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The Stakes Couldn’t Be Higher

[ 21 ] September 29, 2008 |

It’s good to know that Canadian wingnuts are filled with modesty at the prospects of a Tory victory in two weeks. Good thing conservatives aren’t, like, prone to sounding like fascists or anything:

Do too much, rather than too little. Don’t shift these things around. Burn them down and salt the Earth. A future Liberal government won’t have the guts, the time, the wherewithal, or the money to recreate them all at once. Sell the land and the buildings. Shred the records. Disperse the staff. It’s easier to destroy than it is to create. A Tory government on a rampage could destroy in a couple of months what it took four decades to create – and what it would take another forty to recreate.

. . . Build big things. Canadians, for all that they claim to be a peace-loving people, want to love their country. That’s why, in the absence of a more compelling national identity, they hold onto the things that they do. Build a pair of Aircraft Carriers – giant, expensive, deadly, and useful symbols of Canadian pride that children can hang on their walls. Name them after Wolfe and Montcalm or something like that.

It’s been less than a century since Canada last threatened America with annihilation and slavery. We cannot, my friends, permit such belligerence to resurface in a new century. Canadians like Adam Yoshida clearly do not understand their proper North American role, which is to remain a refuge of utopian fantasy for Americans worried about the possibility of a McCain victory in November. Stop fucking with us, or else.

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Comments (21)

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  1. Aaron Baker says:

    I’m torn: I want to say: “You can bring yourself to read Adam Yoshida? What fortitude!” But I also want to say: “You can bring yourself to read Adam Yoshida? WTFIWWY?”

  2. d says:

    It’s like physicians who spend their lives working with horrific, tropical diseases. I’m mostly immune by this point.

  3. stick says:

    So they’ve got the same disease north of the border…?

  4. Funkhauser says:

    A sample size that small isn’t representative. Unless we’re going for the still-live-at-home-and-play-out-fantasies-with-toy-soldiers population.

  5. Y says:

    So this means Palin IS wedged between two of our largest threats. Bible Spice, the Moose Queen will be our greatest leader. Did I mention she doesn’t blink? EVER

  6. Cyrus says:

    . . . Build big things. Canadians, for all that they claim to be a peace-loving people, want to love their country.
    This looks like he thinks being peace-loving and loving a country are mutually exclusive. This guy’s so far right he’s edged around the bend and he’s poking into the far left.

  7. pogge says:

    So they’ve got the same disease north of the border…?
    I take it you hadn’t noticed that Mark Steyn is actually one of ours. David Frum, too.
    Yoshida is one I’d managed to put completely out of my mind for quite a few months. Until today. I’m going to go sit in a corner and play with my lower lip now.

  8. McKingford says:

    It’s pretty depressing up here, knowing that not only are the Tories likely to win, but it now looks like they are headed to a majority (due to an *extreme* splintering of the vote, they might win a majority of seats with 37% of the vote). I live in Toronto, which of course reminds me of the now famous quote about Nixon – I don’t know a single person who would vote for them.
    The thing is – Harper plays *right* by the Rovian Republican script. Our last Parliament was a minority government, so that the Conservatives didn’t control the committees. One parliamentary committee set about investigating the Conservatives election fraud (they are currently being prosecuted for shenanigans that circumvented election finance laws from the 2006 election). Conservatives who were called to testify before the committee simply ignored their subpoenas – and it was later discovered that the Tories actually produced a manual instructing their members and witnesses on how to obstruct the proceedings. God help us when they control the whole show with a majority.

  9. Simple Mind says:

    Actually now would be a good time to spend a lot of money on the Canadian Navy if they intend to police all that coastline on the Arctic Sea, now that the Northwest Passage is open.

  10. Caveat says:

    Comparing Harper to Rove is too over the top even for me. I was born in Toronto, a long time ago when the city was blue.
    I guess we’re forgetting about the Liberal (hah!) gravy train and perennial hog-troughing. How convenient.
    Here’s the thing: most Canucks don’t get it, but Conservative in Canada is like Democrat in the US, except the Dems are a little farther right. The US doesn’t have anything as left as the Liberals and the NDP are so far left they would be unlikely to gain any kind of foothold. We don’t have anything as right-wing as the GOP.
    It’s kind of comparing apples to oranges imo.

  11. Ian says:

    Simple Mind, the Conservative government has been doing just that for the past few years.
    The Conservatives really have made some good policy choices. Economically, they’ve cut the regressive federal sales tax while also closing the income trust tax loophole. I’m not at all happy about the possibility of a Conservative majority, but I expect it to be tolerable. Canadian politics tend to be sensible that way.
    We try to export our crazy conservatives as much as possible.

  12. BKN says:

    “Here’s the thing: most Canucks don’t get it, but Conservative in Canada is like Democrat in the US, except the Dems are a little farther right. The US doesn’t have anything as left as the Liberals and the NDP are so far left they would be unlikely to gain any kind of foothold. We don’t have anything as right-wing as the GOP.”
    With all due respect, Caveat, you have no idea what you’re talking about.
    Name me a Canadian MP who’s further left than, say, Dennis Kucinich. Name me an American congressman who’s further right than, say, Maurice Vellacott (C-Saskatoon-Wanuskewin), and I’ll give you some credibility.

  13. amadaun says:

    “Name me a Canadian MP who’s further left than, say, Dennis Kucinich. Name me an American congressman who’s further right than, say, Maurice Vellacott (C-Saskatoon-Wanuskewin), and I’ll give you some credibility.”
    In fairness to them, I’m sure the new breed of Western Tories would love to be as reactionary as the GOP, but in order to maintain any kind of support among the majority of Canadians they have to dismantle our welfare state *slowly and secretively*. In the sense that they continue to (sort of) uphold the welfare state while in government, they are rather more left than the Dems.
    Dennis Kucinich isn’t exactly representative of the party as a whole, and certainly a guy like Winnipeg Centre MP Pat Martin is a lot more socialist than Kucinich (and more representative of his party to boot). The NDP generally are so far to the left of the official platform of the Dems they’re not even in the same ballpark.

  14. rev.paperboy says:

    First, thanks for the link Dave.
    Second, you have to check out the comments — the editor of the Western Standard (think the NRO North only lamer) has posted twice to try to disassociate his organization from what Yoshida wrote.
    Third, Caveat, what you say might have been true 15, even 10 years ago, but ever since the Reform/Alliance/CrankyOldWhitePeople’s Party took over the Conservatives and brought in Harper, they have been the Great White North’s version of the current GOP. They’ve even brought in Frank Luntz to advise them. The only difference is that Canada has a much smaller population of political bible thumpers. Not that people like Charles McVeety don’t try, they just can’t deliver as many votes in Canada as people like James Dobson can in the USA.

  15. J. Dunn says:

    Would it be irresponsible to speculate that the Svalbard Threat is morphing into a wider Pan-Arctic Menace? Quite the opposite. It’d be irresponsible not to.

  16. d says:

    I thought about drawing that possibility out, J. Dunn, but I didn’t want to seem alarmist. But yes. The connections are difficult to miss.

  17. Darkrose says:

    Is it too late to offer to be a Canadian fifth columnist? Cause that would be kind of cool–especially if I can score tickets to the Winter Olympics.

  18. rea says:

    Is it too late to offer to be a Canadian fifth columnist?
    And do they issue you your fifth of Canadian, or do you have to buy it yourself?

  19. Thanks to the rise of the Green Party it looks like the Conservatives with the 35% of the vote they will get will get a majority.
    Not to worry. Our bureaucrats will slow down any attempt at change, not to mention the Canadian penchant for compromise to the middle.
    Lastly, the example that you are providing us of unrestrained capitalism and absentee governance will also minimize the chance for any large shift to the right.
    Thanks. I mean that.

  20. Northern Observer says:

    How far right can the Conservatives go? It’s a damn good question. There have been some hints that an ideological beast lies in the breast of the smily faced Harper. His freakout on the nuke safety buraucrat was revealing. He fired her for doing her job because she embarassed him. And spun it as the liberal buraucracy being out to destroy his government. This art funding stuff has been spooky too. Very clever demonization of a group of people the tim hortons crowd likes to hate. So I have genuine fear that the conservative party is not my grandfathers conservative party and that they will slowly and steadily bring out the worst in Canadians.
    That said, there was an interesting mini rant by Harper the other day about America and Americans messing up the credit markets and how they were asses for having done so. I got the impression that Harper was whining: look I win power to implement a conservative revolution and you American dinks went and discredited the whole idea. Damn you!
    So maybe events will restrain him, in anycase the Liberal Party needs to get its act together at the national level soon.

  21. Caveat says:

    Actually, I do know what I’m talking about. Sure, some individual MPs are extreme but I was talking about the parties.
    Think about the givens in Canada and in the US.
    Death penalty
    International aggression
    Healthcare
    Social programs
    Income supplements
    Regulation of the market
    Regulation of the banks
    blah blah blah
    The most Conservative Canadian government is decidedly more liberal than the typical Democractic government in the US.
    My point was that while there are many wannabe righties in Canada, compared with the US they are anything but.
    Which is fine with me.

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