"Gimme gimme gimmedon’t ask what it’s for"

Blogging will be mercifully light from my end until the New Year, when I will return from two weeks of non-stop loafing and snacking in the Midwest.

For those who haven’t finished shopping for the holidays, however, I have a few unhelpful suggestions:

1. Confederate Men’s Cologne. A mere $15 per bottle (which is somewhat more affordable than the $50 fee required to become a Confederate citizen.) The cologne comes in two varieties — “Secession” and “Southern Gentleman” — both of which I assume carry the faint aroma of dickweed.

   

2. GWAR Action figures. I had a chance to see these guys in college once, but I totally chickened out. The regret continues to dangle like a millstone around my neck.
3. ‘Swounds!
4. A case of Batter Blaster, the world’s first aerosol-powered pancake batter. Because even the laziest goddamn people in the world should be able to eat pancakes now and again.
5. The Tom Tancredo campaign store is officially toast, but you can still look like a belligerent xenophobe by shopping the free market.
6. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
7. Powerline “messenger bag”. Ideal for delivering mainline GOP talking points.
8. Baby Jesus Butt Plug. Drove Confederate Yankee to distraction two years ago. Ah, the memories…

As they say, give ’til it hurts.