant anyway, she just married a catholic) and future mother in law can get bent

  43. MAJeff:

    If your theology is more important than human lives, there’s something wrong with your theology. Works for suicide bombers and fetus-fetishists alike.

  44. Jay B.:

    Those having sex outside of marriage, be prepared for an unfulfilled life where sexual intimacy is surrounded by unnatural, unreliable, and deadly methods of birth control and is typically an expression of consensual, mutual objectification- which, for all intents and purposes is a form of rape.

    Hmmm…My girlfriend and I haz great rape then.

  45. Observer:

    …consensual, mutual objectification- which, for all intents and purposes is a form of rape.

    While this is an obviously stupid statement, the technique used here of changing the definition of terms is not unlike what other political movements do to push their agenda.

    For instance, homosexuality is certainly a behavior, but to get their agenda through, the definition was changed from what you do to “what you are”. This opened up many possibilities for the activists.

    Another example would be “freedom” which has traditionally been understood to be lack of government oppression. But to make their agenda fly, the term is now compromised to be “freedom from hunger” or “freedom from worry”, etc.

    This is a very old trick this guy is using and it’s not fooling anyone.

  46. Vance Maverick:

    Do you have a criterion for distinguishing good from bad redefinitions? To pick one, I’m OK with “freedom from hunger”, because hunger really does limit one’s freedom (ability to act).

  47. Walking Undead Sexist Cliches | Fraser Sherman's Blog:

    [...] is a threat. It’s not a new attitude, however, as I’ve mentioned before. •(hat tip to LGM) Proving that the fight for birth control isn’t over yet, the group Human Life International [...]

  48. STH:

    No, actually, homosexuality is an attraction, not a behavior. You can be gay and never have sex with someone of the same sex, in the same way you can be straight and never have straight sex. Did you not have any idea of your sexual orientation until you had sex the first time? Of course not.

    And I’m pretty sure “freedom” means lots of things that have nothing to do with the government.

  49. MAJeff:

    And it wasn’t gay folks who did the re-definition. It was psychologists, sexologists, and medical folks trying to figure out how to identify and “cure” deviants.

  50. LeeEsq:

    Wait, why was a Hasidic woman teaching a pre-marriage Catholic class on natural birth control?

  51. LeeEsq:

    Its a bit more complicated than that. Clerical celibacy was debated for centuries before the Catholic Church reached its current position. Part of it was wanting to keep real estate in the church. There was a long preference for celibacy since the early days of the Church. Its why the Eastern Orthodox Churches decided that priests can marry but if you want a leadership position than you need to be celibate.

  52. LeeEsq:

    Rabbis attempted to split the difference between “the sex is dirty and evil”, since that would contradict the Torah where the first thing God tells humans is to have children, which requires sex, and the sex as a way to satisfy needs and feels good. The results were mixed.

  53. Bill Murray:

    It’s Sky Baklava

  54. herr doktor bimler:

    The whole ‘vasectomy’ idea has worked out reliably enough for the Frau Doktorin and me. So far the ‘deadly’ part hasn’t shown up either.

  55. virag:

    that bullshit attitude toward birth control, abortion, sex and women that these fundie crackpots hold is not gonna get them any political traction with the young men and women who are hitting voting age right now. many of them call themselves religious or spiritual, but they are way progressive in areas of sex, homosexuality, reproductive choice and healthcare. this is another demo for republicans, like immigrants and pot smokers, who are growing beyond their reach.

  56. Moho:

    The indigenous peoples didn’t fare any better under the Protestant English or Americans and they did not even debate the morality of their slaughter.

  57. QueenVictoria:

    what, that lesbians dont actually exist?

  58. Pestilence:

    Ah, but it will – you’ll both die. You know, someday. So there.

  59. herr doktor bimler:

    natural family planning

    Otherwise known as ‘infanticide’.

  60. The Dark Avenger:

    They can only be married before ordination, as the Wiki confirms my vague recollection in this matter.

  61. Lurker:

    As a Lutheran, I’d note that the justification of celibacy with the non-hereditary priestly positions is a valid point. When the Church of Sweden became Lutheran in the 16th century, many priestly dynasties were founded, some of them lasting for several centuries. Typically, because the Swedish Church preserved the Catholic rule that the persons born in the diocese had the priority for the offices of the diocese, the priestly clans exerted quit large regional influence.

    However, even the justification of non-hereditary priestly positions is nonsense. In actual life, the priests remained non-celibate until counter-reformation, but their children were bastards. The Pope granted indulgence for the clerical bastard to become a priest only if his priestly father had served well, to the satisfaction of the bishop. The celibacy requirement was not a barrier against hereditary priestly offices but a method of controlling them.

  62. rea:

    The Church was not entirely evil during the Conquest . . .

  63. anonymous:

    Yet another load of homo- and slut-hatin’ tripe from Observer, who seems to be mainly observing the inside of his own belly button.

    “Freedom from hunger” etc. goes back to FDR, at least. Your claim that “freedom” “has traditionally been understood to be lack of government oppression” needs reputable citations.

  64. Observer:

    I’ve found gay sex to be a highly effective method of birth control. Zero percent failure rate.

    True. But then you trade the surety of birth control for a shorter life expectancy.

  65. Observer:

    Do you have a criterion for distinguishing good from bad redefinitions?

    This observation doesn’t require a good/bad characterization. This political technique is used and depending on the observer’s agreement or opposition to their agenda, could be characterized as good or bad.

    I was just describing what happens.

    I see this mainly used by groups that cannot sell their ideas easily in the marketplace so they resort to this.

    Mainstream ideas don’t require a “retooling” to be accepted.

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