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“Wrigley Co. Uses Bestiality to Sell Skittles”

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I lack the parodic skills required to improve the title or content of John Nolte’s latest screed. But I’ll try to shorter it anyway:

I used to laugh at loud at the term “slippery slope.”

Then I grew up.

AND WHEN I GREW UP LESBIANS WERE MAKING OUT WITH WALRUSES.

Can you tell which sentence I wrote? Me neither. Did I write this?

If you don’t think there’s an agenda behind this, you haven’t been paying attention the last 40 years. And if you don’t think that there are those who hold the levers of power in our popular culture that would like to remove the stigma from bestiality, you don’t understand the depths of sexual depravity the human animal is capable of.

Or what about this?

Again, what was the point of feminism?  Here’s your real war on women.  Waving enough money in front of an actress and have her do whatever depravities you can dream of.  Liberated?  If by that you mean women are to be accorded no respect and you can expect any female to do anything because to say no would be so uncool. Abortion liberates men because it allows them to walk away.  And if they pay for the abortion then they’re the good guy, taking responsibility.

Parody is dead. Long live actresses who kiss aborted walruses!

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  • Malaclypse

    you don’t understand the depths of sexual depravity the human animal is capable of.

    It seems reasonable to assume that Nolte is claiming he is intimately familiar with these depths of sexual depravity.

    • herr doktor bimler

      the depths of sexual depravity the human animal is capable of
      Wait, what? Human beings are animals?
      Oh dear.

    • DrDick

      Something of which I am quite certain.

    • Manta

      You don’t understand his motives!
      He watches a lot of porn (particularly the one involving bestiality) so that you don’t have to.

      He does it to study human nature.

  • John Emerson

    Necrophilia: a victimless crime.

    • herr doktor bimler

      Insert “Flogging a dead horse” joke here.

    • Just Sayin’
      • Beth in VA

        Oh, thanks for that link! Very entertaining.

  • Malaclypse

    Okay, these is a discussion going on in the comments there about whether property rights give animal owners the right to engage in bestiality. Someone please tell me this whole thing is Poe’s Law gone dreadfully wrong?

    • Cody

      Please, it’s a basic libertarian principle! See: Slavery.

      Who is the government to regulate how we use our property? It seems a kind of thing conservatives are all about. I’m just surprised someone who is anti-government regulation is able to stick up about that, haha.

    • DrDick

      Libertarian fetishism of property rights before your very eyes.

  • John Emerson

    Bestiality was removed from an Oregon anti-gay anti-pervert initiative at the request of some of the rural homophobes

    • DrDick

      You have to keep those cows contented, don’t you know.

  • Incontinentia Buttocks

    And who would “those who hold the levers of power in our popular culture” be? And why would they oppose, er, Christian values? I’m bettin’ that Nolte imagines them with longish noses, darkish hair, and vaguely Eastern European accents. Those people have all the gonnegtions!

  • SEK

    There’s so much crazy over there, me and my new lover are just sitting back and applauding.

    • Slocum

      I didn’t even have to click the link.

      • SEK

        That Tumblr’s totally worth it though. It’s otter porn, all the way down.

    • Hogan

      That’s my boyfriend!

    • Malaclypse

      EvenTheLiberal Mickey Kaus thinks that is over the line!

      • Jonas

        He’s just worried the goats will be jealous

        • DrDick

          The otter is much cuter and could easily steal all their boyfriends. Of course they will always have Mickey Kaus as no one else will let him get anywhere near.

    • herr doktor bimler

      I keep telling my otter to put the covers back on the jars, but all she says is “Must i lid?”

  • rea

    I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, goo goo g’joob.

  • Slocum

    Who do you think eats more Skittles, per capita, lesbians or walruses?

    • sam

      Everyone knows they split every bag equally between them. If there are an odd number of Skittles, they either cut the last one in half or give it to a passing stranger. That’s just the way lesbians and walruses are, and we could all learn from their example.

    • Woodrowfan

      I hear walruses eat them by the bucket…

      • Malaclypse

        I have it on good authority that Walruses prefer other tasty snacks.

        “A loaf of bread,” the Walrus said,
        “Is what we chiefly need:
        Pepper and vinegar besides
        Are very good indeed–
        Now if you’re ready, Oysters dear,
        We can begin to feed.”

        “But not on us!” the Oysters cried,
        Turning a little blue.
        “After such kindness, that would be
        A dismal thing to do!”
        “The night is fine,” the Walrus said.
        “Do you admire the view?

        “It was so kind of you to come!
        And you are very nice!”
        The Carpenter said nothing but
        “Cut us another slice:
        I wish you were not quite so deaf–
        I’ve had to ask you twice!”

        “It seems a shame,” the Walrus said,
        “To play them such a trick,
        After we’ve brought them out so far,
        And made them trot so quick!”
        The Carpenter said nothing but
        “The butter’s spread too thick!”

        “I weep for you,” the Walrus said:
        “I deeply sympathize.”
        With sobs and tears he sorted out
        Those of the largest size,
        Holding his pocket-handkerchief
        Before his streaming eyes.

        “O Oysters,” said the Carpenter,
        “You’ve had a pleasant run!
        Shall we be trotting home again?’
        But answer came there none–
        And this was scarcely odd, because
        They’d eaten every one.

        • CD

          If you don’t think that there are those who hold the levers of power in our popular culture that would like to remove the stigma from oyster-eating, you don’t understand the depths of dietary depravity the human animal is capable of.

  • mark f

    What did Nolte do before the Big Breitbart sites? Was he ever actually paid by a real publication?

    • SEK

      He’s very important. (For the record, I also have an IMDB page, so I’m just as important.)

      • elm

        Awesome! Have I finally found someone who can explain to me what a best boy, gaffer, and key grip are?

        • SEK

          I can do that, because I’ve been on sets now, but sadly, that’s not actually me. That’s the other Scott Eric Kaufman who lived in Irvine when I did.

      • mark f

        I am almost tempted to put that on the queue. Almost.

    • c u n d gulag

      Didn’t he write gay movie reviews under a pseudonym for “Blue Boy” magazine?*

      I think it was Faka Dukk, or Otter Madness.

      *My apologies to “Blue Boy” magazine, which I never purchased or even looked at, but I assume would have the good taste not to hire a hack like him.
      NTTAWT – buying the magazine!

      • Spuddie

        Actually it is an admission by John Nolte. He secretly harbors lustful feelings towards pinnipeds.

        Its true, conservatives are just a bunch of perverts. Its bad enough the pedophiles in the Catholic Church have jumped into bed with them, now the Walrus lovers as well. For shame

  • Sly

    But I am at least old enough to remember when our culture wanted to protect a woman’s dignity, not degrade women under the guise of “liberation” and “equality.”

    I love you so much, as evidenced by this beautiful cage I’ve built just for you.

    Short quiz: What was the last state to remove the spousal exemption for the crime of rape, and in what year did this occur?

    • efgoldman

      What was the last state to remove the spousal exemption for the crime of rape, and in what year did this occur?

      Anser, pleeze?

      • Bill Murray

        well Nebraska was the first state to outlaw marital rape in 1976. The date at which all states had legal statutes against spousal rape was July 5, 1993. The state I don’t know, but am picking Illinois

        • North Carolina. (I looked it up.)

          • Dammit! The wrong Carolina won.

            • John (not McCain)

              The idea that there is a right Carolina is a myth. Just because it has “north” in its name doesn’t mean sane people run it. It’s inbreds, all the way down.

          • I campaigned for the repeal.

  • SEK

    I love the fact that they allow the lunatics to run the asylum with abandon:

    Sadly, your prediction is already reality. NAMBLA comes to mind—as does the well-documented network of ritual sexual abuse against children perpetrated by and protected by—in large measure—agencies within our own government, as well as other governments around the world. Hard to believe? Certainly. Nonetheless true? Sadly, horrifically and tragically—yes.

    • Wait does that person mean Penn State?

      • Jason

        I assumed they meant the Catholic church.

    • Is there some kind of mail correspondence course in conservative rhetoric someone’s running as a scam? That comment is nothing but a collection of conservative writing tics.

      The overuse of adverbs that don’t modify anything (sadly, certainly, tragically etc). Meaningless hedging (in large measure). The cloying tropes used to sound conversational (“comes to mind”; over- and misuse of m-dashes). Rhetorical questions? Certainly. You could make a drinking game looking for these in a random NR piece or Corner post and have to be rolled out of the gutter in the morning.

      It’s kind of neat to see them all in such a small space. Cross all that stuff out and all that’s left is prepositions and NAMBLA.

      • greylocks

        You neglected to mention the several bails of straw required to construct the rhetorical targets.

    • Lurker Delurking

      I have to ask: NAMBLA seems to play a prominent role in right-wing fantasies of sexual decadence. But does it even exist? I’d Google it, but if I do, I’m afraid I’ll receive a visit from the FBI (on account on my not being covered under the Penn State/Catholic Church pedophilia waiver)

      • Yeah, it exists.

      • (the other) Davis

        The safest source is probably Wikipedia. Short version: while NAMBLA was very much in existence once upon a time, it’s not entirely clear whether it’s a functional organization anymore.

        • Sure it does. As Jon Stewart would say, “The Grand Old Party, or ‘NAMBLA….'”

      • Spuddie

        Evidently the Catholic Church in MA wanted to protect a mansion notorious for its use by priests for child molestation from being used as a banquet hall for gay marriages.

        http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2012/07/30/47049#comments

        They can’t make this crap up anymore.

      • Rarely Posts

        I’ve heard a number of different stories on whether it ever really existed, and if so, what it meant at first.* In several instances, I backtracked on “evidence” of NAMBLA’s existence, and I couldn’t find any actual support. It may well have existed, but it would take a lot of time and energy to actually be sure.

        More importantly, as a gay man, I’ve been to a lot of gay pride events and to lots of gay political events, and I’ve never met anyone who knows anyone in “NAMBLA,” much less who supports it. Invoking it in discussions of gay rights is similar to arguing that Romney supports the KKK, except you probably have stronger arguments for the latter, and we know that the KKK actually exists and commits crimes. I honestly can’t think of a good analogy because I’m unaware of any other issue when an entirely inactive, uninfluential, potentially nonexistent organization gets ranted about so much.

        I’ve also been to a fair number of leather/seamy gay establishments over the years, and I’ve still never heard anyone express any tolerance for pedophilia. And that includes in places like the Cockring in Amsterdam, where people will admit to kinks that are hard to describe or even comprehend. As far as I can tell, the gay community has significantly less tolerance for pedophilia than the straight community.

        *For example, sometimes a guy will refer to his lover as his “boy” even if they are the same age and they’re both over 40.

        • I knew a dude who was in NAMBLA. They had sponsored trips to 3rd-world countries such as Guatemala to consummate the love alluded to in the acronym. This was back in the eeeevvvil 90s but I doubt they all just evaporated.

        • Halloween Jack

          Well, it’s been documented that Harry Hay did support NAMBLA’s inclusion in Pride marches and other events. His remarks, though (and specifically in this section) tend to support the idea that he interpreted “boy” as “teenager”, and if you’re someone whose first sexual encounter was with someone even a few years older, and was positive, and you think that it’s bogus that your first lover should be considered a “predator” for that (especially if it wouldn’t be considered a crime in the next state over where the age of consent is lower), you might think so as well, if you missed the bit where NAMBLA was supposedly for removing age of consent laws altogether.

    • efgoldman

      At the MIT Museum in Cambridge, there is a small exhibit of “hacks”. Stuff like, stealing the plastic cows from an iconic steak restaurant in the ‘burbs, and putting them on top of the dome.
      In that exhibit, there is a smaller setup which claims NAMBLA was another MIT hack, which got into the media (way before the intartoobz) and couldn’t be got out.
      I make no claims as to the historical authenticity of the claim.

      • Kal

        This isn’t true. NAMBLA has an actual history with the gay rights movement. (I don’t mean this as a defense; my understanding is that history is some combination of a sort of movement version of a youthful excess, “liberate everything”, and the fact that there are non-abhorrent arguments for an age of consent somewhere below 18, which in a different political/cultural context led non-pedophiles to make common cause with them.)

      • NonyNony

        I think you mean this.

        NAMBLA wasn’t an MIT hack, but it apparently was used as part of an MIT hack of Morton Downey Jr. Or at least that’s what they say on the Internets. Who knows – that page could be the hack.

        (Good Grod – someone made me remember Morton Downy Jr. Fie on you universe! Fie!)

  • Jonas

    First the Kurtz column about how Obama’s plan to provide a pittance of aid to urban areas means emptying the suburbs with forced relocation to grimy urban hellholes followed by burning down the suburbs, then this column about how providing opportunities for women leads to bestiality?

    In Conservativeland, this must be Wednesday.

    • Hogan

      In Conservativeland, every day is Godsday, you pagan.

      • Wotan

        Forget not that I am still God of the Gallows, mortal.

        • Fenrisulfr

          You think you’re bad? Bring it, One-Eye. And your little owls too.

    • Sly

      Don’t forget that Obama is plotting his own fake assassination. The guy sure knows how to multitask.

      • Malaclypse

        If there were a kind and beneficent god, Keisling would have invoked the spectre of “marshall law” so feared among the wingtards.

        • Sly

          I hear Marshall Law is a lot like Sharia Law. The major difference being that, under Marshall Law, performance golf shirts are always 25% off on Saturday.

          • Or “Shania Law” as the Sadly No! Comment section called it

          • Hogan

            No, that’s Marshall’s Law. Marshall Law is where you have to watch episodes of Laverne & Shirley.

            • I prefer Marshall Tucker Band Law

            • Anonymous

              Oh, I just thought that it required me to buy bigger speakers.

          • Halloween Jack
            • So it IS like Judge Dredd. Thought so.

          • mark f

            You guys can joke all you want, but when Josip Broz Tito tries to unify the separate states, you’ll all be sorry.

      • Sly

        Maybe it’s genetic. I mean, his parents had the foresight to “telegram his birth announcement” to Hawaiian newspapers from Kenya.

        • SEK

          It’s a banner day for crazy on the right, which means all us wiseacres might as well just go fuck a walrus. These stories see parody, look it in the eye, mistake it for a shark, then jump it.

          • The RNC Tea Party Caucus holds a meeting to get their story straight

            “Bart: So finally, we’re all in agreement about what’s going on with
            the adults. Milhouse?
            Milhouse: [steps up to blackboard] Ahem. OK, here’s what we’ve got: the
            Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people —
            Bart: Thank you.
            Milhouse: — under the supervision of the reverse vampires —
            Lisa: [sighs]
            Milhouse: — are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish
            plot to eliminate the meal of dinner. [sotto voce] We’re
            through the looking glass, here, people…”

            • Malaclypse

              Okay, but that actually makes a whole lot more sense than “liberals want women to fuck walruses.”

              • Also this

                “House Republicans called the Obama administration’s birth-control mandate “religious bigotry” and compared it to the events of Pearl Harbor and Sept. 11, 2001.
                The heated remarks came at a press conference marking the mandate’s first day.
                “I know in your mind you can think of the times America was attacked,” said Rep. Mike Kelly (R-Pa.), a freshman.
                “One is December 7 — that is Pearl Harbor Day. Another was September 11 — that was the day of the terrorist attack.
                “I want you to remember August 1, 2012 — the attack on our religious freedom. That is a date that will live in infamy, along with those other dates.”
                Starting Wednesday, most employers will have to cover contraception in their health plans without a co-pay.”

              • Jonas

                How will we burn down the suburbs without the walrus-fucking? Answer me that!

              • Manta

                Maybe liberal walruses (i.e. walruses who happen to be left-leaning) want women to fuck them?

          • efgoldman

            These stories see parody, look it in the eye, mistake it for a shark, then jump it.

            I’m so going to steal this (I might remember to credit it) when I go over to Balloon Juice later this evening.

            • SEK

              So long as you link me the credit, so I receive moneys for my words, you’re welcome to it.

              • efgoldman

                Link to this comment, or to the post?
                I am not familiar with all monetary internet traditions.

                • SEK

                  Either! Both!

                • Bill Murray

                  shouldn’t he link to a completely different post (maybe one of Erik’s) to really Republican the ethics

      • efgoldman

        Stupid me. I keep clicking on the links, thinking I will be transported to The Onion.

        • DrDick

          It is increasingly difficult to distinguish Onion stories from actual wingnut offerings. In general, however, The Onion stories are more plausible and sane.

          • greylocks

            Also properly spelled, capitalized and punctuated.

          • rea

            Ever since the headline about our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity turned out to be true . . .

      • Cody

        This is scary. This honestly sounds like someone is trying to create confusion for when they DO assassinate Obama.

        How can you not get impeached for saying this kind of thing!? Can we get Obama to send out an email to the U.S. that Romney might be about to fake his own assassination?

  • Davis

    One of the commenters said that he came across lots of bestiality on the Internet while doing “research”.

    When your dog licks your face and you don’t stop it, that a slippery slope!

    • herr doktor bimler

      the term “slippery slope.”

      Astroglide: Ur usin it rong.

  • MFA

    Shorter ™ John Nolte: “I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going…”

    • Spuddie

      Little is known of the hentai subgenre known as eitchi-seiuchi eiga

      But these images should give you some idea (don’t worry SFW)

      I am now certain Nolte is one of its chief otaku here in the US.

  • SEK

    New best comment on that thread:

    Try one of two things:

    a) don’t watch the commercial, just listen to the words to see if you can pick up the innuendos — overt and subtle.

    b) watch the commercial without sound so to analyze what the message is visually giving — the visual can be totally different from the verbal.

    The same can be applied to children’s movies and cartoons. As a parent, I’ve let my kids watch a Disney “classic” (that I considered tame and uneventful) while I work around the house. I could still hear the dialogue. I have been shocked at what I have HEARD — absolutlely perverse, socially PC, indoctrination. I didn’t notice it when I sat and watched the movie myself — got caught up in all the visual effects and laughter. My kids would later act strange and spout weird ideas and phrases, and I wondered where they were getting them. The indoctrinization is done stealthily and intentionally. Mind control.

    To say that Nolte is over reacting to this, is naive and ignorant.

    • DocAmazing

      Keep fucking that human, Nolte.

      • This is so great.

    • Jonas

      It’s a well known fact that Walt Disney included subliminal messages in his films in order to advance bestiality, promote labor rights, abolish copyrights and to advance the International Jewish Conspiracy.

      • Halloween Jack

        Subliminal? Beauty and the Beast, dude.

    • NonyNony

      I have been shocked at what I have HEARD — absolutlely perverse, socially PC, indoctrination

      The characters talk about sharing an awful lot – COMMUNISTS!!!

      Also they talk about how girls can do the same things that boys can do – RADICAL FEMI-NAZIS!!!

      And there’s that one where the District Attorney turns into a dog – AND I THINK WE CAN ALL SEE WHERE THAT ONE IS GOING!!! PERVERTS THE LOT OF THEM!!!

  • Jim Lynch

    Dear Abbey: My neighbors Great Dane has been begging for it. If I choose to satisfy the bitches lust, should I re-register as a democrat? I would, of course, remain a rock-ribbed republican, and continue to vote accordingly.

  • Bill Murray

    AND WHEN I GREW UP LESBIANS WERE MAKING OUT WITH WALRUSES.

    I’m not getting out of the boat to read Nolte, and I am not particularly familiar with much gay slang, but is a walrus the female equivalent of a bear? or just chosen for its comic villainy potential?

    • Malaclypse

      No, the walrus is literal, and liberals want it to fuck white women. Seriously.

      • Jonas

        And the cause of woman-walrus sex is women’s lib. Does that clear everything up?

        • Bill Murray

          well I’m ~5 years older than Nolte and have lived in conservative areas my whole life, but no I’m still foggier than 1988 Eagle-Bears playoff game.

          • NonyNony

            Here, go watch this. It’s a Skittles ad, so it’s safe for work if a bit dumb, and that’s a YouTube link so as long as you avoid the comments you’re not leaving any boats.

            Nolte thinks that stupid ads like this are a secret plot by LIEBERALS in HOLLYWOOD to destroy humanity’s decency. Apparently ads like this have a secret agenda to push boundaries and aren’t just stupid jokes designed to sell Skittles.

            And yeah, I got out of the boat. I think I lost a few hundred good and noble brain cells by reading that Nolte piece. YOU’RE WELCOME! WAKE UP SHEEPLE! THE LESBIAN-WALRUS COLLECTIVISTS ARE COMING TO TAKE YOUR SHEEPLE CHILDREN TO THEIR SOCIALIST BEASTIALITY RE-EDUCATION CAMPS!!! You won’t be laughing so hard when it’s your daughter whose showing up making out with her lesbian-walrus girlfriend on the couch, MY FRIEND!!!

            • And Chicago, where both Wrigley and its ad agency are based, is now a suburb of Hollywood.

    • Halloween Jack
      • elm

        Who is this that speaks? Let us visit for awhile.

  • burritoboy

    Lanz von Liebenfels reborn, almost precisely 100 years later.

    explanatory note: for those of you who don’t share my rather perverse interest in the more outre versions of the German right wing in the early twentieth century, Lanz von Liebenfels was a bizarre defrocked Cistercian monk who ran around Austria and Germany with a theory of “racial sex science” which was also somehow wrapped up in a claimed decline of paranormal powers amongst the Aryan volk. (To put it more crudely: Liebenfels thought the ancient German people had extensive paranormal powers which had been suppressed by too many Germans having sex with Jews. If Germans stopped having sex with Jews, they would be able to reclaim their lost superhero abilities).

    More people than you might think ate this stuff up, just as more people than is comfortable are loving John Nolte a hundred years later.

    • burritoboy

      Oh, by the way, Liebenfels was big into using allusions of bestiality as well (Jews are descended from apes and aren’t actually humans at all, while the German volk is descended from divine beings).

      • herr doktor bimler

        Behold! The Protong!
        In his view, humanity was locked in an eternal struggle with the Sons of Yeti (“Yetinsyny”), the offspring of Yeti and humans, who had enslaved humanity from time immemorial.

  • Well, I know my dream is to be trapped by pregnancy in a marriage with a guy who can’t look at me without wishing life had gone another way. I guess feminism was a bad idea!

    • SEK

      I love the idea that feminism sits atop the slippery slope, and a lesbian walrus awaits below.

      • CD

        If anything is going to slide to the bottom of a slope it’s a walrus.

  • Well, he’s on to us. I only became a femist for the sweet, sweet lesbian on walrus sex. And the abortion. The awesome abortion. Please ignore the toddler behind me…HEY, how’d he get here?!!!!!!

    • “feminist” is also a thing. Way to have my back, Auto-Correct.

    • Manta

      Wait, how did you go an abortion from lesbian walrus sex?

    • Does the toddler have tusks?

      • NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

        • Malaclypse

          Wait, big pink bunny ears AND tusks?

          I’m hoping Rule 34 is wrong in this case, but I’m scared to find out.

          • Whatever you do, don’t Google “New Clopping Republic.”

            • Malaclypse

              I suspect that you have given excellent advice for the workplace.

              • It probably is, though it’s far too silly to be naughty IMO.

            • Halloween Jack

              Brony porn. Not surprised in the slightest, still saddened.

            • ChristianPinko

              Why—WHY didn’t I listen to you?

          • Speaking purely as a polar bear, if it weren’t for Rule 34, I wouldn’t get any action at all.

            • Not even from other bears?!

              • All the other bears I know are brown bears, and I don’t go for that kinky stuff.

  • dangermouse

    Holy shit, john nolte really wants to fuck a walrus

  • CD

    Nolte’s comment thread wins the netz, and I’ve just gotten to the second one: “Do an internet search with safe search off and look up women and men having sex with animals. It’s all over the web and it is not just weird. It’s a real threat to the stability and dignity of our culture.”

    • Spuddie

      My favorite one,

      “I don’t know why everybody’s so upset. All I see is a drag queen and Barney Frank.”

    • Someone should tell them about Rule 34.

      • Malaclypse

        I think they are the reason Rule 34 exists.

        • CD

          Breitbart commenter pr0n? Safe search will never recover.

    • Malaclypse

      Forget Nolte. Look for yourself. I have seen this stuff i speak of in the course of doing a research paper. If you won’t see it for yourself then you cannot know if it poses a threat or not.

      Yep, “research.”

      But the winner, IMHO:

      How about this: If people start having sex with animals then fewer babies will be born. If fewer babies are born, human population decreases. Over several generations this becomes a problem. Especially if one of the ‘unborn’ babies is the next Einstein. Unless, of course, a person has no problem with humans engaging in sex with animals. In that case no amount of ‘information’ will matter at all.

      They seem to be overlooking the possibility that the real threat is clearly that a lesbian-walrus hybrid will be a supergenius and will naturally rise to the top of the social hierarchy, take over the world economy, and change world economic production from its natural focus on the trading of Collateralized Debt Swaps to tasty, tasty oysters. Plus, why does nobody think of the penguins?

      • CD

        This may be our planet’s only hope, given the competition:

        http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=4105

        • herr doktor bimler

          Part of Teh Funny with the chemistry paper whereof Geoffrey Pullum writes in Language Log, is that the author (Breslow) had finished several other papers with the same “Bias towards Chirality –> Intelligent Dinosaurs!” joke.

      • Unless, of course, a person has no problem with humans engaging in sex with animals. In that case no amount of ‘information’ will matter at all.

        That’s awesome, but the information that will matter is where the hot sexy walruses are. The answer? TUSKR.

    • John (not McCain)

      Except if the beastialist (beastialeter?) in question also happens to be a racist who believes basic American values like freedom and equality before the law are evil, conservatives will support him to the bitter end. See NY’s last race for governor and where Carl Paladino’s support came from.

      • People who thought his name was Palomino?

  • Informant

    I don’t get the Lesbian references. The second woman in the ad accuses the first woman of making out with her “boyfriend,” implying that this is 100% heterosexual bestiality.

  • Dan Coyle

    What’s worse, Nolte’s just ripping off one of his own weirdos:

    http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Hollywood/2011/09/17/Childrens-Programming-Not-So-Innocent-Anymore

    yes, this guy thinks dumbass Disney shows are also promoting bestiality.

    • rea

      I’m still trying to recover from the horror of my kids seeing Sponge Bob bud.

    • The love that shall not speak it’s name: the interspecies homosexual relationship between Mickey and Donald

      An essay By John Nolte

    • CD

      “Could it be that somewhere, someone is targeting our kids? Not with bullets made of lead but with surgical strikes of agenda”

      • Malaclypse

        Surgical Strikes of Agenda would be an okay band name.

  • Matt

    And if you don’t think that there are those who hold the levers of power in our popular culture that would like to remove the stigma from bestiality, you don’t understand the depths of sexual depravity the human animal is capable of.

    Sure there are – but why is Mr. Nolte being so mean to the GOP? ;)

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    • Jameson Quinn

      Daenerys is so not into walruses. Although if she were into bestiality, she would have to choose an animal safe from jealous dragons, and something that spent most of its time underwater would be a good choice.

      Rule 34 that one, broneez*!

      *My new substitute word for “bitchez”.

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