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The Military Bowl

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Given Northrop Grumman’s generous sponsorship arrangement, it’s disappointing this isn’t called The Military Industrial Complex Bowl.

Anyway, it’s about time that a football game paid a little bit of attention to the men and women of our armed services. For one thing, I’m sick and tired of the NFL’s and the NCAA’s constant hyping of the works of Susan Sontag and the Mark Rothko. We get it — intellectuals and artists are the true heroes of contemporary life. Now stop shoving that message down our throats and give a little bit of credit to the people who keep us free to enjoy neurotic self-referential literature and paintings that don’t look like anything recognizable.

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  • I’m still trying to figure out my favorite bowl sponsorship name.

    It’s down to the Beef O-Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl, Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl, Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl (because college should be a holiday from education, you betcha!) and I think my winner, San Diego Country County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl…

    Frankly, I’m trying to picture the bowl pageants for these, especially the O’Brady’s Bowl: the Stew Parade?

    • AAB

      Will it help you make up your mind if I tell you it’s the “Beef ‘O’ Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl,” that the apostrophes around the “O” are [sic], and that Beef ‘O’ Brady’s has a dish called “Nachos ‘O’ Brady”?

      • So it’s like Toys ‘R’ Us, but not as clever?

        • AAB

          But with 100% more nachos!

          They also have a drink known as the “Beef ‘O’ Rita.”

          • c u n d gulag

            Yuck!
            WTF is that!
            I don’t think even Peggy Noonan would drink THAT!

            Ok, maybe if there was nothing else, and it was time for a quick pick-me-up and a bit of the hair-of-the-pack-of-dogs from the night before, as they call her to the set to make an appearance on yet another Sunday bloviation festival, where she can memorialize Reagan, no matter what the fucking question they ask her.

          • kth

            I don’t know if the Beef-O’Rita involves beef broth, but several adult beverages seem to.

      • LKS

        Their fish tacos are surprisingly good, when they make them right (Beefs is not known for consistent quality).

        Of course, a place called Beef ‘O’Brady’s is exactly the sort of joint where I would expect to get a decent fish taco.

    • Stag Party Palin

      Christmas just hasn’t been the same since the demise of the Poulan Weed-Eater Bowl.

    • JMP

      What the hell is Beef O’Brady? I have never heard of that company, and don’t think I’ve ever seen that brand in my grocery store.

  • Vance Maverick

    To respond to the least important point in the post, classic Rothkos like the one you’ve reproduced do look very much like sash windows (and this is no meaningless coincidence).

    (Also, do people still read Sontag?)

    • Hogan

      A woman on my morning train was reading something by her a couple of years ago.

      Other meaningless data points provided on request.

  • Fighting Words

    I wonder which bowl is more patriotic: The Military Bowl or the Armed Forces Bowl?

    Although I must say, I did get a kick out of Cal beating Air Force in the Armed Forces Bowl a couple of years ago.

    Anyhoo, I know it doesn’t quite work out that way, but I thought the Military Bowl and the Armed Forces Bowls were specifically created to give the service academies a shot at a bowl game.

    • The Military Bowl started as a way to bring a bowl game to DC. The Armed Forces Bowl only uses a military academy if one of the Mountain West Conference or Conference USA cannot provide a bowl-qualifying team. (The Air Force Academy is in the MWC, so it can always play if it qualifies.)

      So way to support the troops, Bell Helicopter!

    • The argument is made that the bowls are about giving the service academies a shot, but that’s a fake. Air Force, as a member of the Mountain West, is already slotted if they are bowl eligible. Army and Navy really have nothing to worry about because they have large enough constituencies that they will get an at-large invitation ahead of almost anyone and certainly ahead of the 4th team from the MAC or whatever. It’s about the academies setting up the bowls they want to be in and the bowl people marketing through the academies.

    • Bill Murray

      I’m going with the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl. UCLA vs. Illinois. I understand the teans won’t eat and what the teams would have eaten during their time in the Bay area will be given to the homeless. I may be wrong about this last part

      • Bill Murray

        The Fight Hunger Bowl also is service connected

      • KadeKo

        That bowl has my favorite victory tradition: The winning coach gets a tureen of melted Velveeta poured over his head.

    • rea

      For some reason, the military bowl was associated in my mind with the price: $640–but no, on a little Googling, it turns out that was the military seat.

  • Bill Murray

    you forget 1969 when all bowls were named for Karl Liebknecht and Rosa Luxemburg and the Spartgacist movement in honor of the 50th anniversary of their death. Well that’s how it happened in Tea Party World

    • And we all wore onions on our belts, because that was the style.

      • c u n d gulag

        Right next to the scalps of the Vietnam Vet’s we spit on, then beheaded and skinned off in our Liberal ritual sacrifices to our our DFH Heathen Cannabis Gods.

        ALL HAIL LIBERALISM!

        SDS! SDS!! SDS!!!

  • Fighting Words

    Actually, you know what football games really need to ensure just the proper amount of patriotism?

    They need Jeremy Shockey to go around the stadium and make sure that fans and players are showing enough fealty to the flag during the national anthem. We know he’s a patriot because he has a tattoo of an eagle.

  • Have the played the New York Review of Books Bowl yet?

    • Tybalt

      Despite being a 10-1/2 point underdog, Vikram Seth came from behind late to beat Barbara Kingsolver 31-27.

      • And I bet on Kingsolver.

        • Marek

          Always bet on Kingsolver.

      • rea

        Some questioned whether Seth was really bowl-qualified, but I always knew he was a suitable boy .. .

  • So, does Northrup Grummon and the MIC conspire to make a special spec. for the game that drives the costs up to ten times more than the tickets for other games to confuse the enemy?

    • LKS

      This does make me wonder how many pages the mil-spec for a football would run.

      • You can count a lot of pages with nothing but “This page is intentionally left blank.”

  • I nominate ‘the Mark Rothko’ as a meme.

    But I think I’m doing it wrong.

  • Joseph Slater

    As a law professor at the University of Toledo, I was pleased to see my Rockets prevail in this “Military Bowl” of yours.

  • I have petitioned every mayor of New York since Wagner (I’m dead serious, altho the petitions themselves were not) for a Toilet Bowl, played in the Mets stadium (was Shea, now Shittyfield) in Flushing, NY

    I guess I’ll have to ask American Standard to ante something up now. Maybe Kohler.

  • Ralph Hitchens

    Nice snarky-satirical and yet not disrespectful post! And what a game! It’s encouraging to see a service academy team ready to step up and play for all the marbles.

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