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I’ve Had Enough Of You Water-Drinking, Air-Breathing Urban Elitists

[ 245 ] October 31, 2012 |

Ben Jacobs’s piece reminds me of my favorite part of the Politico’s war on Nate Silver.   As others have pointed out, this botched hack cliche is comedy gold:

For this reason and others — and this may shock the coffee-drinking NPR types of Seattle, San Francisco and Madison, Wis. — more than a few political pundits and reporters, including some of his own colleagues, believe Silver is highly overrated.

Look, I knew those snooty elitists in Seattle and San Francisco looked down on me and my kind, but now you tell me that they drink coffee? No real American would ever be caught dead consuming this obscure product.

I tell you, every election cycle it becomes harder to be a regular American. White wine, Lipton Green Tea, orange juice, Grey Poupon, coffee — every day you discover some product that my relatives in rural Saskatchewan would always have in their pantry that marks you as an out-of-touch urban elitist in the eyes of D.C.-based Ivy Leaguers.

Comments (245)

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  1. John says:

    Saskatchewan is a strange example of the American heartland.

  2. Gus says:

    Coca-cola, French’s mustard, iceberg lettuce, those are real American delicacies! None of that snotty “coffee” for me.

  3. Njorl says:

    You toilet-paper-using elitists probably have special machines dedicated to just making coffee.

  4. Joseph Slater says:

    Don’t get me started about people who use paprika. . . .

  5. ploeg says:

    It’s perhaps forgivable in that the word “coffee” is quite deemphasized in blends that real Americans buy.

    • Janastas359 says:

      Are you trying to tell me that those ground up beans I roast every day are actually coffee?!?!?! How dare you!

    • ploeg says:

      E.g., “We are here at (insert name of four-star restaurant), where we’ve secretly replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with Folgers Rat Turds. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!”

    • rm says:

      You apostrophe-using elitists might make fun of me for my cup of folgers, but at least I’m drinking an American drink not Seattle-grown coffee.

      • Hogan says:

        Made from beans grown by Real Americans like Juan Valdez.

        • cpinva says:

          the character of juan valdez was played by a white man, with a very dark tan. at the time, the ad agency claims it was very difficult to find an actual hispanic man, capable of pretending to lead a burro, with fake mountains on the greenscreen behind him.

          also too, the sacks actually contained only a thin layer of coffee beans on top, the balance filled with cocain. this is why the character of juan always had a HUGE smile on his face.

          • Bill Murray says:

            the character of juan valdez was played by a white man, with a very dark tan.

            George Hamilton?

          • Just Dropping By says:

            The Wikipedia article linked in Hogan’s post largely contradicts that:

            Juan Valdez was initially portrayed by José F. Duval in both print advertisements and on television until 1969. José Duval died in 1993 at the age of 72.
            Juan Valdez had been embodied by Carlos Sánchez since 1969 and voiced by Norman Rose. In 2006, Sánchez announced his retirement, and Carlos Castañeda, a grower from the town of Andes, Antioquia, was selected by the National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia as the new face of Juan Valdez.

            TL;DR: The onscreen actor has always been Hispanic. An Anglo voice-actor was used at one point (and I would strongly bet that was because the ads were being shot without audio for international distribution and had voice-over talent dubbed in later for local languages).

      • actor212 says:

        Yea! Those Seattleans ought to go back to Seattleland where they came from!

  6. Colin says:

    I’m in Texas, and based on my classes this morning, I’m pretty sure “coffee-drinking” excluded me and half of my (Texas-born) students from being “real” Americans.

    • DrDick says:

      It would have excluded virtually all of my generation of Okies.

    • cpinva says:

      i always suspected as much!

      I’m in Texas, and based on my classes this morning, I’m pretty sure “coffee-drinking” excluded me and half of my (Texas-born) students from being “real” Americans.

  7. wjts says:

    This is why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol.

  8. vacuumslayer says:

    I’m a small-town girl from the South. I drink coffee. WHEN DID I GO SO WRONG?

  9. Linnaeus says:

    Not only am I in Seattle at this very moment drinking coffee, I’m drinking a cappuccino. I suppose I should expect to be deported at any moment now.

  10. parrot says:

    out here in the mouth-breather mountains located in the red state of nc (aka hillbilly country … bug tussle town pop < 2k), i roll only with intelligentsia house blend (thems some awesome beans) … i'm providing spiritual ballast & healing vibes to the mountains … these peeple flunked demography-statistics-actuarial thought processing … didn't they get the memo: the earth is flat … we even go to barbers, spas, salons, massage, wellness centers for grooming & pampering … really, we’ve been moving cosmo-metro-sexual since the indoor plumbing hegemony and dancing with the stars … yet another leftist plot to undo traditional values …

  11. (the other) Davis says:

    I (mis-)spent my adolescence taking full advantage of the bottomless coffee at the 24-hour truck stop diner that was inexplicably sited in my tiny town on I-87. Color me shocked to learn that all those long-haulers were liberal elitists.

  12. Njorl says:

    I’m getting an advertisement for “Sobrexo” which promises that I’ll stop drinking in 8 weeks. Will this help me stop drinking coffee? Does it work on the addiction only, or will it address my underlying, perverse anti-American reasons for drinking coffee?

  13. Snarki, child of Loki says:

    They can have my coffee when they pry it from my cold, dead, decaffeinated fingers.

  14. Jonas says:

    Oddly enough, back in 2008 the pundits attacked Obama for not being able to connect to real Americans because he asked for orange juice one time when he was offered coffee. Back in 2008, real Americans always drank coffee.

  15. Nathan Willard says:

    We’re in such trouble that even corn dogs and beer are off-limits to real Americans.

    https://www.mattforsd.com/donate-for-corn-dogs/

    This is a real ad.

    • Walt says:

      God, I love that ad. Never have corn dogs sounded so sinister.

      • cpinva says:

        ok, i looked. it doesn’t say how many corn dogs i get, or when they get delivered. in fact, nowhere in the ad, except at the very top, are corn dogs even mentioned. i believe this is fraudulent advertizing! i wants me some SD corn dogs, dammit!

        oh, i must say, i do like how that lady candidate’s shirt is open just so far……………

      • Uncle Ebeneezer says:

        I may need to look up “corn dog party” on urban dictionary. It sounds like I’m missing something here.

      • Jonas says:

        Hell that ad made me want to vote for Varilek. He achieved the rare corndog/beer triple/double.

      • Jameson Quinn says:

        He’s like a Bond villain of corn dogs! While she’s like… um… a Stepford wife inexplicably included in a Bond movie? No, that would be too obvious… she must secretly be the villain, and she’s just taking the tracking device off her car, like Gustavo Fring. Anyone that clean has got to be dirty.

        • Bill Murray says:

          well he promises to show up to Ag committee meetings, speak at them and not get spoken to about talking on his cell phone when he shows up. All of which is more than Kristi Noem could do.

    • Hogan says:

      Why, he’s been places and et in hotels. Get out the tar and feathers.

  16. Joseph Smith, Jr. says:

    As I’ve always said: don’t trust the warm beverage drinking heathens.

  17. David Pearce says:

    Listen, ya jackwagon, sorry to Poupon your parade, but it’s Grey ~, NOT Gray ~!

  18. Offsides says:

    I think they probably meant the cliched term of disparagement “latte-drinking”, but their brain inserted an alternate term. Kind of like when people say “I could care less” not realizing what it actually means.

  19. mark f says:

    The fact is, here in the Heartland, we eat Elia’s pizza and drink Ecto-Cooler for every meal.

  20. Mudge says:

    I find it interesting that the right wing seems to firmly believe that prediction leads to victory. Any sensible person knows Nate Silver succeeds by being as correct in his evaluation of the polls as possible. Yet, the right believes everyone is partisan because they are partisan in all things. Science is politics and polling is politics. Dick Morris today predicted that Romney will win in a landslide, as if saying it will make it so. Wishing hard enough makes it happen.

    It seems the smearing of Silver has a much more pathological basis. The right believes that Silver has the power to get Obama elect via his predictions.

    Obviously, the right thinks Silver should spend more time hanging around the salad bar at Applebees than at his computer.

    • NonyNony says:

      I find it interesting that the right wing seems to firmly believe that prediction leads to victory.

      I think this falls firmly into the right-wing attitude towards everything. If you project an air of “winning” then you will be a “winner”. Silver is saying Obama might win, therefore Silver is in the tank for Obama because he’s helping to project an air of Obama victory.

      Any sensible person knows Nate Silver succeeds by being as correct in his evaluation of the polls as possible.

      Um. Silver is a pundit who is employed by the New York Times.

      I agree with you that what you say above is true of Nate Silver and if his evaluation of the polls is off he will be hammered for it. But “sensible people” can be forgiven if they assume that a pundit who writes for the New York Times will face no possible downside of being wrong with his predictions – nobody has ever been booted from the pundit class for being “wrong” about anything. That’s how Bill Kristol, Dick Morris and plenty of other folks continue to find paying work.

      • catclub says:

        Well, Bill Kristol _did_ lose his perch at the NYT.

        Amazing but true.

      • Quercus says:

        I think you’re right about Silver-hate being rooted in the ‘winners win’ and ‘facts don’t exist’ right-wing ideology, but I think there’s also a huge fear (and therefore hatred) of him among pundits regardless of political persuasion. I mean, Nate is making predictions based on facts and publicly available data, not on vague feelings and gossip at dinner parties in Georgetown or The Hamptons. Why, if that catches on, all you need to be an expert is smarts and dedication. And where would the average pundit be then?

        • NonyNony says:

          Oh I’m sure there’s some of that too. You get that in any field where new methods based on empirical data collection start to muscle in on territory formerly held by people pulling stuff out of various orifices.

          I always think of conversations I’ve had with older linguist PhDs about how the whole field is going to hell now that there’s an expectation that examples be collected and examined empirically instead of being made up off the top of one’s head based on the individual linguist’s idea of how English is spoken. I can only imagine that what’s going on in pundit circles is about like that, except that the “damn statistics” are different.

    • Steve LaBonne says:

      We’re an empire, we create our own reality.

    • Keaaukane says:

      Predict = Cause is an old right wing trope. Remember McCarthy going after Lattimore for suggesting Mao might win the Chinese Civil War?

      Unleash Chaing Kai Shek!

  21. rea says:

    Warm vinegar was good enough for Jesus–it ought to be good enough for any real American.

  22. The only acceptable beverage is Brawndo.

    Yea, you know what its got….

  23. sharculese says:

    True conservatives start the day by mainlining a case of Monster before the liberal nanny state makes it illegal. SUCK ON IT, LIBS!

  24. Icarus Wright says:

    Brewskis or death.

  25. may shock the coffee-drinking

    Know WHO ELSE doesn’t drink coffee?

  26. Reilly says:

    I understand Byers wrote the original copy for the Club for Growth attack ad against Howard Dean. Unfortunately they had to let him go and punch it up a little:
    “Howard Dean should take his coffeelatte-drinking, fishsushi-eating, carVolvo-driving, newspaperNew York Times-reading, movieHollywood-loving, political ideologyleft-wing freak show back to Vermont, where it belongs.”

    • Davis X. Machina says:

      It’s Vermont. In other words, get outside of Burlington and they’re all drinking Moxie, and Allen’s Coffee Brandy, and doing donuts in their 4WD’s on frozen lakes and ponds.

    • mds says:

      Well, that’s why the Club for Growth copyeditors get paid the big bucks. “Howard Dean should take his coffee, fish car, newspaper movie political ideology” just doesn’t have the same punch. Especially since hardly anyone back then knew that Dr. Dean drove around in a newspaper-wrapped fish while wearing Luca Brasi’s coffee-stained pants. Talk about inside baseball.

  27. Wido Incognitus says:

    1. I have seen enough jars of Grey Poupon to know that it is spelled “grey” and not “gray.”
    2. I still believe in the value of following patterns of behavior that are rooted in your own community instead of affectation and self-indulgence, although I am probably not willing to infer any political lessons from that and certainly do not consider coffee, at least in its foamless forms, to be either affected or self-indulgent.

    • rea says:

      Maurice Grey and Auguste Poupon founded the company.

      • Warren Terra says:

        I thought this must be a joke until I looked it up. Unless someone just snuck it into Wikipedia, of course …

    • Lyanna says:

      Yeah, I couldn’t let this pass:

      I still believe in the value of following patterns of behavior that are rooted in your own community instead of affectation and self-indulgence

      WTF? You believe in not drinking hot beverages that those around you don’t care for, in other words. This seems to be taking sheep-like communitarianism to new depths.

      • NonyNony says:

        I still believe in the value of following patterns of behavior that are rooted in your own community instead of affectation and self-indulgence

        Jeebus are you Amish or something? Are you afraid that outside communities will taint your precious bodily fluids or something?

        If you’ll excuse me I’ll just go for dinner now. I think it may be pizza. Or perhaps a burrito. Maybe a sandwich. All of which of course are deeply rooted in my community back to the dawn of time – because it’s unAmerican and inhuman to allow ideas from other communities to become incorporated into one’s own.

        • Jameson Quinn says:

          Burritos are in fact an “American” idea. Burritos are small flour tortillas wrapped around a single ingredient; you have to order 3 or 4 to have a real meal.

          • The Bobs says:

            “Burritos are in fact an “American” idea. ”

            Not true. They are from Mexico. The name (as told to me by an actual Mexican) meaning little burro refers to the packaged to carry nature of the food.

            • Hogan says:

              [pissy but, you know, slightly accurate comment about how Mexico is actually in North America, and we USians don't really get to own the word "American," much as we assume we do]

            • Jameson Quinn says:

              The idea of a food named after a little burro which involves flour tortillas is Mexican, which makes it American but not “American”. The super buh-REE-toe which is a meal unto itself is born in the USA.

      • Wido Incognitus says:

        I don’t think that following those patterns are the only valuable thing, and I think there is value in doing things that are not rooted in your community’s practices. Nothing in my post suggests that I believe in not drinking hot beverages that other people around me do not care for. I am just skeptical of types of contrarianism that are really a form of chic consumer-conformity.

        • Wido Incognitus says:

          It’s just that I think that customary practices play an important role in society and they should not be ignored or suppressed too much.

          • Hob says:

            You keep doing this thing where you stake out a firm general position against something that no one has argued in favor of. I’m not sure this is as meaningful as you think it is.

            • STH says:

              Behaviors have value if they have value. What value does something provide just by being the thing we’ve done for a while? And how is doing something on that non-basis any better than doing something because it’s the thing that we haven’t done here?

        • STH says:

          Shorter Wido: my conformity can beat up your conformity.

  28. Froley says:

    The LGM posts about beverages are my favorite ones. I’m not leaving until this evolves into a 400 comment mini-flame war arguing over what west coast microbrewery makes the best coffee porter.

  29. The Dark Avenger says:

    Slug-o cola for me, you xenophobes!

  30. rea says:

    Should we really trust someone who deosn’t drink coffee to handle the proverbial 3 am phone call?

  31. Anonymous says:

    Did Sadly, No! shut its doors?

  32. Davis says:

    He wanted to write latte-sipping but he couldn’t spell it.

  33. RedSquareBear says:

    Could it be a “Mormons are superior” dig?

    Do Mormons have a term like “goyim”?

  34. Warren Terra says:

    The Greatest Generation ™ understood that Real Americans don’t drink coffee; they drink some concoction made from roast chickory and toasted oats.

    Indeed, drinking a vile substitute for real coffee was once a way of making a statement in favor of Civil Rights.

  35. [...] party is a grass-roots movement, a spontaneous uprising of ordinary Americans against the snooty, coffee-drinking elite. Previous Post Psychodrama Queens, Revisited// NYTD.jQuery(document).ready(function($) { [...]

  36. [...] party is a grass-roots movement, a spontaneous uprising of ordinary Americans against the snooty, coffee-drinking elite.” Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. ← Previous [...]

  37. Cal Damage says:

    Just arrived from Krugman’s link.
    ~~
    “why?” asked the blonde. “that bird’s gotta be a mile away by now!”
    ~~
    Ye cud afford an Oldsmobile?
    We had ta poot axles on grandpa to get OUR Olds rolling!
    ~~
    French cars run on ennui.
    ~~
    Must leave now. Laughing too damned hard. Thanks.

  38. W. Kiernan says:

    Squire Higbee wrongs me to say
    That I died from smoking Red Eagle cigars.
    Eating hot pie and gulping coffee
    During the scorching hours of harvest time
    Brought me here ere I had reached my sixtieth year.

  39. [...] fairness, Amanda is clearly being mean to Byers just because she’s a coffee-drinking, indoor plumbing-using urban [...]

  40. [...] to be a boss.  A chick in a position of authority is unnatural, as anyone not brainwashed by the air-breathing urban elite would know.   And to think that if there were a couple paragraphs in my piece about how Abramson [...]

  41. beli jaket says:

    Ridiculous story there. What happened after? Good luck!

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