This totally would have worked on the "Half Hour Comedy Hour," though…

As promised, here are the passages from Palin’s book in which she and the “B-Team” make a go at vaudeville. When we join our heroine, she has just agreed to appear on a mid-October episode of SNL as the self-parody to Tina Fey’s parody. After musing that a September appearance on the show might have “had a shot at evening the odds with the SNL crew,” she recalls her mounting concern that no one from the show had bothered to provide the campaign with a script. “What if it’s raunchy?” she wonders. “Worse, what if it’s not funny?” Not to fear, of course. This is Sarah Palin we’re talking about; she’ll write the fucking jokes herself.

So, finally, we B Teamers started brainstorming. What about a skit where I pretended to be a journalist and asked Tina condescending questions: “What do you use for newspapers up in Alaska–tree bark?” “What happens if the moose were given guns? It wouldn’t be so easy then, eh?” “Is ‘you betcha’ your state motto?” We sent our ideas up the line, and somebody smacked ’em down.

See? It’s just like the campaign. She couldn’t even use her bestest burns on Alec Baldwin.

Alec Baldwin also guested on the show that evening. The big-wigs haggled back and forth over my appearance . . . . We put our heads together and sent the producers a counteroffer. Alec would get his barbs in, then I would say, “Hey, Baldwin, weren’t you supposed to leave the country after the last election?”

Uh…no, producers said.

We tried another idea . . . . “Hey, Alec,” the proposed line went, “I saw Stephen at a fund-raiser last week and asked him when he was going to knock some sense into you.”

Uh…no.

What’s that line about being able to dish it out?

It’s a good thing that Palin has her unintentional comedy career to fall back on.