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A Movie So Crass, And Awkwardly Cast, Even I Could Be the Star

Wow, late winter is just a bad time for movies. You’d think this would be the most execrable:

This teen comedy centers on a high schooler who gets more than he bargained for after his constant lying leads to popularity.

That God somebody finally filmed that plot idea–what took them so long? Maybe they’ll cast a prominent model with slightly-larger-than-fashionable glasses as the ugly girl who’s Really Right For Him In the End too.

And yet, it’s not even close to the worst-looking studio movie released in the last few weeks. The auteur of National Lampoon’s Van Wilder directing a–well, I can’t call it a “comedy”–about middle-aged bikers staring Tim Allen? At least it produced Tony Scott’s review. (“The main thing about these guys — the main source of the movie’s fumbling attempts at humor — is that they’re not gay. Really. Seriously. No way. They may worry about people thinking that they’re gay, and they may do things that might make people think that they’re gay — dance, touch one another, take off their clothes, express emotion — but they’re absolutely 100 percent not gay. No no no no no no. No sir, I mean, no ma’am. That’s what makes it funny, see.”)

OK, that’s getting close to the frozen limit of unwatchability. But hold on…coming down the stretch there’s some vaguely Da Vinci Codeish and very pretentious-looking thriller. Starring Jim Carrey. And directed by Joel Schumacher. We have a winner!

Oh, and I think it’s obvious that democracy can never work.

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