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NEW INTERNET TRADITION

[ 49 ] September 9, 2012 |

Given that we’re all bone-tired of Anonymous Jenny, it’s been decided and decreed that from this point forward, Anonymous Jenny is to be treated as the abusive consumer Anonymous Jenny clearly is:

CASHIER: Cash or charge?

ANONYMOUS JENNY: Pancakes rule. Democrats hate pancakes. Come November, all they’ll eat is pancakes.

CASHIER: I said, “Cash or charge?”

ANONYMOUS JENNY: In Wisconsin the polls say that pancakes are high and Democrats don’t bounce.

CASHIER: Do you want to pay for your items?

ANONYMOUS JENNY: Mitt Romney is about to bury Ohio under pancakes. The Democrats will have to eat their way out. And they hate pancakes! I can’t wait to see that.

CASHIER: Security?

ANONYMOUS JENNY: Their Democrat bodies covered in syrup, their Democrat eyes crust-closed by jam!

CASHIER: SECURITY!

ANONYMOUS JENNY: THE PARTY OF AUNT JEMIMA WILL BE MY BITCH!

Future responses to Anonymous Jenny should take the form of, for example, “YOU WILL CHOKE ON MY PANCAKES! YOU WILL SUP ON MY JAM!” More samples of appropriate responses can be found here. Anyone who engages Anonymous Jenny in any other manner risks being treated like Anonymous Jenny or having his or her comment deleted and replaced with a link to this post.

So it is written. So it will be. All hail the new Internet Tradition!

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Comments (49)

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  1. Craigo says:

    Thank you for making me aware of all new Internet traditions.

  2. Peter Hovde says:

    Mmmm . . .pancakes . . .

  3. Warren Terra says:

    I still miss the old tradition on Daily Kos – about a decade ago, before they worked out their troll-voting measures and before I lost all interest in visiting the site – of responding to trolls’ comments by posting a recipe.

    • Jameson Quinn says:

      I was certainly thinking of that when I tried to shut down the second recent Nadir subthread with a unicode attack. But now I’m reading this on a phone and wow is the invisble unicode annoying. So I hereby apologize to the unicode-challenged. Pancake recipes it is.

    • sparks says:

      I really don’t miss the “pie wars”, it got out of hand. One positive thing that happened was they drove me to Gilliard’s.

  4. DocAmazing says:

    Don’t take any more crepe off of AnonJen! No more waffling!

  5. Is it a NEW internet tradition, though? Or a new permutation of a Sadly, No Tradition?

    As I recall, they used to apply a pie-filter to persistent trolls, wherein the troll-comments were replaces with “I like pie!”

    Or maybe that was a plug in.

  6. marc sobel says:

    Do you get extra points if you use them in a sentence?

    As he pancaked into the wet sand, Rutherford felt his gonads turn to jam.

  7. herr doktor bimler says:

    IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY.

  8. Walt says:

    What do you mean? I love JenBob more than ever. The one time you want a trash-talking fan of a team you don’t like around is when that team is losing the big game. I’m an Eagles fan, and I was actually in Dallas the day the Eagles beat the Cowboys 44-6 to knock them out of the playoffs. It was one of the greatest days of my life.

  9. The Walrus says:

    After all JenBob and I have been through, he didn’t even leave me any pancakes!

  10. tmv says:

    Awesome. I’m a reader, don’t comment very much, but I just wanted to giggle aloud at this. I had a Facebook “friend” who liked to do the same thing as Anonymous — I finally got rid of him by responding to all of his off-topic comments with YouTube videos of cute animals.

  11. Uncle Kvetch says:

    I call dibs on French toast. That’s right, not freedom toast, FRENCH toast!

    Or, as Bruce Willis might put it: OOH LA LA, MOTHERFUCKER!

  12. Surreal American says:

    Can I vote my preference that JenBob’s responses still be Vera Lynn’ed?

    We’ll meet again,
    Don’t know where,don’t know when.
    But I know we’ll meet again,
    Some sunny day.

  13. norbizness says:

    Elevating trolls for page hits and ego fulfillment is a new internet tradition?

  14. I must insist on my right to respond with Saginaw Plaza Hotel references.

  15. Ben F says:

    Question: where did the “bob” part of Anonymous Jennifer’s name come from?

    (to be honest, the frequency of Jenbob’s name coming up has lead me to subconsciously read that name as “Jenbob Briggs”.)

  16. Halloween Jack says:

    His/her pancakes bring exactly none of the boys to the yard.

  17. Another Kiwi says:

    1)Pancakes
    2)The Netherlands
    3)???
    4) Profiteroles!

  18. ksylitol says:

    The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad and tested to see if
    it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation.
    My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  19. [...] I’m a little concerned about this idiot pack she’s loosed upon the rest of us, so if you notice a slight uptick in fringe lunacy, remember we have a policy that you’re welcome to enforce with wild abandon. [...]

  20. [...] Superman’s the one having none of it. “YOU CAN BREAK MY PANCAKES, BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE MY [...]

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