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NEW INTERNET TRADITION

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Given that we’re all bone-tired of Anonymous Jenny, it’s been decided and decreed that from this point forward, Anonymous Jenny is to be treated as the abusive consumer Anonymous Jenny clearly is:

CASHIER: Cash or charge?

ANONYMOUS JENNY: Pancakes rule. Democrats hate pancakes. Come November, all they’ll eat is pancakes.

CASHIER: I said, “Cash or charge?”

ANONYMOUS JENNY: In Wisconsin the polls say that pancakes are high and Democrats don’t bounce.

CASHIER: Do you want to pay for your items?

ANONYMOUS JENNY: Mitt Romney is about to bury Ohio under pancakes. The Democrats will have to eat their way out. And they hate pancakes! I can’t wait to see that.

CASHIER: Security?

ANONYMOUS JENNY: Their Democrat bodies covered in syrup, their Democrat eyes crust-closed by jam!

CASHIER: SECURITY!

ANONYMOUS JENNY: THE PARTY OF AUNT JEMIMA WILL BE MY BITCH!

Future responses to Anonymous Jenny should take the form of, for example, “YOU WILL CHOKE ON MY PANCAKES! YOU WILL SUP ON MY JAM!” More samples of appropriate responses can be found here. Anyone who engages Anonymous Jenny in any other manner risks being treated like Anonymous Jenny or having his or her comment deleted and replaced with a link to this post.

So it is written. So it will be. All hail the new Internet Tradition!

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  • Craigo

    Thank you for making me aware of all new Internet traditions.

  • Peter Hovde

    Mmmm . . .pancakes . . .

  • Warren Terra

    I still miss the old tradition on Daily Kos – about a decade ago, before they worked out their troll-voting measures and before I lost all interest in visiting the site – of responding to trolls’ comments by posting a recipe.

    • Jameson Quinn

      I was certainly thinking of that when I tried to shut down the second recent Nadir subthread with a unicode attack. But now I’m reading this on a phone and wow is the invisble unicode annoying. So I hereby apologize to the unicode-challenged. Pancake recipes it is.

    • sparks

      I really don’t miss the “pie wars”, it got out of hand. One positive thing that happened was they drove me to Gilliard’s.

  • Don’t take any more crepe off of AnonJen! No more waffling!

    • you’re gonna breakfast the blog.

      • Aaron B.

        Don’t cut Jen any slack, they’re a cereal troll. Keep mocking them with grits and determination.

        • Warren Terra

          I predict a heaping stack of these awful puns. It’ll be waffle.

          • Kathleen

            Eggsactly!

          • rea

            Please! I bagel you to stop!

            • Warren Terra

              Donut think we’re stopping anytime soon, we’re cruller than that and we have lox schmear where the current buns have been coming from.

          • Joey Maloney

            I sausage warnings in this post, and they have come to pass. Omelette you finish, but I just had to say that.

  • Is it a NEW internet tradition, though? Or a new permutation of a Sadly, No Tradition?

    As I recall, they used to apply a pie-filter to persistent trolls, wherein the troll-comments were replaces with “I like pie!”

    Or maybe that was a plug in.

    • Warren Terra

      I’m familiar with it as a plug-in provided by Cleek, but perhaps only at selected blogs not including S,N!.

      • sparks

        S,N! did something else for awhile, IIRC it was disemvoweling, a technique I first saw at Tim Lambert’s blog.

        • DrDick

          There are also the dancing badgers!

        • rea

          disemvoweling was invented by Teresa Nielsen Hayden of Making Light and later Boing Boing

          • sparks

            Pedantry at LGM? Heavens!

            • Timb

              Shocking isn’t it

  • Do you get extra points if you use them in a sentence?

    As he pancaked into the wet sand, Rutherford felt his gonads turn to jam.

  • herr doktor bimler

    IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY.

  • Walt

    What do you mean? I love JenBob more than ever. The one time you want a trash-talking fan of a team you don’t like around is when that team is losing the big game. I’m an Eagles fan, and I was actually in Dallas the day the Eagles beat the Cowboys 44-6 to knock them out of the playoffs. It was one of the greatest days of my life.

    • Manta

      I disagree: the time you want a trash-talking fan is never.

      • Walt

        You just have to learn to enjoy the suffering of others.

        • Joseph Slater

          I’m kinda with Walt here, although I certainly understand the opposite view. It’s like the “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” Black Knight “it’s only a flesh-wound” bit. Or, put another way, the whole goal of the trolling is to try to make liberals nervous and insecure, and it’s a complete and obvious failure at that because liberals know Obama is winning.

        • Patrick

          Spoken like a true Eagles fan! E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!

  • The Walrus

    After all JenBob and I have been through, he didn’t even leave me any pancakes!

    • rea

      You two need to communicate better–maybe if you tried Morse Code . . .

    • Sharon

      Did you check the bucket?

  • tmv

    Awesome. I’m a reader, don’t comment very much, but I just wanted to giggle aloud at this. I had a Facebook “friend” who liked to do the same thing as Anonymous — I finally got rid of him by responding to all of his off-topic comments with YouTube videos of cute animals.

  • Uncle Kvetch

    I call dibs on French toast. That’s right, not freedom toast, FRENCH toast!

    Or, as Bruce Willis might put it: OOH LA LA, MOTHERFUCKER!

  • Surreal American

    Can I vote my preference that JenBob’s responses still be Vera Lynn’ed?

    We’ll meet again,
    Don’t know where,don’t know when.
    But I know we’ll meet again,
    Some sunny day.

    • Malaclypse

      And I still prefer this.

      • Surreal American

        No reason why both can’t happen

  • norbizness

    Elevating trolls for page hits and ego fulfillment is a new internet tradition?

    • SEK

      The opposite, actually. Anonymous Jenny’s personally responsible for about half of our traffic. If we drive her away, we’re sacrificing dollars for the sake of our community … and wait, fuck, I have no dollars. WHAT HAVE I DONE! WHAT HAVE! I DONE!

      • sparks

        You may have to go into the genital stimulation trade.

        • Bill Murray

          he could rent his office out for sex parties

          • sparks

            I thought he already did!

  • I must insist on my right to respond with Saginaw Plaza Hotel references.

  • Ben F

    Question: where did the “bob” part of Anonymous Jennifer’s name come from?

    (to be honest, the frequency of Jenbob’s name coming up has lead me to subconsciously read that name as “Jenbob Briggs”.)

    • Uncle Kvetch

      Amont his/her/its handles was “Honorable Bob.”

    • Bill Murray

      i think it was Bob for a while before Jen

  • Halloween Jack

    His/her pancakes bring exactly none of the boys to the yard.

  • 1)Pancakes
    2)The Netherlands
    3)???
    4) Profiteroles!

  • The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad and tested to see if
    it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation.
    My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

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