The Bingo Ball Essay
By Via Roy, Kerry Howley has a response that can now be applied to every essay submitted by a Ladies Against Women member:
This piece, while being utterly devoid of substantive content, really does have it all: a reference to “gangsta rappers,” awkward use of the word ho, a sorrowful nod to the slutty poor (they “suffer most,” let’s please not forget), mention of a “media-saturated culture,” a reference to that peerless chronicler of the cutting edge, The New York Times Style Section, and my personal favorite, a lengthy quote from the expert on the nuances of sexuality among adolescent girls, septuagenerian Tom Wolfe.
As I took some time off from a long string of rainbow parties to read this column, I could think only of the South Park episode where we learn the show King of the Hill Family Guy is written by manatees rearranging “idea balls,” each of which are stamped with words to be used in the script. Is there a tank somewhere with balls labeled “Vagina Monologues,” “college hook-ups,” and “Girls Gone Wild”? Are these columns composed with magnetic poetry?
Oh sure, there are variations–if it’s Christina Hoff Summers, for example, it is legally required that there be a reference to the fact that Judith Butler once one an award for the Worst Paragraph Evah In The History Of Prose!!!!ONE!!!!–but, really, these are distinctions without a difference. Meanwhile, speaking of columns composed with magnetic poetry, if you examine the far-worse-prose-than-Butler Cathy Siepp column Roy links to, you’ll see that Mickey Kaus has time to weigh in on the pressing issue of area codes and how this somehow makes liberals bad. You can see that he has plenty of time on his hands, because in an example of his very favorite technique he several times raises the question of whether Bill Cinton is sleeping with Belinda Stronach. Of course, he has absolutely no evidence of this, and neither do the linked stories. But they might raise the suggestion to ignorant readers, and this is not bad journalism–Bill Clinton asked for it! And, of course, Kaus is not part of this irresponsibility–he’s just asking random questions about journalism, not trying to passively-aggressively spread a rumor! And even if he is, well, as with the Kerry intern–whether or not it’s true, it’s out there, as Cokie Roberts would say.
[Bonus Kaus: today he gallantly defends his recent date Ann Coulter from charges that she is a “deranged bigot.” After all, all she did was call Bill Clinton a latent homosexual based on nothing but his supposed bad traits! And call Al Gore a “big fag”! But, of course, Sullivan’s comments had to have been directed against an isolated phrase rather than her entire body of work. And…oh, why go on.]
And in other news from the wild world of wingnuttery, according to the FRC’s aptly named Tony Perkins Major League Baseball are now pornographers…because they have accepted money to show their games on the teevee, and apparently the naked breasticle is also featured on some of newtworks on the very same cable system. I, for one, am horrified! Well, as long as the first show isn’t “Don Zimmer After Hours…”