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The Stakes Couldn’t Be Higher

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It’s good to know that Canadian wingnuts are filled with modesty at the prospects of a Tory victory in two weeks. Good thing conservatives aren’t, like, prone to sounding like fascists or anything:

Do too much, rather than too little. Don’t shift these things around. Burn them down and salt the Earth. A future Liberal government won’t have the guts, the time, the wherewithal, or the money to recreate them all at once. Sell the land and the buildings. Shred the records. Disperse the staff. It’s easier to destroy than it is to create. A Tory government on a rampage could destroy in a couple of months what it took four decades to create – and what it would take another forty to recreate.

. . . Build big things. Canadians, for all that they claim to be a peace-loving people, want to love their country. That’s why, in the absence of a more compelling national identity, they hold onto the things that they do. Build a pair of Aircraft Carriers – giant, expensive, deadly, and useful symbols of Canadian pride that children can hang on their walls. Name them after Wolfe and Montcalm or something like that.

It’s been less than a century since Canada last threatened America with annihilation and slavery. We cannot, my friends, permit such belligerence to resurface in a new century. Canadians like Adam Yoshida clearly do not understand their proper North American role, which is to remain a refuge of utopian fantasy for Americans worried about the possibility of a McCain victory in November. Stop fucking with us, or else.

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